Independant strong female seeks man.....

Since mutumia has decided to use alphabet time lately on male female issues.I too have decided to do my own series.Complete set will be out on tape and dvd soon!Anyhow now that we are in the new millenium and many women have the same access to the same education and career opportunities; which I think is great as I have no problem at all with women who want to climb the corporate ladder, pursue careers in traditionally male fields, etc.

I also agree with something a woman friend said in a discussion of men and women, that an intelligent and educated woman is a better choice for a wife, both for the genes that she splits with her husband and passes along to their children, as well as being a more interesting mate to talk to and be with.

What I see as the fundamental problem with women pursuing careers is the near-universal assumption these women make: That they will be able to "pencil in" a suitable husband at whatever point that they decide it's time to marry and have kids.That is a very dangerous assumption, because it's seldom true, and I'll explain why.

I have read several variations of this story in many magazines around the world. The story was about a woman, never married, who had risen to the top of some fairly big company. As I recall, it wasn't Fortune 500 size, but it was big and she had done a great job at directing the company's growth and making it successful. In the process, she herself had amassed a seven-figure net worth, with an annual income of a half-million dollars or so.Or in the Kenyan version she started her own company that was now making millions of shillings, take your pick.Fact is that she was a self made woman.

She was 46, as I recall, and couldn't find a suitable man to date and marry. The article chronicled her many attempts to rectify this situation, including her hiring an expensive dating service that specialized in matching up busy executives with suitable mates.

The service matched her up with some men, but none were much interested. This woman seemed amazed (and despondent) that the male executives the service fixed her up with (and that she was attracted to) weren't much interested in seeing her a second time. There had been a couple of men that wanted to see her again, but their incomes were a small fraction of hers and she didn't want much to do with them as she viewed them as not being successful.

The lady theorized that the men who weren't interested were "intimidated by a strong woman," and lamented that male executives had fragile egos, and needed doormats for mates, etc ( ladies I know you say that as I hear it all the time from you! ). It was a fairly detailed article.

Shortly thereafter, the letters section printed reader's responses to this article, and one guy nailed the situation dead-center.I wish I could find the exact article.

He said the woman was failing to see the basic economic principle of comparative advantage, on which all successful trade, commerce, and business is based. He wrote that he was surprised such a financially sharp person was apparently oblivious to what was so obvious to him.

Comparative advantage means you are most valuable to someone who needs what you have, because without you, they can't have it. Florida can sell oranges and orange juice at a profit to people here in Georgia, even after paying shipping costs, because orange trees won't grow here, and so if we want orange juice with breakfast, we have to get it from them.

Comparative advantage also says that you should concentrate your time and energy on that which rewards you the most highly, to the point of hiring others to do work that you may even be better at than they are.Mutumia put your hand down and take notes it is not yet question time.

Example: A neurosurgeon who happens to be a world-record typist that can type 200 words per minute is still better off hiring a 60 wpm secretary to transcribe his notes, because there are lots of secretaries who'll work for less than $20 an hour, and his time is better spent doing more neurosurgeries which pay hundreds of times that rate.

The letter-writer's point was that the woman executive in the article was failing to grasp this economic fact. The male executives weren't "afraid of strong women," they weren't interested because this woman didn't offer them anything they didn't already have. They already had lots of money. They already had financial and business success.

The letter-writer pointed out that the men who had shown interest were the ones that were younger and hadn't had the business success that she had. They were attracted to her because she offered what they didn't have. Unfortunately, the woman executive didn't grasp this, and for some reason didn't see that her situation made her much more attractive to pool boys than to Donald Trump.

This is the great tragedy of women's empowerment: The so-called women's movement has encouraged women to get specialized education and pursue careers right out of school. Feminists have said over and over that women can succeed at any business endeavor a man can. THIS IS TRUE. But what makes this message so damaging: Saying it over and over to young women has distracted them from remembering (or realizing) that they have a tremendous comparative advantage over men. This comparative advantage is their ability to have children, and it exists for only part of their lives.

If a woman doesn't particularly want to bear children, fine. But almost all of the young women I meet do have a strong maternal instinct and say they definitely want kids. Why don't they realize that their youth and ability to bear children are expiring assets? Why are they doing what you can do at any time (work in a business) during the only time they possess those valuable assets?

What if a recent college graduate who was the star striker for his college soccer team told you that he intended to play professional soccer in the English Premiership, but not until after he'd gotten his law degree and had established a successful law practice? You'd think he was crazy, yet women do the equivalent every day.

Here's a fired idea for the women who want to "have it all": Do it in the logical order, which is the reverse of what you've been doing.

I will expand on this topic in my next post.Now yes you in the back I will answer your questions now.

Ladies:How to avoid being Next-ed

I know there was a short term cease fire going on but I couldn't resist!
There is this tv show called Next.what happens is that there is this chic or jamaa then a group of jamaas and chic get to hang out with her/him one at a time.For every minute the chic/guy hangs out with them they get a dollar and if the chic/guy really likes them he/she asks them if they want to keep the money they have earned so far or to forfeit it and go for a second date and for the ones that he/she cant stand they are dismissed with a cry of NEXT!Some are next-ed even before they have opened their mouths due to dress,looks or appearance.
Anyway what am I getting to?In the world nowadays good men are hard to come by,so this is a short guide to the ladies on avoiding being NEXT-ed by your man!-Acolyte tosses grenade and dives for cover!-

First, trying to change your guy is like teaching a pig to sing; it wastes your time, and it annoys the pig! Guys typically don't change all that much, and are not all that keen on being ordered around, especially since they get enough of that at work. Coming home to more of the same is not likely to endear you to your guy. Home is supposed to be a haven after a hard day.

Second, nagging and passive-aggressiveness not only won't get you what you want, they annoy and downright infuriate your guy. Just ask for what you want. The worst we can say is "no" or "not right now."
And if we say no, we may have a very good reason for it.

Third, guys don't typically sweat the small stuff. They DO sweat the big stuff. Guys may not care that you don't look exactly like a Playmate of the Month, but they do care if you spend money like a drunken sailor, have a $2000-a-day drug habit, or are always negative and angry at the world. If you don't bring any big problems to the relationship, we won't care if the house isn't always operating room clean or the laundry isn't always spring fresh.And yes kids from another relationship can and are many times a big thing.Sorry but that's how it is!

Fourth, speaking of big stuff, a satisfying sex life is big stuff. Think of sex in the same way you think of comforting a small child who fell down or a sick pet. You'd never blow off your kids or your pets if you had a headache, so why would you do it to your guy, who wants nothing more than to cherish and protect you?Or if you must cut us off you might as well tell us what the reason is before we NEXT you

Fith.Avoid being an economic sinkhole. When we pay for all household expenses, all vacations, insurance, tuition, etc., give you a monthly stipend to spend on anything you want, and never ask you to contribute a nickel of your earnings from your job, we absolutely DESPISE finding out that you have no savings, you've run up $20,000 worth of credit card debt in the last three months buying clothes, and we need to bail you out again. A wise man once said, "Being married to a woman who cannot control her spending is like being married to an arsonist. You never know when you're going to come home and find out she's burnt another place down that you now have to pay for." I know some chic out there is harping "But we plan on giving equally to keeping the house going!"Yes some women do but i have met many many women who operate with the mantra, "my money is my money and his money is our money"

Sixth, weight matters!Maybe it shouldn't, maybe we shouldn't be so shallow, but weight matters. Make-up matters. Grooming matters. We hate to make it tough for you, but if you're in a long-term relationship with a guy and you expect to keep his attention you have to look as good as you did when you began dating or at least make an effort to.If you relax after gettting the wedding or engagement ring, sit in front of the TV all day and inhale ice cream and pizza like they were oxygen and allow that sexy nighty to moulder at the bottom of your underwear drawer, we'll probably stop asking about it. Soon thereafter we'll either start an affair behind your back or "next" you.
And if you give me that story of "You should love your woman no matter how she looks," I say this "If you dont love yourself enough to take care of how you look then why should someone else?"Don't agree? Come closer my open palm has something to tell you.....SLAP!!!!
ps:I was looking at the results of the poll and there is no shame in you people's game!Would you still vote yes if you knew your blog is one of those on the chopping block.Vote carefully people!

Friday

I had a hot post all primed up for mutumia but today is her b-day so now flaying and torment during birthdays is my policy.So you'll have to wait for another day people!So I will keep myself enterained in other ways. This is for all you Everton Football Club fans out there:
LIVERPOOL ECHO (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a Liverpool
courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should
have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents
and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child
custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to
the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more
than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge
then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that
they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that
domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took
the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have
custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare
officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Everton Football Club
whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone.

-Those Brits kill me!Here are some interesting letters to a humor magazine they have over there.

The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it.
Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods?

John Campbell, e-mail

With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab.
Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team?
They found the tw@t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them.

Shuggie, Email

It's all very well Meg Ryan getting her kit off for her new film, but why wasn't she doing it twenty years ago before her puppies hit the pan?

Alan Pick, Kingston-upon-Toast


Hats off to the American police.
They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV.
Perhaps they should get some faster cars.

T Barnham, London

IT'S uncanny how some of these old sayings are true.
'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', said my wife as she waved goodbye to me on the way to spend a month with her mother.
Since then I have grown quite fond of my next door neighbour.
I actually gave her one on the living room carpet this morning.

Christopher Hampshire, Bristol


The recent suicide of Harold Shipman has thrown up some interesting questions.
For a start, does Shipman killing himself take his official tally up to 216, or does it count as an own goal?
Where does this final score place our national champ in the world league table?

Magnus, Sheffield

ONE pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania', says Oxfam.
So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month
for my three bedroom semi?
The fleecing b@stards.

Tracey Cusick, Cumbria

Anyway so much to do not enough time!Sometimes grad school can be a bitch!

What was lost.....

I got it back!Woo hoo!What am I talking about?There is this mp3 cd that I had made some time when I was in ATL.It is full of ragga and reggae music ie damian marley,t.o.k,capleton,elephant man,sizzla etc.Nick should know how sawa it is as I sent him some tracks.Anyway I would carry the cd from digs to work and back.I would listen to it in the library as I worked too.So one day after not having time to listen to it for sometime I just started to feel that there was something missing.So I turned my room upside down BILA.To go to the lib nothing in lost property.So I had now resigned myself to having to put up with rap,rock and pop on MTV and radio.Then today I go to the lib and go to sit down at one of the usual computers that I use and decide to pop in one of my Kenyan cds to quell my misery and guess what is in the drive?My CD!!!!!But on the other hand it got me thinking.I spend to much time in the library and at the same three tables!
ps:Have to post a rejoinder to some things that mutumia brought up!

P.C my ass! part 2

Well last night there was the internationals club meeting so at this meeting one of the main chics calls me and asks me how i am doing.I give her the usual answer and then she asks me if I was angry at a chic called Emily and that the chic was almost crying when she was talking to her.First of all I am like who the f@#k is Emily?Then the chic reminded me and I learned what happens when you call a spade a spade and not a big spoon!
Let's go to one week earlier.I was at the international club coffee night.A gathering held every 2 weeks where international students can hang out with the locals and each other.So I get to talking with this jungu mama who from the t-shirt she is wearing says she is in BSU ( Baptist Student Union ) ie the savedies on campus.So we get to talking then you know how these discussions go, "Oh you're from Kenya!That's nice!What do you like about here?What do you miss from home?blah blah blah.So then this chic says that she is planning on going to go to Kenya to do ministy work.Then I ask her why did you decide to go to Kenya.She then tells me that she saw a Zambian kids choir perform.So I was like you are travelling several thoudand miles coz you saw some kids sing?Then I was like why doesnt she concentrate on ministering to the gays and lesbians in San Francisco.Mind you I was not frowning when I was saying this .I was very chilled out, smiling with her and even empathising.Usually I would have had sura ya kazi and would have even told her that we have missionaries in Kenya who will not only plant the seed of the gospel,but will water it and help it grow instead of running back to stato and that stato has mingi heathens and needs her more; but I did not say that at all!If I did she might have committed suicide!But that will not change me I will still say it like it is!Anyway ya'll be nice and fill in the poll down there.Some people wanted to know which KBW blogs irritate me and I have decided to keep quiet so that we have no beef.But if the people speak......
VOTE!