Saturday, August 05, 2006

Hell on earth, Internet Explorer and Playing hard to get

There is this character in Greek mythology called Sisyphus, who was sentenced to an eternal punishment that never ends.My version of this punishment would be being made to move house over and over. Nothing beats moving house in Kenya.It is a bit easier here because of dollies, U-haul and other convieniences. But in Kenya it was a whole different kettle of fish.First of all you had to hunt for boxes to put in your belongings.If you didnt know where to get them you had to go to different supermarkets and buy their old boxes,most were either too big or too small.Then you would have to find old newspapers to put in the boxes to protect fragile objects. Don't forget that you had to get hold of transport.So that would mean getting hold of some old run down Bedford lorry that is being held together by dust and grease.You were lucky if you got more then one turn boy to help you out. You would have to do loads of trips with the lorry and cars available to get things to the other house.Let me not forget the furniture!For one reason couches and chairs seem to have been teleported into the living room because it takes twisting and turning these pieces of furniture into next to impossible angles to get them out the doorway, let's not forget that most of this furniture is made of a combination of rock and hardwood and is back breaking to carry. And then there are the dreaded wall units! Have you ever been on the business end of a wall unit?! The last time I had to help move on I am almost took an axe and flame thrower to it! Then people accumulate all sorts of useless heavy junk. The last time I did some heavy moving I had to help a neighbour move.The worst thing is that they kept on postponing the move!So when we were psyched up the move was always postponed. Then on the afternoon that we were bumming is when we were called on. First of all we were moving things from a town house so that meant at one point carrying things down 3 flights of stairs! The old folks had one heavy steel chest in the master bed room on the top floor. We postponed moving it for as long as possible but at the end it sat their looking at us in defiance knowing that we had to deal with it. I firmly believe that the residents of that house had hidden a corpse in that chest and weighed it down with cement blocks because it took 4 of us to move that chest.
Then to add to our suffering after carrying the super heavy couch into the sitting room, the lady of the house insists on us lifting it and placing it down in 4 different positions to see where it looked best. "Ma'am there is this wonderful thing called an imagination," is what I wanted to tell her after the 2nd attempt at dislocating our shoulders. Then came putting the beds back together which was a puzzle but as long as there was no more backbreaking lifting I did not mind.
To add immense insult to injury, the lady of the house who spent the majority of the time directing traffic and the last one hour or placing the utensils in the right place after we had carried the cooker made of pig iron or some other metal that multiplied the effect of gravity in place comes into the sitting room and exclaims, "Aiii, nimechoka sana (My, I'm so tired)!" I was so tired that I couldn't even come back with a sassy comeback. After being part of several moving efforts let's just say I have reduced my material objects to clothes, books, utensils, TV, dvd player, I don't even have the big ass stereo that most dudes have; I use my MP3 player and two speakers for music. So if you ask me to help you move and you see me run for the hills you know where I coming from.

I think that Internet Explorer should be scrapped!The computer I am using on has IE and it keeps on hanging whenever I try to access the KBW feed!So if I haven't commented on your blog it's because I don't know you have posted.Mozilla on the other hand rocks, all the tabs I can open and lots of other neat features!

I was reading this article in the Standard about playing hard to get. Yes to some point it does make sense for women to play hard to get, but on the other hand good men are at a premium and some men don't like playing games. A good friend of mine used to have what he called the kenchic approach to dealing with such situations. Like the rotisserie at a Kenchic restaurant he would have 4 girls or so that he would deal with at the same time and the one that seemed ready would be the one that he would move on with, leaving the others wondering what went wrong as the attention on them would shift.In my case, I will admit that I have a somewhat short attention span with women, I'll chase a woman for sometime but at some point like a bat in the dark a louder sound will get my attention and I'll flit off or just decide to do my own thing. Of course this has led to interesting situations where a chic whom I used to try to get with would be act stand offish during that duration then she would be in shock when those overextened hellos and invitations to dates would disappear and be replaced with cameradrie or just plain indifference. Now the tables would be turned and she would be the one chasing me despite the fact I was no longer interested or in some cases she would become nasty because there are some women who don't believe that a man can turn down their charms. But that is one reason I like being on the bilas train because it makes life so much easier! But another pal of mine put it best about girls who play hard to get and wonder why they can't get a man.Many of them don't go to the extent of getting the man fully interested before playing hard to get, so it's like setting up loads of obstacles on a track ie barbed wire, ring of fire, pit of snakes (yes some women putup such major tests) but there is no-one on the track and the potential runner opts for an easier race instead, leaving your track to wither away and the track owner turning bitter as middle age creeps up on her (how's that for an analogy?). Who ever said matters between men and women are easy? So ladies try to find that fine line between being too reasonable and playing hard to get and let us know how that goes.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Strokes on wheels, take home exams

The Soho's forward was being discussed on late night Capital FM!The radio presenters gave some points some of you strokes on wheels fans need to know!

1.Make sure your moti has tinted windows!
2.Choose a dark secluded place!
3.Do not chomoa all your clothes like the peeps in that forward!Pants off is more then enough!

Anyway since those peeps were busted I would like to know the outcome of their case!For those of you who have been busted please comment anonymusly and tell us what went down!

Moving on, I just sent in my take home exam.It was good to get it out of my hair or should I say locks!With the ennui that was part of that class I am not expecting a high grade at all but as long as I don't have to do the damn course again!I now have mad respect for Phd students!4 years of this plus teaching?!Hell naw!

No more class!Woo hoo!But school restarts in 10 or so days!Booooo!By the way I just realised that I have been in the States for one year and some days.How did I remember.Last weekend a good friend of mine had her birthday (the cockblocker - a story for another day). On the second day I was here I went for her birthday bash.So I talked to her last weekend and she told me that she was having a birthday bash.While I was chilling in the digs watching this and other stuff on cable (yes I'm a big kid at heart)!So I guess maybe I was a birthday present to her?Nice weekend ya'll and no shagging where you may be busted, remember The Acolyte cares for you!

Press dos for espanol,no-one but you,horror movie cliches

This unlucky bastard spent two months in jail that he didn't have to.That's pretty sad but it does give credence to the suggestion that people make.If you are coming to America do learn to speak english, It'll save you a whole lot of trouble!Because human beings dont come with a button called dos por espanol!
I recall when we I was young and we only had one TV in the house.My mother and my sisters used to love watching telenovelas aka South American Soap Operas.The favorite one at the Time being No-one (starring Andres Garcia) but apart from the weak plots, poor lip synching when dubbing, I discovered that latin American mamis have bootie to kill for; and to make things worse the chics in that show used to wear cleavage revealing outfits as they lounged in their villas!Ah they joys of a young man discovering the beauty of women!
The Sixth Sense was on TV the other day and it reminded me of all the cliches in horror movies.Here they are!But I'm sure Nick knew all of them anyway!
Anyway have a nice weekend and if you are stateside make sure you watch the Steve Harvey comedy special that's going to be on BET tonight!I know I will.......

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Awwww hell no!I'm the only one who gets to post twice, nini talks smack, darkness!

It seems someone in KBW didnt get the memo.Other then Kenyan entrepreneur only The Acolyte is allowed to blog on a daily basis!Just kidding Movie Buff, blog on!
Now first things first, I was listening to Nini Wacera on Capital FM today and she says that wife beaters love their women.It is their passion and love that makes them beat them.A wonderful own goal!Some people should not be given microphones and be allowed to address the masses!She' s just given some gal an excuse to take on keeping an ass whupping!Ass hat!

"Hit me if you love me!"

My mum always told me not to diss people about something because it may happen to you.Well since I am pretty dark, I can lay into these peeps.Unless it's the camera, these must be the blackest peeps ever!No wonder they had a bash where people had to dress in white!No-one would have seen them otherwise!

One nation under Islam, People with too much time, unity through smut and dotting

I was reading this article on the BBC website about how life in Mogadishu is shaping up to be under Islamic rule. I stand behind my last post supporting them if they can bring order to the chaos.Yes I do know that it may end up being like Afghanistan under the Taliban but who knows lets hope it doesn't turn out that way because the so called democracy that was suppossed to have been brought to Somalia hasn't done much for the people.
I think some people have too much free time.If you can spend a whole night making things like this, I seriously think you need to get a life and a job!But they do keep the conpiracy theorists active, so that's cool.
I must give a big kudos to the power of smut to bring people together.I have never met so many bloggers on-line till the day I said I would share the spotted outside Soho's forward!You are all welcome to drop me a line even if I dont have anything racy to share!
My sister taught me a good trick to getting extra services without paying extra to your cable company.She told me that you should call and ask them if they are having a special for existing subscribers.They always have specials but dont advertise them so that people keep on paying full price.So after some negotiation I managed to get a whole load of extra channels for an extra $5 in addition to the movie channels that I am enjoying as part of my special that ends in Sep.So now I can spend extra time in the morning watching music videos like udi.BTW I watched the Spanish MTV music channel and realised that there must be a reggaeton starter kit coz all those songs have the same beat!
I have a take home exam to do and I perfecting the art of saying little things with many words.So back to work!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Bastards Pastors, Hanky Panky at Soho's,Somalia and tolerance

I see another bastard is misbehaving in the name of the Lord.Why do I have the feeling that he was not deported because he was white?Africans have been deported for less, but on the other hand the fact that Deya hasn't been deported gives me the benefit of the doubt.

Out of curiosity.I would like to know if any of you have received a forward called "spotted outside Sohos"?It is one of those rated MA forwards.Do you think that it's legit or not.If it's legit it seems that dudes are getting bolder and bolder with time in the good old city in the sun because as I remembered it, Soho's was not the most secluded place,For those of you who may be interested drop me a line in private and I will pass it to you.That's me, The Acolyte happily spreading rumours and smut for you!

People have always said that tribalism is one of the major things that hold Africa back.But look at Somalia?They are all of the same ethnicity but have let clan politics make them tear at each others throats for the last 15 years.I remember their parliament staging a royal rumble at the Grand Regency some time last year.With the imminent take over by Islamic militia some MPs are walking out.What would you rather have?A chaotic nation under democracy or a peaceful but repressed nation under sharia law?

After reading the girl next doors latest post and a conclusion I had arrived to yesterday, I resolved to stop being so cynical and trying to be more positive about people.But some people make it so hard!My room mate made some sludge in the name of food.By the way this is the scary thing, the boy left chicken and some liver in a pan on the cooker and they slept on the cooker for one whole night and one afternoon raw!And he came and cooked them the next day?!To make things worse I think he actually ate it!So he cooked some sludge, I dont know if it was mashed potatoes or orange stew but it was unidentifiable.He has left the goo in the pan on the cooker for the last 3 days.So today morning I got up and went to the kitchen only for my nose to be tackled and manhandled by a rancid smell.His sludge had been ripened by the summer heat!It had started smelling the night before but I thought it was the trash and vowed to take it out in the morning and that was why I was in the kitchen.In the old days I would have given him a grade A dressing down but when I found him I quietly told him that his food had spoiled and walked out of the house.Who says I can't change!

Monday, July 31, 2006

Monday musings

South Americans seem to take their soccer/football really seriously!If this is a friendly, I wouldn't like to be at a derby!

My sis should be here today morning apartment hunting.The sem starts mid-August and she wants to have a place to stay by then.That would have been good planning were this a larger town but it isn't.This is a college town and finding accomodation is horrendous!There are more people then there are houses, some landlords don't like renting to students, other new apartment buildings targetting students have come up but are rather pricey as the rent comes with utilities (internet,cable, water and electricity).So the best time to find a new place would be around the end of the semester and early summer.I had been telling my sister and her friend to be searching around June but they put it off till now, so the odds of getting a place walking distance to Campus are really really slim.It is so so tempting to say I told you so but I think I'll just shut up this time round.
Stop Press:Seems there has been an accident on the interstate, all lanes are blocked so she'll have to come here tommorrow instead!

Other then that the two bottles of milk that I had in the fridge at home and at work have both spoiled.When milk here spoils it doesn't turn sour but turns into a watery suspension (yuk!).But there was only half a cup in each bottle and I had kept them past the expiry date anyhow, so no biggie.Just have to go shop for some more later on this week.Now off to type the rest of my article reviews!Damn doing all these papers sucks!That's one things I won't miss about grad school when I graduate!To all those in the same boat as I am, read hard!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sunday musings

Today morning as I bummed in bed I did the usual Sunday thing, I watched TV.I got to watch the Village directed by M Night Shymalan. I must admit that it was not as bad as I thought it would be.I did like the twist at the end of the tale.The fact that the monsters that kept them in the village did not exist and were just made up by the elders who lived in the outside world to prevent the people from leaving.Plus the fact that the people chose to live a life resembling that of early 20th century frontiersmen eschewing electricity and other conveniences (resulting in the needless death of a child) when access to all those things was just a few miles away.What people won't do to run away from their problems?
Other then that I am plugging away doing some article reviews for one of my courses.The problem isn't reviewing the articles but typing them. For some reason it just feels like an uphill task but it's one that I have to do.
I read about this miraa bust in the States. It seems some veve lovers will have the shakes in some weeks to come. I must confess despite living in a neighbourhood where there were many miraa users, I have never ever tried the drug. The whole idea of chewing those stalks for hours on end, while exchanging endless tales as I wait for the buzz to kick in never appealed to me at all. I used to know arab families where everyone from the parents to the children were users. Call me sexist but I always saw a chic chewing miraa as a major turn off; it was sloppy enough with the men already.
The Sunday Nation also had this well written but brief commentary about the plight of Kenyans in the diaspora.The writer highlighted the stress that some of them undergo that leads them to crime.These lines do say alot.

Kenyans in the Diaspora are faceless in many ways. While they still write and miss home, the same is often not the truth save for their being missed for remittances and other funding.
The cow gives milk and little thought is ever given as to how it lives. Yet the pressures the Diaspora endures just to survive is great. More often than not, we do two jobs just to eat. Less speak to pay the rent, support our own.

I am not in any way saying that all Kenyans back home have their arms open waiting for hand outs but there are a large number who are.Many people back home see life abroad as paved with pounds and dollars, I remember when I was leaving the country one of my friends asked me to leave him one of my favorite pairs of shoes that I saved for a long time to buy with the words, "You'll buy another pair when you get their." The fact is that for most Kenyans out here things are not that simple but since the people back home sacrificed to send you abroad, it is only logical that you do what you can to help out. But at times the requests can become a bit much.Lucky for me, my mother has been out here quite a number of times so she knows how hard things can be so she doesn't ask for too much. But the story is different for most people, due to this mindset doing business from abroad is a headache and a nightmare. First of all the price of everything is jacked up spectacularly, I mean take a look at the price of subscription to the East African Standard and the Nation; they are more expensive then subscribing to American papers and magazines. A blogger who tried to buy stocks in Kenya said how it took so long that by the time the stocks were being bought they had already rose in price, defeating the purpose of buying them in the first place. I was once told this story about this Kenyan dude in the UK who had been remitting cash home to his family so that they build him some apartments.He forsook the finer things in life and sent the money home diligently even overstaying his visa so that the project may be concluded. After working his fingers to the bone to overcome the reported hiccups of the project, he decided that he had tired of the drab European lifestyle and returned home to manage his investments and live in peace. On coming home and going to the purported site he found that nothing but weeds existed on the land, he confronted his family members who just led him on a wild goose chase.He tried to seek legal redress but the family members involved used the money they had gotten from him to pay off the law, with all the stress and despair surrounding the issue he promptly lost his mind and eventually took his own life. I know not all cases are as extreme as this but such things do happen. Despite all this their are still muppets who find time to write articles like this.
So people back home, unless the person you know that is leaving has been hired by some big corporation or the United Nations to work abroad, life for them isn't as easy as you think it is. Have a nice Monday (If that's possible!)