I caught some flack from the ladies about my last post and some of you thought that I think that career and family are mutually exclusive!They are not!It can be done as I will show you below.But more on the issues at hand.
Whether or not a woman's youth and fertility are her most valuable assets, they are inarguably expiring assets. They are like a $200 voucher for a private eating establishment that declines by $10 every month you don't use it. If you don't ever want to eat at that place, fine, let the voucher expire.
But if one of your life's goals is to fully experience that eating establishment, use your voucher early.
There are women I know personally who do "have it all," in both my and their opinion. In all cases, these women married and had their children early, i.e. youngest child born when the mother was 25 or younger. Once all the children were in school, these women entered the work force or furthered their education, at least part-time. When the kids were old enough to start looking out for themselves, i.e. in college or at least driving, the mothers became serious about a career.
In one case, the woman went to law school and is now a successful lawyer. Because she had her kids early, her body recovered easily, and at age 49 she has two grandchildren and looks like one of those hot 30-year-old woman lawyers on a TV series. Getting her law degree at a later age didn't hurt her skill level or ability to find work.
Another woman had her first child at age 19 and then twins two or three years later. When the kids were all in school, she started working part-time. At one point she worked in a export company, and felt the owner was making some bad business decisions. At around age 45, with the kids out of college, she opened her own export company. Now, a little over a decade later, she's making almost $200,000 a year and looks great.I could go on but I think ya'll will start thinking I have a Mbugua kinda thing goin so Im going to shut up.
Which of the career paths listed below makes more sense?:
1. Focus on career right out of school, have recreational sex aka hanya with pleasant male companions your own age, be on the success track for 10-15 years, then panic when you realize you want children but you don't want to derail your career, your looks are starting to fade compared to the twentysomethings, there aren't any men that seem interested in marrying you, and in any event, you're running out of time,
or2. After secondary school or during college, focus on finding a man about 10 years older who has established himself in the last decade and who wants a family. Use your youth, looks, and fertility to find the best possible man for the role of Husband and Father. Have children at a young age, soon after you finish your schooling, while you have lots of energy and your body will recover quickly. Be there for the kids when they need you, and let your husband do the financial lifting. Be good to both the kids and your husband, and be thinking about what your career dreams are while caring for your family. Talk to your husband about these dreams. Tell him you don't want to just sit around the house at age 40-45. Then go after your dream, once the kids are of majority age. You've still got a few good decades left, plenty of time for career success.
Many women who pursue careers find they don't like it nearly as much as they expected. Far fewer women have children and then wish they hadn't. Why not do the kid thing first, while your body is primed for it, and start a career later in life?
You can start a new business at any age eg A 65-year-old man living on Social Security with a used car and a love of cooking drove around the Southeast United States in the 1950s, cooking samples of food to persuade restaurant owners to buy his special blend of seasonings. When he made enough money from spice sales and found a financial backer, he opened his own little restaurant, selling one kind of food made with his blend of seasonings. It was successful, so he licensed others to open similar establishments. When he died 25 years later at age 90, Colonel Harlan Sanders left behind his legacy: Kentucky Fried Chicken, now KFC.
A man who wants a family can't have it without a woman. He would prefer a
young, fertile one. She will have the energy to keep up with kids, and her body will recover quickly from pregnancy and childbirth. Men know that a woman's sex drive and looks decline. We'd like to start with one where the decline hasn't already gone on for a couple of years or decades.
A woman who wants both a career and children faces a number of problems if she gets on the career track first, and intends to marry and have kids later. First, since men are good at earning money, we don't much care about your income level--that old comparative advantage thing. We want your youth, looks, and fertility--we've already got the money thing covered. Get to be 35 and still single and you'll find that the men who want to get married want to do so because they want to have kids. Thus, they want someone in the peak of her reproductive years, not the end of them. Second, if you do find a husband, becoming a mother around age 40 means being an old woman for most of your children's adult life. When your kids grow up, wouldn't it be nice to be young enough to still do active things with them for a decade or two? And what if after 12-15 years of the career track, you realize you're burnt out? Now what? Quit work to get married? What sane man wants a 35-year-old woman who has decided she doesn't like working?
Last of all, if you marry a man 10-15 years older, and start your career after the kids are grown or at least minimum responsibility, your husband is likely to be very supportive of your dreams. Men are very loyal to those who are good to us. If you've been a great wife and mother, we are going to applaud your wanting to get out of the house and bring in some income. We're going to be thrilled if you replace some or all of the family savings that were drained when the tuition bills for university came due. We're going to be proud of you making a financial success of yourself, so that you now truly "have it all." We'd love to retire and play golf or whatever, and admire your success.
And if you decide the career track isn't for you after a few years (or a decade), we won't be upset. You can quit at age 45 or 50 and do something part-time and your husband will never have any complaints. You let him have a wonderful family, were a great wife, and a wonderful mother to his children.
It's obviously an uphill task and almost too late for any childless career women out there in their 30s. The people that need to understand are today's secondary school- and college-age women who want a career and a family.
If you have multiple goals, and achieving one of them requires that you do it before a certain expiration date, work on that one first.Duh!
I can hear some mortars in the air so time for me to take cover!
