As time goes by I have been realizing some interesting things about myself, some new and some old. I've come to the realization that there is little that we can't stop doing if we put our minds to it. I have friends or rather acquaintances, who confess about certain habits that they have that are messing them up but they "can't" stop. I have had very negative habits that used to hold me back but like a drunkard waking up in a ditch, I often have a moment of clarity that brings everything to the fore and I walk away; not that it's easy of course. Some battles are harder then others. It's just that holding onto a bad habit is a crutch in itself, a way to avoid change; case in point people who use sexual relationships to avoid intimacy. It seems like much more fun to be screwing a new chic/dude every other day as opposed to working to build a relationship with someone and taking the risk of heartbreak and the other issues that come with a relationship. One of my interesting habits or quirks? I have borderline OCD, I have to check doors and locks 2-3 times before I can go; this also extends to light switches, taps, mail boxes and electrical devices. It sucks when I lock a door, walk several hundred meters and then turn around and go back to make sure it is closed even though deep inside I know I closed it. I also have this thing for bathroom sinks, my bathroom sink can't have any gunk of sorts in it, I have to have it as clean as possible. I leave it so clean that I can usually tell if someone else has been using it other than myself, it used to extend to kitchen sinks but sharing an apartment with slobs cured me of that because there was no way I was going to clean up after grown men. Yes that's me, your borderline OCD sufferer; now stop eyeing my gleaming sink and clean your own!
I'm sure those of you who are in Kenya now must notice the way ethnicity has become such a charged issue almost like race here in America. Well the other day, I was on facebook and I was going through my Kenyan friends' profiles and I began noticing some interesting things, case in point was how with some people 99% of their Kenyan friends were from their tribe. This got me to wondering about a few things; did they make this choice consciously or subconsciously? Do they have friends from other tribes? What do they think about people from other tribes? Anyway at the end of the day someone's friends say alot about them and their lives so I guess at the end of the day, its' their lives and the people they choose to have in them is their choice. Interesting days we live in.
I came to the fine realization that over time my American work mask has been slipping? What is this mask you ask? Well you see here in the States, people who work together are meant to be one big happy family or at least make the pretext of it. Well in the early days when I got my job, I used to make daily chit chat with people at work and listen to their stories and such, dont get me wrong they are nice people for the most part. I get along just fine with my supervisor and the Head of our Department; there was a chic who was a good pal and we used to share jokes but she left so for the most part I'm on a cordial basis with most of the people. So as time has been passing, I have been making less and less of an attempt to get chatty with people. I'm an introvert by nature and also this whole telling the whole office about the funny small things that are happening in your life isnt my thing; for example our Head of Department sent around an email asking people if they knew any natural cure for toothache; this is because his son had braces put in and due to the pain he has been on painkillers but they are tired of giving him Tylenol so he wanted some tips. I dont have a problem with the request for advice though, I do think at times that with my silence and "secrecy" some people at work must have a few things here and there to say about me; anyway let them talk. I just believe in having my home life and work life separate.
I also came to the realization that there are some fights that you can't win. Case in point, the gay issue. If you don't like gays and are against the lifestyle; you are a closet homosexual and are scared of them. If you are for the gay cause then other people say you are just a homo waiting to come out and have no morals whatsoever. I think you all know that I' m the Prince of Apathy, what you choose to shove up your orifices is no concern of mine, nor is that fact that you feel that you were created the wrong gender and want to change that; do whatever you want. Please just keep the volume down if you decide to have a coming out rally somewhere around my block. Speaking about playing for the other team, Meshell Ndegeocello is in town this weekend and I may just go see her perform. Have a nice weekend!
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