Some People............

My life is boring as watching paint dry but at least there is some action coming from home..........

There is this chic pal of my small sis, I'll call her J. You see J is a chic who is kinda rough around the edges, you know the kind of chic who is loud, doesnt hesitate to get into a fight, loves to drink and such. Anyway J works with my sis but a month or so left to go to Kenya on hols, so we decided to send her with some stuff to give my mum. My mum knows J, they met when my mum last visited us here and when they met J was on her best behaviour so my mum pretty much didnt mind her. But during the visit to Kenya the worm turned......

Like I said earlier, we had sent J with some things to give my mum; so he went to visit her. When she went it seems that she had left her good behaviour script at home. This is because when she went there it seems that she had one or two for the road and was very loud at the time. Oh she had come with her brothers who were driving her around, so she was also talking to them telling them who my mum was and how she knew her. What got to me is the way she had the nerve to blab how I'm going to get a major job and ish, yes I told her that I was job hunting; but I didnt ask her to go around spraying my business all over the damn place. This is the same chic who when she was here was complaining about how Kenyans are always in other people's business and can't shut up. Anyway here comes the icing on the cake, the chic brings up some long story about how they have to go see their mum in shags and how the car they have is someone else's and beg my mum for her car.

So against her misgivings my mum hooks them up and tells them to bring it back by Sunday evening for servicing. No they didn't have an accident but she brought the car back one day late and it was smelling of cigarette smoke. Of course my mum really told her off, but for real; this was the chic who was always telling us about the ballers she knew in Kenya. Why couldn't she borrow one of their cars instead of borrowing my mum's car when she barely knows her and even worse bring it back late and smelling? The candles on the cake? After being told off and her "apologising", she has the bottle to tell my mum that they should get together and catch some pints. I was like wtf?! Even looking at my mum you would tell that she doesn't drink, my mum has no problem with other people drinking, she'll even buy you a beer but the only thing she ever drinks is the occasional Guinness ( she says it is good for iron) and those concoctions with brandy for your chest when you have a cold. Besides anyone who grew up in Kenya knew that older folk were the ones who would invite you to drink with them if they deemed you mature enough and not for you to take you ass there offering beers.

Needless to say after that turn of events my small sis was sent e-mails telling her to put that chic at arms' length and when my sis called home after the usual niceties, she was given a long lecture about that because irregardless of those actions my mum also told my sis she just has a bad feeling about her. And you know about womens' intuition, it only gets better when women get older. So I guess in my case that is one less person to call a friend, and I guess she embodies the saying, " You can fake style, but you can't fake class."

Moving onto more uplifting issues. For some reason my eyes were fixed on one section of this picture. I'm sure you don't have to guess.....



pic courtesy of C&D

Regular programming will resume as soon as regular life resumes

Behold, He Lives!

Do you remember the old time cartoons where Tom would lob a stick of dynamite over a fence to his nemesis Jerry, only for Jerry to take the stick of dynamite and via a hole in the fence put it under Tom. Tom would at this point in time be celebrating Jerry's demise only for the stick of dynamite to blow up under him. Well if you read this post, this is what happened to Kym. I for one am not supporting or condoning any of the ignorant, racist comments that were posted but I do think that the short sighted way the post was written baited the commentors. And to think the blogosphere had been stale for quite sometime?

Time for a TMI moment. As you all know, I have been on the B train (chaste by circumstance) for sometime now. It also doesn't work that there are quite a few hot women at work so for the last few weeks of last month this was the expression on my face.




But over the last week or so I have embraced my chastity and become more like this.



But one thing I have to confess that much like a man who hasn't eaten for a long time can usually tell appreciate the fine nature of food via just the smell alone, so I have now recognised the difference nuances of the female form just by sight alone. What some of my friends consider shocking is the fact that I dont subscribe to self service aka spanking the monkey aka polishing the rocket or whatever you may call it. I simply find it semi gross and un-productive, call me a prude but that's just me; add to the mix I dont watch porn too. I'm the kind of dude whose comp you could borrow and run through the history for months backwards and there would be nothing rated Mature on it at all. But I know there are pleny of peeps out there who dont subscribe to my way of thinking so just make sure you have a shield for your monitor and keyboard, we don't want any goo on them do we?

Otherwise for all my blog pals, I am not ignoring you; it's just that we have been moving and also at work we are watched like hens by chicken hawks. I swear it is like I am working for Kumar and company, you have to account for every frigging minute of your time! The worst thing about me is that the more restraints you put me under, the more restless I get. It's good that I have an escape that is coming inevitably, I feel sorry for the folk who are stuck here.

Have a productive and restraint free day!

Monday Moanings Part VII

Why does this story sound soooooo Kenyan? I am sure this has happened to some of you out there before? You go for a wedding only to be ambushed with prospective husbands and wives without nary a thought for your feelings about the whole issue?



Sadly due to some management shake up at work, the team I was in has been dissolved and we have been sent out to new teams and given new schedule. I hate my job but one thing that made it bearable was my manager, she was a hoot and she cut us alot of slack. When the new schedules were being announced one of my team members said that she wants to be on our manager's team, the only thing is that she hadn't been given a schedule yet maybe to prevent all of us from trooping to her new team. I will miss all the slack that I was being given at work, now I will actually have to follow the rules to a T. Just another reason to get out of this hell hole as fast as possible. I went to check on where my new team sits and there's a Kenyan chic on it. After the exchange of names of course came the usual question, "Oh so your last name is XXXX?, you must be from tribe XYZ; as you can see I'm a ABC."

Several thousand miles from home and some of us still see ourselves as our tribe first then Kenyans second. Anyway I'm not going to waste my energy moaning about that.


There are some things we like to deny about ourselves but we have to admit are true when we hear them from 2 separate reliable sources. My sister once told me that I have a dark sense of humour that would offend some people unless they new me, I shrugged off that comment until my small brother made the same observation the other day.
You see we were watching this show where Mo'nique was interviewing some women who were in prison and finding out what got them there and the reason why the prison population of women in America is sky rocketing. So there was this prisoner who came on and they usually spoke for a second or two before their crimes were plastered on the screen, so this woman came on and I turned to my brother and said, " I bet she's in for violent crime, most probably robbery with violence"
Sure enought that turned out to be the case, so my brother asked what made me say that. I turned to him and said;
" It's always the ones with the beady eyes and the small sharp teeth; just take a close look at her teeth."
And at that point he lauded my nack for innapropriate comments. On a side note, we had a meeting at work where some people were being recognised and some of the best performers went for a conference at the companies hq and came to share with us. So this one dude came to the stage to talk about his experiences at the conference and before he started talking, I turned to one of my team-mates and said, "He was taken to the mother ship!"
That had her and the two people seated in front of us laughing most of the afternoon.
I guess that is why I take my time before cracking a joke becauseI have to make sure I don't step on any toes. I think I shall post some of my best inappropriate comments once a week. What say you?
PS: Lest you all accuse me of ignorance we all know that physical features are no indication of ones prediliction to crime, that was a theory once sean as valid in the early 20th century but was disproved later on by modern science (I'll post the dates and full theory for anyone interested). So not everyone with beady little eyes is a criminal, just everyone with eyes.........



Speaking of eyes, this picture says it all but captions are welcome............

Friday................

I know M will articulate this far better than I have but I have to say, "What in the blue blazes is this imbecile thinking?!"
What am I talking about? I'm talking about this story, the proposed addition of 90 more MPs by adding more constituencies. We all know that Kibaki is not doing this for the good of the people in marginalised places like Northern Kenya but as a way of currying favour for the elections. That is why I am against it! The public coffers are already being plundered enough by the current crop of MPs that we have and he wants to add 90 more?! These are the same morons who are planning astronomical pensions and send off packages for themselves for only 4 years work! Imagine what that money can do if it is used for development and infrastructure, Kibaki muppets out there please explain to me the logic and timing of this move?

Now this is one pussy I wouldn't be glad to see at all! Imagine being a resident in that old age home and one day when you are happily drooling away the cat comes and just gets snug on your bed, damn that would be enough to make you soil yourself for the second time that day! Who didn't say nature doesn't have a sense of humour? All that technology and skill being usurped by a cat!

For those of you who are on the B-train, you need to read this article; truly ground breaking stuff I tell you! I wonder how I went my whole dating life without this article!

Anway the weekend is upon us! Go ahead and do what I can't do; eat heartily, drink, make merry and fornicate for who knows what tommorow will bring upon us!

The Tag and other things...........

First things first, let me deal with this tag from Mocha...........


1)WE HAVE TO POST THESE RULES BEFORE WE GIVE YOU THE FACTS.

2)PLAYERS START WITH 8 RANDOM FACTS/HABITS ABOUT THEMSELVES.

3)PEOPLE WHO ARE TAGGED NEED TO WRITE THEIR OWN BLOG AND THEIR 8 THINGS AND POST THESE.

4) AT THE END OF YOUR BLOG POST, YOU NEED TO CHOOSE 8 PEOPLE TO GET TAGGED AND LIST THEIR NAMES (Scared yet…..you better be!)

5)DON’T FORGET TO LEAVE THEM A COMMENT TELLING THEM THEY ARE TAGGED, AND TO READ YOUR BLOG



I have done two posts with 50 random facts but let me think of a few...

1. Due to working my current job in customer service, I have developed a new found dislike for white people. Yes, because that's most of the people I deal with and I must say they are the most spoilt, crass and rudest people I have come across. No wonder no-one else in the world doesn't like them. Oh and I also think that the idiot who came up with the phrase "the customer is always right" should be taken into a dark alley, ass raped and shot in the back of the head.

2. I know this will earn me alot of flack but I'm going to say it anyway. Due to personal preference and seeing all the drama that goes on in inter-Kenyan dating here in the States, I don't see myself dating a Kenyan chic in the States in the near future.

3. Despite being here several years I have never warmed up to American football and Baseball. The start stop nature of American sports does nothing for me, I like games that flow.

4. I feel nothing for porn. You watch one and you've watched them all! The only thing that changes is numbers, colors, genders and the holes being used.

5. I think I may have watched too much "Will and Grace" because the first year I was here there was Coming out day when gay and lesbian folk go out in public share their predi I mean orientation, and the first thing I thought when I looked at their table was; " damn those are some ugly and frumpy gays! Where were you when the style was being doled out?"
Well I now know that they too come in all shapes and colors!

6. Most people bore me. This doesnt mean that I am more interesting than most people but just that I have a very short attention span so someone has to be really interesting or at least useful for me to consider keeping them in my life, that is why I have far more acquaintances than I do friends.

7. Just because I am soft spoken people think I am a push over, I may not always fight you up front but I do take my time and plan sweet revenge and pay back. Plus unlike most people I dont carry bile and let it burn away at me, I just put it in my pending list and go on with my life till the chance comes round to get my own back. Life is too short to mess up with grudges and worry.

8. I think most of you old reader read my post about my beloved dog that I had to give away and saw the picture that I posted on my blog. Well that picture was one of the straws that broke the camel's back as regards the last chic I was dating, you see there was this time we were to give each other gifts, so I got her some tasteful gifts. What she did in turn was find the picture of my beloved dog, I had left it in a book I lent her and she decided to draw a picture of the dog for me as a gift. You see looking at that picture depresses me, but no she decided to draw an A1 size picture and give it to me as a gift. When she gave me that picture I gave a performance that would have put an Oscar winner to shame but when I got home that picture was put far far away and Operation Flush began that very day!
Lesson Of The Day : Don't mess with a man and the memory of his four legged best friend!

So whom am I tagging?
1. Mimitu
2. Archer
3. Nick
4. 3 types of crazy
5. Gishungwa
6. KIPUSA

Yeah I have been gone so long I can only think of 6 names and not 8.

Is it me or is power some sort of elixir for long life? I was reading one of the papers online and I was shocked to see Baba Moi still up and down in the public lime light. There are people who were born and have had kids when this man was in power. I guess I need to start drinking mursik and eating whatever it is that he eats to stay on form.

I am sure most of you have read this story, I see it is also featuring in the local dailies in Kenya. Let's look at the right thing for all the wrong reasons, first things first our compatriots from Central Province were not behind it. Second, people always say Kenyans are slow and that is why our West African brodas always get ahead; I guess we are catching up. But on the other hand most of the accused worked in nursing homes, so I guess most people back home know that Kenyans in the States aren't living the good life but doing back breaking menial jobs to make ends meet! East or West, home is best!

Time to get back to the grindstone! Ciao people!