Thursday, April 20, 2006

Pet peeves part 2

Here's more pet peeves from the cauldron!
26.Soap Operas - Weak ass acting and even weaker plots.I mean how can someone think about opening a door for 3 episodes?
27.Oprah - I think she is an Alien here brainwashing women into becoming drones for her plan to take over earth.Plus when the hell are you going to marry Steadman?
28.Crying babies - Babies can cry long and hard.It's irritating and they don't have an off switch!
29.My Humps by Blackeyed Peas - This song song sounds nice the first time round but after getting several hundred hours of radio and club play you realise how stupid it is.Peep these weakass lyrics....
30.Those Indians in Kenya who treat their Kenyan employees like shit - Those dudes are bastards and they wonder why when they are robbed cops and wanainchi act least bothered.Curry eating bastards!
31.Those missionaries who come to spread the gospel to Kenya - We have our own missionaries bitch!We know you are here for a free holiday and for bragging rights for "saving the savages."Do something constructive like praying for all the heathens,pagans and gays in your own damn country you pale ass modafockas.
32.Those geriatric bastards who think being old entitles them to leadership - Just because you are old it doesnt make you wise.Rocks are old and are still as stupid as heck, move over it's time for new ideas and new blood.Such people make me want to ressurect the tradition of taking the old to the forest where hyenas would eat them.
33.Megalomaniacal watchmen - I am sure those of you who live in Nai have met such watchies.The kind who decide to make your life hard because they can or because you are a gal who declined their offer of soup from the kiosk.Also those damn watchies who wait for you to park your car and walk 50 metres before they tell you "mzee hujaweka gari vizuri songesha".Also the ones who come running when you park and tell you that they will look after your car only to be absent when your hubcaps are jacked by parkies or the ones you hire for night duty and sleep through your house being robbed.But I am not hating on all watchies there are some very good ones out there too!
34.People who are too hard harded to listen to advice - Have you ever met those people whose pride and arrogance will not let them take advice from people who know best.I think the best situation to illustrate this situation was one of our KBW ladies who was suppossed to be going for a bash and the driver of the car thought the directions he had in his head were better then the gprs system that came with the car, needless to say she didn't make it to the bash!
35.People who think that violence is the only and best solution - This mostly applies to guys but I have also met girls like this who don't hesitate to get into a scrap if things go their way.
36.Bad cooks who don't realise that their food is bad - What I wonder is don't these people ever taste their own cooking?Or have they damaged their tastebuds beyond recovery?Ironic thing is that these are the people who will heap your plate and even give you some to take home!I once recall being served a plate of something masquerading as a meal, I took one bite (okay for the sake of my teeth i didnt bite but shove a spoonfull into my mouth ) and swallowed.I think the tears that rolled down my cheeks from the pain looked like tears of joy, the chef asked me what I thought and why I wasn't eating anymore.I told her the first bite was so heavenly that one bite was all one had to experience or something of that sort while I made an escape plan.
37.Dudes who pee in the wide open - I know holding it in can be hard but if you must do it in public find a gas station or a bush!
38.People with verbal diarrhea - Just because I don't talk much that doesn't mean that I want to know about your family, love life, spirituality, health problems etc. I was enjoying my silence, keep the convo to the weather and price of gas!
39. Movies that are all special effects and no script - How in the world do you use $30 M on special effects and not hire a decent crew of script writers?I am sure we all know movies like this that we can watch without volume.
40. Waiters who try to screw you on the tab - I know most people who have gone drinking with a clique have experienced this. The greedy waiter who come round 4 adds an extra beer to the tab in lieu of asking for a tip!Well punk, you can't screw a proffesional drinker!
41.Butchers who try to screw you over - These bastards have loads of tricks from the thumb on the scale to adding fat and bone to your meat.For every trick you find they have another 2.
42.Hanyees that play the same music over and over - I used to love going for Rock at the Carnivore but when they started playing the same songs almost every Wednesday for 2 years in a row it began to feel more like going for soul.Needless to say I stopped going.
43.People who treat pets like babies - These are the people who dress their pets, carry them around, give them mineral water, talk to them constantly, take them to hairdressers and on vacation.Much as you would like it to be true, you didnt carry that dog in you for 9 months!Let it live like a dog not a furry baby!
44.People who follow fashion blindly - We have all seen people who wear clothes that dont suit their build at all just because other people have been wearing those same clothes and it's all the rage.We all cant pull off certain looks, not even me!
45. Chics who think that every guy wants to get into their panties - I am sorry ladies much as you may be fly or think that you are; some of us are actually just asking for directions and nothing more.
46. Kung-fu movies without asian people in them - I am sorry if that sounds racist but some of the best movies ever have asian people in them if not in the front of the character then behind it choreographing the action ie Yuen Wo-Ping in the Matrix series.
47. Those people who think you have a mental problem because you are not married and are in no rush to do so - Yes marriage can be a great thing but not everyone wants to get married and not everyone is destined to (women far outnumber men in this world). Plus we are not pining away in our singlehood, we have fun lives as singles!
48.Guest who dont get the point that it is time to leave! - I am sure we have all had those guests who despite all our verbal cues do not get the message that we are hinting that it is about time they left thus forcing us to give them the verbal hee ho!
49.Houses that are a public safety hazard - I am sure some of us have friends who are so untidy that when you enter the house you think that you hear things creeping around the chaos that is the sitting room and that you think that if you explore the mould growing on dishes in the sink you could find the cure to bird flu!
50.The fact that I think that I have 50 more pet peeves - I have come to the conclusion that I am a morose bastich!


The Devious One said...

Tapo ! Im first !!!!!
LOL About the true,but backin the day I lived for them now I can stand them and dont even mention Lifetime Channel !

nick said...

haki i was first a few hours back but your comment section was bein repaired by engineers

-there is a watchie where i work who dandias my car when i drive in ati he wants to wash it..there i am readina paper i hear swish he has started washing it like I will be goin anywhere in the next 8 hours

-My Lumps:LOL cammon that song is catchy like Run It-Chris Brown
"she's got me spendin uuuu spendin all ur money on me and spendin time on me..."

>d® said...

Could you also throw Dr. Phil in there with Oprah, please? & don't even get me started on the soaps.

Great that u touched on the dudes that over-indulge in booze. Stay on the porch if you can't hang with the big dogs, sonny. Just bcoz you still can't 'feel' those 5 consecutive shots of Jose Cuervo doesn't mean you should keep going!

Mocha! said...

this is not fair....i was first too a few hours ago then blogger deleted my comments and started acting like a fool! *kissing teeth*

wewe Aco.....morose bastich ni nini sasa? ebu elusidate for us slow ones!!!

aki...your pet peeves are funny. kwanza the watchie one. how true is that?

Kabinti said...

We share quite a number of peeves. My other deal is Kenyans who mistreat their own employees esp househelps. As for my "My Humps" I'm so sick of that damn song. Being in Ohio we are bila a variety of radio stations so you can imagine how that song is played every ten minutes!!

acolyte said...

@ devious one
Congrats!Soaps have always sucked big time!
@ Nick
What did you break?!Gotta love them watchies who know you have to tip so they watch or wash your moti by force!
@ d
Yup Dr Phil also gets an dishonorable mention!And so do those peeps who think they can pint with the pros!It takes time and praco!
@ mocha
you and nick need to make peace with blogger!The word bastich is a play on the word bastard!
@ kabinti
Yes we kenyans also treat our help like crap most of the time!As for your dearth of radio station I listen to music online or my collection mwisho!

Movie Buff said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Movie Buff said...

Let me not even start talking about overplayed songs.... No wonder I dont listen to radio anymore... eish!!!!!

I hear you about Oprah. She has shibishad me..I dont know what the hupla about her is.......

acolyte said...

@ movie buff
I can see you have seen the light!Congratulations!As for radio what we had back home was much better at least we had variety!

Prousette said...

Indians who are always claiming to be Kenyans then take the first flight out if there is any chaos looming like the referendum last year or elections, do not get me started with treating employees like trash then they are on the front line to start charitable projects to calm their screaming conscience washindwe!! Charity begins at home.

The Devious One said...

To all the suckas that claimed to have been "first" akina Nick and the rest.....just Aco making up for putitng my suggestion as number 3 in his last post.
Aco found me polishing the simi that I'd already sharpened and the map & drving directions to his digz were next to my mask and gloves...

Kelitu said...

I totally agree with NO. 47. I don't like being asked for like the 1M time, "Why are you not married?"
I'm pacing myself. Kwani there's a unwritten law that a chick has to be married before clocking 25? SHURRUP!!

Stunuh Jay said...

three words: drumpy old man!
:D but totally loveable

acolyte said...

@ prou
I feel you 110%!Charity does begin at home!
@ devious one
Keep it quiet!I have a rep to protect!
@ kelitu
I know it is even harder on you mamas!
@ stunuh
I hear you....

spicebear said...

dude, what are you like on a bad day? lol.
death to the blackeyd peas. they went commercial and released bad songs like my humps and beep. its a good thing i don't listen to radio that much.

KenyanMusings said...

LOL....Loving all your peeves haki.
You missed the meetup!!! (stick out tongue)...

How is you been?

Shiroh said...

Aco,.50 is a huge number.

Anyway i won't say anything about soaps...but i have some i watch religiously.

Watchies can mess you up big have to be extremely cautious.

And damn those wahindis who treat their employees like dirt (95%).

Just a question: how many people can you tolerate??

Shiroh said...

I so agree with many of the pet peeves

Girl next door said...

I strongly agree that "My humps" is such a horrible annoying song; I don't know why it was played on radio constantly--I'd rather listen to 5 country songs. However, I'm an Oprah fan (not fanatic! sometimes she makes sense but there's no reason to worship her every word). I don't think she'll ever marry the dude--anyway, why should she?

gishungwa said...

"Why are you not married?"plead 5th , soaps the full lip sync what the heck , oprah puhlease , e agree onalot of things.
nice post

acolyte said...

@ Km
mambo sawa
@ Shiroh
Great minds think alike!
@ Girl next door
Dont you think its time she made it legal?
@ gish
I have another post with loads of answers to that question.

Johnny Brooks said...

Just so you know not all missionaries in Kenya are trying to convert anyone to anything.