Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Another Flashback......

Seeing as it has been a long time, I think it's time for a flash back post.
And the crowd goes yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This weekend my sister and a pal wanted us to go clubbing with them but I declined. This is because most clubs in the States don't do anything for me. First of all there is the pretentiousness, dress codes, snotty bouncers, high cost of everything (water for $10) and the fact that there are very few diverse joints esp since this is the South. It's either predominantly black, white, brown or yellow. Add to the fact that if you did read Chatterly's post about Kenyan bashes, once you go for one Kenyan bash you have gone for them all; little changes.

Anyway I was remembering how the club scene used to rock in Kenya. So much so that people would do anything to get cash to go clubbing. I once recall taking pal to the local shopping center to sell tons of newspapers, another pal once went to the extent of selling a gas cylinder (that still had gas in it!). It was hustle hard or stay at home and listen to Saturday Night Show, DJ Adrian or whatever plays on Saturday night in your neck of the woods.

Then of course during times of poverty there was the mandatory visit to the locals before going to Carni and the other expensive clubs. In the old broke days if you met someone sober drinking beer in an expensive club it meant one of two things, they were driving or they were in the money. Yes that was true Kenyans for you, chaps walking into the club only one beer away from being totally wasted. It was also amazing the thorough budgeting people used to do to go clubbing. I had a pal who had a budget that was so well done to the cent that was needed to buy the quarter chicken at Topaz in the morning. Needless to say one day he was distraught when a chic prevailed upon him to buy her a drink, thus destroying his budget for that night; but since it was for a good cause we were more than willing to bail him out. Talking about early morning meals, is Big City in The Mall (Westlands) still open? That place had the best fried fish ever, for that hour at least.

Anway what is a flashback about the rave without me including one about my nefarious pals. You see I had this pal, let's call him Mike. Mike's pal John decided to have a bash in his house and invited him and other dudes. So you see this bash turned out to be a bull party aka sausage fest. So what happened is that one John decided to liven up the bash by going to the local red light district aka K-street to pick up some women of easy virtue to liven up the bash. Needless to say as the hard liqour, weed and easy women checked in the party was on and popping. So in the morning what happens is that Mike wakes up from the black out to find that most of the other guys have left leaving him and Mike who was waking up. Well it seems to hangover that was a result of hard liqour, weed and possibly rauncy sex didn't do much for John's mood, so he grabbed a panga and threatened to slash anyone who was left in the house when he was done counting to ten. So my pal Mike and the girls run out of the house. Needless to say the only thing my pal could do at this point in time was to go home. So he got into the next matatu and the girls (or should I say h...?) jump in with him. Well you see this was one of those large suburbs where you had to take one matatu from within the estate to get to the bus stop and another one to get to town. So while in the matatu going to the bus stop the girls begin telling him, how they slept with the other dudes (John included) and how they were not given any money, so Mike should do the right thing and foot the bill. Of course this was a thinly veiled threat because the 3 girls were more than willing to start raising hell if he wasnt going to pay up. And there is nothing as humiliating as one man being accused of not paying members of the world's second oldest proffesion for their trade in the open air. So being as slick as he is Mike demurred and said he would hook them up, so he laid back and pretended to be dozing. What the girls didn't know was that Mike lived in the neighbourhood, so as the matatu slowed down to navigate round a pothole he opened the door and jumped out running.

It took a split second for the girls to notice, but they jumped out, pulled up their already skimpy hemlines and chased after him. But you see Mike was smarter than these girls knew because he knew where he was. He was pals with the caretaker of an empty house that was in that neighbourhood and knew the gate was open. So when he ran to the house, opened the gate and quickly shut it. The caretaker was shocked by the sudden intrusion but as soon as Mike stopped hyper ventilating he told the caretaker that there was this group of women that was trying to rob him and that he should shut the gate and disown his presence if asked. Mike sat on the grass and kept quiet and a few minutes later heard the group of girls passing outside the house wondering aloud where Mike had gone. He spent two hours in the empty house just to make sure that the coast was clear and then walked to his house which was 10 minutes away.

Moral Of The Story
Always Ask For Your Pay Upfront or Always Be Ready For Drama.

If you have any fun club/party related adventures feel free to share!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Monday Moanings Part V

During one of those few free moments I get, I looked at M's latest post and an interesting thought came to mind. Why is it that when many women put themselves out there for a man and they are turned down they act like sacriledge has been committed?
I remember a long time back I was listening to Capital FM and this girl called in hot under the collar. It seemed that she had gone to the club, met this dude, had a great conversation with him even bought him a drink and then she was really disgusted when at the end of the night he left without even asking her for her telephone number. The male co-host was really tickled by her anger as he explained to her that it was no big deal because this is what men go through day in day out. When a woman uses a man who likes her for favours and such, other women applaud it and most people don't see a big deal about it but when a man does the same he becomes the scum of the earth. Case in point there was this girl once whom I shared a class with, we were just friends but at I did notice that she had a soft spot for me. So once in a while when I needed a favour, like a ride or something; I would call her and she would take me. We did hang out for a while but before she started getting any ideas I decided to keep things moving, when my sister noticed that I wasn't hanging out with her anymore; she was pissed of at me. I told her the same thing as the male co-host told the girl on the phone, as long as no-one got led on what's the big deal with enjoying some attention from someone else? Anyway I guess some people just arent used to the concept of rejection at all.

In other news, I don't know how true this is but I hear that love has blossomed in the Kenyan blogosphere and there is this US based blogger who has fallen for a blogger in Kenya and is going back home in August to be with her. I don't know whether he is visiting or going back for good but it did get me thinking. First things first, I am a pragmatist. If I haven't met you in person, there is no way I am picking up and travelling halfway across the world to restart my life with you. Sorry I'm going to keep things real, some relationships may sizzle across cyberspace but when you meet in person they fall as flat as a week old beer.
I guess when it comes to love I am cynical and pragmatic, a study once showed that the electrical signals of someone in love are the same as those of someone who has taken a large dose of heroin. So I do guess that love is a drug? But that is why I always say that love, crushes and such should be enjoyed in the heady days of youth when there is little to be lost as opposed to the pathetic sight of an adult letting their lives wilt as they pine away for someone they "love." That reminds me, I was once at a bar in Westland in the parking lot when this chic told her boyfriend that she was leaving him. It was a cringeworthy sight watching him beg her and crying till snot came out of his nose. His tears were not in vain because she did take him back but I am sure that there is no way in hell he was the one wearing the pants in that relationship any longer. Once you show someone that you need them far more than they need you you have just given away any chances they may respect you.
I guess that's why I choose to look fine from the sideline! Have a nice week people..........