Behold, He Lives!

Do you remember the old time cartoons where Tom would lob a stick of dynamite over a fence to his nemesis Jerry, only for Jerry to take the stick of dynamite and via a hole in the fence put it under Tom. Tom would at this point in time be celebrating Jerry's demise only for the stick of dynamite to blow up under him. Well if you read this post, this is what happened to Kym. I for one am not supporting or condoning any of the ignorant, racist comments that were posted but I do think that the short sighted way the post was written baited the commentors. And to think the blogosphere had been stale for quite sometime?

Time for a TMI moment. As you all know, I have been on the B train (chaste by circumstance) for sometime now. It also doesn't work that there are quite a few hot women at work so for the last few weeks of last month this was the expression on my face.




But over the last week or so I have embraced my chastity and become more like this.



But one thing I have to confess that much like a man who hasn't eaten for a long time can usually tell appreciate the fine nature of food via just the smell alone, so I have now recognised the difference nuances of the female form just by sight alone. What some of my friends consider shocking is the fact that I dont subscribe to self service aka spanking the monkey aka polishing the rocket or whatever you may call it. I simply find it semi gross and un-productive, call me a prude but that's just me; add to the mix I dont watch porn too. I'm the kind of dude whose comp you could borrow and run through the history for months backwards and there would be nothing rated Mature on it at all. But I know there are pleny of peeps out there who dont subscribe to my way of thinking so just make sure you have a shield for your monitor and keyboard, we don't want any goo on them do we?

Otherwise for all my blog pals, I am not ignoring you; it's just that we have been moving and also at work we are watched like hens by chicken hawks. I swear it is like I am working for Kumar and company, you have to account for every frigging minute of your time! The worst thing about me is that the more restraints you put me under, the more restless I get. It's good that I have an escape that is coming inevitably, I feel sorry for the folk who are stuck here.

Have a productive and restraint free day!

Monday Moanings Part VII

Why does this story sound soooooo Kenyan? I am sure this has happened to some of you out there before? You go for a wedding only to be ambushed with prospective husbands and wives without nary a thought for your feelings about the whole issue?



Sadly due to some management shake up at work, the team I was in has been dissolved and we have been sent out to new teams and given new schedule. I hate my job but one thing that made it bearable was my manager, she was a hoot and she cut us alot of slack. When the new schedules were being announced one of my team members said that she wants to be on our manager's team, the only thing is that she hadn't been given a schedule yet maybe to prevent all of us from trooping to her new team. I will miss all the slack that I was being given at work, now I will actually have to follow the rules to a T. Just another reason to get out of this hell hole as fast as possible. I went to check on where my new team sits and there's a Kenyan chic on it. After the exchange of names of course came the usual question, "Oh so your last name is XXXX?, you must be from tribe XYZ; as you can see I'm a ABC."

Several thousand miles from home and some of us still see ourselves as our tribe first then Kenyans second. Anyway I'm not going to waste my energy moaning about that.


There are some things we like to deny about ourselves but we have to admit are true when we hear them from 2 separate reliable sources. My sister once told me that I have a dark sense of humour that would offend some people unless they new me, I shrugged off that comment until my small brother made the same observation the other day.
You see we were watching this show where Mo'nique was interviewing some women who were in prison and finding out what got them there and the reason why the prison population of women in America is sky rocketing. So there was this prisoner who came on and they usually spoke for a second or two before their crimes were plastered on the screen, so this woman came on and I turned to my brother and said, " I bet she's in for violent crime, most probably robbery with violence"
Sure enought that turned out to be the case, so my brother asked what made me say that. I turned to him and said;
" It's always the ones with the beady eyes and the small sharp teeth; just take a close look at her teeth."
And at that point he lauded my nack for innapropriate comments. On a side note, we had a meeting at work where some people were being recognised and some of the best performers went for a conference at the companies hq and came to share with us. So this one dude came to the stage to talk about his experiences at the conference and before he started talking, I turned to one of my team-mates and said, "He was taken to the mother ship!"
That had her and the two people seated in front of us laughing most of the afternoon.
I guess that is why I take my time before cracking a joke becauseI have to make sure I don't step on any toes. I think I shall post some of my best inappropriate comments once a week. What say you?
PS: Lest you all accuse me of ignorance we all know that physical features are no indication of ones prediliction to crime, that was a theory once sean as valid in the early 20th century but was disproved later on by modern science (I'll post the dates and full theory for anyone interested). So not everyone with beady little eyes is a criminal, just everyone with eyes.........



Speaking of eyes, this picture says it all but captions are welcome............

Friday................

I know M will articulate this far better than I have but I have to say, "What in the blue blazes is this imbecile thinking?!"
What am I talking about? I'm talking about this story, the proposed addition of 90 more MPs by adding more constituencies. We all know that Kibaki is not doing this for the good of the people in marginalised places like Northern Kenya but as a way of currying favour for the elections. That is why I am against it! The public coffers are already being plundered enough by the current crop of MPs that we have and he wants to add 90 more?! These are the same morons who are planning astronomical pensions and send off packages for themselves for only 4 years work! Imagine what that money can do if it is used for development and infrastructure, Kibaki muppets out there please explain to me the logic and timing of this move?

Now this is one pussy I wouldn't be glad to see at all! Imagine being a resident in that old age home and one day when you are happily drooling away the cat comes and just gets snug on your bed, damn that would be enough to make you soil yourself for the second time that day! Who didn't say nature doesn't have a sense of humour? All that technology and skill being usurped by a cat!

For those of you who are on the B-train, you need to read this article; truly ground breaking stuff I tell you! I wonder how I went my whole dating life without this article!

Anway the weekend is upon us! Go ahead and do what I can't do; eat heartily, drink, make merry and fornicate for who knows what tommorow will bring upon us!

The Tag and other things...........

First things first, let me deal with this tag from Mocha...........


1)WE HAVE TO POST THESE RULES BEFORE WE GIVE YOU THE FACTS.

2)PLAYERS START WITH 8 RANDOM FACTS/HABITS ABOUT THEMSELVES.

3)PEOPLE WHO ARE TAGGED NEED TO WRITE THEIR OWN BLOG AND THEIR 8 THINGS AND POST THESE.

4) AT THE END OF YOUR BLOG POST, YOU NEED TO CHOOSE 8 PEOPLE TO GET TAGGED AND LIST THEIR NAMES (Scared yet…..you better be!)

5)DON’T FORGET TO LEAVE THEM A COMMENT TELLING THEM THEY ARE TAGGED, AND TO READ YOUR BLOG



I have done two posts with 50 random facts but let me think of a few...

1. Due to working my current job in customer service, I have developed a new found dislike for white people. Yes, because that's most of the people I deal with and I must say they are the most spoilt, crass and rudest people I have come across. No wonder no-one else in the world doesn't like them. Oh and I also think that the idiot who came up with the phrase "the customer is always right" should be taken into a dark alley, ass raped and shot in the back of the head.

2. I know this will earn me alot of flack but I'm going to say it anyway. Due to personal preference and seeing all the drama that goes on in inter-Kenyan dating here in the States, I don't see myself dating a Kenyan chic in the States in the near future.

3. Despite being here several years I have never warmed up to American football and Baseball. The start stop nature of American sports does nothing for me, I like games that flow.

4. I feel nothing for porn. You watch one and you've watched them all! The only thing that changes is numbers, colors, genders and the holes being used.

5. I think I may have watched too much "Will and Grace" because the first year I was here there was Coming out day when gay and lesbian folk go out in public share their predi I mean orientation, and the first thing I thought when I looked at their table was; " damn those are some ugly and frumpy gays! Where were you when the style was being doled out?"
Well I now know that they too come in all shapes and colors!

6. Most people bore me. This doesnt mean that I am more interesting than most people but just that I have a very short attention span so someone has to be really interesting or at least useful for me to consider keeping them in my life, that is why I have far more acquaintances than I do friends.

7. Just because I am soft spoken people think I am a push over, I may not always fight you up front but I do take my time and plan sweet revenge and pay back. Plus unlike most people I dont carry bile and let it burn away at me, I just put it in my pending list and go on with my life till the chance comes round to get my own back. Life is too short to mess up with grudges and worry.

8. I think most of you old reader read my post about my beloved dog that I had to give away and saw the picture that I posted on my blog. Well that picture was one of the straws that broke the camel's back as regards the last chic I was dating, you see there was this time we were to give each other gifts, so I got her some tasteful gifts. What she did in turn was find the picture of my beloved dog, I had left it in a book I lent her and she decided to draw a picture of the dog for me as a gift. You see looking at that picture depresses me, but no she decided to draw an A1 size picture and give it to me as a gift. When she gave me that picture I gave a performance that would have put an Oscar winner to shame but when I got home that picture was put far far away and Operation Flush began that very day!
Lesson Of The Day : Don't mess with a man and the memory of his four legged best friend!

So whom am I tagging?
1. Mimitu
2. Archer
3. Nick
4. 3 types of crazy
5. Gishungwa
6. KIPUSA

Yeah I have been gone so long I can only think of 6 names and not 8.

Is it me or is power some sort of elixir for long life? I was reading one of the papers online and I was shocked to see Baba Moi still up and down in the public lime light. There are people who were born and have had kids when this man was in power. I guess I need to start drinking mursik and eating whatever it is that he eats to stay on form.

I am sure most of you have read this story, I see it is also featuring in the local dailies in Kenya. Let's look at the right thing for all the wrong reasons, first things first our compatriots from Central Province were not behind it. Second, people always say Kenyans are slow and that is why our West African brodas always get ahead; I guess we are catching up. But on the other hand most of the accused worked in nursing homes, so I guess most people back home know that Kenyans in the States aren't living the good life but doing back breaking menial jobs to make ends meet! East or West, home is best!

Time to get back to the grindstone! Ciao people!

Bros Before........

I'm sure some of you have heard that saying before, but before you jump to conclusions let me say this has nothing to do with women but certain kinds of dudes. If you look beyond the scummy surface of that saying is the deeper meaning that a man should never forget those who were with him during the hard times and toss them away for loose thrills.

What I am referring to are some papers (it's been a long time since I used that word) dudes who find it hard to do anything for one of their guy "pals" but once anyone who wears a bra and panties asks for the same thing the dude bends over backwards to do it. And the thing is that it isn't that he has interest in her but just that she is female and somewhere deep within he needs her approval. Woe unto you if this is the kind of guy you are waiting to pick you up for a night on the town, he will stand you up the very first minute some girls call him asking for a ride. This is also the character you go to a club with and the minute you step in he will disappear to hunt for gals, only to come back when he is broke and needs a drink and/or a ride home.

And ladies before you jump down my throat I do know you also know some women who do very little for their fellow women but will do anything for a man who so much as looks at them. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having close friends of the opposite gender but in my opinion usually the closest friends you will ever have will be from your same gender, they are the ones you will learn the most from and have been with you from when you were a kid till now. Those of you who are guilty know yourselves........

I'm sure with the tremors that have been occuring in Kenya, certain men of God are having a field day preaching armageddon. Has that Proffesor dude who "prophesied" it popped up yet to vindicate himself? Well in my opinion and from the good old day when I used to be very spiritual I did some study and came to the conclusion that the office of the Prophet ended with John the Baptist (that is open for discussion) because the main role of the Prophets was the prophesy the coming of The Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. This is not to say that the gift of Prophesy did not remain, it still did but if you read the Bible you will notice that prophesies more often that not were straight and to the point. The "prophesies" that you hear nowadays from televangelists are so vague and easy to interpret your own way. For example if the earthquake prophesy was that Kenya was going to be hit is it that the Professor misheard the country that would be hit or maybe God told him that it was going to be a tremor and he decided to upgrade it to an earthquake? Or maybe we have a Jonah situation where God decided to forgive us and rain his wrath down on Tanzanians instead (no I have nothing against Tanzanians that is just an illustration). Anyway who would have ever thought The Acolyte would be having a discourse on the office of The Prophet. All opinions are welcome, as long as you aren't damning me to hell of course! Nice weekend people!