Saturday, June 17, 2006

The Answers part II

Well people Ask Acolyte is closing on Monday so please if you have any leftover questions please send them in but as from Monday evening it is business as usual!Now to deal with the other questions....

Girl Next Door asked;
a) If you could have any pet, with the exception of a dog or cat, what would it be?
b) Imagine that you're going to spend a summer in a Tibetan monastery, which 3 books would you take with you?

For question one, I would say maybe a bird like a dove or maybe a fish.Both take minimal care and can't kill me!
That's a hard one, all I can say is that the Bible and one of the holy teaching of eastern religion would be among my choices.

Kenyanmusings asked;
1. What is your dress style?

2. Have you ever been in a long distance relationship and for how long?

I would say I have no definite dress style but I can say what my dress style isn't.I am not one of those people who are always formally dressed,nor do I do the tracksuit thing (unless I am going to the gym),and designer labels aren't really my thing.So I guess I would say my dress style is man on the street.

Does having a mama who is a boarding school while you are in a day school count?If it does I would say like one and a half years.

Mutumia asked;
Why did you dump me?
Well all I have to say is that Mutumia's allure and intensity was interfering with my focus in school so for my own good I had to walk away!

Spicebear asked;
what is the one thing about "the acolyte" that would make the whole KBW gasp (followed with long drawn out pause with instrumentals a la my fave soaps) with shock? it cannot be something we already know and the more shocking the better like for example that you really are a woman writing under a pseudonym (ok, now that would just be hilarious).in case you decide to duck the question, what's your favourite icecream?

I have decided to duck, my favourite Ice Cream flavour is mint chocolate ripple.


Alexcia asked;
If i am not too late

1. Do you drink your beer or soda or juo from the bottle or from a glass?

2. When wearing trousers do you close the zip before or after you tie the belt

-That depends on where the glass is from.If I am at someone's digs or at a high class joint it is always from the glass but at a local or crowded bash where you are not sure of the cleanliness it is always the bottle!
-Zip first then belt second!A strange question!

Mocha asked

If you do decide to get married and have kids, where would you live and educate your children and why?

-I would most def live in Kenya and raise my kids there.It is easier to be hands on in Kenya and it is also more acceptable for you to be firm on your kids.I just don't like the way kids are brought up here!

Friday, June 16, 2006

The Answers part I

Okay here are the answers to the questions you asked for the Ask The Acolyte segment:

Joseph (joe) asks;
Why do call yourself The Acolyte?
-I call myself The Acolyte as for me life is a learning experience under many teachers, life is the
best teacher there is after God.

The limit was one question but he asked some extra ones and I have decided to indulge him.
Were you in the clergy?
Are a devoted follower or attendant?
Are you an Indonesian manga publisher?
Is it true you were once in seminary on the way to becoming a priest?
-No, I have never been in the clergy
-I am not an attendant but I do consider myself a student of many of the great teachers in the school of life ranging from the old drunk in the bar to buddha.
-I am not Indonesian or a manga publisher
-No I never went to a seminary but I did go to a School of Ministry and could have entered full time Ministry but then I saw the light or the darkness depending on what way you look at it.

dangerously_shy asked;

When did you and Joe form this unholy tag team?
-As far as I know, we are not a tag team.In fact we do disagree quite a bit despite that we always do it in a genteel manner and that makes me respect him.
Whats with dropping a bombshell and then following it up with my laugh, sasa wont people put 1 + 1 pamoja and come up with kumi?
-Let them come up with kumi, in fact I am surprised some of them can count that far; but your laugh rocks!I can see you laughing away in your highback chair with a white siamese cat at your side as you plan world domination!

Kelitu asked;
I saw on your note about your blog that thou said that thou shall not be the Acolyte for long? Why sire why?
-I do not see myself being a follower all my life, one day I will stop being The Acolyte and become The Leader (or whichever new name I am inspired to adopt)

Prousette asked;
Where do you see yourself in five years time?
-Well that is an interesting one.Most probably I will be shuttling between Kenya and the States as I work for an international NGO concentrating on public policy issues.Most definitely unmarried but maybe dating.I would also have some investments and charitable organisations in Kenya running.I would also be a vegetarian, teetolater and in the best physical condition in my life.Or something like that.

Anonymous asked;
You clearly disagree with many things about KBW. In your last post you even mentioned about having to disguise yourself like some standard 3 kido to comment on certain blogs. Since you clearly feel that you do not need KBW and you disagree with so much of what the people who run it stands for, why do you not stand up for your principles and leave KBW?
-No need to be civil here it seems.First of all I see me disguising myself as a wise move as I get to comment (besides when to std 3 kids disguise themselves and why?).Yes to some extent I do not need KBW and yes I was this close to leaving but a blogger whom I respect talked me out of it and their explanation made alot of sense.KBW is not the inner clique whom I may have disagreed with but every other blogger who is a member.Plus the fact that I may disagree with some of the KBW stalwarts does not I disagree with KBW's aims which are pretty noble.

Shiroh asked:
Why The Acolyte?
-My dear your question has been answered above.

Akiey asked;
If you had to save one famous person from drowning who would that & why?
-Very interesting as I have never given these kinds of questions much thought.Hmmmmm what can I think of out of the top of my head?Martin Luther King, so that he could share his wisdom with us.Maximus Decimus, so that we could have Gladiator 2.

Nakeel asked;
Given a chance to be Kenya's president for a month what's that unique thing will you do?
-I decided to take a priviledge and add an s to the word thing in her question.I would make MPs forfeit their salaries for one month and put that money towards public projects in their constituencies.Pass or rework as many public policies as possible to allow for more oversight of the spending of public funds and make sure that these policies are as beneficial to the locals as ever.I would throw out all the crooked Italians in Malindi and all other foreigners whose presence in Kenya is doing the locals little good.I would have the Land Laws in Kenya overhauled so that a land deed becomes more valuable then the paper that it is printed on, I would then put in a system to buy the thousands of idle acres owned by the rich and slowly distribute it to the rural poor so they can at least grow their own food and make a bit of a living.
I would increase the ratio of police to people so that Kenyans can walk at night without being scared of being robbed and raped.I would have agricultural policies overhauled so that farmers can make more money from what they grow and not middlemen; plus I would have agricultural research well funded so that Kenya can feed its' own people.I would make any form of kleptocracy a capital offence.I would have prostitution legalised and regulated so as to make it safe for those who choose to do it.I would do something about uplifting the economy but seeing as I am not an economist I would have professionals come in and have them work without political interference.Of course something would have to be done about our infrastructure ie roads, electricity and communication to make Kenya viable for investments and industry.All in all I would not sleep that whole month!

Mocha! asked;

Which of the KBW members you have come to know would you like to meet and why?
-Well this is going to be a long list let's see
1.Mocha! - So I can listen to her mixing for me, plus she has that girl next door thing that I like.I feel like she isn't the kind of person I would have to put on any kind of airs for or work hard to make an impression on.
2.Guess- She seems like a very interesting person, so I am sure we would have a lot to laugh about.
3.Mutumia- Most def I have to miss the exbabymamahomielover friend!Gotta see the strokes that I forfeited.Plus she most def sounds like someone you could never get bored with.
4.TheDeviousone - Any gal who has an X-men avatar gets my vote!Plus if she talks the way she posts then she would make the best drinking partner ever!I can't wait for more Ikemfume and Oduori stories!
5.Kenyanmusings - I want to look deep into her eyes and soul and as she cowers in awe she would know that she has met a force greater then herself.
6.Dangerously Shy - If she would be up to it I would like to conclude some issues that we did not see eye to eye about.
7.Kenyangirl - I just want to find out if she is a real person or a figment of someone's overactive imagination.
8.M - I would like to learn the finer points of blogging and writing short stories from him.Plus I am sure he would be good company.
9.Keguro - I would like to see if he is as enigmatic in real life as he is on the blogosphere and I would like to hear him using all those big words!
10.Nick - I would like to know if he is as "sweet" in real life as he is in the blogosphere.Plus he could catch me up on all the TV programmes and movies I have watched.
11.Udi- Most def a pal I would like to catch pints with and talk smack with!
12.Milonare - After seeing his pic I have a feeling that we once blacked out under the same table in a Nairobi West Bar.Plus he has unexplored potential to join the darkside; bwehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
13.Ms K- Just to see the face behind those posts, maybe I wouldn't even talk to her; ni uso tu nataka.
14.Gay Nairobi Man - Just to get under his skin.Yes I'm a bad man!
15.Prousette - She seems like a nice person and I would look at her to get more criteria to use to weigh any mamis who want to be Mrs Aco.
16.Shiroh - Just to have fun in between making her get pissed off and sharing interesting thoughts.
17.>d He seems to be a very interesting and deep dude!Would make good company!
18.Kelitu - Even though I don't know her that well blogwise she seems like she would be great company.
If you feel that I have left your name out please let me know and give a good reason why it should be on the list!

Mama Mia asked;
If you could have dinner with any four people that have lived (past and present, and including fictional characters), who would you pick?
-Hmmm these questions are never my strong point anyway let's see; Nelson Mandela, Malcom X, Martin Luther King, Proffesor X, Doctor Doom, God, Satan, Superman, Jomo Kenyatta, Tom Mboya and my late father.Just realised there are no women on that list, nothing personal ladies.

Maria asked;
Whats your favourite food?
-I would say Chapatis

M asked;
How are you going to do your bit to ensure we elect worthy leaders in the next elections?
-I would hire a group of skilled assasins to take out the leaders who have failed Kenyans when they plan to run for re-election, then I would have some ninja type detectives find out embarassing info about the others so when they get into office I could use that information to compell them to serve the people the right way and not take advantage of that.
But seeing as though I do not have the millions to make that be I will try to have constructive political conversations with voters so that they can do the right thing instead of voting on a tribal bias.I would encourage the youth to get voters cards and of course I would vote!

Kenyan analyst asked;
Given a chance to re-live your life, how differently would u live?
-I have always felt that their were many opportunities in my life that I let pass me by, so a second time round I would grab them.I also feel that many times in the past I never gave 100% to what I was doing so I would change that too.

If you have any more queries, keep them coming!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Drum roll please!

In commemoration of 450 posts, I have a treat for all my regular visitors......

It's time for Ask The Acolyte!


1.One question per blogger

2.The Acolyte has the right to refuse to answer if the question may lead to The Acolyte
incriminating himself!

3.The Acolyte's decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into

4.Employees of The Acolyte and their immediate family are not allowed to participate

Thank you!Now let's have a ball!

450 Posts Strong!

When I was young lad I loved to read comic books and had quite a large collection.I remember that when a series ie Superman would reach a certain number of issues they would see it is a major milestone.
These would be issues like 35,75,100,150,250 etc.What they would do is make the issue double sized and with time they became more commerical and make alternative covers,glow in the dark covers, enclose trading cards etc.Of course this was an excuse to make the comic more expensive and make more money.With time I discovered soccer,computers, women and beer; so comics were put on the backburner.
Anyway this milestone made me think that I should post something different but then I thought since ya'll are reading this blog for free you don't deserve it!So I guess you will have to make do with my personal reflections about my blogging instead.
First of all the fact that I could get to 450 posts gets me to wondering about me and other long term bloggers and blog hoes (people who comment on all blogs).Who is doing our work?!I have the excuse of one crappy job where I wasn't given much to do and the trend has been repeated with my two jobs with the Uni.One day I did try to read all the blogs that I found interesting and even though I work a job where I have a light workload, I ended up doing almost no work that day and I had to spend most of the next morning getting back on track!If most bloggers were in Kenya I would lead a campaign saying that if people blogged less and worked more our economy would grow by an extra 0.01%!But seeing as most of us are not at home, let's blog away!
I once recall reading one of those devotional books (yes once in a while I do read religous literature) and there was this Preacher who said that it baffles him at times when he gives what he thinks is his best sermon and only 2 people come forward to accept Jesus in comparison to times when he has given what he has thought are pathetic sermons only for droves of people to approach the altar.Then the story went on about how God's grace made the difference yada yada yada.My point is that at times I have slaved and written what I thought were super posts so as to initiate discussion and the response I have gotten is dismal, then at times I have written off the cuff posts only to get loads of responses and dialogue.
For a long time I think almost one year I blogged for myself.This was in the pre KBW days, I joined KBW when it had less then 50 members.When you get readers your blogging style changes, depending on your love for the limelight (or mouse click) the change may be more drastic in other cases.For me I must admit as I got to know people in KBW my blogging style has been cyclical.Sometimes I blog for the people and other times I blog for myself.It has also been great making friends on KBW even though I am happy to say I am not part of the inner KBW circle that I have heard e-whispering about.It has also been fun (at times) disagreeing with people and makeing cyber enemies.There are two UK based blogs where due to displaying dessenting opinions, my computers IP number was blocked and on the other any comment that I make (no matter how benign is deleted in record time) but the owner doesn't know that I am the King of aliases so I have been commenting on their blog and interacting with them very cordially (Bwehehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Try and figure out who I am!).But I don't take these disagreements personally and I don't try to make them personal.If I disagree with you about your politics, theology etc that is all it is about, I will not make personal attacks and in turn make accusations of being attacked by a shadowy group of sorts.I mean life is too short for me to be bothered about people who don't give me the air that I breath, the food that I eat, the clothes on my back and whom I can't see and most probably never will.
Despite my efforts at keeping details about myself secret, I have been busted by a handful of people.But even when they outed me other then suprise I had nothing to be ashamed about as there is nothing private or overtly personal (ie explicit strokes exploits) that I have put down.But still I prefer being anonymus and that is why when I am in Kenya anytime soon I will attend the meet-ups in disguise!
What I had worked on but then I lost it was a list of classic Aco posts.The most funny, controversial and touching.So now I have to trawl through 450 posts afresh, aaaargh!!!!!!
But I have to admit that looking at other blogs is like looking at what everyone else is packing after a game when you are in the showers.You forget what you have as you seem so inadequate when you look at what others have and what other bloggers who keep on visiting them say about it (I'm sorry I could help it but I had to make that cheeky analogy!).There are some blogs that are written with such focus and definition that you begin to doubt your writing ability and subject.But that is when I remind myself that I started blogging for myself initially (but I still love having ya'll visit) and then I soldier on!
Here's to 450 more posts!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Hoe Tales part 3

I remember reading a story from the annual Kenyan newspapers' prostitution series.Remember many posts back I said that once or twice a year Kenyan newspapers have to do a story about prostitution ie how prevalant it is, how elite brothels operate, the day in the life of a prostitute etc.
Anyway I remember them talking to some of the people the the street walkers in Nairobi interact with.The author interviewed a watchman for one of the buildings that was on a street where the girls peddled their services.The watchman said that they would charge the girls a small fee for using the lobbies of the buildings to change in and out of their "work clothes".If the girls were having a dry stretch and did not have the money, they would instead service the watchmen.While they were doing this they at times would not use protection.
On that note the interviewer asked the watchman whether him and his collegues did not fear being infected by HIV while doing this.His answer was, "Quite a few of my friends have died after becoming sick when they slept with those girls but at least they died like men!".
When I read that line I burst out laughing, it didn't help that I was in a quiet waiting room but I couldn't help it.Died like men?!Being that stupid doesn't make you a man and besides I bet they died crying like little bitches!
On interviewing one of the girls she also said that when they were arrested by policemen and didn't have money to bribe them, they would have sex with them instead.That reminds me of something one of my friends told me about Kenyan police and hookers.He used to live in Karen when the crime rate their was very low and as a result most of the people you would find in the cells were those who had committed petty crimes like being drunk and disoderly and being "drunk and disorderly" (please note the difference).
So what would happen on some nights is as the police would do a Saturday night patrol in the city centre and arrest some hookers and pile them into their Toyota Land Cruiser.They would release the girls who could bribe them and those who would opt for the sex for freedom program would enjoy a ride to Karen Police Station.The driver would then talk to the Officer in charge at the police station promising him and the other policemen on duty a piece of the action in exchange for use of the cells for you know what, the prisoners would find themselves free all of a sudden and they boys in blue would get busy.Please note that that is a story and there is no evidence to support is so do not go and hound the current OCPD of Karen Police Station (but it does make for a good story when you are catching pints with the boys).
Speaking of girls being arrested that reminds me of a friend of mine who was doing an evening class at University of Nairobi.She had been at the campus earlier and had left her books there and was running some errands in the CBD before going back to class.She happened to be walking back to class at the same time the police were conducting a sweep and since she was a girl on the wrong street at the wrong time she was bundled into the the Land Cruiser.To make things worse she did not have her student I.D with her.She told me she has never prayed and negotiated for her freedom like that in her life.Yes she was let go.
Anyway there goes my Prostitution supplement of the year!
Ps:I am still tabulating your versions of the Kenyan dream, please keep them coming!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

What is the Kenyan Dream?

After writing this post 2 different ways and none meeting my criteria.I have decided to make this simple.The American dream is seen as a wonderful spouse, a beautiful house in the surburbs (with a white picket fence!), 2 kids, 2 cars and a dog.
I would like to know what you would have to have in your life for you to say that you have achieved the Kenyan dream.Where would you live, what would you own (or not own), who would you hang out with, what would you eat, what would you drive (or not drive), what would your hobbies be?
I know there are other things that you can add and please feel free to do so.Kenyan society be it at home and abroad is very diverse but I would like to know if there is anything we have in common when it comes to aspirations.
Comment as long and as much as you want!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Mothers, sons , rationalisation and other things

Do you remember in high school when we were asked to write an essay and at times to take up words if the topic on hand would be something like The role of mentors in my life, this is how the essay would begin;
The word mentor is defined by the Collins Dictionary as a wise or trusted adviser or guide. Youth is a pivotal period in a young person's life and during this time they need.......
Anyway I am going to write a post on the ability of the human mind to rationalise anything so here goes.Rationalise is defined by the Collins Dictionary as;
1. to justify (one's actions, esp discreditable actions, or beliefs) with plausible reasons, esp after the event
2. to indulge, often unchallenged, in excuses for or explanations of (behaviour about which one feels uncomfortable or guilty)
3. to apply logic or reason to (something)
I was talking to the Derailer (the gal who got me off the train) and she was telling me about her big brother and her big sister.I met her big brother once and at the time I thought that he was younger then her.I asked her what he did for a living and she told me that she didn't want to talk about it.She later opened up and told me that he was actually older then her, around 32 and was a bum.All he does in her words in watch TV and get high on weed (paid for be Mummy dearest).
She told me that her mum had sent him to a private uni (Devry - not very cheap!) and 2 colleges and he had purposely flunked out of both of them.He also refused to get any job.So the derailer asked her mum why she doesn't get firm on him and she answered her saying that it isn't his fault that he is like that as their dad was in the Navy and as a result was away for months on end once he was away for one year.The derailer told her mum that that's b.s as there are single mothers who have raised sons with no problems, the mum replied that it's much harder for boys and that she doesn't understand.For every objection and point that she would come up with to tell her mum that it was time to get firm on her brother or show him the door, she would get a counter point from the mum.
It is rather obvious to all (o.k not to all) concerned that their are changes needed but the mum refuses to see this and act.Oh and the dad doesnt talk to the son at all.It just reminds me of another akataa (African American) girl I met who told me that she has a low opinion of akataa men as most of them are over coddled by their mothers and cannot take care of themselves and take responsibility for their lives.I have lived in two diff apartments with black men and in the first the apartment was very clean but culinary skills here only extended to taking the Big Mac out of the box and putting it into the microwave, in the second apartment there was a better display of skills ie using Hamburger Helper so I cannot reliably say that most of them can't take care of themselves (No typecasting here!) Now before you flay me it happens across all racial lines and back home too, but I am focussing on what I have experiences among black people that I know here.
Anyway statistics say that over 70% of children in African American homes are brought up by single mothers.Of course apart from blaming the men for being hit and run artistes, we could say this is also contributed to by the high incaceration rate for African American males in the U.S of A.So alot of these kids have fathers in the pen that they don't see.So in some cases it could be said that these mothers who are guilty of pampering their sons do so to make up for the fact that they don't have fathers around; even though in derailers case their father was not in the pen (penitentiary).
So I know this will earn me the ire of many single parent campaigners out there but is it possible that at times when there is only one parent, that they tend to overcompensate in one area ie being to strict or being too lax and this kind of parenting is what can lead to the situation as discussed above?
Anyway talking about rationalisation her big sister who turning 30 is one of these women who defines herself by her men and the approval she gets from them.The derailer once told me about how she had this dude who she would only get to see from 1 am usually on weekend nights ( for 10 Aco dollars name me the song that Blackstreet sang about this situation!) this went on for almost one year and she had the nerve to call this guy her boyfriend?!Then she was pregnant the other day by a guy who has 8 kids from 6 different women (and yes she knew about that) but sadly she lost the kid (although on hearing the news her mum wasn't moved as she wasn't too impressed when she heard about the dad and his situation).When I once made fun about Akataa baby mama drama like that I was accussed of throwing stones from my glass house or to use a more African appropriate analogy smoking weed in a hut made out of straw, but I have to ask other then maybe in the rural areas and I still do think that those numbers are a stretch are their many men in Nairobi who have that many children by that many mothers?If it happens alot then I will gladly eat my humble pie.
Derailer on the other hand boosts her self esteem in other ways, she loves her food.The indulgence has began to show, so she complains about it and I give her one of two answers; eat less and eat healthy OR exercise your ass off and you can still eat what you want.Well like most people she makes excuses why she can't do some form of excercise daily but at least she has been trying to go to they gym once in a while so that counts for something.
I am not one of those men who have to talk to their women daily but I do try to send at least a couple of text messages and we do hang out.So this weekend we hung out on Friday and Saturday morning and I called her that same evening.Then today afternoon she texts me to tell me that she went to the gym for 30 mins on the treadmill (I congratulated her) and then she rounds off the text by asking me whether I would have sent her a text message today if she hadn't sent me one first.All of you who have dealt with me know how I can be a kichwa ngumu (hard headed) so I replied with a question, "what do you think?" Please correct me if I am wrong but is the fact that your boyfriend hasn't texted you in a few hours when he called you the night before a matter of concern?
I guess I have become too used to dating women who had so much going on and so much self esteem that if Aco didn't call them or text them in one day they would hardly notice and even if they did they know that he would get around to it eventually.Or was it all an act and do you ladies expect your man to constantly call you and spend time with you failing to which there might be reprecussions?Anyway time for me to shut up before Kenyamusings, Mutumia, Girl Next Door, Shiroh and co jump down my throat!
This story reminds me of what I miss about the night life back home.In 99% of the joints back home we are all equal unlike here where only the VIP sit down while the rest stand!Ugh!