My part of the world.......

Tuesday......

2011-11-29T03:30:00.000-05:00

Black Friday just passed me by. The funny thing is that even after all my years here in America, I have only gone out for 2 Black Fridays. In a nutshell if you are not in the know this is the time when retailers in an effort to have their accounting books be in the black rather than the red, have mega sales and bargains to shift as much as possible and maximize profits.

As my life experience has shown me, throw up the sign SALE and they come running, throw in the consumerist attitude and you end up with chaos. Among the documented incidents this year was a woman who pepper sprayed people in a store and in another store a man collapsed of a heart attack and people just walked around him so that they could get deals. Maybe it's just me but getting in the trouble with the law or walking past someone dying just to get a deal means there is something fundamentally wrong with people. Or who knows maybe it's just me expecting too much of the human race.....

Anyway the silly season is here. Bah humbug!!!! Closes door and puts up sign GONE FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Guess Who?????

2011-10-21T07:56:00.004-04:00

Damn?! 3 months since I have posted anything. I am more than ashamed of myself! I blame it all on work, facebook and twitter.

Anyway the Occupy Wall Street is in full swing out here so Im planning on visiting my local chapter tomorrow to get some pics. At long last folk in America are growing balls and practicing civil disobedience instead of mumbling in the dark.

I also came across this audio clip that seems to have gone down on Classic FM or some other Kenyan radio station. I have to say that Kenyan radio is off the chain, had that happened here, somebody would have been out of a job real quick and some idiot would be suing claiming they have been traumatized. You know people out here will sue over anything and everything!

So another one bites the dust aka Ghaddafi or whoever you choose to spell his name. Even though the way he passed away and the parading of the pics leaves a bad taste in my mouth, I do hope the Libyan people do get a government model that works for them instead of falling into the chaos like of what is now Iraq in addition to not being screwed over by the big oil companies. No matter what people say I always believe if there was no oil in Libya, NATO and other world agencies would not have gotten involved at all!

Last but not least I had some Kenyans of mine who pulled a super hood stunt. They were behind on their rent like a month or so, and instead of working something out decided to move in the middle of the night. I thought that was funny because the sad thing is that in the States they don't play when it comes to paying their rent. I can see them being sued for it and also being plastered on their credit making it hard for them to rent anywhere decent. But on the flip side with it being the recession most peoples' credit is down the toilet anyway.

Now back to reality.......

Yet Another Hump Day Passes...

2011-07-27T01:40:00.000-04:00

Like most people who are music buffs, I'm saddened by the sudden yet somewhat unexpected passing of Amy Winehouse. In my opinion even though she wasn't around for a very long time, Amy Winehouse was or rather is an old soul, you could feel it in her music. It doesn't matter what anyone says but deep music comes from the soul, that is why very many singers with voices like angels are tortured by demons within. Think of all the great singers of years past ie Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Kobain, Florence Ballard etc. I guess its the same way people who are very intelligent are often borderline insane or just don't function like regular folk. I guess the artistic skill or genius burns out the body that it's in? Anyway with all those semi-metaphysical musings aside, let me share this oldie but goodie from her first album for those of you who only knew her recent work....

In other news, I am suffering from tech envy. I am aware of most new gadgets and such but never rush to get them because sadly the way things work the moment you get your gadget is the same week or month it becomes obsolete as a newer, better version will be released (same goes for girlfriends - drumroll please!). That aside I have been wanting to get a tablet, forget that i-pad rubbish, I want something whose inner workings I can customize and muck around with, so an Android tablet is what I am going to go for. Sadly I have other financial issues to deal with so quite a bit of saving is in order but I shall most def keep my few remaining readers in the loop! Anyone out there who is rocking a tablet? Let me know how its working out for you!

Anyway it's been good blogging today, it feels cathartic almost like writing a letter full of things you wanted to say and burning it; only that this letter is out here for all to see. Here's to a great rest of the week.......

Guess Who's Back?

2011-05-23T05:29:00.001-04:00

Dear readers, rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated......

Lord Acolyte's b-day passed with lots of pomp and circumstance even though I for one am not a fan of large birthday things at all. As blogged earlier I prefer to drink and meditate on the year past but what to do when you have a woman in your life who love to celebrate big days like that?

Anyway so everyone is up in arms about the whole Arnold Schwarzennegar situation. In my opinion big effing deal! I find it pathetic how public figures here esp politicians are held to puritanical standards of mortality while on the other hand the public do the very same things. I also find it kind of funny how African it is what he was up to. I'm sure of the top of the head most Kenyan dudes can think of a family where the dad slept with the housegirl and even some where he left her with a small gift. Also there is nothing new about kids out of wedlock not known about till years later or when they dad passes away, I remember that happening to some COTU dude who passed away around 10 years ago.

I am in now way approving of infidelity, but I think this situ should also be a warning shot to women to be careful in regards to who they leave in close proximity to their boyfriends/husbands. As they swahili saying goes...kikulacho ki (complete for 5 marks).

In other news Macho Man aka Randy Savage of WWE/WWF fame passed away in a road accident on Friday. Yes you know who he is, every Kenyan dude who has access to a tv watched wrestling at one point in time in their life. The dude had been around for a minute and credit to him he didnt die of a steroids overdose like many other wrestlers. Here's to Macho Man giving elbow drops in the hereafter.....

Now back to catching up with the chaos of everyday life...........

April Cometh.....

2011-04-03T21:11:00.007-04:00

It's been a minute and a half since I blogged, this just isn't right......

Anyway the birthday month is here so I'm going to post a bit more than I have been posting usually. The birthday month is usually a melancholic one for me because I'm not a birthday person in the usual ways. The day for me is a best spent on meditation of the past and future. Appreciating the good fortune I have had in the past, ruing the mistakes I have made, seeing where I am versus where I should be (which isn't always a good thing). So anyway this is where a spanner is thrown in the works, you see my chic wants to go all out and is planning a fun day out for me. So obviously there is no way I am opting out of it without there being alot of drama so I just have to suck it up and go with the flow. I know I sound ungrateful but I have never been big on birthdays, what is worse is that I have never been big on gifts. Not that I dislike all gifts, I do like simple gifts like an interesting book, a gift card, a lunch treat. But the way people go all out here in the West never sits well with me, it creates a sense of obligation and one upmanship in most cases. I have known many people out here who have neglected paying bills during the holiday season so that they can get gifts for friends and family.

The longer I live in the land of ME and MINE the more that I realize that people out here exist in life ran by wants rather than needs, of course a time comes when satisfying the wants of the past interferes with the ability to meet your needs in the future. This is supposed to be one of the most progressive countries in the World economically but when you look at the prospects for most young people here (me included) you just shake your head. By the time most people graduate college here they are carrying a ridiculous amount of debt, and with the recession higher skills are needed so of course people are going back to school to get ever more debt. The worst thing is that student loans are guaranteed to the lenders by the government, so just like taxes you will have to pay them back no matter what! The depressing thing is that even as tuition and book costs rise year after year nobody out here is protesting in the streets unlike in Britain and other European countries. Sadly like the matrix most people here are born into the system and are comfortable with it so when you try bringing it up they look at you with wide eyes like you are speaking gibberish.

Not to say that I am immune to the system, I have to be honest and say that I spend an inordinate amount of my free time on the internet and I need to do something about it. I remember years ago doing lots of other stuff that didn't include the internet and I need to go back to that way of living and implement the good stuff I find on here in the outside world. We are all part of the system but the thing that matters is whether you are going to use it or if it is going to use you. I have made many interesting observations by watching people here and my failed attempts at trying to share my opinions and "enlightenment", please note the brackets because to most of the people I spoke to I was either talking trash or hypocrisy of the highest levels. That reminds me, I was on facebook and a chic I knew in college was getting married, in true Kenyan style she invited everyone to her church ceremony and didn't hesitate to comment, "I can't wait to become mrs". I guess the social perks and few legal perks for her are a great thing but anyway let me not get into how I have known married women looking down on their single friends, that's a post for another day.

Here's to a great Monday............

Yet Again Another Monday..........

2011-01-16T19:59:00.001-05:00

Dang how time flies! I remember it was the year 2000 the other day and now it's 2010! Last Sunday, the heavens decided to bless us with an Arctic wind that led to a snowstorm that shut down most of the city. I ended up being cooped up for 2 days. Stores ran out of fresh food and most schools and offices ended up being closed. The cars in the pic below are from the bottom of the hill of my apartment complex. People abandoned their cars down their and walked up hill rather than risk driving up hill and have their cars slide down and and into the ditch across the road. What's even more interesting that in the 2 days that the cars were their nobody thought of stealing from them, I guess their getaway cars were stuck in the snow?

Otherwise I've been catching up with world news and just realized that the Italian PM, Silvio Berlusconi must have 9 lives or something. Scandal never seems to stick on tis dude! He puts most African leaders to shame I swear! World politics wont be the same when he retires and his scandals and foot in mouth statements are gone.

So any New Year's Resolutions out there? For some reason I need to slap myself due to the fact that I can't even remember the ones I made. But they were nothing overboard so I know I may be going in the right direction, now to find the paper I wrote them on! Anyway rule of thumb is that if you can do something for 2 weeks straight then it will become a habit!

A chic pal recently adopted a dog from a shelter. I salute her commitment. Why? That's because having a pet esp a dog in America is almost like having a child, labor pains and the expensive medical stay aside. This is due to the fact that it costs quite a bit of money and takes alot of time. If you adopt a dog you are going to pay at least $200 for adoption fees, if you buy a dog you can be looking at anything from 2 times to 10 times that depending on the breed! If you live in a rental property you have to pay a pet fee that is lowest $200 - $600 per year and may come with monthly fees in some areas. If you are a good dog owner you then have to walk your dog daily and house break it so it doesn't shit all over your house, unless you live in the country few people have yards to leave their dogs in all day unlike in Kenya. Woe unto you if your dog bites someone, that is a law suit right there that might cost you a few hundred to thousands of dollars. The cost of pet care is also on its own level out here (yeah its not only humans who have healthcare issues here in the States). Try and mix that level of commitment in the break neck life out here and you have to really have a heart for it to have a pet but hey in some ways it gets you ready for parenting if you are considering it, but you know what; I think I'll get a pet rock. Less drama and they take care of themselves!

Have a fun week all!!!!!

Yet Another Monday......

2010-12-05T21:37:00.004-05:00

Once again, I make my monthly appearance (I really need to do something about that).....

Anyway Thanksgiving has come and gone, that's usually the biggest holiday here in the States. Christmas is more commercial but when it comes to offices and stores not being open, thanksgiving trumps all other holidays. There were the usual Kenyan bashes but other than one where there was free entry before midnight, I gave them all a miss. There is no way on God's green earth that I am forking out $20 to go to a club when there is nothing special going on. Sadly for the bash that went to, the crowd was sparse and the DJs Kenyan music collection was stuck in the year 2004. Anyway it was a good reminder that clubbing is just a matter of technical appearances for me.

Over the years I have come to dislike the flying experience, this is not due to the flight itself but everything that comes before it. Case in point the airlines gouging you for every damn penny they can in the form of fees, other than a bag of peanuts when you fly; nothing is free with American airlines. You pay for every piece of baggage other than one carry on (and that may change), you pay to move the date of your flight (and in some cases can't), you pay if you want to check in early, you pay for earphones and the list goes on. Toss in the torturous security procedure courtesy of the TSA that now has people either being patted down like they stole something or having to walk through x-ray machines, and you have an all round fun experience. At this point, I think I'll stick to road trips, may take longer but less stress all around. If you ask me with all those changes, I do think the terrorists won....

I was watching this interesting news clip about the long term effects of views and extensions and thought I would share it below. Seems beauty can come at a steep price ladies!

Anyway this winter cold is not doing me much good at all! I'm off to hibernate....

Time Flies....

2010-11-10T21:51:00.000-05:00

Yes I know it's been almost 2 months since I've been on here! I've been battling to stay above the waves of life, and by the way things are going so far; I'm not doing such a bad job.

In other news, the operating system on my pc crashed and I took bad advice from someone about getting it fixed and ended up losing 120 gb of music, lots of data and most of my pictures from the last 5 years. I know the lesson of the day is back up your data but when you have so much after a while you get sloppy about it. I had backed up a bit but a whole lot of stuff was lost. Oh and you know the ironic thing? The family member who gave me this advice, has a knack of giving me advice that bites me in the ass over and over again. If it wasn't for family loyalty, I would tell them to screw themselves in the ass. I am currently ignoring some advice they are offering me regarding certain issues I'm dealing with. Anyway, moving on.....

Hoarders is one of my most favorite shows on TV. It takes a close look at people who hoard ie stockpile loads and loads of things. The things differ from show to show, it can be canned food, clothes, books, video tapes, sports gear even animals! Anything and everything is fair game to hoarders. As an African the whole disorder is very interesting to me because, due to the lack of plenty and lack of space most people had no means to hoard even if they wanted to (correct me if you do know an African hoarder). In many cases the hoarding is actually triggered by a life event, one man started hoarding the same year his mother died, this was his way of dealing with it. His case was so bad that his house no longer had running water, he actually used to spend time in his car for refuge; but there is a Mental Disorders Specialist who comes in and helps the hoarders in the show confront and get over the disorder, it doesn't always work as some of them don't co-operate even if their homes and children are at stake (the government here will take your kids away from you if they are living in unfit conditions). If you can get a chance to watch it, I urge you to do so; it's a wonderful look into the human condition!

In other news, Lord Acolyte is dating. Much as companionship is a beautiful thing, it reminds me of why I have been single for so long and enjoyed it, even worse I now know why so many people opt not even to get married. You can get so used to having your own world to control as you please. Unless you are in a friends with benefits arrangement, that changes. Lets just say alot of interesting posts are coming your way, like the other day I did learn that the age old stereotype for men dating or even married bares weight, learn to say sorry even if you don't think or know you aren't or have nothing to be apologetic for. I now have an immense respect for married men! But I'm not being negative, it also has lots of pluses, more on that later.

Oh snap! Thanksgiving is round the corner. I'm going to pick a handful of these expensive and over hyped Kenyan bashes, go to one and then give my usual scathing review. Anyway let me start working on getting my blog mojo back.......

Spouses, Soccer and Other Things.....

2010-09-15T22:10:00.007-04:00

Yes I know, I have been AWOL for a minute, so forgive my fragmented posting since it's been a while since I blogged.

So from what I gather from the EA Standard and the Daily Nation is that a large number of Kenyan women are so desperate for husbands that they have resorted to prayers.

It seems the single masses could not resist the call of the Pied Piper of Spouses, if the Nation is anything to go by;

As the heavens opened up, the enthusiastic women paid little attention to damage done to their hair and makeup in their attempt to outrun police who were trying to turn away the crowds from the already packed KICC plenary hall.

For several hours, business came to a standstill as police and security guards from the KICC and the Covenant Singles and Married Ministries struggled to keep the thousands of women at bay.

An excerpt from the article in the Standard

He (Pastor Chris Ojigbani) would show testimonies of women and men who claimed that they had received not one, but some as many as three marriage proposals in one day, after attending the said pastor’s conferences on marriage

Another snippet from the Nation

The man of the moment, Pastor Ojigbani, who preached for more than four hours on Friday, told his ecstatic audience: “Good men are not all taken. By the end of today, you will get your suitor … The spirit has told me that one of you by morning will have four suitors … Now, who will you choose?”

I wonder, have things gotten so bad for Kenyan women?! What happened to heeding the clarion call of independence from FIDA about oppressive backward Kenyan men. Weren't these same women the bunch that had Destiny's Child Independent Women as their theme song sometime back? I guess the joys of singlehood don't seem to be as cracked up as they seem to be? Or maybe we can blame society for making women think that life isn't complete without a husband?

I think another thing to blame is urbanization and Westernization. I mean the more urbanized we get, the less bonds you have with neighbours and family thus making it harder to meet the man of your dreams. Let's add the fact that many women nowadays are financially well off and will not marry a man who is doing the same or better than they are, which of course given the level of unemployment in Kenya cuts down on the pool of eligible bachelors big time.

Also let's keep it real, women sometime back realized that they could support themselves financially and have children without the extra burden of a man. While on the other hand men realized that they didn't need to get married to have kids, could hire help to clean/cook for them and with the break from tradition can sleep around with women without being expected to marry them. So for many men marriage just isn't a priority making it harder for the women who have dreams of a big white wedding.

From what I see, it seems that marriage seems to offer far more for the women than it does for the men, so I can understand women rushing to the "apostle" for proposals. I for one I'm sure he raked a good amount of offerings in exchange for his teachings. I wonder if he used Proverbs 31 in his teachings? Because one thing I like to ask women out there is that you may want to be a wife but are you really wife material? There is more to marriage than just a wedding and being called Mrs.

Alice Mwali, 27, purchasing and supplies professional

I would not mind getting someone to propose to me before the end of the service and even if I do not get one today, I hope it will be in the near future.

I am just smarting out of a relationship that lasted for about a year. I opted to leave the man because he could not trust me with anything.

Dear Alice, you are single, as a single woman if someone you are not dating or are familiar with would propose to you from out of the blue; you should be afraid, very afraid. Plus don't take so long next time to realize a man is not worth being with, you aren't getting any younger - Acolyte, Professional Curmudgeon and Agony Uncle

Real talk, there is nothing wrong with being single, embrace it and enjoy it! Ladies if all fails, they are always cats; the cats of Kenya could use some cat ladies.....

Moving on, I ran across these two hilarious videos on youtube.

It seems Mehment Scholl (the dude on the right in the video above) recently watched the video of Jessica Kastrop being nailed below. His flinch is nothing short of priceless!

I do think the dude who kicked the ball that hit the reporter's head must have been a sniper in a past life.

Speaking of women and sports, I think a post on the whole Ines Sainz saga is in order. Even if you aren't an NFL fan, it made for interesting reading.

ps: I didn't know that it took years to get a divorce in Kenya! For that reason alone, I'm going to really have to rethink this marriage thing. Imagine wanting out but the wheels of justice slowly grinding keeping you on lock?! I salute those sitting out their time!

Midweek Flashbacks and other stories...

2010-08-04T14:14:00.000-04:00

I have the strangest flashbacks, and recently the image of a Staedtler pencil hopped into my head. I remember these were not the cheapest pencils so you kept them close. Also what you may not know unless you were an art student like me (ahem!) is that HB was the middle pencil in the scale. After that the you would move onto the H which meant the lead was harder so the pencil wrote lighter while on the other side were the B which meant the lead was softer so the pencil wrote darker. That there is my obscure fact of the day for you....

I knew nothing good would come of the shenanigans of Kim Kardashian! You see Laurence Fishburne's daughter, Montana came up with the bright idea that doing a sex tape like Kim Kardashian would give her the career (not that she has one) a major leg up. In the words of Lafayette of True Blood (best show ever) "Bitch have you done lost your mind?!" Her 19 year old self seems to forget the fact that Kim K actually ended fighting against the release of that tape and harsh as this may sound. White women and black women are viewed very differently in American eyes, you see white women are seen as pure and virginal (even though I know that's not true- dont ask how), that's another reason black dudes running around with white women makes some people's blood boil. While on the other hand black people are seen as oversexed, so when a white woman who isn't a porn star does a sex tape it's something people have to see, but when a black woman does a sex tape, it's seen as business as usual. Oh what's more ironic? She says she hears her dad is upset but that one day he will understand? Once again, you have lost your mind! I blame Kim K and I Sex and The City (yeah I said it!)

Oh I guess Laurence failed to keep his daughter off the pole as Chris Rock puts it below...

late edit- I see Montana did a rap video with her sex tape co-star (slightly nsfw). I guess it was a practice run? Let's hope she got those unsightly bruises on her butt taken care of. I won't even comment about the poor quality of the rhymes in that video!

Observations

I hear Wyclef may run to be president of Haiti, noble aim but dude politics is a dirty game, let it go!

So T.I married his long time or should I say long suffering girlfriend Miss Piggy I mean Tiny. He then got upset over twitpics of the wedding that have been floating around. I would too if my wife was wearing a dress that looked like it was stolen from a Mexican girl's Quinceanera. Before you think I'm a hater, go google those pics for yourself.

Obama just turned 49 it seems, ironic thing is that it seems like he came from nowhere. I think I should do some research and see what else he was doing other than being a Senator and community organizer. Maybe he was in the middle east getting indoctrinated or erasing his birth certificate and birth records in Kenya (Tea Party/Birther joke)

Anyway back to everyday life, later!!!!!

Guess Who's Back????

2010-07-28T07:30:00.000-04:00

Damn it's been a while since I've been here! But ya'll know often blogging is like Hotel California.....you can check out, but you can never leave. That and the fact that I've been called out my absence!

So the WC is over, life back to normal till of course EPL and the other leagues get started. My main gripe with most American sports is that the game never flows, there is always a time out, end of quarter or a commercial break waiting in the wings to break up the flow. Anyway as this whole LeBron saga has shown, it's all about the $$$.

Onto other things, what in the world happened to the Joseph Hellon dude and Esther Arunga? Weren't they supposed to be on Larry King or something of the sort? I must say I miss the sheer entertainment that they had given us, over the months.

Also seems that there is a shifty online university from California going around "selling" honorary doctorate degrees to African leaders and politicians. To think I wasted my time going to classes and actually getting a job, I should have just started my own online college and flown from country to country selling degrees. I might just do that and call my university, Universal College; oh wait, that name's taken right?

Does anyone know what happened to itsneverthatserious.com? That was one of the most interesting Kenyan showbiz gossip blogs I had come across in a long time. If you know of any that are just as good and just dont kiss stars asses then by all means do share!

One of my chic pals is getting married so I have been drafted into a wedding committee. Yes, Acolyte himself is on a wedding committee, talk about irony! Well since my pal is somewhat scandalous her committee is like 95% men, that may change when the stragglers join us but I somewhat doubt it. I know some women find their fellow gender hard to get along with but when 90% of your pals are dudes, I think you can only blame other women so far.

Anyway time for me to get back on the grind......

Behold! Friday!

2010-05-28T01:31:00.000-04:00

Damn it's been over a month since I have posted anything, I need to deal with that stat! Anyway as I get my mind pumping, I just thought I would share this video...

Sad as it is, I find that video hilarious since it casts satire on peoples' fear of black males. It also reminds me that my lazy ass hasn't been in the gym for a while!

So tomorrow is the last day of the week, wonderful since for 2 days I won't have to deal with the idiots I work with. I tell you if it weren't for the fact that I would go to jail and end up with a criminal record, I would give someone a throat chop. Oh and to my CEO for the last effing time! Control + V to paste since you seem to have trouble doing it with the mouse!

In other news, as of the 1st of June I begin my 6 month period of total celibacy. Sex lately isn't doing anything for me, waste of time and energy (and if you say I'm not doing it right, I'm going to kick you in the face). As people in the streets say "Imma do me" no pun intended. Of course this may put a crimp in dating since sooner or later the sex question comes up, so I won't bother with dating too. No strokes = no drama, that's what I think.

Anyway time for me to get some zzzzzzs in since I have to be at work in a few hours time.

Reason 242 dating American chics sucks - Claim to want to sample new ethnic meals then when you take them to an ethnic restaurant restaurant ie Ethiopian, they pic the item on the menu that is closest to American food ie Pasta or a sandwhich instead of of an ethnic item ie injeera. 2 thumbs down!

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn Time Flies and Other Stories......

2010-04-22T09:00:00.003-04:00

It has been almost one whole month since I blogged and in the words of the apple of Archer's eye, "this is a fucking disgrace!"

I can only blame laziness, work and twitter.

My birthday passed around 5 days ago, I was at a conference for work out of town so it was a day like any other. To be honest people around me seem to gather more joy from my birthday than I do, for me it's a good day for introspection and looking forward.

I read a report that came up with the statistic that 25% of men fake orgasms. I don't know the veracity of that number but it's an interesting double standard that men are expected to be up for sex and enjoy it at all times while on the other hand it's fine for women not to be up for sex at all times and if they don't enjoy it there are myriad reasons ranging from health,mental or their present relationship. I guess it's part of the over sexualization of society. But to be honest sex can become a chore leading to faking on both sides just to keep things smooth, so its up to both parties in the relationship to keep things fresh. I guess that's why I have mad respect for married people who can't keep their hands off each other. Anyway marriage is a beast of it's own.

I was listening to the radio this morning, and my favourite segment came on; it's the "help me solve my problems" segement. People write letters about their problems and send them in to get advice. So this dude calls in and says how he and his girlfriend have 3 kids, 1 each from past relationships and they had a kid in the last year. The dude is in school fulltime as he can't get work with the economy and the chic works part time. Regardless of their financial situation, the chic is going on about how she wants another baby, even though they have their hands full and cannot afford another one. Also due to their financial situation they can't afford the birth control injection, whatever you call it. Well dudes issue aside (I would go celibate in a heartbeat!), it's funny how the biological clock can kill all logic. I mean, you have your hands full, hardly any income and you still want a child?! WTF?! Children are work, cuteness doesn't pay for childcare,healthcare, food and clothing! If I had a chic and she started going on like that, I would suddenly develop "depression" and be unable to have sex for a very long time; I mean better to take no risks here, condoms have been known to be punctured sigh.

Anyway kids and marriage aside, I see the ash cloud that had Europe at a standstill seems to have lifted. I guess now people are aware of how much they depend on the flying to get around. At least in Europe they had the trains, bullet trains and ferries. Were the same to happen here, I can see total grid lock and chaos on the highways since the interstate train system here doesn't service all states equally and is a shell. Don't let me get started on local mass transit here, not only is it one hot mess, in many cities down here it is on the verge of shutting down due to budgetary constraints and the recession.

Anyway it's about time to get back on the grind and deal with people who have little if any comprehension skills, yes the kind of people you send an email and they call you the next day asking questions that were answered in that very same e-mail! That's why I hardly ever answer my phone or check voicemails at work, lazy bastards!

ps: there is a chic here in the office who has rolls on her back and is wearing a tight top, urgh! Someone needs to have 360 mirrors in their closet!

pps: I need True Blood and Dexter to come back on air asap! Life is not worth living without them.

Another Monday Is Here II.....

2010-03-22T15:26:00.000-04:00

Thanks to work and twitter, I have been awol on my own blog (frowning face). But I'm sure you all know that you can't keep a good man down.

With that being said, last week or so one of the airlines out here proudly announced that in a bid to give better service that they are going to start charging for meals in economy class. Anyone who has the agony of flying local in the States will tell you how dealing with the airlines is like dealing with a bunch of schysters. You get charged for your luggage, you get charged to change your ticket if anything happens, you get charged for blankets, you get charged for earphones; with some of them you even get charged for using your credit card to pay for stuff. I guess the only "free" thing you get is your seat. Lets not forget that you have to be at the airport around 2 hours early for security check. I won't even start about people being held hostage in planes on the runway. Yes that is the fun of flying in the new decade of the new millennium.

Anyway that anti-capitalism rant aside, I read this story and just gave myself a face palm! Really! I mean you break down not one but two doors just to get into someone else's bed?! Also I think once you are over 30 (and Im being generous), you have no business going for a Jay-Z concert unless you are taking your nephew or niece, heck even Jay Z himself has no business performing nowadays to be honest!

Does anyone know where these Finger of God characters are? My last week moved by really slowly without their drama. I'm going through withdrawal symptoms! Now I know how women feel when they miss their Mexican soap operas.

Well it's about time for me to clock off from jobo but I wanted to share this video by Nneka, whose music I started listening to. I think it's more than possible to make music with deep lyrics yet listenable to at the same time...

Have a nice day all!

Sex, Suing, Slashing, Shooting and Shows....

2010-03-05T01:20:00.001-05:00

As always I have to share good things I find online. This ad here is a PSA about safe sex. It's a bit hard to find the message when you have to sift through all that trash the dudes are saying (yes ladies some of your boyfriends sound like this in your absence).

I think the ad below is a far better one.

That reminds me, there is nothing that is more of a libido killer for me than the sound of a crying child. Maybe I could get a tape of a crying child and use it to condition myself to stay celibate the same way Pavlov conditioned his dogs.

Speaking of children I see in the Kenyan papers, our friend Esther is going to sue her parents and the therapist they took her to for 300 million shillings, I understand her motivation but please pick an earthly number so as not to waste the court's time. Also even if you were wronged, whatever happened to honoring your mother and father? Anyway I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the show.

I watched Ninja Assassin and I must admit that it has been sometime since I have watched a movie that was that wonderfully mindless. The plot was watchable but the choreography and gore was indeed a work of art. I highly recommend it as a lazy Saturday afternoon movie, yes I can never claim to be Ebert but I stand by my review!

That reminds me, speaking of marriage; this story has to take the cake. Not only did this woman murder her husband (20 years her junior) after 5 days of marriage, she is a lobbyist for a group that fights domestic violence! Talk about doing a full 180 degree turn. It's like being a policeman during the day and then one night you decide to turn bank robber, oh wait that sounds familiar; I just can't place it. Irony is that when it comes to guns, you are more likely to be shot by someone you know than someone you don't know.

A close friend of mine calls me a lover of all things British since I often voice my boredom regarding American things to her. One of the things that bores me about American tv is the hunger for ratings above all else. I have seen promising programmes be cancelled because they did not gather enough ratings in enough time ie Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, and on the other hand I have seen some shows needlessly extend since they were popular, Prison Break anyone? That damn show should have ended once they broke out. What I like about British tv is that programs are made to run for a certain amount of time ie 2 seasons, no extension no matter how popular they are. A formula the stations that run Heroes and Lost should have listened to. Anyway I'll turn my tv back on when True Blood, Dexter and V return to the screen.

With that being said TGIF and have a fun weekend!

Touched By The Finger......

2010-02-23T22:13:00.002-05:00

Well unless you aren't Kenyan or live under a rock somewhere, you may be aware of the fire that is raging on the internets and on people's lips about. I'll save myself some keystrokes and post a video from K24 down here about the whole Esther Arunga and the Finger of God church. The story is on its own level, it could be made into a movie! You have the powers of good and evil, human sacrifice, human traffickers, a cult, accusations of brainwashing and other things. I'll let you watch the video to get the back story then I'll give my opinion.

So now we are all caught up on the gist of what went down. The plot only thickened when Esther Arunga decided to give a no holds barred interview with former CNN reporter Jeff Koinange. If you havent watched the series, I have linked to part 1 below.

Now come my series of hard questions and thoughts regarding this whole issue.

1. KTN Resignation - Maybe I missed it, but Esther didn't give a good reason why she left her job at KTN. I have known of people who have left promising jobs and careers in the name of the "ministry" only for many of these ministries to crash and burn and for them to be left with destroyed careers, burnt bridges and whole years of their lives wasted. I know a lawyer who did this and nowadays he is one of the most cynical and bitter people you can come across. If you read the Bible you will note many examples of God working through people in whatever professions they are in. Yes I agree that you can get the call to go into ministry but not everyone gets that call or is cut out for it.

2. Benny Hinn Spiritual Father - So in the news conference Joseph Hellon went ahead and claimed that Benny Hinn was his spiritual father and had been sending him tapes and sermon. There is only one spiritual father someone should have, God; nobody else! Other accounts had him saying that when he preaches it is Benny Hinn speaking, I have a name for that term; it's called channeling which in itself is not the most christian practices by any means. Then of course comes to most glaring thing, it seems all the "prophecies" he was getting were via e-mail which proved to be fake when Benny Hinn's ministries disowned him. So my question is, you call someone your spiritual father and have never spoken to him on phone or met him in the 7 years your relationship has existed?! That's either blind faith or stupidity? Why do I think that Quincy or someone else set up bennyhinn@hotmail.com and was emailing Hellon alongside ordering tapes and materials for him online?

3. Freemason this, Freemason that - Well as we saw via the K-24 interview Esther claims that Freemasons are out for her neck. It seems she is in possession of some hot information. She claims her ex-fiancee is one of them and a human traffiker to boot. Well my question is would a member of a secretive and illicit organisation leave information in the open for anyone to discover so easily? Also after a failed attempt on your life would a member from that organisation contact you and tell you they were trying to eliminate you? I'm not saying that Freemasons don't exist and they dont have gray area regarding what they do but on the other hand they won't make unearthing things about them very easy, after all they are several hundred years old. At the end of the day it just seems that Esther and co are just rustling the wrong feathers.

4. Cry for Help? - Is it me or did Esther several times during the interview on K24 seem to be hinting to Jeff to get her a job with the tv station? She recently quit your job with one tv station, I think the only reason she would be dropping such hints is somehow she now realizes the gravity of the decision she made by leaving her old job. Sadly I doubt she had anyone round her to sound off that decision with and ended up jumping before looking. Plus did anyone notice how riddled with contradictions her story is, did she leave her ex-fiancee because he was trying to get other women in church, or because he was a freemason. Also why would he want to "sacrifice" her if they were to get married? The sad thing though is that when someone is in a questionable church, it's like dealing with a drug addict, unless they can admit they have a problem they wont accept any help at all.

5. President Hellon? - If the announcement of a Presidential bid isn't a joke, then I don't know what is. From the Bible that I read, I dont know if Hellon reads the same one; but mine has a verse that says God is a God of order. I'm sorry but you aren't going to come in as a dark horse and run off with the Presidential election, I think he needs to aim low like counselor or something like that and then work his way up.

Okay all those organised questions aside, why the hell don't people read their bibles?! We wouldn't have half of these cult problems if people read their bibles, you would be shocked at how many people that call themselves Christians that don't read their bibles, I once quoted a verse from one of the smaller books in the bible, I think it was Habakkuk and this chic wanted to argue with me about not only the verse but the very existence of the book of Habakkuk. You should have seen the expression on her face when I showed her the book and the verse. Im not a Bible guru by any means but if you are a Christian then its your responsibility to strive to know the book backwards so that some schyster wont be in your face telling you how its God's will for you to give him all that you own and let him have sex with your wife.

While I'm putting people on blast, what is this hullabaloo about the fact that people in Hellon's church drink wine? There is nothing in the bible about not drinking, it's being drunk that's the problem. But what do holy rollers do? They rail against all alcohol, well if we are going to go against alcohol since it can make you get drunk, I suggest no eating. Why? Eating can lead to gluttony. I propose the same for sex too, no sex for Christians since it can lead to lust. It's this lack of control that lead to wonderful songs like the one below, that help you keep your Christian life on the straight and narrow.

With all that being said, do I approve of the arrest of Joseph Hellon and Esther Arunga? If it's for breaking the law ie being members of an unlawful society (as they were charged), all well and good; but if its for talking too much and shaking the wrong bushes? Not at all because funny enough people stop talking if you dont draw attention to what they are saying. Anyway I do plan to keep my eyes and ears open for other developments. Also to my Christian brethren, I've got love for most of you; just that some of you drive me up the wall!

Cock Blocking, Cheating, and other stories

2010-02-16T09:45:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, I have to share the funniest thing I have watched in a long time. Welcome to the Cock Blocking series!

I have never laughed like this in a while I must say. Youtube really has some jewels once you sift through the chaff. I do recall posting a long time back about this chic pal of mine whom I used to hang out with that used to always introduce me to dudes but never ever to the chics she knew, talk about subtle cock blocking.

Anyway moving on, the U.S education system for the most part is very test/exam oriented. States each have their own mandated tests they have students take per year, its by these tests that they can tell if the education system is any good. For any principal to have your school ranked as a failing school would mean less funds, increased oversight,no annual bonus, loss of future job opportunities and if it goes on long enough termination; because after all if most of your students are failing then you have no business teaching. Some schools have been on the failing schools list for sometime, so some teachers and principals decided on a move that would make some 8-4-4 teachers proud. Staff in 74 schools got hold of the tests their students did and went ahead and changed the answers from the wrong ones to the right ones; thus ensuring passing grades for their students. Of course the teachers who take the students on the following year end up realizing there is a problem when a student who had a passing grade in english can't read for squat? So how were they busted? Well whether we like it or not, statistics never lie, you can't have a failing school do a 180 degree turn in a year or less, progress is very gradual then add to the fact that the average student may change 2-3 answers on a 40 question paper but never 27-30 as was in the case in numerous papers checked coming from the schools under investigations. There was one school where a teacher gave the answers to a student before the test. Anyway what am I going on about here, oh now I remember. This emphasis on exams/tests at the expense of learning doesn't do students much good in the long run because all you churn out is a whole bunch of trained test takers; nothing else! Here is the greatest irony, here if many of your students fail; that makes you a bad teacher while I remember in Kenya how I used to have teachers and professors who would proclaim with such glee about how many students fail their tests. Talk about irony!

Okay PSA messages aside, this video below just left me speechless.....

Btw, how did the camera man know that they would start fighting because he was taping before the fight even started! I once knew this chic who said that she gets turned on whenever two men fight over her, let's just say if we were kicking it; she would be one frigid woman.

While I'm all over the place do you know I have never ever seen a urinal like the one below in the States?

I guess part of it would be due to the culture of individuality people have going on over here, that and of course the fact that sexuality is a big thing here. Nobody wants to take the risk that the dude next to you is checking you out as you do your thing. Hilarious how everyday things take on such different significance in other cultures and places.

Anyway back to everyday life, see you next week or on twitter!

Another Hump Day Passes...

2010-02-02T22:10:00.001-05:00

Nothing warms my heart as much as the vids you find on the internet!This video below never ceases to crack me up. The chic was a great sport and was even interviewed about it, plus whoever kicked the ball also apologized to her after the game.Hilarious as ever though!

Moving on, its really interesting how the people of Egypt decided to stand up for their rights. I guess you can sit on the will of the people for only so long before they rise up. I do think more Arab countries should be open to the concept of free and fair elections or at least something close to it. I'll keep my eyes open even though they are trying their best to kill the free media showing whats going on in Cairo and the rest of the country.

Dear Archer and all other Chelski fans, you can have Fernando Torres; may he spend twice the amount of time injured that he did for us - Liverpool Fan.

Also to my dear single brothers or to those in Friends With Benefits scenarios, you don't know how good you have it, please treasure those arrangements and never take them forgranted!

Humpday has me tired out, so adios people!

Sometimes words fail me among other things......

2010-01-27T01:06:00.000-05:00

Sometimes with my waning faith and interest in the human race, I think I am better off in some subterranean hideaway where I have everything I need and only come out once in a while to interact with the human race. Why do I say this? Just a few things here and there I have noticed.

There are these 2 sad incidents, the first being a family friend who was shot thugs in what seems to have been an assassination since nothing was stolen from him (that's my hypothesis). I know two wrongs don't make a right but I hope those thugs and whoever hired them die a slow and painful death. There there was this story of the Kenya Airways pilot (whom I didn't know personally) who was killed by thugs when his car stalled at the notorious Uhuru Highway roundabout that has been making rounds on the internets. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that both families are going through.

It's sad that the more we "progress" as human beings the lower we regress. Animals kill to survive or feed while human beings kill on the other hand kill for any unfathomable reason that comes to mind. Be it jealousy, greed for property or whatever other reason, killing someone won't get rid of the issue that led to those sensations. It's hard to be coherent given the contempt I have for those involved.

Reading those stories basically makes all the other things I'm going to mention seem trival in comparison but I shall still share them......

My brother often accuses me of being nostalgic and archaic, at times when I look at how people act; I have to agree. I may have mentioned this on twitter but as I work with people outside my organization, it seems that people have lost the abilities of reading and comprehension. I often want to tear my hair out when I send people a link to information on our organization's website (homepage no less!) and these same individuals call or email me asking me for that SAME information! It's even worse when you email people information, and they email you a week later or call you asking for that same information!!! I have taken to forwarding previously sent e-mails and resisting the temptation to cuss people out on the phone, in fact half the time I let my phone go to voice-mail and answer their voice-mail with email. As you can tell, I don't suffer fools lightly!

I have been talking to some of my lady friends in the past weeks and many of them are going on about how their friends are getting engage or married, and of course wanting to be in the same situation. I struggle to understand the lure of settling down for many women today. You see unlike the past, most women are economically independent; so there is no need for a man to take care of them. Add to this women don't even need to have a husband to have children, all they need to do is do the deed and keep it moving, society doesn't even look down on single mothers as much as it used to. On the other hand though I can understand the lure of stability, having someone there and the prestige that comes with being called "Mrs XYZ..."

With that being said, a large number of marriages here break down due to the fact that many women have the expectation that once they get married, everything will be alright. I have had a chic say this to my face, "once I find the right person, I know things in life will be easier to deal with." I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. The poor bastid who marries this girl will be responsible for her happiness and success in life. I'm sorry to say this, but if you can't be happy with your life alone, then there is no way it's going to be happy with someone else you need to be able to appreciate your life alone with its flaws before inviting someone else in. And that's it for the Dr Acolyte relationship hour......

This is going to lead into a longer more detailed post that I am working but based on some recent experiences, I have realized that the American healthcare system is a one hot steaming mess! I will expound on that once I put my thoughts and experiences down in an organized manner. Now back to real life!

Behold! I Have Returned.....Again

2010-01-13T01:55:00.000-05:00

I have decided to reclaim blogging from tweeting. Tweeting is all well and good but I think I have blogged about

I watched this video and I think an important issue needs to be addressed. Who in the hell is the "bride's" stylist?! That blouse and skirt are clashing violently! Would it have hurt for him to have put on some foundation, eye shadow or at least done something with his hair before they came to court? I am going to begin a campaign to send some drag queens from here down to Malawi to set them up right! Im a stern adherent of the fact that if you are going to do something, you may as well go all the way and not half way! Sorry if you were expecting a long polemic about the lgbt plight in Africa.

Have I made any firm New Year's resolutions? Not really, I just plan to make more money and be more positive since I can be a cynic. Oh and I have asked the powers to be for one small thing, to send me a woman that can make me laugh. I know that sounds silly but to be honest it has been eons since I have met one who can, sigh. I guess what makes things harder is this hybrid sense of humour that I have, there is nothing as boring when you have to be the source of mirth and amusement in a relationship I tell you.

In other news, a cousin of mine came visiting and brought treats from home! Tusker (which I can get here but not same quality) and Kenya Cane (hello hangovers!) among other things. What sucks though is that he is here around winter time when I generally do not like to leave the house other than to go to work or to the gym, that and the fact that there arent too many nice outdoorsy type events going on. I'm sure I shall find places to take him after I rouse myself out of my winter hibernation.

Now before I go get some rest, someone give Rod Blagojevich a dunce cap and make him sit in the corner. How in the world do you say you are blacker than Obama?! Sheesh, we are just lucky the man doesnt have a twitter account or he would be putting his foot in his mouth all day long!

Anyway here's to keeping your feet out your mouth and a happy 2010!

Tiger In The Woods and other stories....

2009-12-10T01:09:00.000-05:00

I'm sure unless you live in a hole you have seen that the internets are on fire with the drama that is Tiger Wood's life. It all started with a suspicious accident in his upscale neighbourhood that seemed to have shaken more than some leaves off a tree because a few days later the women began to creep out of the woodwork. Why the big deal about all the different women? It's due to the uber private life he led previously and squeeky clean image he had been keeping; I mean if it were someone else ie Charles Barkley, the media wouldn't have shifted a lens.

Where Tiger went wrong was with his silence. The longer you keep quiet the more the rumours swirl and the worse it looks for you, he should have learned from people like David Letterman and Hugh Grant who were quick to admit their wrongs, apologize and keep it moving. But what was Tiger's number 1 problem? He went about his extra curricular activities the wrong way. Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form condone infidelity during marriage. The information given below is for research purposes only.

1. If you are going to get a mistress; trade up! - One look at Tiger's wall of shame and none of the girls other than maybe the club hostess, Rachel can hold a torch to his wife. For the potential trouble you are looking out for stepping out, at least make sure it is worth it. But on the other hand, Tiger Woods is known for being awkward socially, he actually had someone reach out to his wife to ask her on a date when they first met instead of doing it himself! So with that lack of game, it seems that he went with women where the statement,"do you know who I am?" was enough to get things started.

2. Leave behind as little evidence as possible! - I know for a public figure like Tiger Woods this is a bit harder but according to media reports what set things off was text messages on his phone, that and the leaked voicemails. Dude, this is where you either get a prepaid phone that never goes home with you, plus you never leave voicemails. Since the phone isn't registered under your name even if the texts get out, that leaves you with some wiggle room when it comes to deniability.

3. One at a time! - It's hard enough to manage two women (one wife and a mistress), so throwing in all these other women into the mix even if they are one offs is asking for trouble. What's worse is that he was seeing these women on regular occasions. If you are juggling all those balls, you are bound to drop some.

4.Escorts - The difference between an escort and a regular chic is that escorts get paid extra to shut up and leave. It is usually in their best interest to do so unless they are busted which is another story. Yes that route doesn't appeal to most men but if you have as much to lose as Tiger does, it's a good alternative. Many stars and leaders go that route, Elliot Spitzer anyone?

5. Clarify The Situation - Latest reports from one of the mistresses have her saying how Tiger said he would leave his wife for her and such. The chances of that ever happening were one in a million, Tiger's clean image was his brand and I'm sure he wasn't in a rush to jeopardize that (before the blow up). Had he let this chic know her place as a side chic and maybe even let her know that she wasn't the only side chic, I think there wouldnt be the rush to expose as there is now. Many of these chics are rushing to the media as they didn't know they were not alone so are trying to reap as much fame as they can as possible.

Anyway that's a whole lot of shoulda woulda coulda, what's done is done; let's sit back and enjoy the show.

One last open question to all which you can answer in the comments, I was talking to some female relatives about relationships and they are of the opinion that married men should not have single male friends. Their point of view is that they do not have the same goals and further more that singles can lead the married men astray. I countered that unlike women men do not base their friendships on the relationships in their lives but on shared interests, I can have the same sports, hobbies, financial goals as a married man and wouldn't mind spending time together sharing them. That is why it is hard for men to bond if they dont have a shared activity to bond over as we just don't sit and talk the same way women do. Also I know plenty of no good married men who lead their married friends astray. What do you think ladies, single friends any good for married men? Time to return to regular life, hasta manyana!

Takeover DJs Thanksgiving Fail

2009-11-30T09:21:00.004-05:00

The Thanksgiving Holiday is a big occasion in the Kenyan diaspora in the States. Kenyans usually gather in Atlanta for the 4 days for various events usually clubbing events but of course other groups do choose to tour the city on their own. Over different years the events have been run by one or more groups ranging from Kenyaniyetu, 2kat and other now defunct groups whose names I can't recall.

Anyway this year's events were being run by the TakeoverDJs, they have been in the business for a few years now and don't limit themselves to any one state. So this year due to the recession and prior commitments, I wasn't able to attend all the events but after watching the trailer for Wamba, the screening was a must to attend.

That Saturday evening of the screening, I was on my utmost Western time. I got free parking in front of the venue and strolled into the lobby. I had paid for my ticket online so all I had to do was pick it up (and save on box office fees). The crowd that showed up was moderate in size and pretty well dressed since the venue was at a Museum. They had a photographer who was taking pictures on the "red carpet" while people milled around and mingled. At that point I then thought the movie would then start at 7 pm. Come 7pm the theater doors had not been opened and the main organizer DJ Fully Focus and the rest of his crew were pacing in and out of the theater looking a bit harried. At this point in time people were getting slightly restless but were still in good spirits even though the lobby was not meant to accommodate so many people so quite a few people had to stand, 7.30 pm arrived and the Director introduced himself and said that there were "technical problems" and they were working to rectify them. At that point quite a few people went to the box office and got their refunds and left. Those who were left waited and then at around 8.30 pm the Director and DJ Fully Focus announced that due to some snafu or other they couldn't show the movie and that people could get their refunds from the box office and those who paid online would be refunded in 24 hours time, the Director did say though that he had a director's cut of the movie that he would show.

I did stay and watch the director's cut which was not the whole movie but around 1 hour's worth. The movie is most definitely worth watching and I shall be sure to try and get hold of the finished product. But in terms of organization, Takeover DJs get a big FAIL in that area. Call me harsh but this was not an event that was done on the fly but that had been planned for months, to add insult to injury people had to wait almost 2 hours (what would have been the screening time) to be told about "technical problems". The whole issue just resulted in alot of time being wasted and loss of face for the organizers; the only silver lining is that refunds are to be issued (failing which I can dispute the charges with my credit card company).

With that being swept aside, I need to comment on Kenyan events in Atlanta. Slowly over time, the number of groups holding events has dwindled. Part of it is of course due to the recession but another reason is that Kenyans are choosing instead to go to regular clubs, bars or just hold house parties. From my observations and discussions with a few Kenyans is that part of the reason is that too many of these groups became money hungry. Case in point cover charge, when you go to any regular club out here entrance is usually free upto 11pm or midnight depending on the club but when it comes to Kenyan bashes hosted by these groups you will pay cover charge irregardless of how early you come in (I do recall one bash by 2kat sometime back where it was free before 11pm but that was the exception rather than the rule). The same also applies to how late it gets, quite a few clubs stop manning the door at around 2 am or later; this doesn't apply for the Kenyan bashes. I do know that renting a venue is expensive but what some promoters do instead of depending on the cover charge to make money is that they split the cover charge with the venue owners and instead cut a deal where they make money from the drinks sold, given the amount of liquor Kenyans drink; that is a better route. There are ways to make money in the entertainment business while at the same time charging revelers less, other groups are doing it and I think the Kenyan targeting ones should do the same or at the end of the day people will vote with their feet.

Anyway at this point in time I am waiting for the usual barbs about how I am not supporting Kenyans, or how if I can do better I should do so myself among the usual comebacks you get for criticizing your own people. As long as the issue at hand involves my hard earned money, be sure that I am going to speak. Have a nice week people!

Boldly Going.......

2009-11-16T15:12:00.000-05:00

I was going into unknown territory that day and I had to be prepared. I quickly drafted a quick itinerary of my trip and left it somewhere that family members could find in case I went missing, I made sure I could run in the shoes I was wearing, and packed some snacks and water (couldn't take the risk of being drugged or worse). I gave myself the once over and made sure that what I was wearing was enough for me not to stand out but at the same time not to fit in. I did not know what I was going to encounter so I had to be 100% aware.

What unknown territory was Acolyte stepping into? Acolyte had decided to be see what goes on at Gay Pride Atlanta Parade.

The parade was held on a Sunday afternoon, and in true African fashion I got there over half an hour late so by the time I got there a good number of floats and processions had gone by. The crowd was very diverse, all colors and genders were represented, and there is no standard gay look; alot of gay people go against given stereotypes and look and act like everyday straight people. The different groups and floats were also interesting, you see the parade was held a few weeks before council and mayoral elections so some of the candidates did roll by with their gay friends, there was even one openly gay candidate who ran for mayor but did not make it to the final run off. Some religous organizations were represented ie the episcopal church, smaller pro gay churches, I also recall seeing some regional groups ie South Asian Gays. There were some amusing floats such as the Lesbian manned multiple orgasm mobile (stereotypically pink in color) and another truck that had some buff boys in white underwear covered in soap suds and blowing bubbles to the crowd, oh and they were blaring techno music (if love for dance music/techno made one gay then I would be one by association). The Atlanta Police had one of their own as Grand Marshall despite a contentious raid of a gay bar a few weeks back that raised the hackles of the local lgbt community. Plus of course different mainstream social organizations like the Atlanta Rollergirls (I need to go see one of their matches soon).

I left the parade and ventured into the nearby park which since it was in a gay friendly neighborhood is often the venue of what I would say illicit activities that have resulted in cameras being installed there. The park itself is beautiful and rather large, there were different companies exhibiting their products and services in addition to showing how tolerant they are (in America most Fortune 500 companies court the gay dollar as many gay households have higher incomes due to no kids). There were also different lgbt social and awareness organisations out in force ie the bears club of atlanta, Atlanta Outworlders (lgbt sci-fi and fantasy fans) and others that I can't recall (note to self, carry note book!).

I did not get to view or partake in night time events like those seen (nsfw) here, here and here. My day time adventure was more than enough for me, those venues I shall leave for those who choose to explore them; if you do please blog and let us know.

On a more serious note, I did not see any anti-gay protesters there; I guess that would be like jumping into the lion's mouth given the sheer number of lgbt people and supporters that were there. My take on the whole gay marriage issue? I think alot of the problem stems from the fact that marriage was principally a religious institution which was also then turned into a legal union recognized and enforced by the law. In an ideal world we know that religion and the state should be separate, I think even Christ said something to that effect. So what happens when a group of people who decide to demand their rights to a legal union which the law (at that point and in certain states did not have a definite opinion as regards the gender of both parties)? Chaos, since the religious definition of marriage is between a man and a woman (at least in Christianity). So what's happening is that most people are looking at the gay marriage issue from a Christian view point where it's wrong while the gays see it as their legal secular right. What some states have done is gone ahead to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman (Prop 8 etc), while some states have given them the go ahead; which has made things tricky because you can be a legally married couple in one state but not in another state (there was a NY times article about that). My take on the issue is that marriage needs to be made a completely secular institution so if you want to marry a man, woman, transgender or your bicycle; you can go ahead and do so. But as long as we have the current situation, little progress will be made as each group will feel that their rights and beliefs are being violated. I think the law and the world are big enough to accommodate both sides, but as long as everyone tries to set the other side straight and to enforce tolerance and acceptance; it's going to be chaos for a long time to come. Now that all that is said and done, take your picket signs off my lawn; I'm going back to the land of Apathy. (I know there are meant to be paragraph breaks somewhere but its been a while since I blogged so mea culpa)

Oh and I know some of you are wondering, did I see any girl on girl action? I did but it took hours upon hours of hiding in the brush, you see when you have a full head of locs you fit in rather well with some bushes. Sadly though the two girls in question were not video vixen hot, nor did they beckon me from my hiding place to participate; damn those adult movies! Have a productive week!

Another Monday Is Here.....

2009-10-26T02:36:00.000-04:00

Le sigh, Monday is here. I have never been fond of Mondays for obvious reasons. But sadly that is our lot as adults.

Moving on, I am sure most of you have heard of the "Balloon Boy" drama that went down a few days back. It just got me to think about how hungry some people are out here for fame by any means necessary. Sadly the only thing the parents have coming is a huge legal bill and potential criminal charges. It's sad that we have gotten to the level where people aren' t happy with the lives they have been given and feel that fame is the only thing that can add value to their lives. Anyway I'm not going to get preachy about this.

I read about a Kenyan gay couple in the UK that decided to tie the knot and the maelstrom that erupted both online and offline (for their families). It's been interesting to watch I must say. I have a post that I am working on related to on that issue as homosexuality is still a hot button issue with Kenyans both at home and in the diaspora. Reminds me of how a few years back during the Thanksgiving celebrations that go down in Atlanta 2 Kenyan chics were busted making out in a bathroom stall with one of them half naked, someone took cell phone pics that were floating somewhere online. One of the chics lived in Atlanta at the time and became a veritable hermit as a result (maybe a where they are now feature is in order?).

I was having a discussion with someone the other day about an issue related to diet and their rebuttal to some statistics I had to share was that alot of those studies were alarmist and did not apply to the situation at hand. Usually at this point in time when that comes up more often than not the discussion goes down the drain. This is due to the fact that many people are not that well versed in issues related to statistical inference. Not all studies are the gospel truth but on the other hand not all studies are rubbish (as many people believe), hence the importance to be able to look at a study and the accompanying statistics and infer if they are sound ie sample size, margin of error etc. Needless to say this is a tiring excercise for many people so what happens is that the usual response is, "those are alot of numbers and big words", and they carry on with whatever action or opinion they had before the discussion. Ah case in point, I remember having this chat with this chic about how a certain behavior elevates the probability of cancer, she retorted by saying "my Uncle has been doing it for years, and he is fine; I can only go by what I see." I almost asked her if her ancestors excommunicated Galileo for his heretical teachings but held my tongue. And that is why I have confined my conversations to issues like Jon & Kate plus 8, the latest Sports news and other chit chat. Gets off soap box.

Ladies this is a PSA for you from way back when.....

Well I have said enough, time for me to go and read some more studies.

Yet Another Monday.....

2009-10-12T01:04:00.000-04:00

Once again here I am dusting off my blog, I have been too busy with work and moving into my new place. I think I have a nomadic streak in me since I only signed a 6 month lease and plan to move closer to where I was living before. My new neighborhood is pretty nice but sadly I must admit that I miss my old neighborhood, that and the fact that traffic here can get horrendous. Next time I plan to move I really must do a rush hour run to the place instead of doing weekend visits. Anyway 6 months will fly in record time and I'll be doing my next move, so I won't gripe.

I am going to ask the age old question, why is it so easy to attract people you don't want to be with but when you come across someone you like they don't come straight for you but you have to put in some work? Infuriating to say the least.

Other issues aside, I watched Transformers 2 the other day (yes I know I'm late but I had to wait for a good down cough cough load copy cough). I must admit that they did shift alot of money from the plot budget to the pyrotechnics and explosions budget. The movie could have ended in half the time were it not for all the filler, plus I may be in the minority but I find the accusations of racism as regards the ineffectual transformer twins a bit stretched. All in all it didn't compare to the first movie but was a good distraction, I'll wait to see what they do with the third one.

I have been catching up with Kenyan music and I must say there is alot of good stuff to be had. Even so I realised that I am missing some of my old music, is there anyone out there with the Muki Garang mix tape and also a copy of Ukoo Fulani Mau Mau's second cd that is willing to share? I promise I will find something to trade!

For those of you out here who own Sidekicks by T-mobile I must say pole sana after reading this. That's why I stick with my basic everyday cell phone, if I need internet/wi-fi I'll use the computer at work or at home. Does anyone remember the days when you actually had the luxury of privacy away from modern technology? When an answering machine was a luxury and you were actually not reachable, sadly those days are dead and gone.

Anyway that's enough musing for today, have a productive Monday.........

Inattention and other things.......

2009-09-21T02:58:00.001-04:00

Tsk tsk tsk my blog has been gathering dust. Not the best state of affairs to say the least. To be honest I have realized that over time I have been falling prey to the short attention span epidemic that is so rife here, so sitting down for a while to blog seems to be a big challenge yet strangely enough I can still find time to post the occasional tweet.

To be honest I do like twitter because I can keep up with people I know who also blog or I know in person but on the other hand tweets rarely have the same substance as blog posts and like farts in a hurricane they are gone in record time. A significant tweet is pushed down the list by other tweets which may not be half as good, so unless you are fast enough or just look out for a particular person's tweets, it's easy to miss what's going on. But I guess that's why they have tweets as 160 characters just like texts, make it quick and easy so people can stick with it. I must say we are turning out to be a generation addled with ADD.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a bibliophile (take your mind out of the gutter, it has nothing to do with children!). I have loads of books I have bought from thrift stores that I am yet to read, I have not gone to one for a long time but this changed 2 weeks ago when I discovered a Goodwill store close to my local mall. I picked up 5 or so books and it cost me less than $12! So to make space on my bookshelf I decided to read a Stephen King book I bought last year and never got round to reading, I am sure some of you have read CELL by Stephen King. It was a good read, flowed really well and had a steady premise (didn't want to use my cell phone for a while after reading it though). Given all the drama that has been going on in this country lately ie Health Care Reform chaos, Kanye West at the VMAs etc, I think I'll try and keep my head glued in a book.

Anyway before I get back to my everyday existence and the challenges it brings, I read this article and realised why I get complimented time and again about my handwriting. I'm sure many of us remember the hours spent learning how to curl your loops and the appropriate crosses that were part of learning how to write in cursive. Due to the prevalance of texting and computers in schools here and the preference of the simplicity that is print, cursive is more or less extinct in American schools. Damn technology!

Time for me to go back to life as usual, don't forget to dot your Ts........

Another Day On The Grind........

2009-08-31T02:00:00.000-04:00

It's been a minute and a half since I blogged. There is nothing major going down in my life but I do find the occasional post as cathartic to say the least.

The economy here for the most part is still in the gutter. Almost all the fast food joints now have a "dollar menu", where basically most things cost a dollar or less. This is because fewer people are buying the more expensive stuff even though fast food is cheap. Starbucks has closed a few thousand branches and is reducing the prices of some of their drinks. I recently opened a bank account with a bank since they had a special offer going on, if you opened your account and kept $100 in it for 10 days they would give you $100 also as long as you kept the account open for 6 months. I'm not going to get into the unemployment rate but on the plus side, if you have money it's a buyer's market. A few month's back my loctiticians decided they were jacking up prices and due to the multitude of locs I have on my head I was going to be paying virtually $100 for each visit, needless to say I kicked them to the curb and have found more than one person willing to do my locs for half the price.

An Acolyte post is not an Acolyte post without story time!

There was this chic I was getting to know better a few months back, so we used to go out and do stuff together. So one Sunday afternoon, we had planned to go for an early afternoon event and then get something to eat and then we would part ways. At this point in time a certain saying about the plans and mice and men should have chimed in my mind. You see I had forgotten that this chic was one of those "quality and quantity time" kind of chics. So after we left the restaurant in the early evening, she chirps; "where are we going next? I'm not ready to go home now..."

At this point in time, what I wanted to say was, I have to work tommorrow and have to get my stuff ready, so I'm going home anyway; but instead I quickly thought up of somewhere to for us to go. So I ended up getting home close to 11 pm instead of around 7 pm as earlier planned. That shouldn't have been a problem since I had nice company and all right?

Oh no, it was a problem. You see I had done some laundry and hadn't dried it since my drier was messed so I had planned to go to the laundromat after my rendezvouz. But seeing as my date had other ideas, all the laundromats were closed when I got home. So here I was with all my work clothes still wet and Monday a few hours away. Lucky for me I had a spare pair of slacks but was out of shirts, so what did I do? I took it old school, I put a shirt on a hanger, attached the hanger to the ceiling fan and left the fan running till morning. So I had a dry shirt for the next day.

Oh and differences in opinion as regards how time should be spent torpedoed that relationship eventually........

Have a productive week!

ps: As regards the pic for the post, I found it in my pictures folder. Where is some scandal on the internets when you need it?????

I beg to differ.......

2009-08-20T12:10:00.003-04:00

I've been caught in such a mundane routine in life that I realised that I had been forgetting to blog, in fact blog worthy material at that.

Anyway the other day I was talking to some female relatives about relationships, marriage and such and the issue of married people's friends came up. The ladies were of the firm opinion that married men should not have single male friends. Their reasoning was that your priorities are different now, so you have no business spending time. Of course this got me hot under the collar because it was obvious to me that she was looking at this from a completely feminine point of view with some sprinkling of bachelor stereotypes thrown in.

You see unlike women, men don't define their friendships or themselves by their relationships with other people in their lives. Men tend to define themselves by what we do, have or know (that's why being laid off hits men really hard as our work in many cases tends to define us). Add to the fact that men bond over shared interests, so if your husband is friends with a single man there must be a certain number of interests they share ie soccer, politics, business etc. Also being a bachelor does not mean that we do not have responsibilities of our own and are even more responsible than some married men, being a single man isn't a life of endless partying and debauchery (even though I wish it was).

There is also the oft aired belief that being friends with single men will drive your boyfriend/husband to stray. I hate to burst your bubble ladies but there are married men out there who are more than willing to drive your husband to stray and cover for him while they are at it.

So ladies, we bachelor friends of your boyfriends/husbands are here to stay!

Now that I have that off my chest that reminds me of how sad it is how so many women jettison their single pals the moment they get married or hitched and forget about them, but guess who they start looking for when things get rocky in paradise? Sigh, human beings, I'll never understand us......

Acolyte GIves Another Drug PSA

2009-08-12T02:11:00.001-04:00

It's been a while since I blogged and I know I promised ya'll Part II of the Drug PSA; so here goes......

It was a warm afternoon and I decided it was a good day to explore the city. Despite being in the States for a while, I am not a big fan of driving long distances unlike many people here who have become used to it, so when I can I do like to take the train. Since I planned on going to the opposite side of town this was the best idea. I got on the train and got off at the West side of town. The part of town I was going to was a black part of town but not really the hood. I had gone for a few events in that part of town and had heard of a good vegan restaurant in the area so I decided to pass by and get myself a snack.

I walked into the restaurant and when I looked through the menu I saw that they had chapatis (under a different name but a chapati is a chapati irregardless), so I ordered that and some veggie stew. I hadn't had chapatis in a while since I hadn't gone for a Kenyan gathering in a while and it had been a few months since I had made my own mishappen ones. Anyway the chic manning or rather womanning the counter caught my eye and after I ordered my food we chit chatted. She was or rather is afrocentric and open minded, so we did strike up a connection and she told me to make sure I passed by sometime soon.

Okay I know some of you want me to jump to the weed part so I'll do so now. Needless to say we became kinda close over the next few weeks, I was ready to make a move but discovered that she had a boyfriend but she insisted that I visit them at their house and hang out. Since I had nothing to lose I did go visit them.

So I rolled into their place that Sunday evening, her baby daddy was on the way out (did I forget to mention that she has young son?) he had come to visit the kid. It was kinda strange to say the least, the boyfriend, the baby daddy and the loose kubaff (that's me) and one lady. So he left and the son had gone to sleep so it was the three of us. Anyway we got to talking about the universe, life and it's many lessons. My new chic pal had one eccentricity of her own, she doesn't like artificial lighting so we sat in candle light. That didn't bother me since the one thing that bothers me is artificial air, I don't mind fans but I don't like air conditioning very much unless it gets sweltering; I just adjust accordingly by adding more clothes or reducing what I'm wearing. Anyway rambling aside at one point she asks me if I would be offended if she decided to "burn" some herb. I was all for it.

So a small jewellery chest was unleashed, a blunt was rolled, blessed light and shared. After a few puffs, I experienced a that spacey feeling where you feel like the air around you is a bit thicker than usual and you feel like your body is 2 seconds behind your thoughts and movements. I also started losing words, as in we would talk and I would have a thought but could not find the words in my brain to express them. The night was running down and as the haze began to lift I made my way home but due to the effects of the herb slowing down everything I drove home at the neckbreaking speed of 55 mph on an interstate where people usually hit speeds of 100 mph, I did open the windows which did help bring me back to earth. I was lucky that she made us dinner so I was spared the munchies (unlike a future incident that may be shared).

We did and have remained good friends, and I did enjoy some herb with them a few times after that. I attended her wedding and got them a great gift that they hang in their living room and tell everyone about. She gave me the sad news that she is moving out of State soon so I am taking her up on a long discussed cooking class ( I get tired of eating my same recipes on the regular) which is what reminded me that this post was long over due.

So with all that being said it's time for me to leave you. Don't do drugs! Drugs are bad for you! Drugs will hurt you and desert you, leave you crying, empty dying (name that tune good people)...........

Yet Another Monday......

2009-07-20T03:33:00.000-04:00

It's been a minute and a half since I was in this joint, so first things first; a quick tribute video to the dearly departed King of Pop.

Moving on, its been monotonus life as usual for me so nothing really major worth blogging about has gone down.

In other news, I am now just like the Hulk; I just want to smash. Yes that line cracks me up! For real though as a Kenyan rapper once said, "ni kama drought imevisit wakulima." It's a sad state of affairs, I am now a full time passenger of the B-train (if you don't know what that means, too bad for you). But I'm looking at the plus side, the longer it goes on; it shall be like I never took the jump in the first place and my innocence shall be restored in no time! Cue angels singing and halo over my head.

This is old news but how in the hell can Michael Owen sign the dotted line for Manchester United?!! I mean that's truely selling out your roots, I have no respect for that man whatsoever! Anyway he had taken out to sending out marketing packs to various teams to sell himself so it's obvious he was going to whore himself out to the greatest bidder. I'm just hoping he breaks a leg first week of the season! He deserves it since he did jack for Newcastle and ditched them as soon as they were relegated.

I know as a single dude I should be the last one posting an exit strategy video but the series has never failed to crack me up. Back to the classic episode 1!

I know I owe ya'll a part 2 of the Weed PSA and those are on their way. I just realized maybe I need to do something about my locs, I have had 2 of my very own Kenyan brethren pass me over to the Jamaicans on sight, what happened to being able to identify your fellow Kenyan from miles away without them speaking, maybe I need to grow a forehead or fivehead?

Anyway Monday is here, the one day in the week when I have to do all that I can not to wake up in tears. Have a productive week people, and smash on my behalf....

Acolyte GIves A Drug PSA

2009-06-24T04:22:00.000-04:00

Yes I have tried it and yes I did inhale. That is my declaration, what am I talking about? Herb/weed/ganja/shtundu or whatever you call it. Given the number of times I have smoked, I am far less than even a casual user and some of the experiences have been interesting while others, not so much.

The first time.....

The first time I was in College. I had gone on a retreat of sorts organised by an organization that brings together College students that are interested in Business/Marketing that kind of thing.

We stayed in Naivasha or Nakuru, my memory is hazy on that one (yes I know I just set myself up). What I do recall is that the facility was beautiful and was very close to nature, so it wasn't strange to see gazelles and the like on the compoud. We would have sessions related to the organiztion and goals during the day and then let loose at night.

As always when you have such trips there are people who tag along who do more night activities than day activities and so anyway we were at pool side after a long night of drinking and partying and a dude I knew pulls out a blunt and the fun began. So after playing "pass the dutchie...," the herb began to kick in so it was laughter all around. The funniest thing though is that there was a tape I had of Tupac and the outlawz playing, so I was asked who they were and all I could say at the point in time was, "ni mabeshte wa Tupac." Needless to say this elicited alot of laughter and I was reminded about it for months on end.

On the other hand I didn't partake with them the next 2 nights we were there but it seems that things got off the chain the other nights. I recall complaints about shoe prints on the ceiling of the room among other things. What was worse is that we had arrived their in the bus of CUEA (Catholic University of East Africa) so the management assumed that we were all students of CUEA and they were banned from the establishment. So to CUEA folks I say pole sana.

After this I then entered a long hiatus before the next encounter......

Next week: Substandard weed and other things

Long Time, No Post

2009-06-17T05:39:00.001-04:00

I recently noticed that it's been a minute and a half since I posted to my blog. I call it a combination of being very busy and not being motivated to do so, yeah bad Acolyte!

With my current economic situation, can someone give me access to where Real Madrid get their money from? They have spent $282 million this month on 2 players! All I ask is just a small donation of 1% of the transfer fee spent and I shall leave quietly. Till then I think I am taking a plan to Spain to state my case.

I was reading an article in the NY times about how their are very many sexless marriages in the States.

Married men and women, on average, have sex with their spouse 58 times a year, a little more than once a week, according to data collected from the General Social Survey, which has tracked the social behaviors of Americans since 1972. But there are wide variations in that number. Married people under 30 have sex about 111 times a year. And it’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year, according to Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, who has studied sexless marriage.

The reasons range from health issues to poor libido by one partner all the way to infidelity. What was most entertaining were the comments.

I had sex with my ex all the time until I gave up my apartment and we moved in together. After that, he just watched football all the time! When I wondered what had happened to us, he claimed that level of performance was not sustainable. I felt I had been lured in by false pretenses. - Yes this is a woman commenting, I often thought it was women who were guilty of the bait and switch when it came to sex but I guess there are some men out there who are just as guilty. I wonder if he was on some special fitness program to keep up his performance levels.

My wife never was interested in sex, or in understanding anything about it. I love her for many other reasons, but I go to prostitutes for sex. I’d go out of my mind without them. - My question is, "Why did you marry her then?!"

I was in a virtually sexless marriage for 18 years.

I agree that lack of intimacy is the main factor in declining sex. Indeed, being starved for intimacy was really what impelled me to leave the marriage. I think I would have tolerated lack of sex (say for medical reasons) had there been true, deep intimacy.

Another BIG factor so far not mentioned: most women meet/marry spouses while on birth control pills. The Pill blunts pheromone detection, which underlies “chemical” attraction. A few years into a marriage you go off the pill and discover you actually aren’t a chemical match. - I wonder how accurate it is about the Pill and women's attraction or lack there of? Any ideas anyone?

People have gotten very fat. Why isn’t this discussed. That might be an important reason for the sexless marriage. - Talk about being blunt! All those accounts have given me great pause when it comes to marriage. Sex isn't everything but if you are in a marriage and the sex sucks or is absent, let's just say in my case; there would be issues and that's putting it mildly.

Anyway last week I went to see Femi Kuti perform. I narrowly missed his Kenyan performance a few years back at Safari 7s so this more than made up for it. I'm pressed for time, so I shall post a few pics next time I post.......

Yet Another Friday..........

2009-05-22T03:57:00.000-04:00

I love Youtube due to the jewels you can find on it. Like this video below actually reminds me how much I disliked some or rather most of the songs in the medley.

I love watching roasts and I know where I'll be on Monday night, watching the roast of John Witherspoon! Some clips were released on the net that just peaked my interest.

This is also another hilarious video I came across, the whole series cracked me up.

As you can see, this dude right here has been watching lots of youtube. Yes most of it is done during working hours punctuated by 1.5 hr lunches; why? Let's just say that with stuff has been going down at work that would write several Dilbert comic books, it's gotten to the level where I'm just treading the water till I get to shore

Oh one more video!

Who wants to bet cash that if he had done this in Kenya, he wouldn't have made it to the police station? He would have been shot while "escaping".

This long weekend I plan on going to see Terminator and Wolverine. Yes once in a while I actually eschew getting stuff online for free and splash the cash. I think after the weekend rolls by I'll have my blogging mojo back. Nice weekend people!

Another Fun Week Is Over.....

2009-05-15T04:19:00.001-04:00

Sigh, it seems alot has been passing me by in the real world and blogland; I need to slow down and blog a little more about what's happening or not happening in my life. Anyway moving on....

I was on one of the many entertainment sites and came across the video below. Congratulations to our Tanzanian brothers on churning out the first African playboy Playmate!

I know as Kenyans we love English football but at times some people take things too far. I mean to hang yourself because your team loses a game?! I do get the impression that he may have had other issues going on, and that's what pushed him off the edge.

In the same vein, this video here is dedicated to Chelsea fan numero uno, Archer!

Moving on, this is a PSA to the Indian Restaurant that is at my local strip mall. You and your staff are really nice people from the 2 times that I have been to your restaurant, in fact that is why I have been their twice because you don't warrant more that 1 visit. The reason you are not making good money is not only because of the state of the economy, but also because the food you cook leaves alot to be desired. The last time I was there the food was bland as hell and it seems the chef even went out of his way to burn the naan (bread). I went online to read reviews and it seems that I am not the only one who thinks the same. So please shape up or you won't be in business much longer....

While I'm putting people on blast, I might as well add the CEO of my job to the list. In many ways the CEO of where I work would make a very good African President. Why? Let me tell you;

1. Like many African Presidents she started out with a vision of sorts but somewhere down the line she lost it.

2. Like many African Presidents, she has stayed past her sell by date.

3.Like many African Presidents she appoints people for their skills but dismisses their advice more often than not.

4. Like many African Presidents she seems blissfully delusional of her regime falling apart around her.

It's hilarious to say the least because the atmosphere at my job reminds me alot of what I experienced working with another organisation I blogged about. A workmate came to work yesterday and then 2 hours into the day she was like "screw this!" and went home under the pretext of sickness. I have around 3 weeks of sicktime piled up, so I may use some soon; oh and people spend half the time at work looking for other jobs. Leadership isn't easy I admit and when it begins to go wrong, oh the horror!

Anyway, time to catch up on what I've been missing; TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Day Goes By.......

2009-05-04T02:59:00.001-04:00

Gay Nairobi Man was kind enough to nominate me for the Honest Scraps Award, the award is defined as; “This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.”'

First and foremost, I have to say a very big Thanks! I didn't know someone out there actually cared, sniff sniff. So onto the 10 honest things about me.

1. Acolyte is a rolling stone - Material things don't mean that much to me and despite having my own place for over a year, I have collected as little stuff as possible. I moved recently and I did it all on my own in 2-3 days, what took a long time actually was the cleaning and the little stuff. I guess there is a part of me that thinks I may still be on the move sooner rather than later, so I act accordingly; that and the fact that I don't like shopping that much.

2. American Sports - Most of the sports people here hold near and dear do not appeal to me. I think it's the fact that most of them do not flow but run in quarters with numerous time outs ie NFL, NBA. I do try to keep up with what is happening once in a while just for the sake of social interaction when it gets necessary. Funny thing is that I am a big fan of MMA esp the UFC which is now going mainstream.

3. I have nice skin - Every chic I have dated and chics who I haven't dated (thanks for the compliment gal from the other day) don't hesitate to tell me how great my skin is. I can't give all the Thanks to the great genes I inherited, I must also espouse the virtues of good diet and the use of appropriate skin products. Proceeds to caress himself like the lady in the Lady Gay commercial.

4. I'm an Advocate of holistic health - I'm a stern believer in prevention before cure and the fact that if you take care of your body, it will take care of you. With that in mind, I try to be as aware as possible when it comes to diet esp out here in the West where the food is doctored and tampered with in ways you cannot believe (that is a post on it's own). With that in mind, I do not have any milk, meat or fish in my fridge. I'm more fruits, nuts and vegetables, I buy 95% of my stuff from farmer's markets and I'm also a member of a co-op. But I'll be honest once in a while I do have a cheat day ie if I'm invited out to eat; I may have something with chicken in it, so no judgement from me.

5. Appendages (jacked from GNM's terminology) - I'm a connoseiur of the work of art that is the female breast. Without getting explicit, all I can say is that the women who really appeal to me are usually endowed with a certain shape and size. But I'm a gentleman, I do not ogle; I have learnt the fine use of peripheral vision.

6. Hypnotic voices - There are certain female artistes whose voices draw me like a moth to a flame. I can listen to their music for hours on end ie Sade, Sarah Mchlachlan, Dido, Annie Lennox, Amiel Larrieux etc.

7. Afternoon Naps - I have a love affair with sleep which you may all know by now but what I love most is afternoon naps. I always try and get even a 15 min power nap when possible. To get on my wrong side just disparage naps. I guess my dream job would be to take naps and get paid for it.

8. Children - For the life of me I don't like children. I just do not have the paternal gene that other men have. I don't intend to ever have children to be honest, even though that admission in the past has never stopped some women I've dated from saying how I would make a good dad, blech. I think that is one reason (STDs aside) that I don't have unprotected sex.

9. Subconsciously Different - Even without knowing why, half of the time I find that I fight with common convention and ideas. I don't like other people thinking for me and planning out my life. That is why I think I end up shirking the expectations that society has for me in terms of what I should do, what I should buy, how I should date etc. I was always the kid who was asking "Why" when I was told to do something. I still try and find out what lies beneath the surface whenever something new comes my way.

10. Short Attention Span - I think blogging is the thing that I have committed to for the longest time. I have a short attention span and I do think that when I buckle down is when I achieve more. The avalanche of stimuli out here ie endless tv channels, internet, cell phone media etc doesn't help my quest for focus too. But no I do not have AHDD nor do I need to be medicated.

Well that's my 10 points, hope you learned something new. I would like to Award the Honest Scraps Award to the one and only Archer!!!!!!!

Another Wonderful Week Almost Gone....

2009-04-23T01:31:00.000-04:00

Ironic that when mungiki have been causing all sorts of chaos, and in true nerd fashion I was getting my fill of the month's comics when I came across a few pages I wanted to share (click on images to get them in full size)

Kind of weird and interesting to say the least.

I wish CFAs (Convenient F*cking Arrangement) were that easy to come come across. Like I have said before, dating is alot of work; too much work. Hence my retirement from the whole process. I'll just watch things unfold from the sideline. That reminds me. the person who said that communication is key when it comes to relationships needs to be kicked in the teeth. People will hear what they want to hear no matter how many different ways and how many times you say it. Anyway since I'm now watching the game from the Director's box, it's all good.

Other than that I've been riding out the recession here to the best of my ability, because sadly the good times are gone and it shall be quite sometime till things turn around. Of course in times like this is when companies decide to try and do what they can to maximize their revenue, credit card companies are jacking up interest rates on those who can and do pay their bills (urgh). While other companies charge you for anything extra they give you other than the service you paid for, for example with my gas company the only way you can pay your bill without a fee is to do it the old fashioned way ie snail mail; so rest assured I have a whole pile of stamps for that. But on the flipside, there are loads and loads of sales going on at the malls for those who have money to burn. But you know we Kenyans are survivors, should things get tight; I'll be the dude with the parafin lamp and stove in his apartment.....

ps: my other part time joint http://twitter.com/lordacolyte

Yet Another Monday

2009-04-06T01:24:00.001-04:00

It seems the last post I did had many people thinking I'm Mr Negative, so I'll start the week positively by sharing about the things I love and like.

I love dogs esp golden retrievers

I love taking naps

I love reading comic books

I love watching The Soup

I love watching Family Guy

I love Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

I love mangoes

I love the sight of cleavage

I love the 2 old dudes who heckle in the muppet show

I love the part of town I live in

I love reading the New York Times, Newsweek and Time

I love the sound of silence when I come home from work

I love stimulating conversation

I like being around free spirits

I love the sound of music (not the play just all good music)

I love the internet

I love last but not least all my blog fans and online pals!

Have a happy Monday and keep your head up!

Yet Another Tuesday.......

2009-03-24T04:40:00.000-04:00

I hate how people you communicate with on the internet are nowhere near as interesting in real life.

I hate my job.

I hate the people I work for

I hate the state of the economy.

I hate dealing with stupid entitled individuals at work.

I hate people who think a few extra letters at the end of their name makes them think they are better than everyone else.

I hate people who hear but don't understand.

I hate people who just can't shut the f*ck up!

I hate people who can't see the bigger picture.

I hate having to pay bills, they just don't stop!

I hate that the print media is slowly dying.

I hate needy people.

I hate having to pay so much for fresh fruits and vegetables.

I hate that nobody is owning up to playing a major role in the recession.

I hate that color aside leaders everywhere look out for themselves and not the little people.

I hate the fact that I'm so apathetic nowadays..................

That feels so much better

Regular programming shall resume shortly

Just Another Tuesday.......

2009-03-17T22:25:00.001-04:00

Yes blogger's block continues to bite, even though; I shall make an attempt to half ass it through this post.....

There are some words that men loathe to hear, the worst combination being; " were is this thing going?" This is of course in reference to the situation you have going with a lady and not the sci-fi themed roller coaster ride you thought you would take her on that she really isn't enjoying. You see I can't speak for all men but there is this wise saying; "men get with women thinking they shall never change, women get with men thinking they shall change."

You see most men love a certain status quo. If we get to have sex with you on Saturday nights after the club and also get some midweek head and all we have to do is call you once in a while and take you out for a meal and to the club; we are good with that. We are in no rush to spoil a good thing, of course you may get with the adventerous dude who may decide on asking if a friend could join in (male or female). But for the most part it's all good. On the other hand though, many women see this is a start and of course want to build towards more. When of course she sees the dude isn't going in this same direction is when problems start.

After lots of pondering, thinking, contemplating on her part; that is when you get the call. "We need to talk," when a woman tell you that, know one thing; you are not going to be the one talking. Best case scenario learn to put on an expression that makes it look like you are listening; also if you are smart make sure your tv is in the periphery and set it to subtitles. You can look pensive and catch up with news at the same time because it's going to be a long long talk.

What I have learnt is that men in general tend to compartmentalize. Out of sight out of mind for the most part, when the girl is away; most men don't sit around pondering the relationship for hours on end unless there is immense drama and anguish involve. Women on the other hand irregardless of the status tend to analyse, discuss and think about what is going on. So it is much to a man's shock when he is asked to "talk" and given a full status report of the relationship when he thought all that was going on was a bit of fun.

Of course some relationship guru will say, "that's why you need to communicate!" That when I counter and tell them, "understanding is internal and individual." Meaning people will hear what they want to hear.

Anyway I've realized I'm rambing for no good reason, I shall let you all figure out your relationships for yourselves; that's my own satirical take on matters. I have to get back to living out Dilbert's adventures in real life.

Oh by the way to Man U fans, sorry about the torrid weekend.......

African Male Domination Dramatized Or Whatever You Want To Call It........

2009-02-25T00:50:00.001-05:00

I could not find a picture dramatizing my post so the one of the man seated above shall have to do

I am sure many of my female readers who have ever lived in an African country can relate to the following scenario. You get onto a bus or other means of public transport and take a seat. A man comes in a few minutes later and proceeds to sit next to you. He then proceeds to open his legs as wide as possible and crush you into the corner of the seat seemingly oblivious to his actions.

I have referred to it as an African or rather third world issue since proximity is different in the West. People in the West operate like they have small force fields around them repelling each other so as not to get too close to each other. You don't have that luxury in the third world countries so people end up being in close contact more often than not.

Anyway back to the matter at hand. The funny thing is that most men don't even realize that they are doing it until of course the lady seated next to them complains bitterly about it. Sociologists do say that seating with your legs spread eagle when it comes to business is a show of power (feel free to dispute this). That and the fact that we all know how many African and other third world men feel like they are the dog's pyjamas wouldn't preclude them from sitting in such a way. In my defence, I sit like that due to the fact that I have balls of brass. Even so it's always interesting to see how body language and expression changes from place to place according to gender roles and perception. I'll think of that the next time I'm trying to keep my legs closed so as not to smoosh a lady against the the bus window. As for the rest of the men out there, I shall leave it to your ladies to school them since social issues are hardly my forte.

In other news the recession is continuing to bite. I am trying to find a way to blog about it but words fail me for the most part since it's like someone telling you write about a tornado, you know what it is you are looking at but describing it is the hard part. This is a small snippet of the panorama, there is this lady who weathered out the Great Depression in the 30's, she has videos on-line of the frugal meals they made from basic ingredients that got them through. The videos are a hit and her website is down due to too much traffic. But as the Good Book says, "It came to pass," so I am not fretting.

Ps: Useless Acolyte trivia #2301 - Acolyte loves coming home to a silence. He finds it very calming and relaxing....

Alone Or Lonely?

2009-02-20T01:50:00.001-05:00

It sucks when you have thoughts running through your mind but when it comes to putting them down on paper, your fingers fail you. That's what I have been going through for the longest time.

Anyway I have been looking at many relationships that I have come across here and it got me to thinking. Have we slowly become a society of people who can't handle being alone? Please note there is a difference between alone and lonely as I use them.

Boy has life and everyday activities, Girl has life and everyday activities. Boy meets Girl, they like each other, begin spending as much time as possible together even to the expense of some of the activities they used to do individually, when not together they are in constant communication (not hard in the cellphone,facebook age). Girl and Boy split up, vacuum caused by absence of significant other proves too much to take, each jumps into the next relationship as soon as possible.

I know that's a simplistic view but believe me I have seen it and experienced it. I have seen people drop everything and have their lives revolve around a relationship. Makes me wonder if any of the interests and friendships they had before this were of any meaning or just a means of passing time before the next relationship came up.

I am all for spending time with your significant other but when it seems that you are reattached siamese twins, that doesn't work for me. I'm a simple man, there are thing that I like to do and I also like my space. This is not to say that I wouldn't tell whoever I was dating what I'm doing and where I am going. But 24-7 togetherness, no way no how. I'm a fan of my life, your life and our life. I like it when you can grow apart (in a good way) and also miss each other. Once in a while be alone without being lonely. Let's just say the more my private time was encroached on in the past by exes, the faster they became exes.

Anyway I guess that's why I would get a big FAIL when it comes to marriage according to common convention. I guess I'm beginning on rambling. All I can say that being alone and lonely are two different things. Being alone is not a bad thing.....

In other news, I am now on twitter; do share your pages in the comments and I shall follow you and you can follow me. Yes I finally yielded to the trend.

Other than that I'm just here slowly watching the economy die a slow death. It's apparent in the smallest things. I'm planning a post on this. My most recent observation, the staff at my local store has changed from teens to middle aged. No they did not age, it's just that the jobs that were once done by teens on a part time basis have now been taken over on a full time basis by older folk.

Have a lay off free weekend!

Ps: Useless Acolyte trivia #2418 - Acolyte loves pillows and sleeps with 4 in his bed.....

Tagged.....

2009-02-12T13:04:00.000-05:00

Mr Man Bag himself tagged me. So here goes

FOUR THINGS I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT

1. My Health - I'm not a gym buff or a health nut but I do like to take care of myself. So I don't eat junk food, go to the gym 4-5 times a week, drink alcohol once a week or less, don't use sugar, don't cook/eat red meat at home, take vitamin supplements, avoid canned foods, love fresh fruit and try to sleep at least 7 hours daily. But other than that I'm just like the rest of you.

2. Sci-fi/fantasy - I'm a certified nerd, my life just doesn't feel complete if I'm not indulging in any of the two at any given time.

3. News/Information - I love to know what's happening in the world and I love to learn. So it's nothing weird for me to read like 5 plus new sites every morning.

4. Black/African Empowerment - I think that there is so much better and further we can do as a people. So I feel strongly about issues that affect us directly.

FOUR WORDS OR PHRASES THAT I USE A LOT

1. Kumeharibika

2. Hmph - This is not a word per se but I use it when I chat online quite a bit.

3. Conyo - This is a spanish swear word

4. Kubaff - This one never grows old

FOUR THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Go sky diving - The experience of just being so far up in the sky is life changing to say the least.

2. To Choke Someone Out like in the vid below

Yes I'm a psycho, so sue me!

3. To take a year off everyday life and just travel the exotic parts of the world - The hum drum of everyday life terrifies me, and I would like to get out and about before I am boxed in with a marriage, mortgage and kids (shivers).

4. To do something that would earn me short term fame - Yes I'd like to enjoy the good life that comes with being famous and recognized just for a short time and then go back to being everyday me before it gets boring or goes to my head.

FOUR THINGS THAT I’VE LEARNT FROM THE PAST

1. Hurting People Hurt People - The more baggage and hurt someone is carrying from the past, the more likely the are to bring drama to your life. Call me harsh but I give such people a wide berth esp when it comes to relationships.

2. Common Sense Is Not Common - I look at the things that people do all the time, and this becomes clearer and clearer everyday.

3. If A Woman Asks You If She Is Hot Just Say Yes - Do not give an honest answer or attempt to rationalize the answer. Say Yes and smile, it shall save you alot of trouble.

4. Sex Just Isn't Worth The Trouble It Brings - Through my general observations and personal experiences, sex just brings too much drama to the table. Whether you are in a relationship or not, it just brings too many issues, abstinence is just so much more appealing.

There, I'm done!

I also came across this interesting meme that I decided to fill in. One word answers only!

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk

2. Your significant other? None

3. Your hair? long

4. Your mother? busy

5. Your father? deceased

6. Your favorite? fruit

7. Your dream last night? forgot

8. Your favorite drink? juice

9. Your dream/goal? Peace

10. What room you are in? Office

11. Your hobby? Internet

12. Your fear? Failure

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? successful

14. Where were you last night? Home

15. Something that you are not? Patient

16. Muffins? Nah

17. Wish list item? Money

18. Where you grew up? Nairobi

19. Last thing you did? Eat

20. What are you wearing? Skechers

21. Your TV? Dusty

22. Your pets? Imaginery

23. Friends? Few

24. Your life? Complicated

25. Your mood? Mellow

26. Missing someone? Nah

27. Car? Dirty

28. Something you're not wearing? Vest

29. Your favorite store? Publix

30. Your favorite color? black

33. When is the last time you laughed? Morning

34. Last time you cried? Eons

35. Who will resend this? Hmmmmmm

36. One place that I go to over and over? Bathroom

37. One person who texts me regularly? Pal

38. My favorite place to eat? Couch

39. My favorite food? Cantonese

I'm sharing them both with Gish, Sunnykay and Bomseh. Regular blogging shall resume soon!

Another Fun Week Come To An End.........

2009-01-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me is well aware that I do not tolerate chic flicks. So I am not going to watch "He's Not That Into You" but even so, the viral video that was made for it was somewhat hilarious

Okay as I move on, let me issue this disclaimer: We are all beautiful! Now that I have that off my chest. I find it funny how the world both loves and hates beautiful people. Many beautiful people always complain about how they cannot find real friends or how everyone dislikes them. Beauty can be a great asset but can also be a great weakness. It can be argued where nature doesn't give you brains, it gives you beauty; but that's a whole other discussion.
So how can beauty be a weakness? Well beauty can get someone almost everything and everywhere. But that there is where the weakness lies, without even knowing it, this asset slowly but surely erodes someones' character. This is not to say that there are no beautiful people with character but why do people act in shock whenever they meet a beautiful person who has great character? One compliment given to beautiful women behind their backs is that they have an ugly girl's personality, this of course means that they are accommodative, outgoing and interesting (of course we all know some bitter, recluse and selfish ugly people but that's another post). One thing I have noticed is that beautiful people are rarely ever challenged intellectually by other people, I have been in a setting where this hot girl once said something that was so ludicrous that it would have most people rolling on the ground in laughter but instead the dudes listening to her were listening to her and nodding their heads like they were in the company of Socrates. This is of course how we end up with blondes and meatheads. It's similar to how beautiful people are often rubbish in bed, this is because they will always have people wanting to sleep with them just so they can claim to have done it.
On a serious note, I do have a close friend whose sister is having a nervous breakdown, why? The sister has very good looks and has used them to get what she wants in life. But she is getting older now and her looks are fading, so she is having a mid life crisis of sorts. Her looks define her and now as they are leaving, she doesn't know who she is.
This is not to say that there are not beautiful people out there who have character, indeed there are; they may not be a majority but they exist. Evolution and character development is interesting like that. Also why is it that the chic who is always loudly proclaiming that you can have both brains and looks doesn't have much of both? (cue women hating accusations here)

I have a problem I need help with, I have Tabiosis. This is a disorder characterized by the use of myriad tabs while using any given internet browser, the user may also resort to using multiple browsers on one machine to indulge the urge to view as many websites on the internet as possible. This progresses to not turning off their computer so as to leave tabs open for later viewing. Should anyone of any treatment available I would be most appreciative.

Before you do something questionable, please visit this page.

Anyway I'm off for the weekend. I'll be crying while laughing as I watch tv and some movies this weekend (see video above for reference). Adios!

Getting None, A New Day and Other Things....

2009-01-23T06:40:00.000-05:00

After the first few nights of cold sweats, the shakes, handcuffing my right hand to the bed post and deleting my ex's number I knew it would survive. What am I talking about? Not getting any, a dry stretch, lack of carnal pleasure or whatever you call abstinence. You see I have had a dry stretch that has gone back for a while but to make things more interesting I decided to be voluntarily chaste this year. No outlet of any shape, way or form.

One thing that I came to realize is that we live in a very sexualized society, half of the products you see advertised on tv use sex appeal as a hook. Don't let me get started on music videos and half of the sitcoms/dramas. Then you have to look at how people dress and what is taken to be the norm in male-female relationships, so of course living in such a society someone not trying to get any esp if they're not religious comes of as an anomaly.

I must admit that no longer being on horseback takes some getting used to but it's not a bad thing. No I do not have a larger porn collection (I do find porn hilarious though) nor do I have a stronger right arm but I have been spending more time at the gym. So I do think people who equate not getting laid with some sort of death have it twisted. Irony would be of course me getting involved in an orgy 24 hours after writing this post.

I'm sure most of you and the rest of the world were watching the Inauguration. I have work mates who even went to Washington to be part of the action. I have my opinion on the over hyping of Obama and how reality is going to be a harsh teacher in the months to come, but that's a post for another day. It's still a historical moment that we need to remember whichever way we can for now.

Anyway Friday is here so it's time for my mini celebration dance and then get my ass back to the grind. Nice Weekend people!

Time Off, Hot Cars and Break Ups

2009-01-08T04:45:00.000-05:00

Today The Acolyte calls in sick instead of going to work. I have never called in from work just for the sake of (or at least with this job), so this is a new experience for me; playing hooky!

I was telling a friend about the cold nights we occasionally have and she suggested that instead of me bothering with a space heater or raising my gas bill, that I should buy an electric blanket. I told her that it seemed like a good idea and that I would most def look into it, but in the back of my head the first thought I had was of being electrocuted in my sleep because I broke a sweat or something. Yes I know the odds of that happening are slim to none, but a man is entitled to his paranoia.

Speaking of heat, time for a funny Acolyte story. You see the weather here can be erratic at times depending on the season, it'll be freezing in the morning then it'll get pretty toasty in the afternoon. So that was the situation one day when I was driving to work so I turned up the heat to make sure I didn't get to work with frost bite or something. So as the day went on it got rather warmer, evening came and I got in my car to drive home and felt the interior had become rather warm so I turned on the air conditioning to cool it down. As I was on the road I had the distinct feeling my car was getting hotter inside, to the point I broke a sweat. I then looked at the dash and realized one thing.........I hadn't adjusted the temperature of the air con so I had turned my car into a moving sauna!

A good friend sent me this video by Gnarls Barkley and I have to say it made my day.

Who's Gonna Save My Soul

What I loved most was the break up line and the soon to be ex-boyfriend's response. Nothing cracks me up as much as break up lines. The ironic thing is that some of them are actually genuine but still reek like a bag of 4 day old fish. Case in point see below:

"Yes, I thought we were getting to the point in our relationship where I might start to fall in love with you but your insecurities about how I feel about you have made it clear that I can never fall in love with you."

"I don't want the responsibility of someone else's happiness."

"You're great, but I have so much baggage, and right now I have more bad days than good days...it wouldn't be fair to subject you to that."

Since I'm wonderfully dysfunctional I don't even use break lines. I just go into hiding after acting the fool and await some dude with no morals (usually a friend) to pounce on the vulnerable chic. I then re-emerge to play the shattered cuckolded lover and proceed to dump her there and then. Needless to say some of them have not taken this lightly hence me moving apartments every few months to avoid them. I think I've said enough, don't want to spill my whole M.O. Oh well time to get ready for a nice day of sloth!

799 Posts and Other Stories

2008-12-30T09:55:00.005-05:00

799 posts!!!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!! Now onto other things. I'm in a pissy mood and then some. I recently came back to work after a 4 day vacation, that and this ongoing cold snap is not doing wonders for my mood. Then of course add the fact that it's been a while since I got any (more on that later).

Anyway have you ever come across one of those situations where anything else you say other than agree makes you look like an ass hole? You see there is this girl I started talking to a month or so back and things are looking good. So of course once you get to know someone a bit better the issue of sex comes up, ole girl says basically she isn't giving it up. I say that as long as she puts it on the table before hand she should be fine when it comes to dating. She tells me that guys she have dated seemed fine with it at first but when the reality dawned, they tried to sway her and of course this led to drama and break up.

I'm going to keep it real and call it like this. Unless the Lord himself has spoken in my ear and told me that she is indeed the one I am meant to be with. Why in the world am I dating a girl and I know I'm not going to get any? No I'm not dating her with the sole purpose of getting some but for me I feel we should connect on an intellectual, emotional and then physical level. Of course if we don't have rapport then it is what it is, we part and keep it moving but at least the implicit understanding is there.

Discussing this issues is easier said than done to be honest. Like many people (male and female) in our generation, before I buy the car there has to be a test drive as the analogy goes. I respect people who say they are going to wait for marriage and all that. I have had my fair share of experiences with lemons and I don't intend on signing the dotted line till I have a test drive. On a serious note I believe in establishing that you have have that physical compatibility. Sex isn't a big thing in a relationship when it's good but when it's bad it becomes a very big thing, believe me. Some people say that if at first you are incompatible you can work on it. I disagree with this, sexual attitudes are not just physical behaviours but also have alot of personal history behind them. A partner may not like doing something you see as routine due to some attitude formed by religion or maybe even personal trauma in the past. So that's not a hurdle that's easily overcome in many occasions it just isn't as simple as people try and make it out to be. It has often been said that if the sex is good in the relationship it counts for 20% but if the sex is bad it counts for 80%, I do believe that is true; once you have problems in the bedroom they bleed into the relationship.

Anyway despite my strong call for fornication, I for one after if I get to that point with this chic will respect her decision. No ifs and buts, after all it's her vagina; what she puts in it or doesn't is completely up to her. So stop calling me a dyck for not being down for a chic who wants to keep the goodies locked up.

In other news I'm considering taking a very personal turn in my blogging come 2009, as a result I may have to go either invite only or not allow anon comments. As I got to know my commentors over time I came to the fine realization that I have slowly but surely began playing for the crowds and that is something I never intended to do when I started blogging. My blogging was for me and me alone but we all know that not everything goes according to plan. Anyway I shall give it some thought and see what direction I go.

ps: just realized this was a draft I published before completing so if any ideas come off as half baked that's why, I didn't get a chance to iron it out.

Happy New Year To All!

Operation Mtandao And Other Stories..........

2008-12-22T04:26:00.000-05:00

Long time no hear people! It's been a while since I blogged, but a hiatus is always in order I think. Anyway I was reading this article from the Nation and it was such pure comment gold I had to blog about it.

A survey at a top boy’s school entitled Operation Mtandao indicated that 80 per cent of the 60 secondary school students queried use the Internet for entertainment and socialising, including looking at what they described as pornography.

A survey at a top Nairobi girls’ school entitled Prison Break found that 87 per cent of the students would sneak out at night to go to clubs or to meet their boyfriends.

Another entitled Shag is now the Hug found that 36 per cent of the girls had already had their first sexual experience, while three quarters of them were now sexually active.

Due to editorial constraints I feel it is my obligation to inform you that several other surveys and studies were left out. These include;

1. Blow job is the new hand shake
2. Anal sex is now the new missionary
3. Herpes cold sore is the new pimple
4. Fisting is the new hand clap
5. Cunnilingus is the new massage

Please feel free to leave the names of other studies I may have missed in the comments at the end of the post.

I've also been gathering steam to blog about work which is turning more and more into a page from Dilbert with each day that passes. Case in point would be how staff in my Department got tired of being sent out meeting requests via Outlook which my Head of Department would then reschedule and send again and again. You could answer an invite for a meeting 3 different times due to his puttering around his schedule. Of course people got tired of that and didn't always answer the invites. So come meeting time he would have to go to people's offices in person and remind them about the meeting. Needless to say a Team Meeting was called about that and we were told to check our invites diligently, I almost wanted to tell him that he needs to spend less time fooling around with Outlook; but we both know I have bills to pay so that wasn't happening.

Anyway you know how it is when you get back on the bike, you can't ride too long before your legs begin to hurt and your crotch feels like hell; so I'll let this post end here.

Have a great Monday.....

I Thought It Would Never Come........

2008-12-12T02:32:00.001-05:00

As you can tell I'm talking about Friday. I was getting tired of the dilbertesque stuff that goes on at work, I promise I will blog about it. I've learned how to roll with the punches and keep my head down.

Anyway I came across this and it made my blood boil. I know Africans get screwed in the name of charity but now to get literally screwed in the name of charity, that's a bit much. I also wonder what kind of exotic STDs this chic might have after going around the world screwing in the name of charity.

Over Thanksgiving when I went to the Kenyan club, I had had a few drinks before getting there to help the experience go down faster (you do know by now clubs bore me stiff). So as I was going to the bar to recharge I see this dude whose head is barely at the bar and he seems to be holding himself up by his forarms. So in my head the first thing I thought, "did these bastids ship in chang'aa or some other moonshine?"

So I go closer to the bar to see if I can find out if the the dude is fine. As I got closer I then realized he was a little person aka midget. Needless to say I was glad I hadn't been expressing those thoughts to someone otherwise I would have looked like a fool.

Looking at this, I'm glad I don't eat alot of fast food. Sad thing is that that isn't the only fast food joint where staff have been busted messing around in the sink. Speaking of hygiene and such, anyone remember how butchers in Kenya would always have their coats slathered in blood, looking like they hadn't been washed in weeks; but funny enough that didn't affect the flavour of the meat? I won't even go into how the meat itself was handled being tossed in the back of pick ups, but since we are here in one piece I won't complain.

Anyway before I leave, gentlemen here is a good gift idea to buy your ladies this holiday season....

Have a nice weekend!

Missing In Action..........

2008-12-05T02:58:00.000-05:00

Yes it's been a while since I last blogged. Thanksgiving passed last week, it was good to have a 4 day weekend. I did the early shopping trip to the mall, got some nice clothes at very low prices. Plus I did not trample anyone to death like happened elsewhere. I also went to one of the Kenyan clubs and there was nothing that went on really worth mentioning but I may blog about it next week.

Also World AIDS day just passed us by. In true Kenyan style I am 2 days late. Out here if the media is anything to go by, HIV/AIDS is the sole preserve of gays and minorities. So there was not too much in the mainstream media marking the day. I am sure much more was done in Kenya since it's a far larger issue but even so whenever infection statistics go down people tend to go back to the same destructive behaviour that got them where they were in the past. I am a strong advocate for transparent conversation about the issue, not talking about it will not make it go away.

I was watching this video by Attitude, Mercy Myra and some other loose kubaff. I recall the last video by this dude and Bamboo that critiqued had someone tell me, "if you don't like it, don't watch/listen." Easy to say but people forget that unless you are independantly wealthy and doing it for the sake of art, music is a business. Unless you plan to sit at home with all the cds you pressed you have to make music people want to listen to. Pride has never sold any records as far as I know, so I think that musicians and their fans need to listen at times to so called "haters." Like in the case of that video, I'll be honest; there is little that sets it apart from any other single you can find on myspace made with someone's camcorder. I think someone like Mercy Myra would have been doing so much better had she stayed in Kenya on the afro fusion scene because to be honest, there are one thousand and one girls out here singing hooks on rap singles and they haven't gone to far. Anyway I'm about to be accused of hating so I'll let that topic rest for now.

I have always found it amazing about how people choose to let their impressions of a place overcome reality. What am I talking about? The American economy. I have been chatting to more than one person who isn't Stateside and when I mention that the American economy is in the gutter they give me a reaction like I told them that pigs do indeed fly. For the longest time people have held the impression that the States is the land of milk and honey, it's not all chaos here right now but let's just say the milk is flowing at the speed of sour cream and the honey is crystalizing. Case in point, the city I live in has recently closed a Fire Station, put employees on 35 hour work weeks instead of the usual 40 so as to save money/jobs and also just closed 22 recreation centers. I'm not even going to start with the big companies/corporations because anyone who can lay off employees is doing it. I do plan on doing a more in depth post about how the recession, credit crunch and housing crisis here is really affecting people. So I do think that life in the States is not as rosy as people make it out to be, but you are welcome to disagree.

Another example of the bad reporting Kenyans have to put up with.

"Raila Junior and Mr Joseph Muhoho were travelling in a sleek Mercedes Benz when it rammed a BMW belonging to one of their friends on Valley Road at dawn."

Unless it was a feature story, according to journalism 101 you report only the neccesary facts. It doesn't matter if the Merc was sleek, dirty or ramshackle unless it had something to do with the accident. Anyway the less said about it the better.

Ah speaking of laying off. A boss walks into his company, business has been exteremely poor and he has bad news for his 2 employees.

Boss: Janet, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off.
Janet: I have a headache, can you Jack off instead?

Stale I know. Viva la weekend!

Back To The Grind........

2008-11-24T02:27:00.000-05:00

I'm not a big fan of American commercials but this ad cracked me up big time! I mean that kid had to have been in the possession of some hard core porn for his mum to be so shaken that badly. Also how the issues just kept on coming, I bet he had a year's worth under there! But he has one get away free card...say it belongs to dad!

They say a sucker is born every minute, I think this woman was born for an hour in that case. I'll let you read the story and come up with your own conclusion.

A friend of mine sent me this article. All I could say is, why in the world can't people read directions?! One way of doing things right, but 10,000 ways of screwing it up!

Another great example of irony below.

A "conscious" rapper doing a song an advert about keeping it real, sponsored by a multi-billion dollar corporation ie Coke. Yes Common, you is a ho! That's the simplest way to put it, I think he just turned into the subject of "I used to love h.e.r."

Could someone out there please tell me the meaning of this article. I read it, and I must say that it is completely and utterly pointless!

To cap off what was an okay weekend, I found a Farmer's Market that is not too far away from my place. Other than the fresh fruit and veggies you can get there, some of which you won't get in regular supermarkets is the unexpected treats that you do find there. I found sugarcane! I've never shared this info before but The Acolyte loves to chew sugarcane. When I was younger back home, my mum used to know the one thing she should bring me from the market was sugarcane. I was such a pro that I got to know if sugarcane was sweet or not just by looking at it, and needless to say my skills didn't desert me this weekend. So I ended up being quite a site walking out of a shop with a 4 foot long stalk of sugarcane, some white dude actually asked me what I was going to do with it; so now you know how unfamiliar people out here are when it comes to certain things. Anyway seeing as Monday is here it's time to get ready to be back on grind, too bad I can't bring my knife and my sugar cane to work...............

Life Goes On...........

2008-11-14T02:06:00.000-05:00

Men and women are interesting beings I have always thought. It has always been a running argument whether men and women can just be friends. I think in many cases it can be true but there are certain caveats attached to this. You see many times when a dude is being a chic's friend he is operating what I like to refer to as the submarine approach. I'm sure you are all aware of how a submarine can travel submerged under the waves, so deep that it hardly causes a ripple in the surface with the boats hardly detecting their presence. Then all of a sudden torpedoes are launched, ships are sank and up pops the sub! Or in a more apt analogy, she wakes up in bed with the dude next her and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is the chorus of this song.

So basically what I'm saying is that some men instead of being bold and coming out with their intentions, will start out as friends and then ingratiate themselves into a girl's heart (and panties). But we all know that with some women there is little if any chance of jumping out of the friend category and into the boyfriend category, so when some men attempt this move they are given the good old LJBF (let's just be friends) speech. And of course after this speech is delivered one of two things might happen,

1. The dude decides to stay on the scene like a vulture hovering over the calf that is trying to cross the Mara, knowing that one day the calf may just stumble and that is when he will strike.

2. The dude does a cost benefit analysis and decides that him being the chic's "friend" isn't time effective and he pulls a fast fade.

More often than not unless a dude is really whipped or patient, they usually opt for number 2 or move to number 2 after trying number 1 for a while. This is of course not to say that there aren't dudes out there who hang out with chics just for the sake of being friends, there are. But alot of the time when a dude invests a lot of time in a chic past the point of basic friendship ie doing stuff for you, taking you to go shopping, helping you move. Rest assured he is just laying groundwork for something and not being a nice guy (unless he is an emasculated/gay nice guy - I can see the flack coming for that already). So ladies keep an eye out when a dude is giving you more attention than usual, and dudes maybe we should save time and energy and just ask her the immortal question...........shall we shag now or shall we shag later?

Frankly, I'm surprised that I'm not hearing any complaints about this poorly written article. I mean look at that deadline (Kenyan women are gold diggers). Either it's true or Kenyan women just dont care what's said about them. I can only complain so much about the state of Kenyan journalism so I'm going to leave this to the rest of you to discuss.

I'm pretty glad that Friday is here. Going to work really bores me, it's like running on a hamster wheel I tell you. But since I get to bum once in a while, it could be worse; so I'm not going to complain. A workmate is having a small bash, since it's going to be byob; I'll have to bring something appropriate that won't burn a hole in my pocket. I shall also make sure that I leave my Kenyan tendancies at the door. Don't be coy, you know what I'm talking about; you peeps who go to byob carrying a bottle of Kenya Cane but walk out at the end of the night with a bottle of Absolut Vodka!

ps: I had a very interesting experience last weekend (and no it did not involve sex, so get your mind out of the gutter!). It's one of those experiences blogging can't do justice, so I guess I can only share with people I hang out with in person.

Have a nice weekend and stay out of trouble.

A New Day Has Come & Other Things............

2008-11-07T01:23:00.002-05:00

In true Acolyte like fashion, I walk into the party after the confetti has settled. So we are all aware that a new day has dawned in America with the election of the first non-white President. Please note I did not say black, one thing I learned in an Anthropology class is that race is a social construct. To society Obama is black but when it comes to genetics he is bi-racial, feel free to debate that issue.

I do say that it is a new day but not a new age, the world and America are still far from their own lions laying down with lambs in the racial arena but I will concede and say that some progress has been made. But I also give marks to Obama for running as a candidate for all people regardless of race. This should also inspire the younger generation that sometimes it is possible for some dreams to come true regardless of what color you are.

Given the havoc Bush and his ilk have reeked for the last 8 years it truly was time for change. And for that alone I understand why the world celebrated. It is also a wonderful thing of course that Obama is of Kenyan descent via his father. And in true African style we have claimed him as one of our own. Well sorry to say this but that is like a dead beat dad only showing up when the son he left behind joins the NBA. At the end of the day Obama is more American than African. So for us as Kenyans to think that since he is in the White House that we shall be favored amongst African nations is a dream. Obama's first priority first and foremost will be America and to quote myself, "if you cut him, he shall bleed red, white and blue."

Anyway Obama has hardly anytime to rest on his laurels and celebrate, the U.S is in a state and a half and all eyes are on him to set things right. Call me paranoid but studies have shown that companies are more liable to employ a female or minority to a high ranking position so as to set them up to be a scape goat when things go down the drain. Well we all know that many parties were dead set against Obama so this isn't the same situation but very similar in my opinion given the size of the task he has to face.

Oh well let me stop being a wet blanket. Go out there and share the cheer! Make chickens and bulls regret the day they were born! Make the breweries groan!

ps: In my true snarky manner, was Jesse Jackson crying at at Grant Park because his career is in the pits? Remember this is the the same chap who wanted to cut off Obama's nuts for "talking down" to black people. Well, I'm sure he saw the light and pocketed his burdizzo (thank you 8-4-4!) and will be more of an asset to Obama in the future.

pps: Another wonderful reason not to get drunk around certain people.

Another Week Bites The Dust

2008-10-31T02:21:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows the Acolyte will tell you that in many ways he is child like. You see much as a child will play with a new toy every day and then one day toss it to the curb is how I am when it comes to a joke. I shall run it over in my head and laugh at it for days at the most inopportune moments.

A good case in point is a certain live performance by Keith Sweat. Here is the link, as usual he starts out by begging for the ass but it gets fun for me at the 7:45 mark when Akon makes a surprise appearance on stage. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaay didn't Keith Sweat play his ass! You know those ones of 10 - 0,I bet he was walking off stage for real. I would if a whole stadium was laughing at me. The worst thing is that I remembered that segment of the song at work when the Head of our Department was dressing us down after a meeting, so while people are looking at the ground in fake remorse or looking at each other in fake confusion; I was there failing at stifling a grin. Good times! Sadly I'll give that incident a day or two and I won't find it funny anymore. But the girl on the table in the last post and the belly dancer still crack me up!

The video below is dedicated to Milo, Intel and Archer. Word on the street is that ya'll love the big gurls. Ducks missiles from the trio.

Sadly my 1 month of working a 4 day work week is over. No more 3 day weekends. I had become rather fond of having my end of week be on a Friday despite the longer work days I ended up having as a result. I just now want to shed the insomnia that for some reason I have gotten over the past week, I have been sleeping an average of only 4-5 hours per night. The funny thing though is that I am not that worn out but my mind does go on it's own tangents during the day.

Well today is Halloween aka Dress Like A Whore Day, other than my usual ceremonies done under the cover of darkness I won't be doing much of note. I'm way too old to trick or treat and I'm too broke to give the neighborhood kids any candy.

Have a nice weekend.........

Another Day.........

2008-10-27T01:31:00.000-04:00

Once again I decide to appear and wipe the dust off the blog. I guess my life has become so mundane that I let the joy of blogging pass me by. So this is my feeble attempt to get back on the wagon.

Anyone who knows me a bit knows if there is one thing that I abhor, it's bad journalism. Sadly Kenyan newspapers are constant offenders, this article is a good example.

When TLC released their one time hit song, “you are my little secret and that’s how we should keep it,” we all sang along to it little knowing that at one point in our lives, the song would bring grief to women when they discovered that very men out there have mastered the art of deceiving them into thinking that they are the only women in the said men’s lives when in reality, they have a string of others hanging around them.

Please view this video, Xscape sang the song. Fact checking is fundamental.

I also read an article in the Nation about corruption at the UNEP headquarters in Nairobi. I would also like to tell you that the sun rises in the East, water is wet and the Pope is Catholic.

I ran across this wonderful video that I felt I had to share.

If you weren't as amused as I was then you need to loosen up. I also ran across this jewel below.

Tables of the world united for against oppression! Don't you think it was apt that a gospel song began playing after her fall esp with those lyrics; "we fall down, but we get up" Classic!

One more video for the road.

In my book nothing beats a good laugh as long as nobody gets hurt, then it's just hilarious!

I was reading this article in the Standard about the cost of child birth. That there is a wonderful motivator not to ever have a kid unless you can afford the cost. For 200k that kid had better turn out to be someone of note otherwise with no shame I would send him an invoice for being born and tack on some interest!

I would also like to congratulate M and J for tying the knot recently and wish them all the best!

Oh and to Chelsea fans out there (ahem Archer and co.) Have that! Go sit with Man U in the corner....

Behold The Prodigal Bastard Returneth.....

2008-10-16T03:20:00.000-04:00

It's been like 2 weeks since I've blogged. How time flies when you are busy and blogger's block is catching up with you.

For those of your who read my blog on the regular, I am sure you are more than aware of my dislike for flying within the States. This story further affirmed my beliefs. If a dude who works at an airport can take that much out of it, I would venture to say that it should be just easy for someone to bring stuff in. And lest I forget, if you stay here long enough you realize that everything out here is toned by race, so when it came out that the baggage thief was black (as area large number of TSA employees), cue the racist comments from some quarters.

Unless you have been living under a rock, I'm sure you're aware of the housing crash that's been going on. it's gotten so bad that some people are electing to take their lives.

In Massachusetts, a housewife who had hidden her family's mounting financial crisis from her husband sends a note to the mortgage company warning: "By the time you foreclose on my house, I'll be dead." Then Carlene Balderrama shot herself to death, leaving an insurance policy and a suicide note on a table.

In the note she also told the family to pay for the house with the insurance money. My sympathy to the family but that is where she gets a big fail, life insurance doesn't pay out in the case of suicide. Anyway the bullet has already left the magazine so me analyzing the situation won't do much good.
As I was telling a friend of mine, part of the problem here in the States came from the fact that the government decided that everyone should have the right to the American dream which is to own their own home and passed legislation to give the means for that to happen. Since not everyone has the financial means, in come the sub prime lenders who made it possible for those who wouldnt ordinarily have been able to own a home to get a piece of the pie. Of course the lenders never had a worst case scenario for what would happen the day the borrowers wouldn't be able to come through so here we are now.

I blame the following statement on long lines in the supermarket that make me end up flipping through the tabloids at the cashier's. Why is it that despite slinking in and breaking up Jeniffer Aniston's marriage to Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie still gets great press (apart from when she loses some weight and they think she is dying)? While on the other hand Jeniffer Aniston is always shown as a loser when it comes to love? I do know Angelina's philanthropy does earn her some plus points but it still doesn't explain all the love the tabloids give her. Anyway let me not think about it any longer lest I start watching TMZ and other showbiz crap that comes on tv.

Well, I have a longer work day to attend to with this temporary 4 day work week so till next time..................

Yet Again Friday Is Here!

2008-10-03T01:21:00.001-04:00

I know it's been a minute and a half since I blogged. This and work have taken up alot of my time. The storm in Texas really affected the petrol supply over here. Most gas stations have been out of gas and those that have a somewhat more reliable supply run out in record time due to people queuing to buy as much gas as they can. It made me realise how much people here depend on their cars to get around. It was so bad in some areas that people were lining up for hours to fill up. Well on my part it wasn't so bad seeing as which being Kenyan I know how to deal with shortages, I made sure I cut down my trips to the bare minimum. Also instead of lining up at my local gas station what I did was go to sleep and then I woke at 4 am and went to fill my car and carried a 4 gallon gas can with me which I filled up too. For some reason I forgot the gas can in my trunk and drove to work with it. Let's just say with the combination of the hot car interior and the petrol fumes that had seeped into the car, I think I became high by the time I got home from work.

Anyway onto a pet peeve that I have had for sometime but never expressed. I'm tired of black people out here saying they are "Indian" no not Asia Indian but Native American Indian. I was in College with this girl who said it was wrong to call her African American since she had Indian in her lineage. No she didn't look multiracial at all nor did she have colored eyes or anything. She had brown skin and brown eyes just like the rest of us. The Census bureau in the States says only about 10% or so of black people can claim Native American ancestry. But the way black folk out here happily claim it you would think it's more like 70%! Why can't people learn to accept who they are?! It's just as sad as how "good hair" for black people basically means hair that is straight and long like white folks' hair; I'm sorry but when and where black people evolved that kind of hair had no use at all, good hair my ass! Just wait till I hear someone say that.....

And in Dilbert land aka my job, I have two 2 hour meetings today. The first being a staff meeting. I remember nodding off during the last one since the staff handbook was being read out to us with certain sections being explained. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I don't fare well in meetings that go past 1 hour. The second meeting of the day which is with three other people and since I'm the person with the most knowledge, I'm expected to participate. What's sad though is that one of the people there is one if these people who always have to be involved in everything and thinks they know it all even when they are wrong so I'm going to have to put up with alot of mouth breathing and stupid questions. I remember one day during a meeting I looked at this person and imagined myself stepping behind them and slapping them on the back of the head for talking too much trash. Needless to say I started smiling and when asked this was my weak answer, "I'm simply looking forward to the challenge."
That is the fun that is my life.

Oh and lest I forget, the economy here is going down the drain! Most powerful country in the World my ass........

Another Friday.....

2008-09-26T02:15:00.001-04:00

My number 1 day of the week has come around!

I was online and came across this, here in the States in some nursing jobs you buy your own uniform so I guess they decided to cash into people's vanity by making scrubs. But in my opinion I see it as excessive esp if you may end up with someone else's bodily fluids on you but anyway to each their own. Although what irritates me is when people tattoo those designer labels on themselves, unless you have an endorsement deal or the company saved your life or there is a major and I mean MAJOR memory you have attached to the company; I think that's b.s. Anyhow as I said, to each their own.

As the economy here slowly implodes, Clay Aiken decided to come out of the closet. I'm sure he noticed the lack of a ticker tape parade since the closet he was in was made out of glass. I know I'm going to get called out for this but it was soooooooo obvious that he was gay, now if only he could drag some other people out of the closet with him.

I came across this tragic story online. I would advise the men in Nyanza to read it before trooping off to their nearest doctor for the cut because that cut could end up being a chop. It's like he took a plank to the carpenter to be trimmed and sanded only for the carpenter to chop the plank into a splinter just because he saw a small fault in the grain. I want to go on and on with the wise cracks but this isn't funny but rest assured should I ever go for surgery the first thing I shall do before I am put under anesthesia is take hold of the surgeon and scream at him not to chop off my penis no matter what and should they get any ideas I would have written in a black marker just above my crotch area (DO NOT TOUCH NO MATTER WHAT!).

Anyway that's my boring life for today, have a nice weekend!

Dear Naomi and Other Things......

2008-09-19T01:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Naomi Campbell,
I have admired your work as a super model for many years and your volatile character has always provided many interesting incidents that have kept me entertained but I also recall that in the past you admit that you did abuse drugs like cocaine but you have now conquered the habit. Well Naomi, the mind is a powerful thing in that it can rationalize anything. I watched the commercial above where after you drank some Sobe Life Water while you were on the beach and all of a sudden some lizards on the beach began to play music for you and dance; this was especially after one lizard managed to catch a drop of your water with it's tongue.
As a reasonably educated man I have learnt not to discount anything without research, it is that in mind using 3 other different individuals as test and control subjects, I attempted to replicated the phenomena in an environment as identical to where your incident occurred. Despite our concerted attempts at no time whatsoever did any lizards on the beach attempt to drink some of our water, in fact they scurried away when we attempted to offer them some, the ones that did not scurry away did not play miniature musical instruments or dance for us. After running different scenarios, accounting for the implausibility of lizards playing instruments/dancing, the non-existance of the sub-species of lizard in your commercial, and studying the data we collected; I came to one shattering conclusion.

You are still on drugs!!! I know that may be hard to believe Naomi, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving a problem. I would like you to know that I am here for you. The expensive rehab facilities you are accustomed to are obviously not the solution, it is that in mind that I welcome you to convalesce in my apartment. I will gladly accept half of what you pay the rehab facilities since I am not in this for the money but out of concern and empathy. I look forward to your reply.

Your Dear Friend,
The Acolyte

In other news, anyone familiar with US tv knows that it's packed with reality tv shows. So anyway Diddy aka P.Diddy or whatever else he calls himself has a show called "I want to work for Diddy", it's like the apprentice in that all the competitors compete in different challenges with the ultimate prize being to work for Diddy. So anyway there is the story of this chica, who used to work in the entertainment industry and had a figure and a half but after lots of dudes tried to sleep with her she decided to gain weight to fend them off (so she says) read the story here. But the joke was on her when she said this in a later interview:

Lots of women are constantly approached and harassed by men sexually in business, in the music business it’s rampant. So yes, I really thought after over 10 years of dealing with that crap, that I could make myself sexually unattractive to men and then they would listen to me rather than look at me. It was maddddd stupid, I ruined a pretty damn good figure, but sometimes when you’re desperate you make dumb decisions. Now I attract men who like big girls, and jerks in the business are still jerks. Hey, you live and you learn. VH1 Blog

Ladies let me tell you one thing. No matter what you do to yourself there is a man out there who will still sleep with you, heck there are men out there who will sniff out and try to sleep with anything that has vagina. So the only thing that mama did was mess up her health. I guess ya'll have different coping mechanisms.

Anyway don't drink too much Sobe Life Water and have a nice weekend.........

Monday Monday Monday..............

2008-09-15T01:21:00.001-04:00

Anyone who has read my blog knows that when it comes to travel, there is nothing I abhor as much as flying within the continental United States. The long waits, over booked flights, indifferent ground crew, old planes, no meals/snacks, luggage restrictions and the invasive security checks. It was an enlightening experience to read this article about how working as a member of the flight crew aka air hostesses has lost alot of perks and prestige over the years.

I want to share the picture below which I got from a blog that I read that discusses social issues. This is a magazine stand at a local library.

For some reason Blogger chose to crop the pic but there is also a notice lower in the pic also asking readers of JET to produce ID at the front desk if they want to read it. On the surface this sounds pretty racist given the fact that the same isn't asked of for readers of the other magazines that are available. The other magazines from the subject matter would seem to have a majority white readership while the same can't be said of JET or Essence which are ready predominantly by blacks. So the notices would have been clearly racist if for no reason all of a sudden the librarian decided to put them up just because black people like reading those magazines and in their opinion are more likely to make off with them. But on the other hand someone who works in a public library attested to the fact that those magazines and urban lit tend to be stolen far more often than other magazines, so the only thing they could do was to ask anyone who wanted to read them to produce ID. Even so, it would still be easy for you to think that most black people who go to the public library are thieves but I wonder what would happen if they put copy of Black Enterprise magazine on the shelf, I very highly doubt that it would go missing. The pedestrian conclusion, black people are thieves, the better conclusion; a certain demographic of black people is more likely to steal a magazine from the library. If you have any other interesting viewpoint please feel free to share....

And just to muddy the waters for you, the librarian did say that there are other magazines that are mainstream that they also ask people to present ID to read.....

I was reading this article in the Standard (one of the few interesting ones in quite a while), and I was thankful that I have never been under a boss who slept their way there (no pun intended). I have had bosses who got there by kissing ass rather than giving up some ass, but at least they had a basic idea of what they were doing. I guess that is one reason I abhor the corporate world since the politics that goes on there is nothing short of machavellian, this is not to say the same doesn't happen in the non-profit sector, it does but on lesser levels. I can only imagine having to do your own work, your bosses work and also cover your ass when they screw up. What's worse is that more often than not the higher up who is screwing your boss most probably knows that's the case but as long as they are getting what they want they don't care. An interesting angle that came up in the article is the advantage that women have over men in the work environment, if they choose to they can simply sleep with the right person and they are set but of course the author didn't look at the flip side; refuse to sleep with the boss and they could make life hell for you. I have heard such stories and they are not pretty at all. I now understand why some people choose to own their own businesses, at the end of the day they decide who to screw.

In other news I am trying to get inspiration to wrap up the long forgotten Drama Post series or maybe start a whole new series altogether. There's always some crazy ish that went down in my past that I could blog about if I could get a good reason to. Oh Liverpool beating ManUre was a nice touch to the weekend I must say. My mouse is also really acting the fool, it's made blogging so much harder, time to relearn all those keyboard shortcuts.

Have fun working people, I have Monday off! For once I come out on top.......

Yet Another Friday!

2008-09-12T01:30:00.000-04:00

One thing that many Kenyans struggle with when they come to the States is the fine art of tipping. You see back home there is no set formula per se when it comes to tipping. You either do it or you don't. You do it if you like the place, if it's high class or you are a regular there and have a good rapport with the staff. It's a whole different ball game in the States where most people in the service industry are paid far less than other professional so tips are a major part of their income and also a way of showing appreciation for their work.
Unfortunately many people don't realize that so I have gone out to eat with friends and have people look at me weirdly when they see me doing some quick math in my head before leaving a tip while they either wouldn't or would just leave any loose change that was gathering lint in their pockets. But on the other hand I do admit that the issue of who should be tipped and who shouldn't be tipped is rather complex and confusing. I read this article for some guidance and came to this fine conclusion, I'll carry my own bags, make my own coffee, buy food from the drive through, drink at home and do my own hair! It's too expensive out there for a man like me.

I know some rap/hip-hop lovers are going to try and hunt me down but I'm going to say this anyway. Lil Wayne's voice gets on my nerves, yes the dude can rhyme but there is only so much of his voice I can take in an hour. I mean listen to this song and tell me you can sit down and listen to that for an hour straight?

If I wasn't so apathetic about everything, I would blog about my workplace is slowly but surely turning into a bad episode of The Office. Well as that slowly happens I am slowly turning into one of the subsets of employees I once learned about in a class about Personnel Management. The character in question is called the Conserver. You see Conservers know how to do their job as fast as possible with the least needed effort and in the optimal amount of time (not too long, not too short). In addition to this I have also learnt that in my organization innovation results in more work for you but more credit to someone else usually a superior ( I learnt this the hard way). But let it be known that this Conserver did not go to school for all those years for nothing, I have also mastered the fine art of dissuading superiors from appropriating other organizations' concepts and putting me in charge of it by appealing to their fiscal sense of responsibility. So in a nutshell I do what I'm paid to do and keep my head down, that's pretty much it; anything else will cost them extra......

Before I leave, time for a PSA. A good friend of mine is doing a 3 day walk to raise money for Breast Cancer research. I know this issue affects and has affected many of us, so if you can please make a donation or give moral support! Thanks!

TGIF and bon weekend!

Behold Hump Day Is Upon Us!

2008-09-10T01:41:00.000-04:00

After reading this article in the Nation about the depths that Kenyans have now stooped to in the aim of Westernization and to make money, I was extremely shocked and appalled. Yes Kenyans have sex, but remember just a few years we were the same people who were scandalised about sex related issues like AIDS being discussed openly. It seems that conservative nature of Kenyans that had local magazines like Men Only banned deserted us faster than I thought. We have slowly changed from the kind of people who would drop an old newspaper in front of a new vendor and signal him to slip in an issue of a Ugandan smut magazine to the kind of people who would star in local porn and with no shame buy it in the mail or at the nearest exhibition.

What worries me even more is that in our haste to embrace all that is Western. Sex isn't a Western concept but taping it and selling it for public consumption is unless someone out there has a research that tribe xyz used to have their local artist watch people have sex, inscribe it on scrolls and barter trade it to the village over the next ridge; I'll stick with that idea. As I was saying, even the seemingly boundless porn market in the West has regulation, checks and measures. The "performers" even have associations that look after their welfare. I highly doubt there is anything of the sort in the fledgling industry.

Anyway given the epidemic like spread of these videos, I doubt the underfunded and archaic Kenyan censorship board shall be able to do much about it. Also given the close knit nature of Kenyan society it's only a matter of time till the performers in these videos get recognised as they walk down the street. That kind of fame is hard to shrug off, so I hope they can handle the consequences of being stars of the small screen.

It would have been foolish and idealistic of me to think that this day would never come but still I cry for my country.

Several minutes later, wipes tears, looks around and whispers...."Does anyone have one of those videos.....I want to watch one for research purposes only"

My Head of Department and the CEO are out of the office for the next 2 days. Hello late arrival and late lunch! When the cat is away.....

Due to public demand (or should I say Eclipse), I have decided to wake my weary bones and attempt to finish the Drama Post series....

Behold The Weekend Is Here!

2008-09-05T02:53:00.000-04:00

Whenever I tell people that I am eccentric and that I have many interesting quirks they usually discount it until they meet me in person. I was just thinking of one of my quirks that I was sharing with a friend. It really turns my stomach when people use "da" instead of "the" ie da beat instead of the beat. I know it's meant to be cool and hip but whenever I hear that it sounds like nails on chalkboard to me. But no I do not speak in Ye Old English, I do use slang but irregardless "da" really bothers me.

In other news I think I am going through severe dog withdrawal, you see before I came out here I have always had a dog or dogs. So coming out here and not having a pet would get to me sooner or later, me getting a dog of my own is out of the question. I don't think it would be fair to coop up a dog in an apartment the whole day while I'm at work, at least in Kenya they could run around in your compound when you were gone. So I have come up with a solution, I am going to start dating a woman who has a dog, preferably a gold labrador retriever with a friendly disposition. I can see some of you scowling, at least I'm not planning on using her for sex. This would be a beneficial relationship for the three of us; me, her and rover. I think I should begin drafting my must have a dog personal ad right now, wish me luck!

I was reading this article in a scientific journal that posed the theory that, it is not that we forget things over time, it's just that we are unable to recall them. I've noticed that even though I forget alot of things like everyone else, in my mind I tend to like alot of things and that helps me recall somethings I was never even thinking about in the first place. I was online and I saw a picture of a comic called Secret Six, the next thought that came in mind was Secret Seven and after that the next thing I remembered was the name of the author of the Secret Seven, Enid Blyton. I was not a big fan of her books but I do remember that in primary school the library had quite a few of her books for the younger students. I guess the big lesson here is that if you want to remember something easily, associate something with it so recall will become a whole lot easier. Thats my PSA message for today.

I have decided to take a break from highlighting fashion disasters to instead sharing some funny cartoons I found online.

The cartoon above is funny to me because many techno songs are actually that repetitive! If you have the first 30 secs you have the whole song! Have a nice weekend people!

And The World Keeps On Turning....

2008-09-02T02:06:00.000-04:00

That song sums up how I feel about my job right now. It's all about going through the motions right now I tell you. There is so much I could vent about right now but in a nutshell, the Head of my Department is one of those people who think they know it all, a kiss ass and a glory hog. My immediate supervisor is as lazy as ever, I do most of her work but she gets the glory and doesn't want to learn anything new since that involves work. The CEO is a dinosaur stuck in the past, won't step out of the box, micromanages us instead of doing her job (fund-raising) and also doesn't want to learn anything new at all (the next time I'm called to her office to help with a simple function in Word 2007 someone is going to get it!). So if any of you have been noticing the lessening frequency of my blogging and the plummeting standards blame it on me trying to keep my sanity while working with and for idiots. Yes, I know someone out there is going to tell me to get a new job, in the next 3 months I'm putting out my feelers because the economy right now is rubbish. Finding jobs is a chore but don't worry The Acolyte will prevail, He always does.

In other news, things are so narrow for many school districts out here in the States that 4 day school weeks are becoming the order of the day. Also don't think that cost sharing is a uniquely Kenyan issue, government funding to local schools doesn't figure in the cost of play grounds and sports. So schools have to fund those by themselves and of course the cost is passed on to the parents who are already over burdened by rising gas costs among other things. A county in my state recently lost it's accreditation due to poor management by the School Board, this means among other things that kids graduating high school from there aren't eligible for government aid and many colleges won't consider them for scores at all. So many of them have transferred schools but the catch is that their old schools won't and can't bus them to their new schools some of which are over an hours drive away, so of course the parents have to drive them or they have to catch several public buses to get there. Yes things aren't as rosy as they seem on the high school movies you watch.

Anyway let me stop moaning and share some fashion disasters.....

I think someone shouldn't have ran away from their appointment at the salon

I guess we know what happened to the neighbor's basket

No comment

Have a productive day all!!!!!!!!

And The Week Is Over......

2008-08-29T03:15:00.002-04:00

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to giving opinions about things Kenyans or even other Africans have done, there is nothing like constructive criticism. You are either seen as all praise or all criticism or hating.

My case in point is like the case of the Kenyan dude who had this big nursing school somewhere in the States. It was doing pretty well till due to some financial mismanagement of some sort the school went under. When the news was released there were those in "the know" who pointed out where and when he went wrong. Then of course came the counters from the other side who accused the detractors of being jealous.

My question is why can't we take some criticism as what it is, just that. We don't do perfect things but whenever someone comes round and gives some constructive criticism, they are accused of being haters and never wanting another Kenyan to succeed. It's that lack of acceptance of criticism that leads to many failures because when you look at the way many Kenyans run things, they won't take any criticism till sooner or later what they are doing fails and most probably wouldn't have if they just listened to their "detractors".

Let's look at the video below by some U.S based Kenyan musicians.

For one the video is very well made and produced, but that's just about it. The rhymes are the usual 1-2-3 Kenyan style and the lyrics suck too. But we both know if I went to YouTube and posted that, after being called a hater I would be told to make a better video myself. Me making a video or not doesn't hide the songs flaws. That's the Kenyan attitude, you are either with us or against us. Anyway I have said enough about that.

In other news I have a 3 day weekend coming up! 2 days never seems enough for a weekend, so now I get an extra day just for me. By the way does BBA 3 stream online? From the little I know it seems that Kenya has a somewhat decent rep in the house this time round as opposed to the last two losers we had in there. I have never been a big fan of reality tv, live out here long enough and you will see every single theme possible milked dry; but to see Africans do their thing in the house I shall make an exception this time round. So if anyone has any link out there please share.....

Monday Moanings Part XVIII

2008-08-18T02:31:00.002-04:00

For those of you who just watched this video and went "huh?" The whole vid basically sums up LisaRaye's response to being kicked to the curb by the Premier of Turks and Caicos whom she married around 2 years ago in a Hollywood style wedding. Any it seems that her hubby had a roving eye of sorts and even had a rape accusation come up against him a few months ago, I guess when he allegedly took up with a BET TV host whom 50 cent once called a hoe, she had her publicist release a statement then went partying in NY with Lil Kim and co.

So now it seems Lisa Raye had a change of heart and decided that being Island royalty trumps ego, so she went back home only to get a statement that her husband was filing for divorce and wanted to do so quietly and amicably. So this is what happened as a result;

LisaRaye, who was banned from the main house, drove her car through a barricade at the house, parked her car and barged into a closed door meeting between the Premiere and his cabinet ministers.

She allegedly pounced on Misick and commenced to sink her teeth into his flesh. Another man who attempted to separated the former lovers, was also bitten. Both Raye and Misick were treated for human bites at a local hospital and LisaRaye was placed under arrest.

So what I wonder is did he bite her back or did his bodyguard bit her back or what?! I have no idea if the video above was shot before or after her arrest. But I do love the way she throws him under the bus in the beginning of the interview. Don't you just love the sneer on her face when she says, "I will continue to be uplifting and pray for him"

I do admire her saying about how she is planning on continuing to do alot for the Island even when from what I read, the people of the Island never took a major liking to her that and the fact that her soon to be former husband is the Premier means that she won't be around for much longer. I'm sure she knew what her husband was doing but I guess when he took up with a public figure and embarrassed her she decided enough was enough, that and the unexpected divorce announcement but even so I do feel the whole issue could have been handled better; I mean how can you both say you want to handle matters in private yet press releases are being sprayed like mass media is going to be banned? But the way it's going on right now it just means more drama for me to enjoy in my boring life.

Anyway what would our Monday be without "You Shoulda Stayed At Home!" segment? Now Monday is here with us, sadly so the grind has to begin again. I really do need to become independently wealthy because this working thing isn't doing much for me. Suggestions and ideas people?

Real Friends Make Honest Comments About What Their Friends Are Wearing

Girl In The Front Left, "I think this much of her (makes hand gesture)" - Feel free to caption

I Can Explain, She Fainted In The Club And He's Listening For A Pulse

Is He Blowing On Her Stomach Like You Do Babies?

Has Anyone Seen My Skin Moisturiser and My Neck?

Clubbing Is Hard Work

Clubbing Can Indeed Be Overwhelming

I shall leave this one for ya'll to caption because I looked at it and all I could do was shake my head.....

Behold, Hump Day Is Upon Us!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-13T03:40:00.000-04:00

I was reading this article about restaurant cleanliness and it gave me some interesting memories about Kenya. I remember in Kenya we did have health inspectors but how much inspecting they did was debatable. I do know for a fact that they did used to inspect the 5 star joints more often than not plus the 5 star Restaurants to keep themselves in good books internationally used to impose their own standards. But of course when it came to the good old 1 star joints this was another story altogether.
I once recall going for some nyama choma at a joint and some zealous health inspectors came in ready for the inspection. Well what the proprietor of the joint did was to crack a few jokes with the inspectors and since it was around lunch time, had some ribs roasted for the inspectors, sat down with them, chatted and sent them away with some money and meat for their trouble. That was that year's inspection dealt with.
How we used to escape major food poisoning always made me wonder, I guess our stomachs adapted over time.

I found this video online and thought I had to share it esp since over the years I always made jokes about how cosmo never missed an article about how to please your man; I always thought by now they would have run out of methods of doing so.

Anyone who lives in the States is more than aware about how serious child molesting is taken out here. So much so that when a sex offender is let out of prison, they have to register with their local police station wherever they go to live. This information is then made public for the people who live in those areas on sites like this.
That of course is a great tool but there are a few things to consider; children are molested more often than not by people they know, family members, teachers, clergy etc. So there should be a system parents set up to monitor those people too. Second, why should registration end with sex offenders. I think paroled murderers, violent robbers, arsonists, con-men, people with mental illnesses that lead to episodes of violence and drug dealers among others should also be put into a National database for our own safety. Now discuss that issue in 100o words or less in the comments section, thank you.

I know some of you are now drooling waiting for the "You Shoulda Stayed Home" picture segment. Well I must apologize and say that one you have to wait next week for, but you know me; I always have something tasteless to share. Like I always say, this isn't the place to come for high society discussion and that kind of thing. Yes once in a while I do make pretensions to intellect and lofty ideals but on other days, I just want to share what's on the street. Anyway moving on.....

A classic

I think some men out there need to see this one so do share..

Yes I know I'll burn in hell for this one

Funny thing is that I have eaten there before and their burgers weren't half bad....

Now we know....

Funny for all the wrong reasons...

If you don't know the joke then it doesn't make sense but still those boys are going to burn......

Well sadly it's now back to the real world where work and responsibility await. To be a kid again......

Monday Moanings Part XVII

2008-08-04T02:32:00.002-04:00

This weekend I had to help someone do one of the things that I hate most in the world; MOVE HOUSE! What made this worse is that this was a poorly orchestrated move, when you call the Acolyte to help you move, he expects to come to your house and find all your boxes packed and ready to go. Sadly this wasn't the case, most of the stuff was all over the place and there was hardly enough boxes to go round. To add insult to injury, what was to be tossed out wasn't sorted from what was to be kept; so we had to help do that in addition to packing.
Of course tempers were frayed at several times during that day and alot of moaning and wingeing was heard. But I also realised how much rubbish people accumulate over the years when they live in one area long enough. You see I have packrat tendancies but I balance it out by not buying very much, but I know people who are both packrats and heavy shoppers. I once helped this friend of mine move who had enough shoes to supply a small boutique. Anyway I guess we are all different when it comes to collecting stuff and moving. For me the more organised and the less stuff to move, the better! Sadly that was the story of my boring weekend.

But.................... I am in the process of discovering that revenge is a dish best served cold, nicely and chilled. More on that cryptic comment in the future.

Before I go ya'll didn't think I would forget the Monday segment. In fact I challenge ya'll to come up with a name for it. I'll get the ball rolling...."You Should Have Stayed Home"
That's what my tired mind could come up with, anyway let the captions and the fun begin!

No comment......

Nick watched wistfully as Milo once again had his way on the dancefloor...

What the hell?! The dance of the comatose?????

First of all, where is her left shoe? Second that stuff being splashed on her looks alot like.....

These are the chicas who are great fans of beer goggles and the 3 a.m rule....

At least oil your legs before you go to the club, I'm not even going to talk about the dress

Ashy legs - check, ashy face - check, no shoes - check, no shame - check....We have a winner!

What the hell?! Practice session for the after party or what?!

Have a nice day and stay out shady clubs!

Monday Moanings Part XVI

2008-07-28T09:24:00.000-04:00

Another Monday is upon us! I don't have much to say other than vent a bit about some people. If there is one thing I hate it's liars, and what I hate even worse than liars are unrepentant liars. Have you ever caught someone in the the wrong, call them out and then they try and turn it around on you claiming that you are in the wrong, claiming you have trust issues and all that mess. When in reality you actually have more evidence than you think they do about what they did. Why I bother dealing with some people I don't even know. Anyway that is someone extra to boot out of my life.

I'm a bit late on this but seems like schools are striking en masse in Kenya. And in true mzee fashion Prof Ongeri decides to try and put out the smoke instead of the fire. Getting rid of cell phones in schools and DVD players isn't going to do much in the long run; the issues go far deeper than that.
Let's keep it real, many boarding schools' administration style leaves a whole lot to be desired. Add to the fact that many of them are still ran on the 1970's model of administration where children are meant to be seen and not heard. Listening to your students and talking to them can yield alot of results and this hardly every happens in many boarding schools and quite a few day schools too.
But on the other hand, many parents today have abdicated their roles as parents and role models. So as a result kids expect to have the same freedoms they have at home when they go to school. Add to this the fact that according to some parents their children can do no wrong so the teachers have no leeway when it comes to discipline. Throw in the increasing number of single parent households and you end up having a lack of male role models and the remaining parent is too busy trying to put food on the table to bother with Jr tearing up the school every other day.
I'm not even going to mention the KCSE fiasco. There's alot of work to be done. Thank God I am not a parent....

Anyway enough of the serious stuff! Time for the fun weekend pics. All opinions welcome! Have a nice day all!

Is the gal on the far left pregnant or just big?

As you can see in clubs the M.O when it comes to dancing is girl's ass meet's dude's crotch, but in some cases like the couple in the far right for some reason or other that doesn't work so........

First things first, why is there always tissue paper on the floor in these grimy clubs? Second how can the chic on the far left be barefoot after looking at the state of the floor. Third, why is the dude behind her drenched, is that sweat or what? Fourth, I wonder if that hand made it to it's desired destination?

I'd like to know the logistics of what they were doing too

Real friends don't let friends go out looking like a mess...

Please look at the expression of the chica on the far left, she sums it up best!

Now you all know what a camel toe is....

Monday Moanings Part XV

2008-07-21T01:27:00.002-04:00

I want to introduce you to a new phrase which is, f*cking below the line. F*cking below the line was a term used in a Mario Puzo book I read sometime to mean screwing someone who is below your station in life; this could be social, financial etc. I had been thinking of this post for a while but Archer's last post spurred me to action. You see whether you like it or not, most if not all of us who have indulged in sexual activities have screwed below the line. The worst thing with screwing below the line is that often there is a small alarm bell that is ringing in our head that is telling us to STAY AWAY! But due to being on the B train for so long or sheer lust, the ringing is ignored and kungulu (I hear that's what peeps call shag in Kenya nowadays) commences.

Screwing below the line seems fun and easy because look at it this way to the individual here forth referred to as the screwee, you are a hot commodity. So the screwer will have an easy time getting with the screwee. But the problem comes when the screwer wants to leave the screwee and return to their regular group, the screwee makes it as hard as possible and refuses to let go and may resort to all sorts of drama to keep the screwer.

How do you know if you are f*cking below the line?

1. Is your partner someone you would ordinary be seen in public with?

2. Do you avoid introducing your new partner to your regular friends and crew?

3. Does your partner talk about a future for the two of you and when they do, do you find yourself shuddering?

4. Do you find yourself side stepping the question when your new partner talks about you two being together?

5. Even when you are with this new partner and are spending time, are you still listed as single on facebook and myspace or whatever other social networking site you use?

If you can answer YES to more than one of those questions then know you are most def screwing below the line. Oh and just to toss in a twist, if the person you are with is displaying the same behavior either they are commitment phobic or they scraped the barrel with you; whichever way it is you are screwed!

What I find funny though is how due to the wonderful mechanics of the human mind is that after deluding oneself for a while sooner or later a moment of clarity comes to the fore and someone realises they are screwing below the line. This may be mid hump, when they wake up one morning and see the person next to them or in the middle of the occasional date. I say occasional because for some reason or other people don't go out for dates very often with their screwees, unless the screwee applies pressure.

Now after the moment of clarity getting out of the situation tends to be tricky because many screwee's don't let go easily. I remember one who once argued her way out of the break up, yes that is how insistent she was; she had a counter point for every point I had for not dating her. Yes my fully laid plans were thwarted for a while.After her insistent pressure I decided to take advantage of some information she knew about me, you she did know that the Acolyte is a somewhat spiritual being; so I did what any spiritual man would do. I told her that I had taken a vow of singlehood and celibacy, which was somewhat true because I was just tired of all the drama that comes with strokes. That and me going underground finally took the pressure off me because she kept on insisting that she wanted to come and see me (last ditch seduction attempt). My solution, if the shag seems to easy; think twice. Plus make sure you are not someone's screwee!

Anyway since I have been staying out of trouble, I have been having a ball looking at pic's of peeps acting the fool in the club. I'm going to share them. Please feel free to add your own captions!

My question is, what is the ~~lady~~ woman in the far right doing? The expression on her face.....

Yaaaaaaaaay! Guess who's here to save the night.....

Shaun at the far left decided he may as well jerk off in the club instead of waiting to get home..

If she stand still enough for long enough she can blend in the same way the Zebra whose pants she stole blends into the savannah

Archer: Natukifika kwa rodging, nitakuinua juu hivi, harafu.......

Milo: Dear Mocha, you can even see I'm on my knees. I promise all I want you to do is have a cup of juice at my place after the club; nothing else
Archer: Wachana with his siasa. I have a new couch I bought today that I want you to come to my apartment and sit on!
Mocha: Blushes away....

Have a great Monday People!

Apartment Living Part I

2008-07-07T23:16:00.000-04:00

Time for a change from the usual Monday Moaning. Anyone who moves to the West while at one time or other have to live in an apartment complex. Apartments or as we call them in Kenya, flats are not as prevalent back home as they are out here due to the high population density in many Western cities. When you move out to a mid sized or large city unless you can afford otherwise or have room mates, odds are high that you shall be living in an apartment complex.

Finding an apartment complex in itself is an adventure. You see here in America many complexes are so wiley in their advertising that it verges on fraud in some cases when you go to see the apartment complex and find out that the picture was several years old and severely photo shopped too. This is so done that it stops being funny, when you get there the amenities they advertised like the gym are so run down or in some cases like swimming pools not even open for use.

Where your apartment complex is also very important. In most Western cities everything is far from each other unless you live in a small town. So you have to make important trade offs. Would you rather live close to work? Close to school? Close to friends and family? And of course apartments that are closer to the highway tend to be more expensive then those that are further in. Plus if you the more "up town" the neighborhood the more expensive rent will be. So you have to make hard choices. Most of the time you can get cheap rents the further you go from the City but you shall have to get used to driving long distances and hours to get to work, school and other places. I remember when I came here my fam was living in a nice big house but that house was almost 20 minutes to the interstate, not amusing at all I tell you.

Immediate neighbourhood and residents of an area are very important. I'm not going to be racist or anything (then goes ahead to make racist statement) but you want to stay away from any place that has a sign that says "acceptamos tax ID," that basically means that the apartment complex will most likely have alot of Mexicans living there. Mexicans are alot like the Somalis we used to have in Kenya who would live 20 deep in a 2 bedroom house. Some apartments like them due to the fact that Mexicans like to keep a low profile and are less likely to push for their apartment to be fixed when something breaks and thus cost less to keep as tenants. And you do know that of course as a black person you would stand out like a sore thumb in a predominantly hispanic apartment complex. On the other hand, if you are a brave soul you could move into a predominantly black lower or middle class area aka "The Hood" where you wouldn't stand out very much. The only thing is that some of these areas are high crime and the apartments aren't always well maintained, I recall in one apartment complex we lived in my small brother had his tyres stolen at night and he had bought new rims. Lucky for us my big sister suspected who it was that did it, so she talked to the kids mum and told them what had happened without accusing her kids but she caught the hint, gave them a tongue lashing and the next morning my small bro found his tyres on the patio and as all this was happening the leasing office were not concerned at all. On the other hand this isn't to say that all places where black folk live are "hood" there are predominantly black up class areas but of course you need the money to afford to live there. As for living in a predominantly white area, you are not ensured that the apartments will be of the greatest quality since there are lower class white areas too but since white people on a whole have more money than minorities they tend to have the better neighbourhoods, hence the reason many people like moving to predominantly white areas. The only thing is that first of all we all know that some white folk can't stand black folk, so some apartment complexes will make it as hard as possible for you to move in by asking for all sorts of pre-conditions ie high rent, high deposit, long rental history, stable employment history, background checks and all that sort of thing to knock you out of the running. And if you do get in some of the neighbours won't be too pleased to have you and will do anything they can to make your life miserable esp when you stray from their community rules. But there are some apartment communities where people of all races seem to get along or pretend to for the most part.

So you see when you leave home things aren't as simple as they were back home where a new home was an ad in the classifieds away. Here it's a whole 'nother ball game.

Part II - Room mates, leases and other fun things............

Tuesday Tirades II......................

2008-07-01T01:53:00.000-04:00

Sigh, bloggers block continues to compound with time. Anyway let me do what I can to combat it. Last weekend I went to the International Farmer's Market to get my usual supply of fruit, veggies and other occasional treats and noticed something. This maybe be stereo-typing, something I am not a big fan of; but Africans stare. There is this chica who was staring at me and I wanted to tell her to watch out otherwise her eyes would roll out of her skull, no my fly wasn't open, The Acolyte is just hot like that. Similarly a friend of mine who went back to Kenya on vacation told me how she went to Kenya and visited one of the new strip clubs that had come up. She told me how she saw a dude watching the mama dancing on the table for him, you see here when most peeps get a table dance; they will for the most part act like they are not that moved, now it was different with our Kenyan cat. The mama is dancing one the table and the dude had his face like 3 inches from the cooch. I doubt he was moonlighting as a gynaeo for the strippers but please you don't want to be that close, you don't know where that cooch has been. Sigh, Kenyans are in a class of their own I say.

The other day after issuing a disclaimer, this chica I talk to asked me how come many Africans don't wear deo. You see sometime back she used to work for some Nigerians and it seemed that many of the peeps who used to come around the joint used to subject her to noxious fumes. I also realised that you don't really notice the way that many folks especially everyday peeps on the street don't use deo much until you go back home on vacation or run across someone here who isn't using any deo at all. But of course this isn't to say that all Kenyans go around au naturale, most middle class Kenyans do use deo and other hygiene products but for the average Kenyan trying to survive on less than a $1 a day, smelling fresh is the least of your problems but on the other hand if you have made it to the States and have at least $2 you can get some roll on so I don't know about the peeps out here, they need to get their scent together.

I made a technical appearance at a Kenyan bash the other day. A well planned one at that, I was there for only 2 hours and it was a 10 min drive from home but noticed one thing that happens regularly. Why do Kenyans check into Kenyan bashes at around 1 am? It doesnt make sense to me especially if the club is closing at 3 am or 4 am, well I guess it's cheaper to get smashed at a pal's place and then go to the club and get completely plastered on one beer. I don't know how it works in other States and countries, please share.

Anyway the rivers of inspiration are running low, so I shall share these wonderful demotivational messages with you. View and get offended at your own risk

Government working just for you......

Friday............

2008-06-27T01:14:00.000-04:00

There is something empowering about a Friday. There is nothing as encouraging as the feeling that you wont be going to work the next day (or at least that is the case for most of us). But then as soon as Saturday morning rolls in, somewhere deep inside it hits you that your weekend is almost half way gone. I would recommend 3 day weekends be the norm but usually after a 3 day weekend I am not good on the first work day that comes around to be honest.

I don't know if it's just me but time just seems to move so much faster nowadays. I remember when I was in high school, my Swahili teacher seemed to be the most powerful woman in the universe since her voice in my opinion would make time stop. The days of when I was bumming and time seemed to move like molasses are long gone. It is believed by some religions that when the end times come close, time shall begin to move much faster and who knows; at times I actually think that could be the case. Anyway I'm beginning to sound too morose for a Friday.

One thing that really bores me about working here in the West is fake office friendships. People at work like to really act super chummy and like they are bosom buddies but once they step out of the office environment, that's it. Like there was this chica who used to work for the company and she seemed to be close with almost everyone other than a few other chicas (you know how women just dont seem to all get along). So anyway she had been planning her wedding for a while and would go on and on about it and her fiancee. Do you know when she got married I think only one person was invited despite her making the whole office feel like they were part of the process? I knew I wasn't getting invited so it didn't bother me but it was funny though, were it in Kenya I doubt the office would have known she was getting married till she did her name change. But anyway that's life in the West for you.

I have also been working on a series of posts about the experience in the States that is called living in an apartment complex. Anyone who has lived abroad can tell you how that is a unique experience in itself most of the time. I'm sure some of you out there have your own stories to share.

In other news,I hear the cost of electricity in Kenya is going up. This would be a good time to invest in solar power even if its just for lighting your home the only thing that put me off is the initial high cost of solar panels and set up. You have to have quite a bit, last quote I got was like around $4,000/= the good thing though is that that by the 3-4 year mark that investment shall have paid for itself and since Kenya for the most part has sun most of the year you won't have to worry about power shortages when you need the power most.

Anyway time to prepare to get back on the grind...............

Yet Another Day...........

2008-06-19T21:00:00.000-04:00

The blogger's block continues, I'm sitting in front of the text box and nothing is coming to mind. Well the fountain had to stop flowing at one point in time. But meek meek tagged me with an 8 things meme. I usually don't do these but thought I would indulge them this time round.

8 Things That I Am Passionate About

1. Kenya
2. Soccer
3. Learning New Things
4. Mixed Martial Arts
5. Financial Independence
6. African Issues
7. Eastern Philosophy/ Religion
8. Healthy Living

8 Things I Would Like To Do Before I Die

1. Sky Dive
2. Deep Sea Dive
3. Have A 3some
4. Set Up A Successful Non Profit In Kenya
5. Make At Least $1,000,000
6. Kick someone hard in the ribs when they are down
7. Travel Around The World
8. Get some tattoos

8 Things I Say Alot

1. As long as it works for you
2. Kumeharibika
3. Things are narrow
4. That's your opinion
5. That's what I think but you can correct me if I'm wrong
6. Hodi
7. Pole
8. Ehe

8 Books I have Read Lately (still reading some of them)

1. Trading Options For Dummies
2. Technical Analysis Plain and Simple
3. Profit With Options (Essential Methods For Trading Success)
4. Auto Repair For Dummies
5. The Game
6. Heal Thyself for health and Longevity
7. The 8 Human Talents
8. Dreads

8 Movies I have Seen 8 Times (some I havent made to 8 times)

1. The Devil's Advocate
2. The Usual Suspects
3. The Matrix
4. Hard Boiled
5. 300
6. Enter The Dragon
7. Hero
8. The Lord Of The Rings (All 3)

3 People Who Should Do This

Archer
Mocha
Bomseh

I was reading this article about a Naijo dude getting his wife and property jacked from him by his wife and an MP (people say its Hon Raphael Wanjala). Much as I am not a supporter of property theft, the revelation that the Nigerian's Kenyan wife of 10 years is 24 made me sympathise with him much less. How in the hell do you marry or court a girl who is 14 years old?! You have just stolen the girl's teenage years when she is meant to be growing up. Now wonder she went buckwild and decided to share their property with Hon Wanjala. I guess Karma can bite you when you least expect it.

Now another blithering idiot out there decides to shine an unwelcome light on Kenyans in the diaspora. I know the rule of law is innocent till proven guilty, so I shall let you read and come up with your own opinions.

Now let me ask a question to you rugby fans out there. Capital FM seem to be having some sort of competition on radio where people can win tickets for singing various rugby chants. One thing I have noticed is that the chants pretty much haven't changed from when I was in high school, and that was a long time back; people are still singing "Eloya" and other similar songs. My question is, aren't there any new chants coming up or do people lack innovation and motivation? It kind of reminds me of how I used to go for Rock at Carnivore on Wednesdays and hear the same songs over and over and over. I wouldn't have been shocked if the DJ had a mix tape at that point and would play it while hanging out with the club goers.

I had to share this interesting image below. This is the back of a courtesy bus that goes to a popular high end shopping district in Atlanta. Now my question is, if you get on the bus does the girl give you a free ride? And if she gets on top does she charge you $12.90? I'll see if I can catch that bus this weekend and give you an update. Nice weekend people!

Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-11T01:44:00.002-04:00

I have blogger's block, it was inevitable but it happened. The days of posts flowing like a waterfall are gone. Now I have to think long and hard before anything drips let alone flows.

Anyway I remember there was this chica whom I was getting close to once and you know how we dudes are when we are trying to get some ass. We shall listen to all your hopes and dreams and even see where we can fit in (till we get some ass that is). So anyway in fantasy land we had already gotten hitched with this chica and now we were talking about making it big (wealthy and no kids), so I was talking about how we were going to grind hard together to make it happen. That's when she said, "Oh no babe, you are the one going to be grinding hard. I am going to be a stay at home wife!" At that point in time had I been a wise enough man, I should have thought about the booty, played along, gotten some and then moved on. But oh no, Acolyte had other ideas. You see this is the same chic who went out of her way to tell me when we met that she isn't a gold digger, yet she wants to marry a man who will grind hard getting her the good life she "deserves" while she stays at home doing next to nothing (no kids in the marriage). Of course I went ahead and tore her a new one about how she was just a gold digger by another name (feel free to disagree of course). Let me also add that with the state of the World economy today one income homes are becoming a rarity. I am not saying that it's an impossible goal and women shouldn't strive to it but when you tie your lifestyle and goals to a man and not your own effort; I find that just plain pathetic.

Anyway while we are talking about getting some and the state of the economy. I came across this book that will help some of you overcome not being able to get some and being broke at the same time. Once you churn out your first masterpiece, you shall thank me.

While I'm going down this track. I remember reading this story about how during the January chaos we had in Kenya, there was this gay dude who was part of a "hunted" tribe in the Rift Valley. So he knew that he had to flee when word reached him that a small mob made up of people who knew he was gay and didn't like it, was planning to visit him at night and make a man out of him by raping him. Hmmmmmmm let's see, you don't like the fact that he is gay so you are going to rape him; doesn't that make you gay?!

These chaps made my day. A trial going on and you are playing sudoku. Almost as bad as the Judge who was using the penis pump!

Anyway the blogger's block is creeping back in so I think it's about time for me to get back to real life. Let me leave you with this wonderful snippet.

Girl: Aco, I'm over 30 and I have no husband; I need to at least have kid
Acolyte: Yes you do because at your age, mayai karibu zianze kuoza.
Girl: Speechless

ps: Gentlemen please don't be like me, tell women what they want to hear.
pps: Now what we have below is true kuku porno, Kenchic kando!

Interesting Views, Interesting Videos...........

2008-06-04T05:28:00.002-04:00

Whenever people always ooh and ahh about how much they want to have kids without thinking of how much work it is and when you tell them they say you are being too serious. I picture them as the kind of parents who let society and the school system raise their kids and you end up with situations like the one in the video below. Not that I advocate how that teacher handled it but kids out here can drive you mad, just talk to a teacher here and listen to their stories; you shall be shocked.

Since I'm tearing parents a new one. I might as well lay into the parents of the girl below. Her and her grown looking ass has put 2 men in jail?! And they still let her get online and run around town late?! I for one don't condone men sleeping with underage girls at all but when a heifer like this does this on purpose I think she too has to face some punishment from the law or is she not responsible for her actions since she is a young woman? I swear before any girl out here gets some Acolyte loving she has to produce 2 forms of picture ID or no service at all!

I hope you Kenyans back home enjoyed your 3 day public holiday. For us out here it was the same old thing. Anyway I was on the net and came across an interesting cartoon about what really happens during online dating, here it is.

There are many online games nowadays and some of them other than membership, charge you extra for things that should rightly be free (especially for people like me who play the free Yahoo games). I think the video below sums it up completely. Greedy bastards....

I know some people out there on the web come across my blog while searching for somethings that I know nothing about ie Kenyan porn or nude pics of Lilian Muli/Nini Wacera/Kaz etc. I don't have those but I did find these pictures of some Kenyans caught in a sexual orgy, these pictures are very explicit; warning NSFW! Please click here, here and here. Enjoy but don't stain your keyboards.

ps: You have just been rick rolled......

Tuesday Tirades II

2008-05-27T02:14:00.001-04:00

I miss taking Matatus. Yes, I said it. I miss the camaraderie that came with the experience. I'll admit it wasn't always a party because some touts were rude as hell, the rides uncomfortable and the people next to you could be a bother in more ways than one. I remember once sitting in an Eastleigh bound matatu next to some Somali ladies and by the time I was embarking my expensive deo had been overcome by one of the brand names by the makers of Bint El Sudan.

But when the matatu rides were fun they were fun. I once recall sitting in front of some chics who had such interesting mucene that I almost missed my stop. The other ride which I may have blogged about was how in the thong hey days, I was seated behind some mama whose jeans had down while her thong had ridden up, so seeing as I know how to keep a good poker face I decided to use my peripheral vision and observe the dude seated next to me, an older arab man. The dude was virtually drooling from what I could see, but wait till the chic had to get up to disembark at the next stop so in getting up her jeans for a moment went a bit lower before she pulled them up so she showed a bit more than was expected, the dude had a big grin on his face and I'm sure he had to restrain himself from whooping for joy. Nothing beats good peripheral vision and a poker face.

Anyway I have loads of matatu tales which I will share over time as I remember them since it has been some minute since I was in one and the buses here much as they are comfy are boring as hell when it comes to human drama.

Is it just me or do African women have the knack for choosing the worst weaves ever? For real though, I can't tell you how many times even out here I have recognized African women due to their hair dos. Please look at Ratatat's weave in this video, IMO it doesn't work at all for her!

Now in other news I am waiting for pics and storo from Memorial Weekend in Houston. I didn't go for it, no time , money or motivation. I think next year I may just for the sake of it, go for the L.A Sevens; anyway I await stories and links to pics from peeps! I know there had to be drama!

Anyway time for me to get back to everyday life sans five hour country wide blackouts, poleni to those of you back home. Reminds me of days of power rationing, it got so bad that we used to have ad hoc Kamkunjis as the boys outside the estate. Let's hope another dam to nowhere is built and rationing doesn't make a quick come back. Adios!

Johny, be a John, Joy and Other Things

2008-05-22T05:35:00.000-04:00

Little Johnny jokes have always cracked me up and that letter up there is on a level of it's own!

I was sent this sometime back on the net and if a name says alot about you, I guess this chica's name says everything we need to know. I wonder if she has a pal called Kuro?

Oh lest I forget, I have to congratulate all Man U fans out there! At the end of the day Man U's experience came out on top of Chelsea's billions. Now onto the season break and the transfer market. I guess we'll have to count on Olympic soccer to keep us going till the 2008 - 2009 season begins.

I came across this spoof vid of T-pain and Akon, enjoy!

I hear that Nelson Mandela is having major birthday celebrations soon and one of the invited performers is Will Smith. I was like WTF?! What on earth is Will Smith going to perform for Mandela?! Parents don't understand? Miami? Or maybe the Fresh Price theme song. I hope that was a mistake by whoever announced it and that he's just going to be a host.

Talking about S. Africa, for any bloggers out there ie Bomseh and those of you who have friends and relatives out there; I am hoping and praying that things settle down soon for their sake. I guess the Rainbow nation has now turned into a nation of storms.

Coming soon: You People Part II........

Yet Another Week III

2008-05-19T04:47:00.000-04:00

Well since one of our fave M-net Idols outed himself on CNN, I nowfeel free to comment. I have heard that gay men are supposed to have some sense of style but we know those are stereotypes, thanks to Jackson showing up on CNN and M-net Idols (see last Monday's post), in the same scarf and two polo shirts that look so much alike (and are clashing with his fave scarf). Also dude is tripping if he thinks he is going to be living in gay dreamland when he gets to America. He has the perfect trifecta going for him; black, gay and foreign. By the way, as far as I know those camp couselor jobs are seasonal; you go for summer and supposed to go back to your country. So I hope he has a good plan B or his asylum papers ready and even so the Bush government has a poor record in granting asylum requests; wonder why you don't see too many Iraqi refugees around here don't you?

Oh and in the CNN video, is it just me or does the girl who comments 1:26 mins look erm what's the word... developmentally handicapped or for laymen, slow. Then the next chic says " I don't think gay men should have their rights," well if she means that only hot lesbians should have rights; then we agree! Anyway on a serious note it's good to see that the LGBT in Kenya can even have an organisation registered. What I tell people is that even the States is a good example, you can legislate tolerance but you can't legislate acceptance; some things take time.

And in other news, I now know where to go to look for a wife; here I come Namanga! Before I leave, I thought that I had to share this important music video. Women out there need to know the truth what with all this crap in novels and movies about making love all night. Do you know how sore you would be if you shagged for not even 8 hours, lets say 4 hours straight. Making sweet love all night my ass, the person who wrote that song lyric needs to be shot. Anyway here's the video below.......

Anyhow ya'll have a nice Monday!

You people........part I

2008-05-15T09:30:00.000-04:00

"You people," was a phrase I got to hearing often when I was working in Customer Service. I almost wanted to tell customers that I was not part of some anonymous corporate mob. Anyway I worked for a credit card company for a few months doing customer service and I came to one conclusion, most American customers are either crazy, stupid, entitlement whores, rude, impatient, inarticulate, stubborn, cheap or a combination of all the above and more.

This is not to say that the company never used to mess up, at times it used to and during that time I for one used to understand customers getting mad. But 85% of the time, whenever a customer used to call about something going wrong it was their fault one way or another. I recall dealing with some winners during my time there.

There was this one girl who had one of those starter credit cards with a limit of $500 and she had maxed it out. So she calls in;

Girl: Hi! How come my card keeps on being declined?
Aco: Hi! Well you see your card is over the limit, you have to pay the balance and you can keep on using it.
Girl: I thought every month that I get a new $500 to spend?
Aco: No, you have to pay some or all of the balance every month.
Girl: -Clueless silence - Er, ok.....

Yes many parents here don't educate their kids when it comes to financial matters it seems. Another contendor;

Lady: Hi! Why does my daughters credit card bill have a fee for returned checks?
Aco: Hi! One moment please (goes over account) Well you see Miss, when you daughter got the credit card; it came with some checks that she could use to pay things off at a lower interest rates. She used one of those checks to pay off the credit card. You cannot use one of our checks to pay us since they are both the same account.
Lady: You see she is only 17.
Aco: Thinks to himself, 17 and stupid I'll see what we can do Miss

It doesn't end there. There are the wonderful people who call to ask their balance and then want you to go over each and every single item they bought, the price, date and location. It's okay when it's around 10 items but when its 40 items and they want you to go back months that's too much! One day I had had it and this dude called and asked me to read out a few months worth of items for him and it was one minute before I was to leave, I told him that we could fax him the statements and he refused, I volunteered to send them to him express mail and he refused. When the minute hit for me to leave, I transferred him. I have no apologies for doing that at all.

I'm special, I have to get it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was another special breed too. I remember that you could get a PIN number for your credit card, so you could withdraw cash. Stupidest thing you can do due to the interest rates for cash transactions on most credit cards, but remember people here want things now and will worry about the cost later. So now the catch was to get the PIN number, you either had to ask it to be mailed to you and wait for it to get to you; or you could use the automated system and get it if you had a landline phone. Of course the latter did prove to be problematic, for security reasons the company wouldn't let people use cell phones since this led to much fraud in the past, add that to the large number of people with cell phone numbers and this would lead to much drama. Someone would call and ask for their PIN, you put them through the automated system and since they were using a cell phone they would be sent back to a rep and some reps weren't smart enough to figure out what the problem was so they would be sent back into the system several times and of course by the time they get to you, they are mad as hell. So now you ask them if they are using a cell phone and they say they are and you break the news to them that they have to wait to get their PIN via mail and all hell would break loose. There was this friend of mine who was working late and our call center was the only one open so sadly she ended up dealing with the same man twice, the third time the dude comes online he screams;
" I want my PIN now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My friend sighed and said, "Okay, 2478," just to get him off the phone. I shudder for the rep who talked to the dude after his card was captured by the ATM.

Still on the topic of PIN numbers, you have the morons who think that we store them all so they try to use the guilt approach. " Why won't you give me my pin? don't you want my children to eat today?"
No dear, it's your financial mismanagement and not reading the PIN procedure that led to this.

And for those who got their PIN numbers, this would lead to a different set of problems in the future. You see if you ever read the back of your credit card statement, it clearly says that payments are put towards the balances in the categories with the lowest interest rates and then to those with the higher interest rates. So cash transactions have the highest interest rates so whenever you pay to your card they get paid off last. The easiest way to deal with this is to pay off your card in full or not to have cash transactions, or you could call and moan like a bitch and hope the rep takes those finance charges off for you. I used to be a brute, no negotiation on finance charges over $100, anything less we could talk esp if you were nice. Anyway all the rules on that is not only on the back of your statement but also in your terms and conditions. Case in point.....

Lady: I just looked at my statement and I'm very upset!
Aco: No empathy on my part How can I assist you?
Lady: I have been having finance charges of $XXX for the last one year, it's making it hard for me to pay off the card.
Aco: Let me take a look please goes back several months. Miss, you see in month X of year Y, you had a cash transaction of $ABC and this has an interest rate of XY%.
Lady: But I made a payment of $ABC the following month.
Aco: Yes Miss, I see that but when you make your payments they are put to the balance with the lowest interest rates and then those with the higher interest rates next. Since you had purchases on your cards, that's where they went.
Lady: What?! Nobody told me!
Aco: Miss, if you look at the back of your statement; it's shown there.
Lady: Who reads the back of their statement?!
Aco: It's also in your terms and conditions which you received when you got the card.
Lady: I don't care, I don't want to get anymore interest on that and for all my payments to go to that section.
Aco: I'm sorry Miss but when you began to use the card those are the terms and conditions you agreed to.
Lady: I want you to close my account.
Aco: Yes, go ahead and cut up the card blah blah blah. Of course what she didnt know or want to know is that even if you close the account you still continue to accrue interest at the same rate lol.

There are quite a few tales I'm going to share soon but here is a PSA. Credit card companies don't exist to make you happy, they exist to make money first. If you don't want to get screwed, read over the small print before you open and account and get educated. Don't go swiping your card over town, pay the minimum payment each month and then wonder why you are drowning in finance charges and high interest rates.

Anyway let me get back to my customer free job.........

Another Monday.....

2008-05-12T22:11:00.003-04:00

I usually don't watch Reality TV but someone recommended M-net Idols and I had to watch the madness for myself. Other than the sad sight of people who could for the life of them not sing, there were talented individuals and interesting individuals like the dude below.

This dude was on his own level, a wig to match his pitch!

His dress sense was very interesting, I wonder if he improved his look for subsequent shows? And then when he goes in to hug the Chic judge did you see the side eye given by the judge on the right? It was the, "don't even think about it dude!" look. The dude on the left had his hands up and was like "No!"
But what made my day was 1:28 how the two dudes ran into each others arms like lovers who had been torn apart for ages! But they're best friends or "best friends" so it's understandable; and to think I thought there was nothing good on African Reality tv.

Sometimes it's amazing how somethings make it past all the eyes in the marketing department. Case in point the toy below.

I was reading a complaint in the Nation about how Banks in Kenya chain down their 40/= bic biros to the counter. What I would like to know is when a bic biro hit 40 shillings?! Damn!

Anyway have you ever watched a horror movie that is so badly made that it's more of a comedy? This is one that I watched recently, no wonder it went straight to dvd.

Anyway that's the little I have to share with ya'll today. Hasta manyana!

Slaps, Suffixes, Strippers and Soccer...............

2008-05-09T01:15:00.000-04:00

The end of another week. I was watching the video below and the only thing I can say is that Sean Connery is one harsh man, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall of his house. I wonder if any dudes from our generation think the same way he does?

I wonder what Sean Connery would do if he sat on the same council with the woman in the video below? Usual Disclaimer - I am in no way condoning slapping of women unless it is in self defence....

I was just looking at some new cars recently and does anyone remember how in the pre Y2k days many cars and other products had suffixes like X9000, 2000ZX and such? Was this to give people the impression the car or machine was futuristic or what? Speaking of which shouldn't the owners of Florida 2000 rename it Florida 3000? Yes instead of working I sit at my desk and think of such things.

For some reason, once more Standard decided to write another story about the meteoric rise of strip clubs in Nairobi. I think the corporate office of Applebees would be shocked to know that their trademark is being used for a strip club, I think just to even things out strip clubs called T.G.I.F or Chilis should also be opened too.

Anyway let me round this off with some interesting quotes;

"As I sit here with a couple of world class hookers..."
Gaby Logan after the France-Ireland rugby match. (She was referring to co-commentators Wood and Ibanez.) (Aaron, England).

I often follow English Premier League games live via game cast of the soccernet site since I dont have expanded cable that let's me watch the games live. So there is this commentator who seems to harbour a major dislike Dirk Kuyt.

Now Kuyt tries to wrestle the keeper out of the way as a looping ball dropped underneath the bar. Blatant free kick, blatant waste of money. What was he , 10m?! Ha!

Breaking News - Kuyt nearly gets a shot on target! Fear not though, it went wide.

Dirk Kuyt is hopelessly offside but for some reason he still sticks the ball in the back of the net when everyone had stopped. Is he stupid as well as ugly and talentless?

Another comical slice of play from Kuyt there who tries an effort with the outside of his right boot at an impossible angle which trickles into Brill's arms. He really is useless.

Talk about bile now won't you? Anyway it just hit me that despite 18 years of school, the topics on the top of my mind were slaps, suffixes, strippers and soccer. I think I really do need to find some lofty calling or passion, I guess that's this weekends' homework. Have a nice weekend people!

Sights and other things........

2008-05-05T08:10:00.000-04:00

Oh Joy! Monday is here! I'll try and say that as many times as I can till I believe it. Anyway in case you don't know I always have a digital camera in my car and I do try and take pics when I can, of course most of them aren't masterpieces but I do like to have something to look back to when I move on. Anyway here are some pics for you.

With the price of gas, I'm soon going to be wiping the dust off my bus card

Kenyans doing what we do best

A great looking mural

I like the artistic freedom people take with their shops in this part of town

More freedom of expression at work

A building design that stays with you

I liked the design of the sign

Some folk are living large I tell you..

A view from a hotel just by the Airport

Someone told me the hotel was once a hanger

Do transvestites prefer to fly with air tran? (Crude Acolyte statement of the day)

A news crew doing a story around the time one airline had their planes were grounded

Just wanted to show you all my private jet

No, I was not seated at the bar at anytime that day!

In other news I was reading about how during Labour day wanainchi booed the President when he did not declare a rise in the minimum wage. What it got me to wondering was if many employers even adhere to that minimum wage law and how often it is enforced? It's a known fact that many Indian owned factories in the Industrial Area over work, under pay and abuse their Kenyan workers. What is sad though is that the labour officials do nothing or are bribed to turn a blind eye. And what makes things worse is that I hear that fares are going to go up in Kenya do to the price of petrol, I guess more Kenyans are going to start walking. Oh the joys of a globalized economy, America's problems become everyone else's problems. Anyway let me get myself back to the everyday grind before I start thinking too hard and get pensive.

ps: A good reason not to play with other men's wives!

Monday Moanings Part XV

2008-04-28T08:59:00.002-04:00

What ever happened to this chap?

Last I heard he took up with a sugar mummy and disappeared without even doing his Form 4 exams.

I was reading the Kenyan press on-line and came across the Prison Warders' strike. I don't support their threats (release of hard core criminals) but on the other hand the press has been highlighting their pathetic living standards and working conditions for years without any change at all, even when Uncle Moody was gallivanting around the country improving conditions for prisoners. What I find even more ironic is how we have not built even one prison since Independence, surely there is no excuse at all for that!

I had my first sushi experience this weekend and I really must say it was most enjoyable, whoever knew that raw fish tasted that good? This was the perfect way to end a day that was spent at an outdoor festival (pics coming soon), that I went to with work mates and a friend of their who used to work in our organization. She left the organization under acrimonious terms so when we became cozy she had no shame in digging up and sharing the dirt of the organization with me, which was also confirmed by one of my work mates. I'll share later but let's just say I'm not going to be looking at some people in the office in the same light. One of my work mates feels she has gone as far as she can with the organization so is doing some serious job hunting, she reminds me of this crappy job that I used to have where most of the department used to spend half the day passing around job vacancies to each other. The funny thing though is how upper management seemed not to notice the low morale all over the office.

I was listening to the new Maddona album and it's surprisingly good, there is one important lesson Janet Jackson can learn from her and that is innovation and reinvention. Maddona has had misses but more often than not she goes back to the drawing board and reinvents herself, Janet on the other hand has over played the sex kitten card if you ask me.

The only word to describe this story is sick! Is it something in the Austrian air or something that is turning out these kidnapping pedophiles? I wonder if the daughter will ever recovers.

A few years ago. I had the feeling that this article was inevitable. I don't know if anyone remember a few years back in Kenya how there used to be one thousand one different fashion shows and titles, Ms Langata, Ms Eastlands, Ms Nakumatt, Ms Toyota, Ms Jam Rescue, Ms Florida 2000 etc. With no main governing organization or standards. many of these contests were just an excuse for men to ogle women and shop for their next pretty young thang.

As I had posted sometime back, our two main papers always have to post their annual article on the State of Prostitution in Kenya today. Here is what Standard came up with, it does seem the more "westernised" Kenya gets, the more brazen the advertising gets. It's this excerpt that I found interesting;

"It a thrilling business," she says. "I was forced into it due to hardship and the harsh living conditions, and now I pay my own fee and still have something left over to send to my mother who is a widow."

Her mother believes that she is the beneficiary of a lucrative internship with an international NGO in the city.

The use of the words force and thrilling in the same sentence to described prostitution. Her account makes prostitution not seem that bad. Yes the headline does sum up the whole tone of the article but even so, the writer should have at least mentioned some of the hardships or something faced by those in the trade but who knows maybe the hookers he interviewed don't face any hardships in the trade? For 1,450/= an hour maybe I too should hop onto a plan and join the trade?

Have a productive Monday people!

Terrific Thursday

2008-04-24T11:31:00.000-04:00

No there is nothing terrific about the day so far but I'm being optimistic.

First things first, I see mass hysteria has checked into the Congo; making away with people's manhood is all the rage now. What's silly is the fact that people are being told to watch out for people wearing gold rings, I remember when I was Kenya most of the Congolese men I came across were very metrosexual and used to wear loads of jewellery; so I guess most of the nation is suspect. Anyway I'm sure it's going to die down as soon as people find something else to keep them occupied.

I came across this article about older British women going to third world countries to get their groove on. All well and good but there are those who actually lose the script, fall for the young dudes' lies and end up losing most of their money to them; only to find out they aren't the only ones being played.
On the other hand there is this interesting video about sex tourism in Thailand, how British men go to Thailand, mostly for the sex but some of them also end up staying there with girls in "sugar dady" kind of arrangements and a few of them even marry the girls. One dude in the video was depressed about how his "girlfriend" started rolling with another dude when his money from UK took a bit longer than usual to come through.
So at the end of the day, when you read the stories and watch the video; who's really being played? Yes sex tourism is a cruel trade esp when children are involved but in these cases I do think that at times the Brit folk end up losing. And come to think of it, why is it in places where feminism seems to thrive both parties seem to be dissatisfied and unhappy with relationships in general? I do agree that traditional systems often had women at a disadvantage but now why is it the more feminism spreads the more unhappy women in relationships seem, this was the great emancipation that came wasn't it? Anyway I'm sure someone out there can school me about that.

I may have mentioned this, but I came across this magazine and this one too. It's good that someone is trying to reach out to the African diaspora out here, my only issue with wakilisha magazine is the cost. $5 an issue is too much, I have subscriptions that come out to $1-2 per issue; but I also understand that with a smaller circulation each issue becomes more expensive. What I am also concerned about is the fact that these two magazines seem to focus on women who are on the upper class here in the diaspora and that is a very small percentage of the women out here.

On another serious note we have this global food shortage going on. Half of this I blame on globalization, let's look at Haiti which used to grow it's own rice until it was "forced" in the name of globalization to take in imports of US rice that had been subsidised by the government, obviously the local farmers couldn't compete with the lower prices and had to stop growing rice and import. But now when they country you import from for some reason or other isn't exporting that much rice and keeping it for their own people you are stuck up the creek without a paddle as they say here. I know of course I'm oversimplifying things but that is the problem with the chain of globalization, when something goes wrong at one link it has ramifications for everyone in the chain. Let's look at Kenya, yes we do not have as much arable land as we should, thanks to deforestation, urbanisation and poor climate in some areas of the country; but I am sure that Kenya can still provide a whole lot more food for the people than it is doing at the moment and not have to rely on imports. Plus we also do know that reducing the taxes on fertiliser, cess fees and other levies on local farmers would encourage the sector to grow. Yes, I do know that it isn't that simple but every small step in the right direction is better than standing still waiting for AID from the West; they have their own problems to worry about. I find it funny though how the 2 touted virtues of capitalism and globalizations are now creating more problems than solutions.

Anyway time for me to get off my soap box and back to work, have a nice day people!

Another Year Goes By......

2008-04-22T08:17:00.001-04:00

Yes for those of you who remembered ie Gish, Mocha and company; I say thanks for remembering! Yes on Thursday, April the 17th; The Acolyte became one year older. No, I will not share how old I am turning with you. For some reason or other, birthdays have never been the greatest occasions for me, but they are good times for me to look over the past year and see what has been done, hasn't been done, shouldn't have been done and needs to be done. But by all means I am grateful for the fact that one year later, I'm here in one piece!

This week I intend to put down my goals and time lines on paper. I know most of them off head but research has shown that more people achieve their goals when they have them on paper since we all forget. Time to make sure I'm still on the right track!

In other news, I was talking to my small sis and she was telling me that if she was ever going to marry a Kenyan man she would go back home to do so, as all the ones here in the States are "rotten". On telling her friends in Kenya that they told her that she shouldn't have high hopes as most of the men in Kenya are "rotten" too, seeing as I am not in the motherland, I can attest to her opinion of Kenyan men out here but now those of you back home please defend yourself. If mamas back home are swearing you off then there must be a big problem somewhere. State your case gents!

You know one thing I miss about Kenya? The fact that 99% of the food was organic and cheap (before the whole elections chaos and current economics issues) to boot. Here what's cheap is processed food, organic food which I try to buy costs an arm and a leg, I can only imagine what it costs people who have children. I joined a co-op this weekend to help save money on that, I guess you don't realize what you got till it's gone.

I'm planning another picture post soon but in the meanwhile let me share these pictures from the Photoshop Disasters blog.

Look Ma, no feet!

No comment.....

I guess his sword levitates or something?

I always knew there was something wrong about that girl!

Now the picture below isn't a blooper but just plain disturbing. The State of Montana decided to run PSAs (Public Service Announcements) about the dangers of smoking meth. Take a look!

Anyway have a nice meth free day!

Some People.....................

2008-04-15T12:38:00.000-04:00

It seems some people are not well versed in leaving well enough alone at all. It seems that I have been touted as a grand example of what statesmanship is not, the difference between Kenyans and Tanzanians in addition how Statesmanship should not be conducted.

Well let's clear some small things out of the air first, first and foremost I called Kikwete a dumb bitch and not a dumb ass bitch. Please do your research. As for those who quoted Voltaire, my hats off to them; because however ill advised that statement was I stand by it.

Second, it's rather interesting how one who feel they can wax forth about statesmanship not show an iota of that to their own country man and fellow blogger by spewing forth a statement like, "an insignificant and inarticulate Kenyan blogger?"

Of course that statement in itself brings forth various questions. What does the poster mean by the term insignificant? How do we measure that in the blogosphere? Is it by the number of links linking back to your blog, I'm not going to get in a pissing contest about that but I know I'm faring rather well in that area. Is it because of the subject matter you carry? My blog has never been high brow but I have never claimed it was but in my short time I have done some good, case in point exposing a Dutch minister in Kenya for the huckster he is (I still get comments on that series by the way). Or maybe we could use blog traffic as a measure of significance? But once again I'm not going to get into a pissing contest here. So please don't make statements that don't stand up to in-depth examination.

Inarticulate? How do we measure that? Is it the amount of flowing Queen's English that the blogger uses? is it the comments from the readers hailing their command of the language and how clearly they articulated their point? In fact isn't being articulate being able to make your point clearly? I made my point and by the firestorm that came from it I would say that it was pretty well understood? My regular readers understand me rather well and relate to what I post and that is why they keep on coming back to my blog with comments of note and not kowtowing to my "significance".

At the end of the day, the poster is welcome to say what they want; remember Voltaire. But are they really in a position to be on a high horse? What can you teach people about statesmanship when you are hardly a gentleman yourself (an issue I won't bother going deeper into)? I for one don't and never have claimed to be a statesman or even a gentleman, I just say what I feel, no matter how inarticulate and insignificant it may be, funny enough that seems to resonate with other people in the blogosphere; if that is another indicator of how immature and low brow Kenyans are then so be it, I have nothing to apologize for.

Anyway I do feel I have said my piece, I am sure the poster of that piece has more significant things to worry about such as State House agents bugging his phone, following him to his house and interfering with his personal business as he tries to teach our President to be a statesman in addition to being the avatar of all that is significant and articulate. How heavy the load is that some of us how to bear. Let us support him as he teaches us how to progress as a Nation. Have a wonderful day people and in all that you say please be articulate!

Another Wonderful Week.....

2008-04-09T08:15:00.001-04:00

Now this here is sick! How in the hell do you have a child with your daughter?! What's even worse is that it's a consensual relationship!

Whatever happened to writing down names like John Doe and telephone numbers like 234567890 on applications when you dont want people to know who you are? This idiot seems not to have gotten that memo. I guess the slow sperm won the race in his case.

I just read the papers on-line and saw that chaos has restarted in Kibera slums and on the streets due to the wrangle over cabinet seats. It seems this power sharing agreement didn't even get to the sharing stage. I know I can't express it as well as Kenyans who are caught up in this ridiculous fight for power but I am sure people are sick and tired of this. Since I don't have a crystal ball all I can do is hope and pray for the best with all of you, shame elections just passed otherwise I would have encourage you to send them packing........

And in other wonderful news the dollar is fast becoming as strong as one ply tissue paper to a man with a running stomach

Vietnam's central bank even had to order the country's commercial banks a week ago to resume buying dollars within the tight range of exchange rates set by the government. Many banks had started betting on dollar depreciation and refusing to accept large sums in dollars, to the point that multinational companies and exporters had trouble wiring money into the country to pay their employees' salaries.

Yes, when you have to order people to take dollars things aren't looking too good. What amazes me is how long it took Americans to realise that something was wrong with their economy and leadership in general. I know there have been alot of bad decisions made over the years but the one that tops the list in general was going to Iraq. Well we do know that Haliburton and co are making a killing there so I don't think they'll be leaving anytime soon. so the U.S economy is going to be paying for that war for sometime to come. Since the little money I have is fast becoming useless, is there anyone in Europe who'll put me up so I can make some money to go back to Kenya? I cook, clean and I'm also drama free.

I see girls are showing the boys how things are meant to be done.

Anyway as you can tell from my links and post, wonderful amazing things are happening in this world that are leaving me so giddy with delight that I dont think I can add anything to this post. Have a the nicest day possible!
Ps: Liverpool kicked Arsenal out of the Champion's League, something to smile about at least!

At Long Last A Picture Post!

2008-03-31T14:40:00.000-04:00

I bought a digital camera recently, still breaking it in but while I'm at it I may as well share a few pics here and there.

This is the river that runs behind the apartment complex I used to live in. Really beautiful.

Despite their plummeting stock, you'll still see a Starbucks everywhere like here at the local mall

A Chinese Food Franchise, Panda Express; I've never eaten there though and don't plan to soon

Another shot of the river

A neighborhood that is being revitalized aka chasing out the poor black folk, note the graffiti on the walls

Just like good old days, the Church shot!

One of the office buildings in the swanky part of town.

This is a shot I took at Lennox Mall, the mall the rich and famous go to here. The price of stuff here is just insane I tell you!

Some posh houses on the way to the gym

Looking for a home?

Some art on display at an event I went to a few months back

In other news, I hear that Akon's concert was postponed or something of the sort. I think with all the drama that goes on with organising international acts in Kenya, we aren't going to have anyone of note coming for a long long time with all the red tape, back stabbing and politics involved. What I wonder though, is that were peeps who bought tickets given refunds?

Quote of the day - " Kenyans are giving birth like Mexicans!! "
That was what my small sister told me after going to a baby shower for an acquaintance and running into the sheer number of chics with kids or in the family way. I just hope that in some of those cases that other than bowing to the biological clock these mamas have long term plans because sadly unlike back home you can't just dump your kids with the house girl or extended fam and continue life as usual. Plus it doesn't help that some Kenyan men out here just have a pathetic record when it comes to meeting their obligations when it comes to their seed. Oh well at least that isn't a problem I have to worry about. I have this feeling that there is something I was supposed to post about but haven't. Anyway back to the grind..............