Friday, March 16, 2007

Idle Musings 2

I was on the BBC website and it was good to see Mzalendo getting some positive and well written press once again. Kenyan press hardly ever seems to get stories about Mzalendo right if the ones I have read online via the two big dailies are an indication.

Much to 'tato's chagrin, I watched 300 before he did. All I have to say is that the movie is a sheer masterpiece and a feast for the eyes. It is a good lesson in what happens when movies stay true to their roots, be it a book or a comic; without letting Hollywood directors add their usual cliches into the movie. The Director of 300 actually modelled quite a few scenes of the movie from Frank Miller's comic book. For those of you who are curious enough, here is a copy of Frank Millers 300 comic book and you can see how it was transmuted to film. You need Comic Book Reader to read it, tell me what you think!

Before I bounce for the weekend, I just thought I would share this video from Martin before the show became really crappy. This was the episode where Martin and his girlfriend Gina decided not to have sex for a week so as to prove to themselves that their relationship was based on more than just sex. In the opening scene of this video Martin goes to bed with an ice pack so as to cool down his hard on so he doesnt think of sex, the first time I saw this on tv, my mum walked in and asked what was wrong with Martin. I didn't want to tell her the whole story so I told her that Martin had an injury he was cooling with the ice pack. Gina's "jogging suit" made my day! And don't forget the crotch convulsions! Line that I have to use one day, "We both love sex, so how is there no damn love?!" To my brother bloggers out there....Keep the lie alive!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, March 12, 2007

H.I.P.P.I.E Part 2

After sorting out some logistical errors we ( The Acolyte and Couch 'tato aka Nick) apologise for taking so long before releasing this sequel. Without much adieu, we give you...H.I.P.P.I.E part 2! Ps This post is rated Mature!

Maggie got off her cell phone and sighed her voice heavy with emotion. She had just finished talking to her boo Timothy, her Timmy Wimmy. The conversantion was still fresh in her mind, " Timmy Timmy please Gimme Gimme some of that yummy yummy yummy"…you get the drift!Yup, her boo of 2 years who made her crave in ways she’d only read about in the salacious romance novels that she wasn’t supposed to be reading according to the Youth Pastor at church. She ached so hard that only ‘Deep Heat’ (and not the spray) could cure her! He’d been back from Canada for sometime now but she hadn’t gotten a chance to see him. As soon as he had flown in he went upcountry to see his relatives who demanded his presence when he arrived. So they hadn’t met, but she understood.

However, he could have at least made an effort she thought, goddamn it. He could have organized for a few moments somehow for them to be together. She was initially annoyed but decided not to let it cloud her feelings for him. The only thing she had to keep her going were the long sensual conversations they would have via their cell phones even though her credit would soon expire and they’d have to top up again with several 50/= scratch cards. Not romantic but it kept her going. The saucy texts with some spelling mistakes and annoying abbreviations didn’t hurt either. “Wd lk2 ks u mk luv 2u ova n ova.” Not creative or ingenious, actually even boring compared to what she had in mind but it’s the thought that counts she thought to herself. She had learnt the meaning of patience and finally tonight they were to meet. Tonight was going to be the night! No more fantasizing. No more banging in the castle in the sky. She sighed again with hope…as she flashed back to the past…

… The memories of the moments they had together. She could remember when they went to Tigoni as part of a Youth Ministry activity. She recalls how during the long hike one of the straps of her sandak sandals cut. Tim was walking behind her and had clasped her hard by her shapely waist and stopped her from falling. Like an angel he gave her his broad shoulder to lean on as she stumbled and took off the other sandal. She couldn’t forget how he stopped and tried to fix her sandal while the group receded into the distance. They tried to keep up with the group but the gravel that had been heated up by the noon sun made it hard to walk.

Tim picked her up like she was one of the PA speakers that he used to carry to the stage and connect before praise and worship. As he carried her, she laid her head on his chest the only thing coming between her head and his beating heart was the Gideon's pocket bible in his shirt pocket. She could inhale his male scent mixed with a hint of El Matador. She clutched onto him like a drowning man holds a lifesaver, stroking his arms that resembled chiseled oaks of manliness. She loved his strength. She loved the way he’d swooped her into his arms like the dainty gal she was. Breathing in sync, with him she was in heaven. Two hearts beating as one.

As he carried her they found themselves at point where the road divided into two. Which one to take? She asked Tim if they could use the path that would take them past the water falls. When they got close, they both sat down under the shade of some secluded trees.

How they talked to each other, the wonderful things Tim told her. She could not forget what happened next. She could still feel his hand on her face...her hair…her neck…the kissing…the nibbling of her lobes…the circling and kneading of her twin globes…both hands tweaking, flicking, pinching the peaks. The passion that ensued was Paradise! How they rolled back and forth with such hunger, held back by gigantic restraint from tearing each others clothes off. A wave of rapture! A kaleidoscope of raw emotion that activated each cell of each tissue of her entire body. She needed some sort of explosive release at that moment. If it was up to her she would have let him impale his manhood right there and then. She had been completely overwhelmed, more than this Church Choir girl had ever felt before. Her insides were growling like a wolf in heat. She was hot all over she felt she could she be erupting from within?

She snapped back to reality when an involuntary moan escaped her. She didn't want to attract any attention to her room, let alone her flushed face. The house was a bee hive of activity. Her parents were going up country and she was the only one being left at home; after John's misbehaviour at the cyber café, where he caused great embarrassment to his parents. His "incident" had become a topic of discussion at the different neighborhood Bible Studies after the cyber café attendant "shared" it as a prayer request. As a result, her parents had decided that they were going to keep an eye on him at all times and decided to go to the extent of taking him up country as they went to check on the construction of their retirement home.

She walked into the sitting room where she saw her father walking out with the final bag.
She was giddy with delight because she now knew that Tim could finish what he had started in Tigoni by the riverside. Her petals were ready to be plucked. Her rose garden was ready for harvest. The farmer could till the land, her earth was moist and the passion could bloom anytime.

Her mother started giving her some last minute directions, she talked about safety, spending money and the other things she usually used to tell the house help when they were going away. She thought she heard her mention Uncle Joe and Auntie Janet, but from what her mum had said one week ago they were going to go up country too, so she didn’t bother asking her mum to repeat what she said.

The image of her and Tim intertwined seemed to grow larger and larger in her head. She helped her mum put her last bag in the car and waved goodbye to them. She sprinted into the house with baited breath and her heart beating in her chest. She had told Tim that the house would be hers for the weekend and now that it was confirmed he could now come over and make her feel like a woman! She dialed his number and heard his manly voice on the line after 3 rings.

She asked him to come over and that she would be more than ready to receive him, he said he would be over in one hour’s time. She could not wait for that hour to pass, so she decided to prepare herself for Tim in a way he would never forget. She went to the bathroom and got hold of a jar of baby oil. She took off her clothes slowly and sat on the edge of the bath tub. She poured the oil on her body and began to spread it all over, concentrating on her ample bosom that she knew Tim liked if his last actions were anything to go by. After covering every inch of herself she perfumed her body with the Chanel number 5 she stole from her mother's closet. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her bush was evenly well trimmed, her long legs waxed. The mole on her left thigh was nice and prominent. Hear bum was nice and firm and round, bulging just right if the comments from the matatu touts where anything to go by. She knew she was going to do more than just please him. Though she didn’t know how the inner demon in her would behave, she tried to calm herself down.

She promised herself that she would not get caught up in the moment, she vowed to remember her first time and to make it last forever. She ached so hard she thought she would die. When she heard a knock on the door she almost passed out. “Finally it is going to happen!” she thought to herself. That was fast she thought, but she knew Tim's desire for her had speeded up his trip. She rushed to the door, posed by the edge seductively and flung it open. What met her eyes shocked her; it was her portly middle aged uncle Joe and his equally dumpy and dowdy wife. She saw his eyes grow as big as saucers while some drool ran down his chin. His crotch seemed to be gravitating towards her pecking at the zipper like a woody wood-pecker. (Pun intended!) All of a sudden Maggie couldn't breathe and her aunt's cries of shock and disgust sounded miles away. Maggie had just become a victim of H.I.P.P.I.E (Horniness Increasing People’s Problems ImmensEly )