The Disappearing Post.......

Sorry all! I had started this post but instead of saving it when I was halfway done I clicked PUBLISH and it was published, I then took it down for completion; mea culpa!

Anyway, have you ever had one of those friends where this is always something that prevents them from doing stuff for you, they always have an excuse of sorts and since they are doing you a favour you can't come down hard on them but you have to grin and bear it?
I have such a pal and I'm so happy that very soon I will be able to give them the boot! Yes you can call me petty but I can give a list of grievances. How can someone always volunteer to take you somewhere and consistently come late and pretend to be apologetic. I was once offered a ride to the 'ville only to be picked 5 hours late and to be brought back a day later than planned. And to make things worse whenever I offer advice about the things that make them late, I am listened to and acknowledged but the same thing happens the next time we are supposed to meet, whether it is to hang out or for something serious things go back to how they were with an excuse to go with it. Anyway call me ungrateful but that is why I am staking out my independance bit by bit, because honestly sometimes the person you can best rely on is yourself!

Anyway enough of that. I was reading the Pulse today and I was looking at today's snippet on celeb relationships. I do think that something is missing in some of these accounts.

Sheila Mwanyigah and Simon Rushton

The singer-cum radio presenter parted ways with her fiance Simon Rushton in 2005 on the eve of their wedding. The singer was waxing lyrical about Simon and even planned for a wedding. He had even bought her an engagement ring—16-rubies surrounding a single diamond set on platinum. The ring was said to be an antique that has been passed down from one generation to the other and was worth a lifetime. Everything looked fine until Sheila issued a press release cancelling the wedding. The statement said that the couple was still in love, but due to personal reasons they had decided to postpone the wedding. (Why do I have the feeling that the postponment was not a mutual decision?)

"Marriage is a difficult thing," Sheila was quoted as saying. She spent the big day with friends and family. A few weeks later, she candidly said that she was happy with Simon at the beginning of their romance but as the wedding day approached, she realised that something was wrong and decided to step back. ( I guess that was the same time she hooked up with another baller)

Soon after, Sheila hooked up with singer Prezzo. The relationship, however, did not last long. (Why am I not shocked?)

Big Kev and Elizabeth Mukami

Burly emcee Big Kev has also seen one of the most painful splits in the celeb circles. The amiable rapper was romantically involved with Elizabeth who fully took advantage of his love. Kev was part of a love triangle and his girl was cheating on him with a rich, old man. (Seems rich and old always beats young and virile?) The truth came out when Liz claimed that she was accompanying her dad for medical attention in South Africa. A few days later a friend in SA called Kev, saying that Liz was being rather intimate with an elderly man. The same evening another elderly man told a dejected Kev to take it easy, since Liz had been going out with the said man for a long time. (Take it easy young lad, you still have your whole life ahead of you; lol!)
Liz spent two weeks in SA and when she came back Kev reluctantly met her at the airport. Already in an emotional turmoil, Kev told her to sleep on the couch and declined the gifts she had bought him. The next day he caught Liz telling her friends how he easily swallowed her lies and that things were cool. When he confronted her, Liz ran to his family members claiming that Kev wanted her out. But the die was cast and he flew to Dubai for a week to cool his nerves, leaving Liz at his digs.( This dude is so nice, I would have tossed her ass out there and then!) A week later, he returned and told her to pack her bags and leave.

Liz had been hoodwinking Kev all along — she had claimed to be a student of USIU-A but the truth was she was a secondary school drop-out, who was not living at State House Road as she had led him to believe, but in Buru Buru Estate.(So does that mean he never used to visit her? Background checks are a must, Nai is a small town so it isn't too hard!) To add insult to injury, the girl was a single mother of an almost a five year-old child. (This chic must be given full marks for being a player, and to think people say that chics cant play the game!)

Tedd Josiah and Muthoni Bwika

Veteran producer Tedd Josiah has also suffered a relationship bust in the past. The producer was at one time involved with the voluptuous Muthoni Bwika. It is rumoured that Tedd was so smitten that when they parted ways he attempted suicide. (Bitchass punk! He needs to enroll in the Movie Buff relationsip school - always make sure the other person loves you more than you love them, contact her for the rest of the lesson)

Debra Sanaipei and Sir Henry

Another break up that was hushed in the celeb circles was that of Debra Sanaipei and a city lawyer, Sir Henry. The couple had a steamy relationship that did not last long. The cause of the split is unknown.
The only reason I pasted this is that I do know that Sir is an honarary title in Britain but to have it as a first name is something in it's own world! I can only imagine his childhood pain. I wonder if he owns Sir Henry's Menswear store? Anyway I won't be so hard on him since I make everyone refer to me as Lord Acolyte.

In Other News

This dude here ( A TZ blogger if the swa sanifu is anything to go by), was jacking content from black entertainment blogs, but seems someone out there noticed. Ndugu, tafadhali; if you have nothing to blog about then you are better off saying nothing as opposed to jacking people's material without mention.

You Know I Had To Do It!

Yes you knew I was going to do this. For those of you who didn't get a chance to see it first hand...here is the decimation of Chelsea first hand!



As for Man U fans. Remember what I wrote in yesterday's post, "Now bring on AC Milan once more!" In all honesty; Rooney, Ronaldo and company were reduced to pedestrians. Soccernet said it best.

Sir Alex Ferguson's men chose the worst night possible to turn in one of their poorest displays of the entire campaign, with Cristiano Ronaldo among the biggest let downs.

Don't worry, there's always next year! Plus Man U already has the premiership in one hand so things aren't that bad! Ps: Udi and Mwangi cracked me up with their comments exchange on yesterday's post

mwangi said...
We are currently 2-0 down at half-time. I predict a glorius second half comeback. Come on you reds!!


Udi said...
yaani Mwangi i feel like wekaing u a slap of the mwaka. I have taped game with anticipation of wekaing pork chops, unleashing a couple of amstels and then u go haribu my suprise

Never spill the results of a game someone hasn't seen! It is like spoiling the end of a highly anticipated movie! It is almost as bad as preventing someone from watching the game!

For Men Only

Yesterday the ladies had a story to enjoy but since men are simple beings, I decided to share this with you instead. Enjoy yourself my good lads!

History Repeats Itself...............

The Man of the Hour, Pepe Reina shot stopper extraordinaire! (pic from soccernet.com)

The critics said it was a fluke and that if it wasn't for the "ghost goal" Liverpool would have never gotten through to the finals of the Champion's League final. Well history repeated itself, the "Special One" was proved to be rather ordinary. If you were in a trench somewhere, yesterday Liverpool beat Chelski 4 - 1 in a penalty shoot out to move to the finals in Athens!
As usual Mourinho refused to acknowledge defeat, the less said about the "special one" the better. Now bring on AC Milan once more!

Now it would be rude of me to leave out the ladies, so here is a story for you.......

For Women Only

This is a laugh for all those women out there who so look forward to that wonderful time once a year when they get to be "intimate" with their OB/GYN doctor! In Sydney, Australia one of the radio stations pays money ($1000-$5000) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner $5000....

"I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist. Early one morning I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m . I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 a.m.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.

So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but I didn't respond. When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The rest of the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school while my six-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

Shine away ladies, shine away...........

Whose Your Daddy and other issues...

After reading this story, I wouldn't be mistaken if I started thinking that someone at the Nation read my post on paternity fraud and got inspired by it; only thing is that the statistics are far higher than I thought. But anyway as the writer says, in some situations, ignorance is indeed bliss! I would like to be the fly on the wall of a house where a man has found out that the kids he has been toiling for aren't his, pure drama I tell you.

Moving on, it seems the muppet queen got a story on BBC. Frankly I don't see what she has done that merits a story, there are many other media personalities in Kenya whose extra curricular projects are of more interest. Anyway since the story didn't make Kenya seem like we are still in the stone age ala CNN and the other Western media houses, I really can't grouse. Plus her radio show does entertain once in a while. Go Muppet Queen!

I have noticed that their has been a steady increase in the number of new mothers blogging about their experiences ie mrembo, kpundit and now Medusa (baby still enroute). I guess it adds a new facet to the Kenyan blogs out there because at one point the demographic of Kenyan bloggers and their fans had become very narrow. I with them all the best even though kids aren't my piece of cake, yesterday I had an arguement with my big sister about the whole kids issue. She says that I am selfish by not wanting to have kids and that it is our responsibility as humans to procreate, I told her that it is good to have the choice to do so but it is not the main reason for our existance on earth, unlike other lower species we do have more to our lives than just living, getting mates and reproducing. I guess I shall just have to get used to hearing that kind of shaming language from the kiddie crew as the years go by.

Soccer Player Quote of the day - 'There is a smear campaign against me with facts, which are not true' - Toni Polster

Interesting Stuff I Had To Share..........

I came across this wonderful piece on the net and I had to share it! A wonderful exposition on a word many of us use on a daily basis.

The most interesting word in the English Language

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck." It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love and hate. In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).

As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression "fuck YOU!"
6. Disgust "fuck me."
7. Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
8. Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
9. Despair "fucked again..."
10. Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief "UNfuckINGBELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
18. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
19. Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Directions "fuck off."
22. Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Motherfucker."
It can be political- "fuck George Bush!"


It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:
"What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima
" Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic
"Thats not a real fucking gun." John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?" Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll." Anne Boleyn
"Let the fucking woman drive." Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger"
"What fucking map?" Mark Thatcher
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." Albert
Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?" Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" Michaelangelo
"fuck a duck." Walt Disney
"Why?- Because its fucking there!" Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking showers my ass." Noah

Besides which I am soooo happy that Friday has come round! Being a grown up is tough! I want to go back to College and have a ball hanging out, going for class and partying once in a while. In the meanwhile let my shell shocked self share some more humour with you.

A man wakes up one morning with the filthiest hangover and no recollection of the night before. Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.

He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate.On the bedside table is a note, which says,

'Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.'

Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, fresh OJ and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper - and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast.

'Tell me, son,' he asks, 'what happened last night?''Well, says the boy, 'you came home so blind drunk you didn't even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.''Christ!' says the man.

'Then how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?''When Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, 'Get your filthy hands off me, you whore, I'm married!'

Moving on, I wonder if he could smell the divorce request coming his way?

Talk about how trying to get something extra on the side can go horribly wrong!

Anyway, I now have an idea when I will kick the bucket; check the link to see how much longer you have left! TGIF! Nice Weekend All!

You Will Die at Age 91

Congratulations! You take good care of yourself. You're poised to live a long, healthy life.

What Age Will You Die?