Saturday, September 24, 2005

Friday evening

Friday evening the sister of one of the Kenyan gals came into town.So we were hanging with her and some other Swedish guy who used to go to school here.We went to get something to eat and the Kenyan gal who goes to school her being the home girl that she is opted not to catch a drink with us so we dropped her at her flat.So the thing is that the big sis drives a very sawa Lexus SUV and the swedish guy drives a Toyota saloon pre-camry I think.So the guy asks her if the moti was her and she was like yes it is.And I thought that it would end there.So as we go to the bar the mama is like we are the one shocking pinto for her and she was not drinking brown or green bottle.Mentally I was like, "Mami it's how?You are making mad cash and you expect me a broke ass grad student to shock you pinto?"Yea right!So as we are waiting for the bar to clear I made use of tactic #1- I have to go the gents and as I came back I found her causing for the jungu.How come you havent bought my drink?And she was doing it the way Kenyan chics do it not with malice but with a smile on her face, this tactic has caused many a kubaff to part with their hard earned money to buy many a gal sambuca,tequila and other things i can't pronounce.Good thing is that I met some very interesting pal as oppossed to the usual karatasi college kids you find in the local bars.Oh as I was saying earlier the swedish jamaa asks the mama 2 diff times about the moti and once again on Saturday morning as he had something to give the chics' small sis as he was leaving stato and had to sell some of his stuff.I was like "kwani you think a miroo mama can't come to stato jobo and get a better car then you?Kwani you think africans are all poor.We are way smarter then you bi-yatch!" But the gal much to her credit took his questions in good humour.I guess to some people some things seems impossible.


Oh well the weekend is here.Woo hoo, went to visit the local bar for the first time in like a month and shock on me!The bar tender remembered me, I guess since it is a small town that does happen as new faces do not come by often.
Yesterday there was this chic who was to take me to Walmart but told me that she was meeting a friend first for lunch then she would pass by my apartment to pick me up so I could go shop.So as I am waiting for her she calls and says that she is having domes with her boyfi and the have to try and sort them out.So no ride for shopping also I now know the lay of the land in that direction too.Good thing is that I had a plan B, there is this akataa chic whom I share a class with and she had to do a presentation on a reading we had.Well the interesting thing is that many akataas I think due to speaking too much slang find writing papers esp those that need alot of techinical and tortous explanation very boring and hard to do.So we were meeting so I would give her a hand.To make things even more interesting she had not bothered to read it so I had to show her the key parts and also threw her some good pointers to bring up.So I told her that it's a case of a favour for a favour and that she had to take me to Walmart in exchange.So she was fine with that and we went.Also she showed me the shops where she works and that she gets 30% discount from a store for men's stuff ( forgot the name ), bath and bodywork and for my dearest Irena--drumroll please-- Victoria's Secret. Also noticed that hanging with her is helping me understand their accent as it is much deeper then the jungu accent so those moments of when I am taking a walk in the street and someone starts a short convo and since I do not understand half of what someone is saying I end up smiling and cutting them short before I look like a total idiot.Last lesson is always have a Plan B you can never know how things can go wrong.Well it is nap time for me then I will amuka to deal with a take home.

Friday, September 23, 2005

EABL etc

I was in the lib yesterday evening multi-tasking ie reading and summarising a research paper,surfing the net and listening to my Kenyan genge cd.Anyhow as I was doing so for some strange reason I Tusker jumped into my head so I hunted down the EABL site and found out that they even have commercials on their site.So there I was in the lib drooling over the golden waters that are the Tusker brands missing the everpresent chatter in pubs back home and all the smoke.Unlike here where you can't smoke in bars.Back home me and my clothes must have smoked a carton of gaffs via second hand smoke.Anyway enough being sentimental back to life at hand and watered down pints.
Oh and remember the mama who was giving me all her storos?I had been trying to buzz her but since she is so busy as a chem major I could not get hold of her so I was like "kwani ni wewe tuu?" and life went on.So what cut is that there is this other chic who was doing a paper on ppl on different cultures and she wanted to get my view so I was like "cool" so after helping her out I told her that she had to buy me ice cream.Well as we were at the ice cream parlour enjoying our ice cream chic no.1 walks in and sees me with chic no.2 it seemed to me she was not too pleased but on the other hand she was not too expressive.So me being the gentleman tumaad salaams, quick chat and life went on.Seems there is puno in finding somewhere you like and sticking to it.Reminds me of a story and no it was not me of this jamaa.Whenever he found a girl he liked and they hit it off he would take her for a weekend at a lodge at Lake Naivasha.So two weeks previous he was with another mama at this joint but the vibe katikad so he now had girl number 2 whom he pelekad chap chap!So now they were at the lodge stage already.As he drove into the lodge an eager porter ran up to the car and in hopes of earning a good tip uttered, "Boss habari yako!Umerudi na nimeona umetuletea mwingine!"Needless to say that trip was not as fruitful as planned.Lesson of the day.Diversify your methods and venues!

Thursday, September 22, 2005


For a change had quite a bit of work to do in the office so no on the hour every hour posting. Yes I know there are some of you who wait with baited breathe knowing there will be at least 2 new posts to read daily, so keep your underwear on I am here ( unless you are a pretty chic and have victoria's secret panties u can send them to me with a pic...:D )
Well my boss is also a student and she was having a group meeting in the office so I told her that once in campo I had a whack-ass lazy group so to save on stress I had in the past with such a group; I had them pay me to do all the work and then I put their names on the paper.This really cracked her up.
I was just remembering some time back when I had just cleared school.As ya'll know I used to be a very sweet guy, anyway those were the days of video tapes and video lib.So there was this mama who I knew that was not all that but was my pal.She was feeling unwell and needed some entertainment.So I volunteered to take her some tapes and I got my cuzo to drive me to her digs.So my cuzo was a ladies man and was keen to see who this chic was.As we got to the digs and the chic chomokad from the digs the fact that she was not on top of the world and posing at digs in some clad that u wear when you are never going to leave the house had her looking really mboff; not that i cared as she was not my mama but just a pal.
Anyway I gave her the tapes and we drove off.As we are cruising my cuzo turns to me and says, "I see you are giving mercy love now"
I just remembered that and it cracked me up!It was mean but it was funny.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Old habits die hard

When I was in high school after a test we used to have this bad habit of getting together as a group and comparing what answer we put down for what question and seeing if we were right or wrong.
Well the thing is that I am just from an exam that consisted of some fill in the blanks and essay questions.The thing is that with essay questions you can throw all that you have and you are bound to hit something while on the other hand with fill in the blanks either you know or you don't know!So me being the master of weaving webs is sawa lakini out of old habits I found myself opening my text book to check the answers.And to think that I am in grad school.tsk tsk tsk....

He still gotta go!

Like 2 posts back I commented about the ambassador issue.Well afrofeminista let me know that the move to recall the ambassador was cancelled after the complainant withdrew the charges.What I think is that the looming spectre of joblessness seemed too large for the lady involved.But I did some digging of my own and it seems that the man is ill equiped to be our ambassador to the states.I hear that during an international conference he was to give a speech so as he starts reading it he is overcome by some of the technical words in the speech so -cue kuyo zack accent here- "eeh eeh you know I do not write these things."WTF!Haven't you heard of practising your speech!
Oh and there was this time there was a conference in New York and Waangari Maathai was speaking and do you know what group was the loudest and worst behaved during this speech?Yes you guessed write the Kenyans at one point the Ambassador got up -cue kuyo zack accent here- "I am the prefect here you should all keep quiet."An action with the best intentions at heart but couldn't he have just whispered to his fellow zacks to shut the F up ealier, during that same conference a Kenyan pal who works for the UN kindly asked him to take a photo of her and Prof Maathai and he just sneered at her and said "you expect me to do something like that?" and walked off.Oh and this is not about our ambassador but the quality of career diplomats we have, during a World Bank seminar one of these zacks says he wants to make some calls and shuts himself in an office for a whole day making international calls.First of all you are a guest and then you go ahead to bite the hand that has fed you?The World Bank officials were having none of that and he had to pay the bill.I do not care who Kibaki used to play with in the mud zama za kale huko huko this things of appointing neanderthals to politically sensitive positions has to stop!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Marriage fun

Unlike Kenya many men in the states feel that they are getting a raw deal out of marriage ie raped in divorce court.So they are opting not to get married or marry and live outside america where the law favours men.This has been called the marriage strike it is beginning to catch on in the U.K too.Anyway I was passing by a forum and came across this.Thought it to be very funny and informative.

This may have been posted waaaaaaay back before, but I'll ask it anyway: Any good comebacks to "Why aren't you married yet?"

Some of my faves are:

1. Why aren't you thin (females)/rich (males)?
2. What, you expect me to make some poor gal miserable?
3. I'm afraid of ending up with someone like you.
4. Why should I buy a house for a woman I don't like?
5. I can't believe your poor taste asking such personal questions like that in public!
6. Why not just bang my head against a wall and burn all my money?
7. Because marriage is slavery.
10. Because marriage is the no. 1 cause of divorce.
11. I know...My eggs are dying by the minute! I better hurry!
12. When I see a happy long-term marriage, I will start to think about it.
13. B/c its hard to find a good woman. Feel free to set me up.
14. There are no good women left ! They're all taken.
15. I want to marry, and quit working, and swim all day. But I'm not finding any takers! Too many selfish women! I need someone to treat me like the Prince I am !
16. I only make $200k.
17. No reason.
18. Dont know.
19. One word: FREEDOM!
20. Because I like my life.
21. Because if I wanted to live with a psychotic, I'd move into a mental institution.
22. Because being single and broke is less painful than being married and flayed alive...and broke.
23. It would be quicker to take my self-respect, my pride, my dreams, my ambitions, and my money and possessions and just burn them on a bonfire.
24. Because I like sex way too much to have to give it up.
25. Because I don't want a wife who will cash out--and that's almost all of them.
26. With depreciating assets, I prefer to lease.
27. I don't want to give my girlfriend a license for bad behavior, and give up my right to get a new girlfriend at no cost.
28. Because I prefer a relationship that offers me benefits instead of just liabilities.
29. Because I like being happy.
30. There aren’t any good gals out there”

A reason for everyday of the month WOO HOO!!


Right now I am listening to Damian Marley's track welcome to jamrock here is the link to the video if you want to listen to it.For some interesting reason or other once I came here I have found that i listen to a lot more reggae and less rock.I have my own version of the chorus - "Back in the streets we ate chibbangas!"Kajairo kaa kando!But I still do listen to some of my old rock sds from back home as they do hold lots of memories for me.
Anyway I am still marvelling at how lecturers here or rather the ones that I have had go out of their way to help you pass unlike back home where the pompous lecturer would stride into the class, chin in the air "do you know how many people failed my class last year?"All the while looking at all of you like you are a bunch of morons and woe unto you if you sit at the back!You have already been downgraded one grade.What someone failed to tell the Makerere retard is that the fact that people fail your course doesnt mean that they are stupid it just means that you are a bad teacher.I had a lecturer who would minus 5 marks if on your paper you did not address him as Doctor and had instead put Mr while the jungu lecturers I knew even in Kenyan would tell you to call them by their first name.I guess some people get too carried away with titles.
I was talking to some pal in the U.K and she was telling me how Kenyans tenda each other over there esp couples.When a gal/guy has worked his/her ass off to bring their squeeze over and the person starts misbehaving or wandering with jungus.....the partner calls immigration and since many people overstay there welcome they are given a free ticket back home.If that is what can happen coz of dating let me stay single.There is no jobo in the office today hence my freedom to ramble on and on.More later

Monday, September 19, 2005

150 posts!!!!

i have now hit the 150 posts mark woo hoo!And to think that I almost quit at one point in time.Thanks to people in the KBW family and other passers-bye whose comments let me know that my efforts were not in vain.I would also like to thank my english teachers who had faith in my writing skills as a young man and members of my family for reading my works.Last but not least I would like to thank God for making me the virtuoso that I am!
Anyway on a far more serious not I was checking out the news about the Kenyan ambassador to stato being recalled to Kenya for an alleged sex assault.It is amazing how we men screw up important things over a piece of ass!I mean if men stopped thinking about and chasing after sex the world would be utopia!
I do not know what really happened so I can only cast forth what I am sure some people are saying.His suppporters and family must be saying the gal set him up and wanted to black mail him and he said no so she called the cops on him.His detractors must be saying that he has been doing this for a long time so now has gotten his due.Me being clueless will say that witneses if any should come forward.But now that the assualter and assaultee have been called back to Kenya all that hypothesising has been rendered needless.Most probably what will happen is that the chic will be transferred if she is lucky with some extra spending cash aka payoff or thrown out on her ass into the mean streets of nai and the ex-Ambassador will be given a low profile but still lucrative position by the old boys network.It's not right but that's how it works different laws for differnt people.

Sunday, September 18, 2005


Good to be back after my short trip to ATL jana with the int'l club.We went to the Martin Luther Museum which was a deep experience.That man gave everything for the black cause.It is a shame there are no others who are coming up to guide the black race with the same wisdom and selflessness.Anyway we then went to have lunch at Underground ( full of overpriced tourist traps ) which was across the road from Coca Cola world.The Coke museum was so so but it was good to know what a good idea,persistence and some lucky breaks can get you.We also got to taste all kinds of Coke products from all over the globe.I got to taste Stoney (yay!) and all sorts of other brands.I did not bother to buy anything from the shop as most of their stuff was shamelessly over-priced.I think also at the back of my head I remembered how Coke in Kenya treats it's workers like crap all in the pursuit of profit esp since I have some pals who used to work there.
So the next stop was Stonebrook mall which was pretty sawa but the main thing is that most of the malls here are just full of clothes and shoe shops and of course the food courts.I came like this close to buying an i-pod but then realised that mpaka my first cheque comes in that I should forget about any aimless spending besides the price of that thing can pay my rent but me being the true bargain hunter can't resist the buy on get on free offer so I do have some extra tees and b-ball shorts for when I feel athletic, oh and a little ice for my ears!Oh I had an interesting experience on trip back, I was sitting in the second last row chokozaing an american mama who had decided to tag along with us tourists so we were somehow talking about sexuality and stuff.Oh yeah, I had given her the impression that I thought she was a lesbian and she was grilling me.So in the back row there were these 2 jamaas one on his cell and the other was listening in, and me who likes to talk trash once in a while blurted, "I like lesbians but gays suck!" So at this point the people began to laugh and the guy on the cell phone asks what I said and the rest said that he needn't have heard it.It is later that the chic whispered to me that the jamaa was gay.So I was like "oooops" got to learn to watch my mouth as in this society you do not know who is who and where your comments might get you.
I have just felt like a total idiot after making the 10 min walk in hot summer sun to the lib that I had forgotten the book that was taking me to the lib in the first plac e and had carried less needed books.
Oh thanks all for the advice.Good thing the chic has gone out of the town mpaka till Monday so I will update you as soon as I get to see her.And milonare imagine I do not know who stole your posts must be the blog spirits as maybe you had talked trash.Tee hee hee.Anyway let me get to masomo.