Dear Naomi and Other Things......

Dear Naomi Campbell,
I have admired your work as a super model for many years and your volatile character has always provided many interesting incidents that have kept me entertained but I also recall that in the past you admit that you did abuse drugs like cocaine but you have now conquered the habit. Well Naomi, the mind is a powerful thing in that it can rationalize anything. I watched the commercial above where after you drank some Sobe Life Water while you were on the beach and all of a sudden some lizards on the beach began to play music for you and dance; this was especially after one lizard managed to catch a drop of your water with it's tongue.
As a reasonably educated man I have learnt not to discount anything without research, it is that in mind using 3 other different individuals as test and control subjects, I attempted to replicated the phenomena in an environment as identical to where your incident occurred. Despite our concerted attempts at no time whatsoever did any lizards on the beach attempt to drink some of our water, in fact they scurried away when we attempted to offer them some, the ones that did not scurry away did not play miniature musical instruments or dance for us. After running different scenarios, accounting for the implausibility of lizards playing instruments/dancing, the non-existance of the sub-species of lizard in your commercial, and studying the data we collected; I came to one shattering conclusion.

You are still on drugs!!! I know that may be hard to believe Naomi, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving a problem. I would like you to know that I am here for you. The expensive rehab facilities you are accustomed to are obviously not the solution, it is that in mind that I welcome you to convalesce in my apartment. I will gladly accept half of what you pay the rehab facilities since I am not in this for the money but out of concern and empathy. I look forward to your reply.

Your Dear Friend,
The Acolyte


In other news, anyone familiar with US tv knows that it's packed with reality tv shows. So anyway Diddy aka P.Diddy or whatever else he calls himself has a show called "I want to work for Diddy", it's like the apprentice in that all the competitors compete in different challenges with the ultimate prize being to work for Diddy. So anyway there is the story of this chica, who used to work in the entertainment industry and had a figure and a half but after lots of dudes tried to sleep with her she decided to gain weight to fend them off (so she says) read the story here. But the joke was on her when she said this in a later interview:

Lots of women are constantly approached and harassed by men sexually in business, in the music business it’s rampant. So yes, I really thought after over 10 years of dealing with that crap, that I could make myself sexually unattractive to men and then they would listen to me rather than look at me. It was maddddd stupid, I ruined a pretty damn good figure, but sometimes when you’re desperate you make dumb decisions. Now I attract men who like big girls, and jerks in the business are still jerks. Hey, you live and you learn. VH1 Blog

Ladies let me tell you one thing. No matter what you do to yourself there is a man out there who will still sleep with you, heck there are men out there who will sniff out and try to sleep with anything that has vagina. So the only thing that mama did was mess up her health. I guess ya'll have different coping mechanisms.

Anyway don't drink too much Sobe Life Water and have a nice weekend.........

Monday Monday Monday..............

Anyone who has read my blog knows that when it comes to travel, there is nothing I abhor as much as flying within the continental United States. The long waits, over booked flights, indifferent ground crew, old planes, no meals/snacks, luggage restrictions and the invasive security checks. It was an enlightening experience to read this article about how working as a member of the flight crew aka air hostesses has lost alot of perks and prestige over the years.

I want to share the picture below which I got from a blog that I read that discusses social issues. This is a magazine stand at a local library.

For some reason Blogger chose to crop the pic but there is also a notice lower in the pic also asking readers of JET to produce ID at the front desk if they want to read it. On the surface this sounds pretty racist given the fact that the same isn't asked  of for readers of the other magazines that are available. The other magazines from the subject matter would seem to have a majority white readership while the same can't be said of JET or Essence which are ready predominantly by blacks. So the notices would have been clearly racist if for no reason all of a sudden the librarian decided to put them up just because black people like reading those magazines and in their opinion are more likely to make off with them. But on the other hand someone who works in a public library attested to the fact that those magazines and urban lit tend to be stolen far more often than other magazines, so the only thing they could do was to ask anyone who wanted to read them to produce ID. Even so, it would still be easy for you to think that most black people who go to the public library are thieves but I wonder what would happen if they put copy of Black Enterprise magazine on the shelf, I very highly doubt that it would go missing. The pedestrian conclusion, black people are thieves, the better conclusion; a certain demographic of black people is more likely to steal a magazine from the library. If you have any other interesting viewpoint please feel free to share....

And just to muddy the waters for you, the librarian did say that there are other magazines that are mainstream that they also ask people to present ID to read.....

I was reading this article in the Standard (one of the few interesting ones in quite a while), and I was thankful that I have never been under a boss who slept their way there (no pun intended). I have had bosses who got there by kissing ass rather than giving up some ass, but at least they had a basic idea of what they were doing. I guess that is one reason I abhor the corporate world since the politics that goes on there is nothing short of machavellian, this is not to say the same doesn't happen in the non-profit sector, it does but on lesser levels. I can only imagine having to do your own work, your bosses work and also cover your ass when they screw up. What's worse is that more often than not the higher up who is screwing your boss most probably knows that's the case but as long as they are getting what they want they don't care. An interesting angle that came up in the article is the advantage that women have over men in the work environment, if they choose to they can simply sleep with the right person and they are set but of course the author didn't look at the flip side; refuse to sleep with the boss and they could make life hell for you. I have heard such stories and they are not pretty at all. I now understand why some people choose to own their own businesses, at the end of the day they decide who to screw.

In other news I am trying to get inspiration to wrap up the long forgotten Drama Post series or maybe start a whole new series altogether. There's always some crazy ish that went down in my past that I could blog about if I could get a good reason to. Oh Liverpool beating ManUre was a nice touch to the weekend I must say. My mouse is also really acting the fool, it's made blogging so much harder, time to relearn all those keyboard shortcuts.

Have fun working people, I have Monday off! For once I come out on top.......

Yet Another Friday!

One thing that many Kenyans struggle with when they come to the States is the fine art of tipping. You see back home there is no set formula per se when it comes to tipping. You either do it or you don't. You do it if you like the place, if it's high class or you are a regular there and have a good rapport with the staff. It's a whole different ball game in the States where most people in the service industry are paid far less than other professional so tips are a major part of their income and also a way of showing appreciation for their work.
Unfortunately many people don't realize that so I have gone out to eat with friends and have people look at me weirdly when they see me doing some quick math in my head before leaving a tip while they either wouldn't or would just leave any loose change that was gathering lint in their pockets. But on the other hand I do admit that the issue of who should be tipped and who shouldn't be tipped is rather complex and confusing. I read this article for some guidance and came to this fine conclusion, I'll carry my own bags, make my own coffee, buy food from the drive through, drink at home and do my own hair! It's too expensive out there for a man like me.

I know some rap/hip-hop lovers are going to try and hunt me down but I'm going to say this anyway. Lil Wayne's voice gets on my nerves, yes the dude can rhyme but there is only so much of his voice I can take in an hour. I mean listen to this song and tell me you can sit down and listen to that for an hour straight?

If I wasn't so apathetic about everything, I would blog about my workplace is slowly but surely turning into a bad episode of The Office. Well as that slowly happens I am slowly turning into one of the subsets of employees I once learned about in a class about Personnel Management. The character in question is called the Conserver. You see Conservers know how to do their job as fast as possible with the least needed effort and in the optimal amount of time (not too long, not too short). In addition to this I have also learnt that in my organization innovation results in more work for you but more credit to someone else usually a superior ( I learnt this the hard way). But let it be known that this Conserver did not go to school for all those years for nothing, I have also mastered the fine art of dissuading superiors from appropriating other organizations' concepts and putting me in charge of it by appealing to their fiscal sense of responsibility. So in a nutshell I do what I'm paid to do and keep my head down, that's pretty much it; anything else will cost them extra......


Before I leave, time for a PSA. A good friend of mine is doing a 3 day walk to raise money for Breast Cancer research. I know this issue affects and has affected many of us, so if you can please make a donation or give moral support! Thanks!

TGIF and bon weekend!

Behold Hump Day Is Upon Us!

After reading this article in the Nation about the depths that Kenyans have now stooped to in the aim of Westernization and to make money, I was extremely shocked and appalled. Yes Kenyans have sex, but remember just a few years we were the same people who were scandalised about sex related issues like AIDS being discussed openly. It seems that conservative nature of Kenyans that had local magazines like Men Only banned deserted us faster than I thought. We have slowly changed from the kind of people who would drop an old newspaper in front of a new vendor and signal him to slip in an issue of a Ugandan smut magazine to the kind of people who would star in local porn and with no shame buy it in the mail or at the nearest exhibition.

What worries me even more is that in our haste to embrace all that is Western. Sex isn't a Western concept but taping it and selling it for public consumption is unless someone out there has a research that tribe xyz used to have their local artist watch people have sex, inscribe it on scrolls and barter trade it to the village over the next ridge; I'll stick with that idea. As I was saying, even the seemingly boundless porn market in the West has regulation, checks and measures. The "performers" even have associations that look after their welfare. I highly doubt there is anything of the sort in the fledgling industry.

Anyway given the epidemic like spread of these videos, I doubt the underfunded and archaic Kenyan censorship board shall be able to do much about it. Also given the close knit nature of Kenyan society it's only a matter of time till the performers in these videos get recognised as they walk down the street. That kind of fame is hard to shrug off, so I hope they can handle the consequences of being stars of the small screen. 

It would have been foolish and idealistic of me to think that this day would never come but still I cry for my country.

Several minutes later, wipes tears, looks around and whispers...."Does anyone have one of those videos.....I want to watch one for research purposes only" 

My Head of Department and the CEO are out of the office for the next 2 days. Hello late arrival and late lunch! When the cat is away.....

Due to public demand (or should I say Eclipse), I have decided to wake my weary bones and attempt to finish the Drama Post series....

Behold The Weekend Is Here!

Whenever I tell people that I am eccentric and that I have many interesting quirks they usually discount it until they meet me in person. I was just thinking of one of my quirks that I was sharing with a friend. It really turns my stomach when people use "da" instead of "the" ie da beat instead of the beat. I know it's meant to be cool and hip but whenever I hear that it sounds like nails on chalkboard to me. But no I do not speak in Ye Old English, I do use slang but irregardless "da" really bothers me.

In other news I think I am going through severe dog withdrawal, you see before I came out here I have always had a dog or dogs. So coming out here and not having a pet would get to me sooner or later, me getting a dog of my own is out of the question. I don't think it would be fair to coop up a dog in an apartment the whole day while I'm at work, at least in Kenya they could run around in your compound when you were gone. So I have come up with a solution, I am going to start dating a woman who has a dog, preferably a gold labrador retriever with a friendly disposition. I can see some of you scowling, at least I'm not planning on using her for sex. This would be a beneficial relationship for the three of us; me, her and rover. I think I should begin drafting my must have a dog personal ad right now, wish me luck!

I was reading this article in a scientific journal that posed the theory that, it is not that we forget things over time, it's just that we are unable to recall them. I've noticed that even though I forget alot of things like everyone else, in my mind I tend to like alot of things and that helps me recall somethings I was never even thinking about in the first place. I was online and I saw a picture of a comic called Secret Six, the next thought that came in mind was Secret Seven and after that the next thing I remembered was the name of the author of the Secret Seven, Enid Blyton. I was not a big fan of her books but I do remember that in primary school the library had quite a few of her books for the younger students. I guess the big lesson here is that if you want to remember something easily, associate something with it so recall will become a whole lot easier. Thats my PSA message for today.

I have decided to take a break from highlighting fashion disasters to instead sharing some funny cartoons I found online.






The cartoon above is funny to me because many techno songs are actually that repetitive! If you have the first 30 secs you have the whole song! Have a nice weekend people!