Friday, December 01, 2006

Fundamental Christians and other things

I came across this interesting piece on Craigslist that I felt I had to share.....

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian
Originally Posted: Fri, 2 Jun 13:10 MST

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Copyright © 2006 craigslist, inc.

I also do love how some Christians take the "do not be unequally yoked" verse so seriously. Half n Half blogged about it;

Not so christian love
We had to sleep in another church ran place to conduct some community meetings, the manager was the most evil (and not just among cChristians but among all human beings). One of my colleagues and I are not saved, so the moment she realised that she stopped saying even Good morning to us. Anything she wanted to say to us, she did it through our other colleaguewho is saved. It got to the point where we were all in agreement about the fact that there are some xtians who believe that their relationship with God is parallel to their relationship with other human beings. How can you be soo evil to other people and think you have the ticket to heaven.

Don't think I have a problem with Christianity no not at all; it's just how some people reflect it that is my issue. Someone there is going to tell me to stop judging, well the bible says you shall know them by their fruit, so what I am doing is being your local fruit inspector.

What I have often noticed is that alot of the time it is the most vocal and visible Christianswho put up appearances. Many times they do stumble and fall like the rest of us, but in the interests of appearances they hide it and continue pointing fingers. Ted Haggard anyone? Frankly I think it's disgusting when people act like they are already on the chariot to heaven and are just waiting for the horses to start pulling. At the end of the day it behooves (I love that word) some of our christian brethren to realise that they are just as human as the rest of us and the sooner they act like that the more respect they will get from the rest of us.

Moving on, today is World AIDS day. Let's not forget the lives that have been lost to this scourge and do our part to fight the fight.Great weekend all!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Burning Tables, Scorched Earth and othe warm sentiments

In my time I have been privileged enough to drink in places that encompass two extremes, five star hotels and complete hovels. This is the story of one night in the latter kind of establishment. When I was in uni there was this shack we used to go drink at that we called KJ's. Over time the place expanded and the dude built a banda near the shack.

So one night after hanging out with the boys in my crib, we decided to go catch a few pints so as to end the night. So we went to to KJ's and managed to get a few pints. That night unfortunately was one of those nights when it was so cold that you are given a warm beer and after a few minutes it gets a layer of frost on it. Anyway we took our beers and went to sit down in the banda where we found some of our classmates who were even more wasted than us. We started talking in between bouts of shivering when one of us started playing with his cigarette lighter. Someone else started looking around and realised that the make shift banda's walls were covered with old newspapers and boxes.Can you guess where I'm going with this?????

So two and two were put together and dudes began taking down some of the "wallpaper" and stacked it on the table, yes the table. The papers were put in a nice pile with some shredded for kindling and set ablaze. Yes, it was a sight to behold! A group of dudes sitting at a table with a fire burning on the middle of the table. Good times! I wonder what any late night passers by must have been thinking? And no, we did not burn down the table. We might have been bastards, but not arsonist bastards.

Have you ever heard of the scorched earth policy? Well I have known some people whom have used it to devastating effect in real life to get payback. Anyway there was this dude I knew who found out that his chic was playing him. He dumped her but at the same time decided to scorch the earth while he was at it. He spread this rumour that she had an std that made her "woman hood" smell to high heaven and that if you had sex with her you would have to burn those sheets and blankets. Seeing as he was a reliable dude, many people took him for his word and blacklisted the chic. With Nai being smaller and closer knit than some people think, word got round and that chic couldn't get a date from anyone who lived in a 20 km radius of that area for a very long time. Whenever she walked into a joint guys would look at each other, whisper and burst into laughter.

No I am not condoning that behaviour at all, but it is amazing how far a rumour can go. I think last week I blogged about how people repeat rumours word for word so I won't get into it.Say something positive, it goes nowhere but share something malicious and it goes to the ends of town!

Moving on, Sengeni Ng'ethe of Mama Mike's got in touch with me about sharing there ad that they have put up on youtube. Here is the link. I have never used there services before so I can't give an endorsement, but what I can't knock is their innovation and will to get the word out. If anyone has used them before do let us know.
ps: Just gave my finance and budgeting presentation yesterday evening. Ironic thing is that I find talking in front of people easy but when it comes to one on one interaction, that is where the uphill task begins.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Bugs, Big Girls and Bills

I know some of you have already sent me to hell but I couldn't resist sharing that cartoon, it really cracked me up. It reminded me of a phenomenon in American universities called B.U.G, that is bisexual until graduation.Girls and some guys would get it on whichever way they want to but as soon as they walk across the stage and get their diploma it's back to the straight and narrow. I guess some people can have their cake and eat it too.

Moving on, people on this blog seemed to be stunned by the big girls dancing rumbling to Ciara. Well guess what? They're back! Enjoy!

In other mind numbing news, my on-line cable bill arrived. This month I am only paying $24, I had a few deductions due to me but I think they overdid it.That is the price that people pay for basic cable, which I dont have but as the saying goes don't look the gift horse down the mouth; so I'm going to pay that bill ASAP. One thing you have to admire about the West is the efficiency of the billing process. These people cover all avenues in most cases, you can pay by mail, internet, wire transfer, cheque,cash and money order.As the saying goes, money is money. I think more companies in Kenya should take this up esp the utility companies. Have you ever had to queue in City Hall and Electricity House two times in one day to pay your bills? Not a fun experience at all!Yes there are people who can line up for you for a fee but not all of us have that extra money. I think giving money should be made as fast and efficiet as possible, as a man in a Co-op bank super line once said, "We shouldn't beg you to take our money!"

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Thanksgiving bashes and other things

During the past week ATL played host to the usual Kenyan thanksgiving. It seems that as the years pass the groups hosting bashes seem to increase by number, this year there were several nights that had 3 bashes.

I only went out on Saturday and Sunday night. In fact Saturday was more of a technical appearance because I was not there for more than 3 hours. I went for the 2kat bash which was held in of all places, a hindu worship hall. On the "wheels of steel" were Movie Buff's beloved Take Over DJs. I was not terribly impressed by them that night, I think it had something to do with the acoustics, whoever was spinning and the aircon (or lack of). In typical Kenyan fashion people started really coming in at around 1am. I have always wondered what people do before that time. I come from the old school where most of the time I come early so I can get a stool and leave in the middle of the night before the drama begins. From being airy the joint turned rather stuffy when it got packed, there was this room they had that there were selling pints that shocked me! I stepped in to try and get a drink later on in the night and I felt like I was making up for the sauna sessions I should be doing. But on the plus side I got to see a few people that I hadn't seen since high school and uni, there was even this chic I met who remembered that class we used to share, she was looking fwine! Almost made me wish I had tried to get with her way back when. I left before the Longombas and Prezzo performed so if anyone saw them please give a brother an update, my ride had to go to work in the morning so no overstaying the agreed hour.

On Sunday I went for the 80's party, ya'll know how much I love 80's sounds so that one I wasn't going to miss at all! I was with my small sis, her pal from high school and their black american neighbour. My sis rushed us so we ended up being there 30 mins after the party was to start and guess what we were like the first group there, so we got in for free and helped set up the speakers (just kidding!) We did get in for free and got great seats, so we just had a few drinks and talked.My sister's pal's neighbour (yes that's a mouthful) was really interesting as he was really open minded and had done alot of travel, Kenya included. Of course Kenyans started streaming in from midnight, I wonder why they even put 10pm on the flyer because no-one comes in at that time!The crowd was pretty large and my new pal gave Kenyans marks because there were these two dudes who wanted to fight, so what they did is walk out of the club together; he said that if it was black americans they would have gotten it on there and then! He was also impressed with the eye candy, so much so that he tried to call his brother to get him out of bed. Yes much as we Kenyans have beef with each other genderwise, I must admit that from a broad view point Kenyan mamas are doing pretty well. Consider the low level of obesity we have and the fact that Kenyan mamas tend to be more natural than mamas out here, what you see is usually what you get most of the time; unlike with American women.

I also must admit that Take Over Djs impressed me thoroughly with the mixing, music choice and even synching the tracks with the music videos at one point during the night. If they can overcome the horde of Dj outfits out here they stand a chance. But on the other hand there were some people, I don't know if they were part of Take Over Djs who were selling t-shirts. I have never seen a more whack, bootleg, monochrome Tusker t-shirt in my life. If you can't get the colors right, don't jock the logo; pure and simple. Talking about clothes, there are some people who tried, some who tried too hard and some who must have been teleported from the Wangige bus stop because I don't think Bata Prefects and Jeans that look like Savco are sold in the States.I also wonder if some people have friends, there was this mama who had a somewhat big gut who chose to wear a thick bright red belt around her waist; sheesh! I also realised how few Kenyans I know because so many people seemed to know each other. But I think that has it's pluses because you know how we Kenyans love to get up in each other business, so the less people I know the simpler my life is.

Will I do next year's Thanksgiving? Most probably in the same laid back manner like this year, 3 hour maximum stay and with a laid back clique. Let me close with an interesting story, there are some people who come into GA for Thanksgiving with no idea of where they will crash and do not want to spend money on a motel; so they go with the flow. Anyway my pal had a bash and some out of state dudes who were friends of friends came over and he had agreed to host a few of them whom he knew from way back when. So the festivities and alcohol flowed that night and people went to sleep. The next day my pal gets up in the morning and the smell of bacon wafts into his room, he walks into the kitchen to see who is cooking. He steps in and a dude he has never seen before tells him, "Niaje msee!Utakula bacon na mayai?"
The dude had gone out of his way to also make coffee. My pal just looked at him and decided there was no need for causing drama because the dude tried to make himself useful.I can imagine getting up in the morning and finding a stranger in my kitchen, dang!
I remember how my sister last year was deluged with requests for accomodation by her pals who were coming into town by people whom she rarely hears from the other 11 months of the year. It's amazing that people can drive from states away, spend loads on drinking and clubbing but don't want to pony up for a $50 motel room! People never fail to amaze me!
ps: I called in sick today, it is amazing how the gruff voice that comes from shouting and drinking corroborates the excuse of illness!
pps: I will not be accomodating anyone next year unless you have come from another continent!LMAO!

Monday, November 27, 2006

One Day On The Train.............

It was a cold morning on the bilas train. Nick tried to munch on a pallid oily chapati left to him by his former seatmate, Movie Buff continued to type her critique on poorly made movies, Mocha played with her turntable, Devious One wistfully looked at a picture of her cat which she couldn't bring with her, Shiroh continued to hone her c.v on her laptop while Kenyanchick was engrossed in last week's issue of Pulse magazine. They all raised their heads as they noticed the train slowly come to a stop at a platform engulfed by the morning fog.

Nick whipped the condensation from his window and looked outside. Little was visible in the fog but he could see the silhouette of what appeared to be a single figure. The figure moved majesticaly towards the train with the fog seeming to part before his strapping frame.The train's doors slowly hissed open.

The mysterious figure strode into the carriage with everyone wondering who it was. When they saw who it was, mini chaos broke out. Nick dropped his chapati in shock, Movie Buff broke into tears, Mocha let the record skip on her turntable, Shiro threw her lap top in the air but luckily it landed on the seat behind her and Devious One fainted.

The Acolyte was back on the bilas train......................................