Friday, February 03, 2006

Almost forgot

I realised that some weeks back I had promised some Friday eye-candy.Due to technical hitches this couldn't happen, but now the train is back on track!So here is today's pic!All I know is that her name is Nimo and she was on the cover of Pulse sometime back,enjoy!

KBW revolving soap!

Any of you who have been reading Nick's blog may have come across his latest post that has a revolving soap.What happened is that Nick began a story and everyone else was to add a piece.Some masterpieces like this emerged!:
Magaidi said...

(G U know I had to get you for what you did to me huh?)

>Guess drove Mutumia home and the proceeded to her apartment.

She took the first right off beacon street and headed down ‘Farmer’s Ave’. For some reason she couldn’t get the sight of Whis, strutting his stuff around in his underwear and a bow tie: a bad imitation of Chippendales off her mind. The song “who let the dawgs out” kept playing on in her mind and each time she got more excited shouting as if in unison with the Baha Men, “who who who whooo..” neck arched in position to hit the high note on crescendo: An earpiercing shout down Farmer’s Ave that had the preacher’s wife concerned until the 1993 “tuk tuk” whisked past her house.
“What was that?” the Preacher asks.
“It’s the crazy hippie from block B” the wife retorted.
“didn’t the people from animal control arrest her for chasing and beating down those stray cats last Saturday night?”
“Guess Not!”
The car frame careened off the corner, Guess “put the pedal to the metal” the odometer read 542,037 the speedometer struggled to hit 27mph. There was a loud thud, perhaps a gasket blew but she couldn’t care less, she put her head outside to ‘feel the breeze as she cruised down the street’ That’s when it happened:

The wig flew off revealing an oblong shaped head, a powerful muscle of a head that has satellite dishes worldwide drooling….

2/01/2006 9:57 PM

The tale does not end there Guess tries to make a gesture of peace and this is what happens!Guess then rushes home where she finds milo, fresh from his absence and has some amazing news for her.Later Guess make peace and it leads to Nick finding out about it.Meanwhile Msanii gets a new ride, he and Mocha then make a date to shine in it!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Say no to fundamentalism...

I made a comment on Keguro's blog on his latest post "Forget race" where he was talking about Dubya and the State of the Union address.Most of the posts I write are usually about my life and humour but I do have write some serious posts but I usually leave them as drafts because KBW has people who weave a more attractive verbal yarn then I do so I don't want to expose people to an incoherent version of what they have read elsewhere.Anyway onto business....
As the world has become more globalised there has been a vast increase in fundamentalism.Fundamentalism is defined as: An approach to a belief system that emphasizes following a particular set of basic principles and opinions often called doctrine. The assurance and peace-of-mind that comes with fundamentalist responses to uncertainty attracts many. They seem to cluster in the political and religious arenas to help each other maintain faith in, what they believe is a more consistent and coherent worldview. ...
No where is it more apparent then in the first world where due to increased immigration has led to nativism rearing its' ugly head.Nativism is what leads to immigrants being blamed to for all crime and downturns in the economy (poor fiscal policy notwithstanding).What many people especially Americans don't seem to understand is that unless your last name is Runs With Bulls, Native Americans are the only real Americans.What many of these countries don't seem to understand is that as they crush third world economies through globalisation and use International Financial Institutions to hitch crippling debt to developing nations is that they are only fuelling the development of economic refugees.
Fundamentalism is what leads The Texan to impose his evangelical beliefs on millions of Americans by trying to ban abortion and restricting access to morning after pills.He then goes ahead to impose the condition that AIDS funds will only be received to countries that promote abstinence over condom use.I give a cheer to Brazil who told America to take those funds and shove them because a condom will stop AIDS, abstinence won't when the people decide to succumb.I hear that there are now Bible study sessions in the White House and that the staff have a code that they pass around when they see Laura gearing up so they lock their office doors before they have to take part.The Navy is now allowing proselytizing within its' ranks.Fundamentalism especially religous fundamentalism supports racism,sexism and marginalisation of those who do not look like the rest of the followers.Turn on TBN and you will notice that most of the preachers have crowds that are predominantly of one race this is more apparent the more rabid the preacher we all remember John Hagee saying the war in Iraq was God's will?Seems God acted on false information tsk tsk.Religous fundamentalism is what leads people like Ray Nagin to say that Hurrican Katrina was a punishment from God, you want to tell me that all the people who lived in New Orleans were the scum of the earth and deserved to suffer and die.Religous fundamentalism leads to people saying that AIDS is God's punishment to man for sin, try telling that to the children who got infected through infected blood transfusion; but hey maybe that was a pre-emptive shot by God for all the whoring and debauchery they were destined to be a part of in the future!Religous fundamentalism is what leads people to brand those who do not apply to their religion and sets of morals to eternal condemnation ie gays,muslims,new agers,pagans etc.I many not approve of the gay lifestyle but I am a live and let live kind of guy, don't bother me and I won't bother you.What religous fundamentalists fail to realise is that they are human and they sin too Jimmy Swaggart and Tim & Faye Bakker ring a bell?And that they too will be judged.The Texan does not seem to realise that you cannot legislate faith, it does sound good in practice but let me tell you about what happens when you legislate fate; you get a Taliban like situation.Fun was outlawed,women were made third class citizens and had to go around wearing tents and men had to adhere to all sorts of inane rules including making shaving off your beard a jailable offense.
The we have gender fundamentalism where one gender sees itself as superior to the other.This leads to women esp in third world countries being treated like second class citizens and property.Gender fundamentalism leads to human rights for some and not all.Gender inequality leads to the reduction of the quality of life of others.Gender fundamentalism on the side of the oppressed leads to declarations like "All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman, I feel that 'man-hating' is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them" such declarations only add fuel to the fire instead of helping find consensus and reconciliation.
All in all if you look around you fundamentalism is growing.When fundamentalism grows, logic and compassion die out.Life becomes a war against those who look different,come from different places and believe in different things.Believe what you must but say no to fundamentalism because under some other fundamentalists creed you shouldn't exist so don't spread the virus.
That's my serious word for the week now back to fun and bollywood movies starring Princess Sugarcane (mutumia) and the other usual suspects!!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Tit for tat

Yesterday I was having one of those days in the office where I remember funny things that happened in the past and I begin smiling and then I break down into laughter alone.Of course at this point in time people begin to think that the stress of school and work is too much or that I have been overwhelmed by homesickness.This is what I remembered:
I had a good pal of mine let's call him Jon.This cat was funny as hell and loved playing practical jokes; he would prank you before you knew what went down.Anyhow one night we went to an establishment favoured by airhostesses (Kenya has fly airhostesses not those airhags that serve you in American airlines, screw equal opportunity!) and other fly women.
So we sit down and we are sipping our expensive beers.All of a sudden Jon's face lights up like he has seen someone he has seen sitting on a table that is 2 tables behind me.He gets up and I turn discreetly to see where he is going.Jon strides confidently to a table that is packed chock full with a group of beauties smiles at one of them leans over and says something to one of them,she answered and gave him a smile.He then said something to the rest of the group pointed towards me, waved to the rest and walked back to our table.
Aco:Wsup my guy?Who are those mamas?Si u unganisha your boy like this?
Jon:Of course my guy!I am tight with those mamas, you didn't see me pointing at you?Just go over and tupa your intro, things are timam huko!
So having been given the green light I slide over,flex the chest and biceps and equip the Aco smile.I went over and said Hi! and stretched out my arm to say hello.It is only when I saw the puzzled looks on the ladies faces' that I knew there was a problem so I had to go for plan B to save face.
Aco: Do you work for KQ? You look like a someone who works the London route with my friend Angie.
Gal: No I work the Amsterdam route but I do know Angie!(ps:Most Kenyan chics have a pal called Angie so always have this name in mind).What was your name again?
Aco:(proceeds to give name) It was nice to meet you but I have to bounce my pal is waiting for me (Always leave when operating on deception coz the real Angie may show up and disown you!)
I then went and sat down at our table to find Jon laughing his head off.
Aco: sawa cheka tu!Your day will come!
Two months later we are at a local with the rest of my other pals enjoying cheap booze before we go uptown (Westlands) when Jon shows up with the latest chick he was trying to shag and escape before dawn.
Jon:My guys wsup!Meet this nice chic Joan!
Aco:(pretending to look slightly inebriated)-face lighting up in recognition!- Ah, kumbe this is that Joan slut you were telling us about!
Joan:(face folding in anger and disgust!) What!Is that what you have been telling your boys (storming off in anger outside where she took the next cab she could find)
Needless to say Jon couldnt convince him that he did not say anything like that and slept alone that night.
Aco:Si I told you your day would come!
Jon:Roho safi you wezad me 10-0 huko lakini now we're even, sawa?
One of these days I have to tell you how the boys torpedoed a chic who had our boy under lock and key....

Monday, January 30, 2006

The return of the tag

Since Mocha dearest decided to tag me I have been forced to take a break from directing Bollywood movies and do my part.....
1. Favourite Kenya Food
-Nyama choma
2. Favourite Kenyan Drink
A nice cold tusker but Kenyan sodas also rock not full of
substitutes like what we have here!
3. Favourite Kenyan TV Programme
Let's see this is a hard one
-Stuff like Joy Bringers rocked for comedy values ie people playing instruments to play back music!But Redykyulass season one also rocked!
4. Top 3 Kenyan Hangouts
-Carnivore no doubt!
-Electric Avenue in its' heyday, this was the stretch in Westlands of Jkays,Crooked Q, Q stakes and -damn forgot its' name!
-The locals of Nairobi West and kachoi.K-2 rocks on the few days the bouncers aren't menopausal.
(Yes I know that is more then 3 but I feel Jack!)
5. Top Holiday Kenyan Destination
For raha with the peeps Coasto comes out tops and for the woman who steals my heart Maasai Mara (I even know the lodge just waiting for her to chomoka so I can make bookings!)
6. 3 Kenyan phrases you use a lot (ati, nini, nani DO NOT count and neither does bilaz!)
-Yenyewe kumeharibika!
-You're a langa!
-Kila msee na mzigo wake!
7. Three things about Kenya/Kenyans that make you go ‘hmmm’
-The sheer amount of bile between Kenyan guys and chics out here when it comes to dating.
-The way so many Kenyans out here shoot themselves in the foot ie embezzling school fees from their folks,digging themselves into debt to floss etc...
-The way peeps back home think stato is a paradise no matter how much we tell them that it isnt the case.
8. Three things non-Kenyans say about Kenya/Kenyans that make you go ‘hmmm’
-So when did you learn English?On the flight you bastard!
-You did that by yourself?No, I did it with your mama!We are even more capable then you!
-The way Americans can talk so much and say absolutely nothing!Meetings are agony for me!
9. Three things about Kenya/Kenyans which non-Kenyans ought to know.
-We are not on the brink of civil war
-Africa is not one country!
-Most of us are smarter the you! Just wait till results come out
10. Complete this sentence: I am Kenyan because…..
-Adversity only makes me stronger and angrier (call me Bruce Banner), we Kenyans are survivers.
And finally – list 3 members of the Kenyan Blog Ring you would like to see complete this quiz.

Another home video!

It seems that the world isn't big enough for me and a certain KBW member.See here!
Also a KBW sex tape emerges!
ps:And to think that I do all this during office time.....

Home Video!

While I spruce up a post for today, here is a movie me and a certain KBW member have made.Enjoy!