Thursday, January 25, 2007

Infidelity For Idiots part 1

This is a follow up to the post that Movie Buff did a few months back. This post in no way justifies infidelity, but a time comes in a person's life when it is easier to get outside thrills then deal with a break up of an existing relationship and all the drama that comes with it.

For those of you who feel that you must do this, here is a starter list.

1. Delete, delete, delete! - For some reasons men and women like keeping sentimental messages from those they are involved in. You can't afford to do this because one day your significant other may get hold of your phone. So listen twice for good measure and then delete the message ASAP!

2. Do not leave a paper trail! - The best trysts have been uncovered by simple things like receipts and credit card bills. Try and deal in cash, avoid using a credit card especially if your significant other gets to look at your bills.

3. Password Manager is not your friend - Many of us who use computers often let the browser store our passwords, so as to save us the work of keying in the password time and again. So one day when your boo gets suspicious all they will have to do is go to Yahoo! see your username and password saved and log in. When they do so they will see all your emails from your secret lover and things will be tight.

4. Don't Make Radical Changes in Your Appearance - When we get someone new in our lives, we tend to make ourselves look better for them. We start going to the gym, buying new clothes, looking neater and taking care of our appearance in general. This often makes alarm bells ring in the other person's head especially if they haven't done anything drastic to merit this change. So stay the same, after all the other person liked you the way you were when you first hooked up. So keep it that way, unless you are out on a weekend together.

5. Distance Is Your Friend - It may seem tempting to get a jump off near where you live. JUST SAY NO! The closer you are to home, work or family. The higher your chances are of being seen with the other person by people you know. But on the other hand don't get with someone who lives so far that you disappear for long unexplained periods of time just to be with.

6. Regulate Means Of Communication - Nothing perks up your boo's suspcion faster then whispered phone calls, people hanging up when she picks up the house phone and you acting suspicious with your cell phone when you used to be open with it before you started stepping out. To get rid of this, get another phone preferably pre paid so a bill isn't sent to your house. Phone companies like Metro PCS offer good cell phone packages that don't affect your credit or have a long term contract. Have a second phone, use it during certain hours and in certain places only preferably far away from home. And of course hide this phone in a secure place! When you do that, your significant other can scroll through your regular phone as much as they wish.

Next: More useful tips.
ps: Drama Post part 4 has been impacted by new information and is being adjusted to reflect this. It will be concluded very soon..........

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Slipping and Sliding into Senselessness...

One of Kenya's premiere hip hop artistes was in NY for a while and I culled his latest offering from Mocha's blog. Here is the video...

After watching that video, it took me a few minutes to arrange my thoughts in a manner that could be expressed without invectives.

My first question is are Bamboo and Attitude making music for Kenyans or for Americans? The title of the song is "snitch". Please someone out there tell me what the average Kenyan knows about snitches and the stop snitching, stop lying philosophy promoted by the hip hop community that is allowing criminals unfettered freedom in the black community in America? Let's assume that Bamboo and Attitude wrote this song for Kenyans. We all know about the Kenyan police, Bamboo may have spent sometime in Kariobangi South but I assure you that after a few backshots from some starved chaps in remand and "assisting" with investigations at the local Police Station not only will he sign on the dotted line, he will draw it and print out the paper gladly.

Then there is the use of the n word. I will say it out loud, nigga. For the life of me I don't understand why anyone who has a functioning brain and self respect would use it. I have heard the weak arguements behind it. "Oh it isn't the same as the one that ends with er", "using it that way takes power away from it" and "the other person know it isn't an insult." That is a whole load of bullshit, and anyone who thinks like that isn't thinking. When people of other races here black people calling themselves that they think you are not a "nigga" but a "nigger", and all that word connotes; dumb, self-destructive, self loathing and lazy. Why is it that we rarely hear or see other races referring to themselves with negative epithets, I don't see Jews running around calling themselves kikes, caucasians reffering to themselves as crackers, Asians calling themselves gooks and Latinos calling themselves wetbacks.
That word has a long history for African Americans so at the end of the day it is theirs to grapple with, but what gets to me is when I hear Kenyans using that word to refer to each other. If you look into history our heritage and that of black people here in the States is very different, even though we may not be able to trace our direct lineage; if you paid attention in African history you should be able to trace your tribes lineage a few hundred years into the past. So why spit on it? This is in no way me looking down on black people here who lost their heritage via slavery but that is one sad facet brought up by using that word. I have seen bloggers I know use that word in conversation and blogging and let's just say that I respect them a whole lot less for not being able to see and reason past the hype and culture. Just because you hear people on the street saying it and rappers screaming it doesn't at all make it acceptable. Why in that case don't these same Kenyans decide to empower racial epithets used by Indians and Caucasians in Africa to belittle Africans. Why not start calling yourselves "monkees," since many white folk refer to Africans under them and in general as uncivilised lazy monkeys? You don't see black South Africans calling themselves kafirs, so why call each other nigga? It's about time we learnt to respect ourselves as black people.

Anyway let me get back on topic. If we are talking about street cred and fake gangstas, who is Bamboo to tell people about that? I doubt that boy even has a ticket for jaywalking to his name, let alone a felony. How can her rap about studio gangstas, when he is one himself. The he goes on to rap about broke ass MCs. I know music gurus like Msanii are better versed to answer this, how many cds has Bamboo sold? I doubt he has even hit stainless steel let alone gold record sales.

Let me be honest, Bamboo has loads of talent but as the commerical used to go, "power without control is useless." One can still make hard core, underground rap in Kenya and still have an edge ie Mwafrika, Muki Garang, Ukoo Fulani etc; without aping U.S lyrics and style. If Bamboo wants to make money and fame, he should make music about Kenya for Kenyans. It's that simple.

Oh by the way, the chorus of that song sucks!

Ps: The Drama post series will resume later.

Monday, January 22, 2007

The Drama Post part 3!

Hey people. Under threats of violence, I have decided to cough up part 3 of the post! Enjoy!

Kendi could still see the lingering glow on her skin after her mid semester trip to see Philip. She knew he couldn't wait to see her over the December holidays. At least now she had more then just the memories of the nostalgic memories with her boyfriend to keep her going. All she was waiting was for her transfer to Ungabunga tech to go through and she would be free of this god forsaken place.

Mvaite on the other hand was disappointed that he would have to wait for a whole semester till he would be able to transfer, to make matters worse he was suffering a major case of blue balls. Mary wouldn't give up the goodies, it seemed she preferred tactile stimulation to the real thing; while the blond chic from the cafeteria seemed to be taking him round in circles. One day he vowed that he would show them that he was a Meru Lion and that Lions don't play with their food. He was also beginning to tire of the two Kenyan housemates mooching on his shopping, it seemed after a run in with Aco they wouldn't dare eat his food; but had no qualms about eating his food. The last straw that broke that camel's back was when after a long day's work he was looking forward to drinking the natural fruit juice he had bought, only to find an empty bottle looking at him when he opened the fridge. "Those women must go!" he vowed to himself, it didn't matter if they came from the same district to him.

Mary was in a state of unadulterated bliss. The semester was almost over and she was almost done with her classes. She had just finished an early exam in one of her classes, the majority of the exam was multiple choice so she didn't even have to study. She knew the best sequence when it came to multiple choice exams was D, A, C, B. It never failed for her. She laughed when she thought about Aco having to read the 800 page book on Abraham Lincoln, presenting on it and having to answer a question on it for the exam. When it came to her presentation she simply picked some points from the internet and some from Aco's presentation. Her presentation was so good that most of the class and even the Proffesor had serene expressions on their faces as the pondered what she said, one of them even had his eyes closed and was drooling slightly due to the sheer intensity of her presentation. To make things even better for her final exam all she was going to do is e-mail one of her friends in U.K whom she is sure must have read the book and ask him for tips and tricks. Ah life was good!

Fast Forward To January

Kendi never knew that things could turn out like this. Her holiday had been great, her and Mary had been hanging out at her Aunt's place all December doing nothing but watching tv, chatting and once in a while meeting their kin folk to talk about home. Things went wrong when "the letter" arrived, due to some reason or other Ungabunga Tech had refused to grant her entry. Her current school had also refused to give her a tuition waiver, it seemed they had given too many to Kenyans and wanted to give other students a turn. She still owed some money from last semester because her Uncle who was connected in the Ministry of Education did not come through with the scholarship funds as promised, it seemed that now things had tightened up in the Ministry.

Mary had enjoyed her holiday at Kendi's aunt's house. The only damper on her holiday was the fact that her grades were not as good as she thought they would be, it seems she was on academic probation; whatever that was. She wouldn't let that spoil her fun. She was also glad that now that Aco had moved out of town she could claim his room for her own and wouldnt have to share with Kendi. Kendi and her decided that there was no need to rush back to school and decided to extend their holiday for one week, the school fees issue could wait.

Meanwhile on the other side of town. Mvaite had decided to turn Aco's old room into a gym cum study. He swept the room their, put Aco's furniture aside and put together his $100 bench press he got on clearance at Walmart. He decided that the time to get rid of his mini man-boobs had come, he was sure they are what made some girls start snickering whenever he was shirt-less. He was gladder still to be rid of the two girls, he had sent Mary a message to leave the house key he had given her under the couch on the porch. He was going to turn this house into the true bachelor pad, no woman could say no to him now.

Kamau peered at the boards held by all the pasty white hands at the Arrivals section at the Airport. He finally spotted the board held by the International Office staff members from the University he was going to in the 'ville. He had come a long way from Kutus but he deserved it, he was going to reap all the benefits of America. He made sure that the wad of notes amounting to $800 was still secure in his left sock. This is all he had between him and poverty, some had told him that he should have had more money with him but after all he was in America; the land of good things!

A few miles past the airport, an SUV cruised down the freeway. Oduori was looking outside the window of the huge car. He had finally managed to put himself together, wrap up his obligations and get to America. He couldn't wait to see his girlfriend Paulina again. It had been almost 2 years since she left to go to University in Florida, she said as soon as he settled down; she would come down to see him. He ;aid his head back on the comfortable cushion, he had had made it!

Next: Characters Collide!