Thursday, April 12, 2007

Problems, Powers and Porn...

After reading Dorothy's blog where she gave her account of living with domestic abuse and commentors added their own experiences, I strongly feel that such billboards should be put up and some sort of awareness/education began. But at the end of the day that is all I can say about the issue, because I don't know what goes on behind closed doors and in people's heads. Anyway my meager knowledge is useless when it comes to this issue, any suggestions people?

Anyway onto more humorous matters! I came across a few of the many testaments to Chuck Norris' manliness online and I have to share them.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, some of Chuck Norris'
sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating
pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Chuck Norris' wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to
kick ass! "

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck
Norris will not take sh_t from anyone.

Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't
real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just
entered a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his

Those really cracked me up!

Since I have given my PSA it is now time for a funny piece I found on one of my all time fave soccer blogs! Yes soccer.......

30 things learnt from watching porn

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy in bed.
11. People in the 70's couldn't f*** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Yes The Acolyte has just saved you from having to learn the hard way, so don't take me fore granted. An attempt at serious blogging will resume tomorrow

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Shield, Sad Secrets and Sex

Please caption this picture. I wanted to, but someone might chop my head off.....

Today was a great TV watching day for me. House, Work out and then last but not least; The Shield! I would turn down sex for The Shield anyday! That show makes my Tuesday, but Dr House and his acerbic bed side manner makes my day too! I am going to get hold of the past seasons. Dr House is my character idol I tell you!

Anyway I was trawling the net as usual when I came across this sad article. I can only imagine the pain the men in these stories feel on finding out that the children they have loved and supported for all those years are not theirs and even worse that they can't bring them to America to join them. I have decided that if I ever marry in this country, I am going to get married in Florida, this is because it is one of the states that protects men in case of paternity fraud. In most other cases, if you don't find out within the first 3 months, you're stuck providing for the next 18 years as the real father goes scott free after banging your wife/ girlfriend on the side.

As I close, I know some of you may not agree with this but I think that the best sex is no strings attached sex. Some relationship/ marriage counsellors say otherwise but I disagree, once feelings get in the mix; things just aren't as fun. But anyway I guess I'm just a selfish bastard, I'll save the feelings of the women of the world and stay on the B-train.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Chemical Warfare

No this post is not about biological weapons but about people who use underhanded weapons that are just as bad. I know of some men who would put Chemical Ali to shame in their use of chemical warfare when it comes to dating. These are the men who will use their limited social skills to get a girl to go to a bar/ club or meet one there but most of the time do not have the game or the patience to consumate the deal so will result to biological weapons. What do I mean? Well these are the men who will go ahead to ply the girl with as much alcohol as possible to lower her resistance and when she is helpless, take her home and impose their will on her. I have another word for chemical warfare, it is called rape. If you cant get a woman to give it up to you when she is sober and you have to resort to alcohol, that is no different from giving her a roofie or clubbing her on the head and dragging her to your house. But as it goes with human beings, there are always those who develop a resistance to the drugs being used, I know some dudes who were known for being chemical warriors who took one of my friends out drinking only for her to out drink them leaving them to go home at the break of dawn drunk and alone. For all you ladies out there, if you are going out clubbing please take one of those irritating "mother hen" characters with you; this is the one time they actually come in handy!

Before I leave, did anyone here ever notice that in High School a large number of people always became "saved" or "born again" mostly around exam time? Have a nice Monday and say no to Chemical Warfare!