Thursday, May 18, 2006

One for the road!

Dear Guess, M and other Arsenal fans out there.I couldn't resist, please forgive me (Click on the picture if the print is too small to read!)....

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

So near, yet so far...

After winning their domestic league FC Barcelona have gone on to win the Champion's League after beating Arsenal 2-1.Despite losing their goalie 18 mins into the match for bringing down Samuel Etoo, Arsenal went on to open the scores via a bullet header from the much maligned Sol Campbell.This fragile one goal lead lasted until the 76th minute when Henrik Larsson breached the Londoners rearguard and gifted Eto'o with a magnificent pass that he slotted into the back of the net past the substitute goalkeeper Manuel Almunia.
The final was sealed by a goal in the 80th minute by substitute Juliano Belleti, his first ever for Barcelona incidentally.
Props must be given to Arsenal for making it to the final but with the sublime footballing skills of Barcelona it was hard to have pencilled them in as European champions.As the old saying goes.....Maybe next year Arsenal!
ps:I wonder if Henry will stay with Arsenal as a victory would have ensured him staying with the Londoners but now things dont look too clear.
pps:To all you Arsenal fans.....Bwehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!! (
™DShy)Only one English team can gnash domestically and shine in Europe and I am not even going to name names!

The tackle that got Lehmann sent off

Sol Campbell powers a header past Victor Valdes in the Barcelona goal

Henry gestures to his team to concentrate on the Barcelona threat

Samuel Eto'o scores the equaliser

Julliano Belleti chooses a great night to score his first goal for Barcelona, which ended up being the match winner
Now to await the beginning of the World Cup!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Why most men's magazines are crap!

I have always wanted to do a post about how most of the magazines on sale for men are crap but it seems the owner of one of my fave blogs did it!And ladies you aren't the target this time so put down the knives!

Lad's Mags

Stupidly, I occasionally bought men's magazines like FHM, Loaded and GQ when I was in my early twenties. I too can make the same confession!

These magazines are basically there to turn men into women with regards to consumer habits. They implore men to spend money on crap they don't need to "feel" better, whether it's over-priced clothes, worthless silver gadgets or "lad's weekends" to London or whatever.
Let's just say in my case they made me realise how many "cool" things I didnt own or couldnt
afford to!

I mainly became dissolusioned with them when I saw a fashion page featuring some twat wearing a plain non-descript white shirt, and according to the caption "Gerald wears a shirt by Georgio Armani, £95." This plain white shirt looked no different than the ones you can get for a tenth of that price from "non-trendy" shops. And "Gerald" looked like a fucking woman anyway, looking all moody and emotional as he gazed off into the distance, probably wondering what he'd spend his modelling fee on, and probably thinking "I know; £95 shirts. And gay porn."
Damn the last line made my day!But he does have a point most of the time you can buy clothes
that look alot like the designer labels being peddled by these punks for 1/3rd of the price!Plus
being a fashion hound shouldnt be a normal man's obsession!

In the same issue of whatever magazine this was - I think it was FHM - there was an "updated Kama Sutra" featuring all sorts of sexual positions and crap. One was a position you can try with two women, whereby you fuck one from behind whilst she's in a sixty-nine with another woman, and the column helpfully advised us "women are all a bit bisexual anyway, so they shouldn't take too much convincing to perform oral sex on each other."

This magazine made it out to be a common thing for guys to regularly bed two women at a time! In all seriousness, how many of you men, honestly, often have threesomes with two women? Two women willing to go down on each other? Answers on a postcard to 69 Fraud Street, Liarville, Bullshitshire. This competition is not open to Ron Jeremy.
I think that paragraph says enough I need not add anything to it!

These magazines are designed to make you feel as if every guy in the universe except you is getting laid constantly, and that in order to join the hallowed ranks of these supermen, you have to buy whatever the advertisers are flogging, whether it's a plasma screen telly, a £95 Armani shirt or solid-silver cufflinks encrusted with crystallised moon rock.
What pisses me off are those 10 steps to getting laid or how to make her hot for you and that kind of shit they put in, that crap belongs in Cosmo not mens magazines!It really isnt that fast or that easy!Plus I think the rest speaks for itself!

These magazines are clearly written by women and Media Studies graduate twats. Anyone but normal everyday men. You can tell because they assume us men are two-dimensional "beer, sex 'n footie" creatures, the same way feminists view us as being. All the articles are invariably about how great it is to drink beer, how to sleep with lots of women and about who is going to win the football league that year. There's nothing remotely intellectual there. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a culture snob, I don't think that you have to read about Wittgenstein or Quantum Mechanics to be intelligent, but a stray article about, say, the current progress of the International Space Station, or an interview with a World War II veteran on what he did during the war, wouldn't go amiss. Just something more thoughtful than the usual tripe they scribble about.
My point exactly!There is more then meets the eye to most of us men!We dont spend everyday thinking about beer,sport and sex, believe it or not!

Instead, in between photo-shoots of Australian soap actresses in their underwear, there are lists of anecdotes about "The World's Dumbest Criminals" or "Bizarre Deaths" that were clearly just nicked off of the internet and most of which have long-since been disproved by Snopes anyway.

What is it with them putting men on the covers and half-naked in adverts too? I know women are so narcissistic that they prefer to buy magazines with pictures of women on, but us men are different. Yet adverts in these magazines often feature guys with their tops off and looking all pouty and sultry. Why? Seeing a young man with his shirt off doesn't make me want to buy some Yak's piss aftershave at £50 a bottle. Look at the cover of GQ on the right. Do you feel compelled to buy it just because it features a picture of a semi-naked actor on the front? (or singer, I'm not sure which, I don't keep up with popular culture because it's rubbish.)
A grade A point!I have never bought a cologne because Russel Crowe or whatever other flavour of the day endorses it!It's about how it smells first and foremost!We dont care how sexy Russel or Brad looks in the ad for it!

Whether they are written by an actual women or manginas, just about everything in men's magazines is from the perspective of women, given that it's all about how to please women, how to get them into bed, what to do with them when they're in there, etc. Never is there a nice honest article that says "Hey, fuck women. Or, rather, don't fuck them. Here's some useful advice on how to do something in your life that doesn't revolve around women. Oh, and here's a secret you might like to know; you're not the only man who buys his clothes from Debenhams instead of Hugo Boss!"

Another thing that pisses me off about Lad's Mags is the way they regard PC users as geeks. I don't really mind that to be honest; after all, what do I care that some spotty Media Studies graduate prick thinks I'm a "geek" because I spend most of my life sitting at my PC and can beat Quake 3's Xaero on Nightmare difficulty with my eyes closed? However what does annoy me is the way they hypocritically champion console games almost as much as they do beer 'n footie. In the same issue, these magazines will condemn PC gamers as nerds and losers who can't get a girlfriend, yet will offer exciting reviews of Playstation games and go on about the X-Box as if it was almost as great as having a threesome with two bisexual women whilst drinking beer. In a £95 Armani shirt.
I am not a PC Geek but it's about time those punks realised that PC geeks run the world around them and own it too!

To be fair there was one section of Loaded magazine that I did quite admire. It was an advice column titled something along the lines of "Dad Advice." It was a problem page whereby replies were given from a selection of fathers who weren't professional columnists, just real-life dads with real-life professions. There was "Spiritual Dad", who was a vicar, "Money Dad," an accountant, "DIY Dad," a carpenter, and so on. It was nice. Guys wrote in with problems and would receive advice from the appropriate dad.
Unfortunately with a magazine with that title dont expect too much of such in the future!

Otherwise, however, Loaded was (and, presumably, still is) all bollocks that, like it's fellow Lad's Mags, was designed solely to sell overpriced crap you didn't need by (a) informing you that your entire worth depends on how many women you can attract and fuck and (b) implying every man in the world is getting far more women that you do. I'm not a communist, I've nothing against people trying to sell you stuff, and given that humans can survive solely on oxygen, food and water, anyone selling anything other than oxygen, food and water has to manipulate your needs and appeal to your vanity somewhat. However, these magazines are blatantly using anxiety and shame on a vast scale to get you buy shit you don't need or want. In other words, to turn you into modern westernised women, whose self-worth is based on material goods.

These magazines do not offer any articles that are informative or worthwhile, with adverts catered to your demographic; they are simply advertising machines, crammed with ads interspersed with articles on how sad you are if you don't buy the shit in the ads in order to attract women.

I soon stopped buying them. Waste of time and money. I feel ashamed I even read them, although at least I learned a lesson from them.

Ponce around in a £95 Armani shirt? No thanks. An identical shirt from Debenhams for a tenner is good enough for me.

Kit out my bachelor pad with a groovy plasma screen television for £2,000? Nah, the big ol' telly my parents gave me when I left home still works. I only use it to watch DVDs of cheesy 80s action movies anyway.

Rate my worth on how many women I can bed? In other words, how many women I can talk into sleeping with me by pretending to match whatever 'ideal mate' image they carry in their stupid head at the time? I'd rather rate my worth on how many things I've accomplished that are actually worth accomplishing thankyouverymuch.

Use scruffing lotion, facial scrub, pre-shave moisteriser and post-shave moisteriser by Clinique? Sorry, but water + sponge + 85p bar of soap = clean enough face for me.

GQ? Fuck you.

Ah, a man who speaks from the heart!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Wandering mind

Today I was bored and my mind got to thinking about how men and women relate and how complicated it is.
Picture this scenario:
Boy meets girl.Boy is attracted to girl.Boy starts calling girl almost daily and spending lots of time with girl.
Boy and girl become an item.Girl loves boy and spends time with him daily and talks on phone to him every other day.Girl spends alot of time at boy's house and vice versa and they do alot of every day activities together.
After sometime Girl begins coming up with long term plans for both of them, Boy seems to be fine with those ideas.
After a while phone calls and activities initiated by Boy reduce to a trickle.Boy begins to spend more time with his "boys" then with Girl.Boy and Girl part ways with Girl left bitter.
I know I have glossed over the situation but why is it that when a Boy and Girl start dating; the Boy pursues and all is well.When they begin dating at first all is peachy.When girl starts getting closer and closer and more of Boy's life is when cracks begin to appear.The closer Girl gets the further Boy pulls back until he runs away.I have my own answer but what is it about female closeness that drives away many men?Even married men who end up spending more time at work, doing hobbies and with friends then with their wives?
I am no relationship expert but your views and experiences will be greatly appreciated!
Now a great article on some reasons why men will not commit....

No more freedom

We men are extremely independent by nature. We like to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted -- going out for a beer with his buddies, buying a big screen TV, playing golf on Saturday afternoon -- suddenly have to be cleared with her first. And her answer is almost always, "No -- we're a couple now" (translation: "We're going to do things my way"). Almost overnight, we find ourselves trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of his own wants or desires.Men were born free and should be allowed to roam free once in a while!

Loss of space

We like guy things -- we need "guy space" for stuff like cars, tools and watching kick-ass action flicks. But women want to take over, to "female up" what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers. In fact, they're so committed to feminizing all the space around them that they quickly start forbidding us to have any guy stuff at all. So suddenly you find the bathroom buried in female products, your leather couch has been reupholstered in pastel paisley, and the spot where you kept your tools has blossomed into an indoor herb garden.I once went to a married pal's digs and I was almost buried in lace, fluff, kitsch and other "beautifying" material' aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One sex partner, forever

We naturally crave sexual variety. When we commit -- either in marriage or cohabitation -- we willingly volunteer to cut ourselves off from any other sexual pursuits. Sexual boredom can set in, followed by a total lack of desire. For a lot of us -- even guys who weren't getting a lot of action anyway -- this can be the scariest consequence of all. Men are hardwired to have sex with as many females as possible so as to perpetuate the survival of the species, in nature males have the shortest life spans from birth...but then that doesnt justify humping around!I am just saying why men get tempted to do it!

We've been burned before

When we've been divorced and run through the wringer of the female-biased court system, many of us are reluctant (read "terrified") to risk a second commitment. Nowadays, we aren't exactly chomping at the bit to sign a contract legally allowing a woman to clean us out financially. Successful achievers -- those of us who have built companies and high-powered careers from the ground up -- are especially afraid of being forced to hand over all the fruits of our hard labor to a greedy female and may make the decision never to get involved in a serious relationship again.I have heard some horror stories that would turn casanova gay.So I believe men should forget about lovey dovey and enter things with both eyes open!

The emotional baggage

Many women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes -- for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards. Women often submerge their true personalities and agendas until the knot is tied -- but when the truth comes out and the we find ourselves legally bound to a greedy, nagging bitch, it's too late.I always say that if she seems to be perfect then she is hiding some major major baggage and mileage to boot!

Lack of compromise

Commitment implies the ability to compromise -- ideally a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, "compromise" often means "do it my way or you're cut off from sex." So we are forced into surrendering to this sexual blackmail if we want to get any sex at all, and the result is a terrible loss of male power.Good thing I have been getting chastity training coz a man must stand up for what he believes in, no matter what the cost!

Loss of free time

Serious relationships suck up an enormous amount of time and energy -- they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it wine and dine her, interact with her family, remember her birthday, or pick her up from work. For some of us, all the bother just isn't worth the effort.Gotta go pick curtains with her, go see the inlaws, go to the mall, go here, go there!Its a hard life!

Not ready for it

These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our careers off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively play the field.Yup!Men have a long sell by date, no biological clock to watch out for!

Can't trust a woman

We learn pretty fast that many women can't be trusted -- they're always looking to upgrade, to latch onto a man with more money, more status and more stuff to sex-ploit. Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.Women are the craftiest creatures to walk God's earth so a man must be wise and take his time or get screwed!

She applies pressure

For a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now . So they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down -- pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave.I think this ties in with what I was saying, at times patience works best as things do work out in their own time..