Monday Moanings Part XVIII

For those of you who just watched this video and went "huh?" The whole vid basically sums up LisaRaye's response to being kicked to the curb by the Premier of Turks and Caicos whom she married around 2 years ago in a Hollywood style wedding. Any it seems that her hubby had a roving eye of sorts and even had a rape accusation come up against him a few months ago, I guess when he allegedly took up with a BET TV host whom 50 cent once called a hoe, she had her publicist release a statement then went partying in NY with Lil Kim and co.

So now it seems Lisa Raye had a change of heart and decided that being Island royalty trumps ego, so she went back home only to get a statement that her husband was filing for divorce and wanted to do so quietly and amicably. So this is what happened as a result;

LisaRaye, who was banned from the main house, drove her car through a barricade at the house, parked her car and barged into a closed door meeting between the Premiere and his cabinet ministers.

She allegedly pounced on Misick and commenced to sink her teeth into his flesh. Another man who attempted to separated the former lovers, was also bitten. Both Raye and Misick were treated for human bites at a local hospital and LisaRaye was placed under arrest.

So what I wonder is did he bite her back or did his bodyguard bit her back or what?! I have no idea if the video above was shot before or after her arrest. But I do love the way she throws him under the bus in the beginning of the interview. Don't you just love the sneer on her face when she says, "I will continue to be uplifting and pray for him"

I do admire her saying about how she is planning on continuing to do alot for the Island even when from what I read, the people of the Island never took a major liking to her that and the fact that her soon to be former husband is the Premier means that she won't be around for much longer. I'm sure she knew what her husband was doing but I guess when he took up with a public figure and embarrassed her she decided enough was enough, that and the unexpected divorce announcement but even so I do feel the whole issue could have been handled better; I mean how can you both say you want to handle matters in private yet press releases are being sprayed like mass media is going to be banned? But the way it's going on right now it just means more drama for me to enjoy in my boring life.

Anyway what would our Monday be without "You Shoulda Stayed At Home!" segment? Now Monday is here with us, sadly so the grind has to begin again. I really do need to become independently wealthy because this working thing isn't doing much for me. Suggestions and ideas people?



Real Friends Make Honest Comments About What Their Friends Are Wearing



Girl In The Front Left, "I think this much of her (makes hand gesture)" - Feel free to caption



I Can Explain, She Fainted In The Club And He's Listening For A Pulse



Is He Blowing On Her Stomach Like You Do Babies?



Has Anyone Seen My Skin Moisturiser and My Neck?



Clubbing Is Hard Work



Clubbing Can Indeed Be Overwhelming



I shall leave this one for ya'll to caption because I looked at it and all I could do was shake my head.....

Behold, Hump Day Is Upon Us!!!!!!!!!!

I was reading this article about restaurant cleanliness and it gave me some interesting memories about Kenya. I remember in Kenya we did have health inspectors but how much inspecting they did was debatable. I do know for a fact that they did used to inspect the 5 star joints more often than not plus the 5 star Restaurants to keep themselves in good books internationally used to impose their own standards. But of course when it came to the good old 1 star joints this was another story altogether.
I once recall going for some nyama choma at a joint and some zealous health inspectors came in ready for the inspection. Well what the proprietor of the joint did was to crack a few jokes with the inspectors and since it was around lunch time, had some ribs roasted for the inspectors, sat down with them, chatted and sent them away with some money and meat for their trouble. That was that year's inspection dealt with.
How we used to escape major food poisoning always made me wonder, I guess our stomachs adapted over time.

I found this video online and thought I had to share it esp since over the years I always made jokes about how cosmo never missed an article about how to please your man; I always thought by now they would have run out of methods of doing so.



Anyone who lives in the States is more than aware about how serious child molesting is taken out here. So much so that when a sex offender is let out of prison, they have to register with their local police station wherever they go to live. This information is then made public for the people who live in those areas on sites like this.
That of course is a great tool but there are a few things to consider; children are molested more often than not by people they know, family members, teachers, clergy etc. So there should be a system parents set up to monitor those people too. Second, why should registration end with sex offenders. I think paroled murderers, violent robbers, arsonists, con-men, people with mental illnesses that lead to episodes of violence and drug dealers among others should also be put into a National database for our own safety. Now discuss that issue in 100o words or less in the comments section, thank you.

I know some of you are now drooling waiting for the "You Shoulda Stayed Home" picture segment. Well I must apologize and say that one you have to wait next week for, but you know me; I always have something tasteless to share. Like I always say, this isn't the place to come for high society discussion and that kind of thing. Yes once in a while I do make pretensions to intellect and lofty ideals but on other days, I just want to share what's on the street. Anyway moving on.....




A classic






I think some men out there need to see this one so do share..



Yes I know I'll burn in hell for this one



Funny thing is that I have eaten there before and their burgers weren't half bad....



Now we know....



Funny for all the wrong reasons...



If you don't know the joke then it doesn't make sense but still those boys are going to burn......

Well sadly it's now back to the real world where work and responsibility await. To be a kid again......

Monday Moanings Part XVII

This weekend I had to help someone do one of the things that I hate most in the world; MOVE HOUSE! What made this worse is that this was a poorly orchestrated move, when you call the Acolyte to help you move, he expects to come to your house and find all your boxes packed and ready to go. Sadly this wasn't the case, most of the stuff was all over the place and there was hardly enough boxes to go round. To add insult to injury, what was to be tossed out wasn't sorted from what was to be kept; so we had to help do that in addition to packing.
Of course tempers were frayed at several times during that day and alot of moaning and wingeing was heard. But I also realised how much rubbish people accumulate over the years when they live in one area long enough. You see I have packrat tendancies but I balance it out by not buying very much, but I know people who are both packrats and heavy shoppers. I once helped this friend of mine move who had enough shoes to supply a small boutique. Anyway I guess we are all different when it comes to collecting stuff and moving. For me the more organised and the less stuff to move, the better! Sadly that was the story of my boring weekend.

But.................... I am in the process of discovering that revenge is a dish best served cold, nicely and chilled. More on that cryptic comment in the future.

Before I go ya'll didn't think I would forget the Monday segment. In fact I challenge ya'll to come up with a name for it. I'll get the ball rolling...."You Should Have Stayed Home"
That's what my tired mind could come up with, anyway let the captions and the fun begin!



No comment......



Nick watched wistfully as Milo once again had his way on the dancefloor...



What the hell?! The dance of the comatose?????



First of all, where is her left shoe? Second that stuff being splashed on her looks alot like.....



These are the chicas who are great fans of beer goggles and the 3 a.m rule....



At least oil your legs before you go to the club, I'm not even going to talk about the dress



Ashy legs - check, ashy face - check, no shoes - check, no shame - check....We have a winner!



What the hell?! Practice session for the after party or what?!

Have a nice day and stay out shady clubs!

Monday Moanings Part XVI

Another Monday is upon us! I don't have much to say other than vent a bit about some people. If there is one thing I hate it's liars, and what I hate even worse than liars are unrepentant liars. Have you ever caught someone in the the wrong, call them out and then they try and turn it around on you claiming that you are in the wrong, claiming you have trust issues and all that mess. When in reality you actually have more evidence than you think they do about what they did. Why I bother dealing with some people I don't even know. Anyway that is someone extra to boot out of my life.

I'm a bit late on this but seems like schools are striking en masse in Kenya. And in true mzee fashion Prof Ongeri decides to try and put out the smoke instead of the fire. Getting rid of cell phones in schools and DVD players isn't going to do much in the long run; the issues go far deeper than that.
Let's keep it real, many boarding schools' administration style leaves a whole lot to be desired. Add to the fact that many of them are still ran on the 1970's model of administration where children are meant to be seen and not heard. Listening to your students and talking to them can yield alot of results and this hardly every happens in many boarding schools and quite a few day schools too.
But on the other hand, many parents today have abdicated their roles as parents and role models. So as a result kids expect to have the same freedoms they have at home when they go to school. Add to this the fact that according to some parents their children can do no wrong so the teachers have no leeway when it comes to discipline. Throw in the increasing number of single parent households and you end up having a lack of male role models and the remaining parent is too busy trying to put food on the table to bother with Jr tearing up the school every other day.
I'm not even going to mention the KCSE fiasco. There's alot of work to be done. Thank God I am not a parent....

Anyway enough of the serious stuff! Time for the fun weekend pics. All opinions welcome! Have a nice day all!



Is the gal on the far left pregnant or just big?


As you can see in clubs the M.O when it comes to dancing is girl's ass meet's dude's crotch, but in some cases like the couple in the far right for some reason or other that doesn't work so........


First things first, why is there always tissue paper on the floor in these grimy clubs? Second how can the chic on the far left be barefoot after looking at the state of the floor. Third, why is the dude behind her drenched, is that sweat or what? Fourth, I wonder if that hand made it to it's desired destination?


I'd like to know the logistics of what they were doing too


Real friends don't let friends go out looking like a mess...


Please look at the expression of the chica on the far left, she sums it up best!


Now you all know what a camel toe is....

Monday Moanings Part XV

I want to introduce you to a new phrase which is, f*cking below the line. F*cking below the line was a term used in a Mario Puzo book I read sometime to mean screwing someone who is below your station in life; this could be social, financial etc. I had been thinking of this post for a while but Archer's last post spurred me to action. You see whether you like it or not, most if not all of us who have indulged in sexual activities have screwed below the line. The worst thing with screwing below the line is that often there is a small alarm bell that is ringing in our head that is telling us to STAY AWAY! But due to being on the B train for so long or sheer lust, the ringing is ignored and kungulu (I hear that's what peeps call shag in Kenya nowadays) commences.

Screwing below the line seems fun and easy because look at it this way to the individual here forth referred to as the screwee, you are a hot commodity. So the screwer will have an easy time getting with the screwee. But the problem comes when the screwer wants to leave the screwee and return to their regular group, the screwee makes it as hard as possible and refuses to let go and may resort to all sorts of drama to keep the screwer.

How do you know if you are f*cking below the line?

1. Is your partner someone you would ordinary be seen in public with?

2. Do you avoid introducing your new partner to your regular friends and crew?

3. Does your partner talk about a future for the two of you and when they do, do you find yourself shuddering?

4. Do you find yourself side stepping the question when your new partner talks about you two being together?

5. Even when you are with this new partner and are spending time, are you still listed as single on facebook and myspace or whatever other social networking site you use?

If you can answer YES to more than one of those questions then know you are most def screwing below the line. Oh and just to toss in a twist, if the person you are with is displaying the same behavior either they are commitment phobic or they scraped the barrel with you; whichever way it is you are screwed!

What I find funny though is how due to the wonderful mechanics of the human mind is that after deluding oneself for a while sooner or later a moment of clarity comes to the fore and someone realises they are screwing below the line. This may be mid hump, when they wake up one morning and see the person next to them or in the middle of the occasional date. I say occasional because for some reason or other people don't go out for dates very often with their screwees, unless the screwee applies pressure.

Now after the moment of clarity getting out of the situation tends to be tricky because many screwee's don't let go easily. I remember one who once argued her way out of the break up, yes that is how insistent she was; she had a counter point for every point I had for not dating her. Yes my fully laid plans were thwarted for a while.After her insistent pressure I decided to take advantage of some information she knew about me, you she did know that the Acolyte is a somewhat spiritual being; so I did what any spiritual man would do. I told her that I had taken a vow of singlehood and celibacy, which was somewhat true because I was just tired of all the drama that comes with strokes. That and me going underground finally took the pressure off me because she kept on insisting that she wanted to come and see me (last ditch seduction attempt). My solution, if the shag seems to easy; think twice. Plus make sure you are not someone's screwee!

Anyway since I have been staying out of trouble, I have been having a ball looking at pic's of peeps acting the fool in the club. I'm going to share them. Please feel free to add your own captions!



My question is, what is the lady woman in the far right doing? The expression on her face.....



Yaaaaaaaaay! Guess who's here to save the night.....



Shaun at the far left decided he may as well jerk off in the club instead of waiting to get home..



If she stand still enough for long enough she can blend in the same way the Zebra whose pants she stole blends into the savannah



Archer: Natukifika kwa rodging, nitakuinua juu hivi, harafu.......



Milo: Dear Mocha, you can even see I'm on my knees. I promise all I want you to do is have a cup of juice at my place after the club; nothing else
Archer: Wachana with his siasa. I have a new couch I bought today that I want you to come to my apartment and sit on!
Mocha: Blushes away....

Have a great Monday People!