Friday, March 02, 2007

Drama Post 7

I have done 4 draft posts today which had nothing to do with the drama post but the Gods of blogging won't let me finish until I get the Drama Post out of my system. So here it is, you'd better enjoy it or I'll be cracking heads!

Kendi sat in her cousin's car and remembered her upcoming appointment with Dr Patel, for a small fee he would be able to buy her some time. She didn't have much money left but at least she would be able to get a way out of her current predicament. Since she was not going to be in town much longer she told her cousin to drive her to Linda's place. She didn't know Linda very well but they had a cordial relationship and it wouldn't hurt to say hello.

Linda and Mary stared at each other wondering what they would have to do. Linda was not seeing her sharing a bed with Mary at all, she always thought Mary's hygiene was suspect and from what she had heard that some girls do when alone in bed with others; she wasn't taking any risks. She considered calling on of her church friends to come over and take Mary to Walmart where she could buy something to sleep on when she head a knock on the door. She asked whoever it was to come in and noticed it was Kendi. One thoughts came to her which wasn't very pleasing, she hoped that Kendi didn't want a favour from her like spending the night; one guest was more than enough. Linda looked closer at Kendi and noticed how tired she looked and loosened up. They exchanged niceties and it seemed that she just wanted to say hello before leaving town for a while, it was then that the thought hit her; maybe she could give Mary a ride to Walmart. She asked Kendi if that was possible and she agreed. They left leaving Linda clearing the sitting room floor for Mary.

An hour later Mary walked into the house with Kendi helping her with her shopping; they were almost overwhelmed by the shopping bags they were carrying. Mary put down the bag she had a pulled out the airbed she had bought from the store and plugged it into the power outlet while Kendi helped put the food that Mary had bought into the freezer. Looking at the sheer amount of food that was being stuffed into the fridge Linda began to think that Mary's stay was going to be longer than she initially requested. She decided not to think to hard about it as she escorted Kendi outside to her cousin's car, went back in and entered her room leaving Mary getting comfortable in her new airbed.

8 or so hours later Kamau woke up with an aching neck and an equally irritated back. He made his way to the washroom in the clubhouse where he brushed his teeth and freshened up, making himself look as fresh as possible. He stepped out into the cool morning air and waited for the shuttle back to the main campus. After what seemed to be a long 15 minutes the Shuttle arrived, Kamau lugged his bag in and took a seat among the other students who had early classes. He laid back on the seat and began to think about where he would stay. He hadn't gotten a job yet and still had fees to pay, it also didn't help that he did not know too many of the other international students. His reverie was interrupted by the sounds of hissing brakes as the Shuttle stopped outstide Main Campus. Kamau disembarked and walked slowly to his class with his bag weighing him down.

At that same time Mary felt like she was sleeping on air which made sense when she realised she was sleeping on an airbed. She turned and looked at her alarm clock, it was 8 am; she knew she didnt have a class till late afternoon so she was in no rush whatsoever. As she pondered what she would do with her time, Lily came out of her room dressed in the usual Uni student wear of a jeans and a t-shirt. Mary said good morning and was anwered by a barely audible grunt, it was obvious to her that someone was not a morning person; Lily took a tub of yoghurt out of the fridge and appeared to be in a rush to leave and all of a sudden turned and looked at Mary.
"When are you going to start looking for an apartment?" she asked.

"Er, today before I go to class, " Mary replied, shocked at how fast the welcome mat was being pulled from under her feet.

"Sawa," Lily replied as she walked out of the front door.

A few minutes later Linda walked out of her room into the kitchen part of the house and made herself a quick cup of coffee. She asked Mary how her night was and what her plans were, like Lily she also enquired about her housing prospects; Mary fended her off by telling her that she was going to start as soon as possible. Linda seemed glad on hearing that news and before leaving told Mary that she had left her room open so that she could watch some cable there before she left to search for an apartment and to go to class.

A few hundred miles away Kendi convinced her cousin to take her to see Dr Patel. Her cousin didn't want to go to that part of downtown Atlanta but she talked her into it after 30 minutes of pleading. The directions for the Doctor's office had them drive past the swanky parts of midtown Atlanta and into the seedier rundown parts of Atlanta where tax payers money allocated to urban renewal seemed to have as much effect as trying to drown a fish. They pulled up outside a grimy 3 story building, Kendi asked her cousin if she was coming out of the car. Kendi's cousin's eyes darted back and forth looking at the foreboding environment full of seemingly destitute characters and she told Kendi that she would wait for her in the car. Kendi rushed up the steps into the building. She looked at the buildings directory and struggled to read it as it was barely legible but it confirmed what she already knew after talking to the Doctor, his office was on the third floor. She looked for the lift and pressed the button, after that she could hear the mechanism that pulled and dropped the lift wheezing and grinding, after a furtive minute the lift's doors opened. Kendi was about to step into it when a sharp smell assaulted her sinuses, it seemed that someone had decided to use the lift as a urinal. When she remembered the bums she saw sitting outside the building she was not surprised at all, she stepped back and found the staircase and sprinted up three steps at a time.

Back in the 'ville Mary decided to step out of the luxury of her new airbed and watch tv in Linda's room. She opened the door and was amazed at how neat and orderly the room was. She looked at the desk and noticed copies of Daily Bread, The Prayer of Jabez, The King James Bible and other devotional material, those books reminded her of her mother who was very religous but not always logical as a result. She sat on the bedspread and turned on the tv and took the cable box remote control and began to flick through the channels, she surfed the channels over and over and noticed that there was not much to see, she decided to check the TV guide. She wasn't that familiar with cable as Mvaite would never let go of his remote control. She began scrolling down into the 3 digit channels on the list, she had once seen Aco and Mvaite look at the description of one of those channels and go into discussion. It seemed Mvaite wanted to watch the channel but Aco told him it wasn't free and that if he wanted to watch that movie he could watch something like it for free online or do it himself. She had no idea what Aco's last statement was but her interest had been piqued at that point in time, so she scrolled down towards the movie she recalled them talking about, it was the Spice Channel, the movie that was showing was called Debbie Does Hollywood. The blurb described the movie as a story of a young girld who decides to make her way up Hollywood whichever way possible and was rated Adults Only, she knew she was over 18 so that wasn't an issue for her. She pressed the watch button, it asked her if she wanted to buy the movie for only $15.99, she thought to herself and was sure that Linda and Lily wouldnt mind her being entertained, so she pressed yes and sat down to watch the movie.

Kendi walked into the Doctor's office into the reception. The office was small but better kept than the rest of the building, seated on a table at the end of the room was the receptionist, a busty blonde with very long fingernails she was filing as she yakked away on the phone. She looked up and asked Kendi what she wanted, when she replied that she had an appointment with Dr Patel, she was gestured to enter and the secretary continued her animated conversation. Kendi knocked on the door and heard a distinctively Indian sounding voice telling her to come in, she entered the office and the Doctor sat up from his chair to say hello. He was a slightly short and stocky man with dark brown skin and small moustache.

"Ah, so you have come at last" he told her after confirming who she was.

"Yes, I made it" she replied, wishing that this could end fast.

"Vell you know this is going to be expensive and not wery many doctors agree to do this," he said looking at her up and down with his eyes hovering over her chest, "Tell me exactly vhat you vant me to do then"

Kendi took a deep breath knowing that she was taking a risk but risks had to be taken when you had as much at stake as she had. She looked at the doctor and began to tell him exactly what she needed.

Part 8! What are Kamau's plans as regards accomodation? When is Mary going to find a new place to stay? What is she watching on Linda's tv? What is Kendi going to ask Doctor Patel to do? Be here next week!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Predators, Fabulous French Fries and Faster

I was watching To Catch A Predator yesterday and some interesting thoughts came to mind. When most people think of child molestors, we often think of some dirty, smelly and shifty homeless person (often of color), but when I watch this show the men who are busted are anything but that. You get all sorts being caught in the dragnet; policemen, military personell, IT professionals, businessmen, rabbis and even teachers.

The sad thing is that since these men go online and solicit minors and even show up for the "dates" means that there is the possibility that some of them have done it before and have gotten away with it. Disgusting isn't it, what's worse is that some of these men even have children of their own. I mean don't these people think? I mean if you have the morals of a rock then they should at least be logical and think what they are putting at stake; career, family, jail time etc?

Then for some reason Kapur and Shah never miss out. Someone once told me that Asians can be morally reprobate and I dismissed him for the post part till I noticed that those peeps never fail to feature among the accused despite the fact they make up a very small minority of the population. In the last episode they busted this dude from Nepal who was a teacher, his excuse? "I was coming to tell her that it was wrong to do this" yes and why did you have condoms in your pocket then? Needless to say after being arrested and tried, his case was handed to INS. Anyway that is a whole bunch of sick and stupid individuals, they do make for fun TV though.

Is there any blogger out there who lives near Mada? If so could you please go to the fries joint that is at the shopping centre and have a pack on me. I was interning today and since I had no lunch those fries came into my mind. I don't know if the joint is still open but that joint had some of the best fries in Nairobi and their bajias weren't bad at all. It took me coming to the States to realise how good we had it in Kenya as regards junk food.

Anyway here is another story about my insane pals in Uni when I was in Kenya. During the gold rush (scramble for freshmen) one of my pals managed to snag a young mama and after some sweet talking, he talked her into giving it up. The dudes room was next to his pals room, who was there with the boys when he was getting it on. So anyway when things were getting hot and heavy it seemed that the dude wasn't moving at her usual pace, so she started shouting, "faster, faster, faster!!!!!" Of course her voice seeped into the next room, and from that day on, behind her back her nick name was faster. Yes, I went to uni with alot of interesting people. Anyway back to my humdrum existance over here and drafting the next installment of the drama post.....

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

More Idle Musings and A Shameless Blogger

There are certain lines that you hear in your life be it in movies, tv, music or everday life that you would love to use in real life. I dont have as many as some movie-files like Couch Tato but I do have a few. Let me share a few of them.

1. Your Weakness Disgusts Me! - This sterling line is from Street Fighter 2. The character who uses it is the unstoppable M Bison whos is the Boss at the end of the game. I think it has been almost 10 years since I last played this game but this line is so utilitarian that it hurts. Let me give you an example;

Weak willed guy pal confides in Aco about how he can't break up with his girlfriend whom he no longer loves due to guilt. Despite several reasons being given to him by Aco, he still balks at the thought of coming clean to her. At this point Aco tires of him, sneers at him and declares...."Your weakness disgusts me!"

2.I loves me some pussy! - Chapelle show season ?. In one episode Chappelle has a "movie" of his life narrated and in one scene he dies as a soldier in battle and after the usual talk between soldiers and the shout of "Why?!!!!!!!!!!" by his comrade, Chapelle gets on last flicker of life in him and sits up and says " I loves me some pussy!" before dying for real this time. How would I use this?

Aco manages to sneak into a lesbian nightclub and while he enjoys his beer at the bar while watching young nubile women make out, he notices himself being glared out by a built dyke.
In an effort to promote inter-gender understanding, Aco walks to the Buth lesbian beer in hand and says hello. The lesbian grunts out a hello and stares ahead with a stony expression. Aco then gives a short speech about the importance of understanding and tolerance after which he tells the lesbian, "You and I aren't that different if you really think about it."
"What do you mean?" replies the lesbian.
"Well just like you, I loves me some pussy!" Aco replies while high tailing it out of the joint.

3. I will crush you like a cockroach! - This classic line was delivered by the inimitable Al Pacino in Scarface. This line is so self explanatory that I dont even have to give an example. What could be as fun as looking into the eyes of a rival and shouting, " I will crush you like a cockroach!" while at the same time slamming your fist into his desk?

4.You have been weighed, measured and found wanting - This jewel came from Knight's Tale starring Heath Ledger, do I see ladies swooning? This line is a great ego breaker or put down ie when someone asks Aco why he won't do a collabo post with them, just kidding I am not that arrogant about my blogging; but you catch my drift.

5.You can't handle the truth! - A wonderful line delivered by Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men. When would I use this line? If I were dating a girl and she accused me of lying to her, I would turn around and promptly declare "The truth? You can't handle the truth!"

6. It burns! - This line came from The Excorcist. With some of the cooking I have had to put my tongue through this line is perfect eg "Aco, please taste the soup I made for you?"
Aco takes a big spoonful and immediately contorts his face........"It burns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Anyway that is enough of me desecrating great movies onto some trash that needs to be put out. Archer brought to my attention a blatant case of plagiarism that had been going on a certain blog. This blog is a perfect example of the problems that I was trying to discuss in this post, he starts by imitating my blog name down to the full stops after it and the motto under my profile. He then goes on to copy pictures from Archer, M and a post from Unyc. When Archer confronted him, he has the nerve to deny it, allege insults, claim the material is his and when the heat became unbearable he put up a post proclaiming that he is being harassed by Archer and then deleted the posts, removed his yahoo address from his profile, but as we have seen, Google doesn't forget!
D.M how long did you think that you would get away with it? The Kenyan blogosphere is like an e-village, people notice these things. If you have nothing to blog about then don't blog, if you borrow material just acknowledge the source; it's that simple. Anyway let me stop wasting my time on a talentless hack, this pic below says what Archer, the other bloggers and I will do to you and the expression after that if you repeat that behaviour.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Monday Musings

Today is one of them lazy Mondays. My cold is almost gone, I think going out into the open air is what helped it out. You see the thing is that I have a strong immune system so when I get a cold it puts me out for the count, the funny thing is that I either got it from my niece or passed it to her; so we were both out of commission for most of last week.

Moving on from my health issues. I am sure some bloggers who are down South have always wondered why they never see Aco at bashes and the readers must wonder why they don't read posts by Aco about the beer fuelled chaos that are known as Kenyan parties and other clubbing experiences. Answer is that other then my apathy towards most Kenyan bashes is that I tend to be a very picky drinky. I only drink on specific days (Fri - Sun afternoons, public holidays, vacations and the odd celebration). I am not one of those dudes who drink to celebrate the sun rising. I also tend to be very picky about where I drink, this isn't to say that I have airs (I'm sure we all remember my post of the burning table at the local). I can only drink in a place where I feel comfortable and safe. I remember one day there was a raid at the Kenya National Theatre pub by Nairobi City Council. Everyone, staff and customers were put in a lorry and carted off. It seems the place didnt have an operating license, so going out for a beer and spending the weekend (if you are busted on a Friday) in jail and having to bribe or pay a fine isn't what I envision when I go out for a beer. And when I am in locals I tend to eschew the use of glasses, this is after seeing a particularly inebriated man vomiting into a glass after being overcome by the brew, and we all know that in many locals their idea of cleaning is swirling water in every glass sans soap; so I am not taking any risks. Of course the joint of choice also has to have nice ambience and a nice mature crowd. I do prefer drinking with my friends and other people who must be able to carry a conversation, I do tend to be paranoid about overly friendly strangers esp women since I could find myself in a scenario like this. Those few things aside, I pretty much drink anywhere and with anyone!

Speaking about bars, let me tell ya'll an interesting story. When I was in Uni in Kenya we had this pal called Mjaka and no he was not a jeng. The origin of that nickname is very interesting, you see we went to the coast for some Mombasa raha and in one of the night clubs a lady of easy virtue took a liking to him and at the end of the night they left together. The next night, we went to another club and we ran into his new friend and he was looking for him, she saw us and started chatting to us. After the usual niceties this is when the convo got interesting,

Girl: Yule beshte wenu, yeye ni mjaka?
Pal #3: Ziii, kwa nini?
Girl: Jana vile alinipeleka kwa bedroom, nilidhani yeye ni mjaka

After hearing that, when we caught up with him; we began to call him Mjaka and the name stuck. For a brief period we did begin calling him Jackass but that is a story for another day.
ps: Due to my fear of finding myself in bed with a girl with hoooves or stretching arms, there is no fraternising with the local women for me during a trip to the Coast.
pps: I do know there is some dude out there who has been pirating content from various Kenyan blogs. Even if you delete your blog, Google never forgets. I am working on a post for you D.M...