Saturday, September 10, 2005

What the F*@K!

Lately I have not been running at 100% I have been feeling very run down despite minimal stress and 8 hours of sleep.So what happened is that I went to see the doctor and she did some tests and nuthin much came up apart from the fact my white blood cells are a little low but not low enough to cause concern.So just told me to get loads of sleep and fluids and that I should go back Monday.Well what I also thought is that maybe it is because I have noticed that I use more energy then I take in meaning that I am not eating enough and I cant stand takeaway,once in a while it is fine lakini daily?NO WAY!So I went home and made some stew out of peas,baked beans,carrots,pork and some pasta.So I ate some for dinner and carried some to jobo the next day for lunch.In the evening I went to the lib then went to visit some pals.So I go to the crib already knowing what I am going to eat.To get there I pass by my no good akataa room mate who is high and sprawled over the couch.I get to the fridge and start looking for the container where I left the dish.WAPI!nothing to be seen.I turn the fridge upside down mpaka I almost lifted the thing.So I was pissed I had to make fries for dinner.
The next day in the morning I see the bastard has placed the container in the sink.I saw and decided jioni I will have to talk to him about it.Usually I do not talk my next response would have been to get a recipe for something spectacular like chicken pilau, sweat in the jikoni put aside my share in the freezer and place some in the fridge laced with a generous helping of laxatives.After shelling for 2 days the bastard will never eat my food without perm.Lakini let me be diplomatic and talk to him jioni besides where the hell can I get laxatives around here!

Friday, September 09, 2005

10 things

Came across these on a forum I go to for black people.

September 4th, 2005

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not White.
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.


1. Hickey's are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family
10.Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.


1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10.Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

How about ya'll make a Kenyan version that I can add to this.Because i know as Kenyans we all have our unique habits.

Hakuna Kulala!

For those of you who are fans of bongo music from TZ that is the refrain of a song by Sir Nature, one of bongo's well loved wasanii.I was just thinking of the way I have this ability to sleep at the wrong times and comfortably at that.There was a time I used to have an appetite for sleep mpaka I thought I was sick.But I changed my diet and began to do yoga and other excercise and that curbed it.
I have slept in churches ( in fact that was the main thing i used to do in church ),jobo ( well what to do when I had no work ), at the wheel ( only happened once and alcohol contributed,thank GOD for passengers ),during lectures ( even during morning lectures - jeez what was I doing at night ),on buses, in the hanyee, luckily not when I'm shagging.Hell I'm even sleeping right now!
Speaking of that do ya'll remember when Mwiraria read a budget that was so long mpaka 85% of the MPs swatched?But Gideon Moi stayed awake and was laughing at them.That was funny.

someone said..

Thisarticle from last year October talks about how the Louisiana was in grave danger of a hurricane.But I guess in the states there are so many prophets of doom that you hardly know who to believe.Anyway hindsight is always the clearest.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


Thank God the week is almost over.I have to start sleeping early.These tabias of staying up late to watch Comedycentral are stopping me from sleeping early and I end up tired half of the day.So apart from weekend it is bedtime at 11pm or earlier so i can be up early too!
The akataa students are having a bash today at 11pm - 2am so lazima i will pitia.I find the club hours here so short but the good thing I noticed is that many of the African clubs are not in the city so they can have extended hours.
Oh here is something funny that I came across on the net:
Drunk woman dies in cemetery accident

Sep 7, 11:24 AM (ET)

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - An inebriated Belgian woman died in a freak accident when she ended up beneath a heavy grave stone at a cemetery, local news agency Belga said Wednesday.

The 33-year-old was on her way home from a bar in the Belgian town of Pulle in the early hours of Saturday when she took a short cut through the cemetery.

But she urgently needed to relieve herself and crouched down between two gravestones. As she lost her balance, she grabbed one of the stones which gave way and landed on top of her.

The public prosecutor's office said she died of suffocation as she was unable to lift the heavy stone.

Lesson of the day that every African knows.....Do not fuck with the dead!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


Today morning is moving rather slow but I have realised that I can read my text books in the office as there is no jobo as I do find it hard to soma jioni.Jana as I was taking a break from jobo and rushing to the bookshop to look for one of my books a voice called out to me.So I turned to see who it was and it was some young akataa fresher I had become pals with after going to the bbq some weeks back.So we got to talking and she tells me how she has to shoot down a jamaa she is not feeling but she was feeling guilty about it.So I told her that these things have to happen.She agreed as I was sitting with her in the sun telling me how he wrote her a letter with some whack spelling and cant call her much as he uses his mum's phone as his was cut-off.At this point I am thinking who is this loser?Talk of the devil and the jamaa pops up!Seems he is a dude who works in the Chic-fil-a on campus.I have seen that dude hit on quite a few black chics, seems that the akataa chics out there do not work for him.So what she does is sit him down and begin to tell him why they cant hook up and Im there listening to a jamaa get his ego beat down.After a few seconds i excused myself and left.Listening to a guy get LJBFd ( Let's just be friends ) by a chic is not the best thing.My advice as a guy is that you can see it coming and avoid it.If you are too dum to and continue in pursuit and get the talk what you should do instead of saying "okay" or getting pissed; slowly turn to her smile and say, "no thanks I have enough friends as it is."I mean you already took a hit in the nuts why get neutered too?
Anyway have a talk to pitia, sole reason is so that I can get free pizza but I will dazzle them with my knowledge of world affairs too.ADIOS!!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Weekend over

Well a long weekend comes to an end.On Saturday night went to a club in midtown ATL with my sis and her pal.Those clubs do nothing for me but I was not seeing myself swatching.In that club seats are sparse unless you can afford to pay for VIP section.What I saw that was interesting is that so many jungu chicks dance like strippers with an invisible pole and there is this move with the ass all jungu jamaas know.Is there some special school for this after high school?Anyway the next night went to a Kenyan BBQ and a Kenyan club.My sister is the kind of gal who sees herself as uptown and does not bother with Kenyans much she prefers to roll with the local jungus and europeans.I do not mind jungus much but unlike my sis I've had to hustle so at heart I'm from the streets.So I do like to get in touch with Kenyans when I can and catch pints.
The joint we went to was more like what I was used to back home ie lots of seats,pool tables and a dance floor that was not too big.And as usual the favoured choice of drink was the green bottle ie heiniken.My hostess who incidentally is one of those chics who I mentioned in my earlier post is one of those gals who love their drink and can really derail your woman esp if you have been sitting on here.So far 2 of her gal pals who we were catching pints with jana have left their hubbies or been thrown out.But despite that she is still good company I think one reason we get along is that we are both pragmatic and bila time for mingi issues.Anyway just saw this in the standard so it has kumbushad me that I have a chapter to read in one of my text books.No time to fail and be shipped out.Also I was schooled about the failings of many Kenyans huku.Will share but books are calling.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Self Destruct!

Anyway let's move on from discussing ground zero in New Orleans.I was hanging out with my sis and her pal and they told me a story of this Kenyan chic who screwed herself spectacularly as many Kenyan gals do both here and at home.
This chic fikad here when she was paged ( pregnant ).Pushed on with life in Ohio where she met a Gambian jamaa, well the snake oil salesmen that those West Africans are; they hooked up and she got paged.AFter a while the jamaas true colors emerge and she is beat up and later thrown out.So she comes down to Georgia to pose with her pal as she tries to eke a living on her soon to be expired visa.What happens is that she meets this akataa jamaa who falls for her and after a week they have moved in and a month later he is saying they marry.The jamaa even tells her not to work as he will work and take care of their kids ( none of which are his! ) while she stays at home and raises them.At this point I do not know what snapped in her head.She starts hanging out with her mama full time and goes to drink with her while leaving the kid who is not even one year old alone in the house.When the guy calls she switches off her phone.The last small Kenyan bash I went for she was there and had not been home for 3 days!So when she was going home this guy said enuff was enuff!He was there when she was being brought by the pals so he went after them with a knife.WEll the pals drove away and left her to his mercy, he vunjad her and she called the cops.So luckily he did not leave any marks but the cops looked at him and told her that for her own good she should leave, so she did but she has not steady place to stay.Also her work permit had come in but this is only valid for one year.The jamaa refused to file for her the final papers with INS even though he had sent in the initial papers.When this happens you are screwed as you have to come in with that person only otherwise your union is deemed fake and you are deported.
So this mama after meeting two bastards found the perfect jamaa and decided to screw him.And to think that Kenyan mamas are running around saying that we Kenyan men are useless.Word to the wise men "Hurting people hurt people ".If you are a nice jamaa and you are trying to hook up with a chic and you meet one of those mamas who have kulad laps with jamaas STAY AWAY!!It is not worth it!These mamas may seem interesting and fun but too many of them have unresolved issues and given opportunity want to cause suffering to any nice jamaa in the form of payback.This is not the case with all the chics who have seen mingi action out there but why bother playing the lotto when you can instead hook up with a nice chilled out chic who will be less drama unless you have a hero complex that is.