Thursday, June 29, 2006

Proverbs 15:1 and Mission Codename Scatter

So I know you are all waiting with baited breath for the out-come of the confrontation about the inflated cable bill.So ladies and gentlemen the situation was not as cataclysmic as you may have hoped.You see when it comes to confrontation and drama The Acolyte is an adherent of the Proverbs 15:1 philosophy.I will leave finding the verse to you but basically for me what it means that whenever someone pisses me off, when I decide that I have to talk to you about it; I don't go for the jugular.Au contraire!I become even nicer then usual after all I believe that the steel fist should at times be hidden in a velvet glove.
Anyway what I did is that I printed out a nice detailed bill that had all the extra items down and after my exam I gave it to my room mate telling him that he had some pay per view items to pay for.He agreed that he had ordered them and wrote me a check.So that's that!But it got me to thinking that I should in a few months opt out of cable and instead buy a nice comp and get a net connection.Thanks to torrents I can get all the TV programs I want to watch online and watch them when I want in addition to all the other goodies I can get online.
By the way speaking of Bible verses is it just me or has there been a major increase in the number of Christian blogs in KBW?Or do the christian members just post a whole lot more now?

Anyway I was thinking of clubbing last night and this interesting incident came to mind.A good pal of mine had come back to Kenya for summer hols.So you know how when peeps go back home for summer they save up,buy new clad and put their best foot forward.So my pal and the boys are at this small gathering and we are socialising with the masses.So there is this mama who gets wind of the fact that my pal has come from stato and she expresses an unatural amount of interest in that information and tries her best to get into his good graces.But as things would have it there was alot happening so she couldn't have him for herself (plus the boys had to run interference our pints were not going to be jacked!).
So the next day my pal tells us that we should go to Carni for Soul.Seeing as the pints were free could I refuse?Hell naw!So we get there and enjoy a great night of catching pints,tall tales and flirting with the ladies.On our way out who does my pal run into?Yes the gal from the night gathering.First of all it was a Soul that had low attendance and the time for omba team had come.That was the term me and my pals used to have for the time in the night where the heng is coming to a close and dudes throw caution to the wind and try to woo any female in the club so that they don't have to quench their lust themselves.So back to the story, there was some dude who was trying to get with this mama and it seemed that he had made quite an effort.But when my pal showed up the dude was dismissed chap chap!He was told, "I had such a great time!Si I'll call you this week?" and then he was given a peck on the cheek.The dude looked at my pal with a look of disgust since his game had been well scuttled.The chic then turned to my pal gave him a big chesty hug and said, "Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!Why didn't you tell me you were coming for Soul?It's so good to see you!Si you buy me a cocktail?" In fact it was more of a declaration then a question.My pal tried to get a word in but this was one of those gals who talks at 100 mph so you can't get a word in, seeing the expression on his face I knew something was afoot.Since it was a slow night it seemed that a waiter had been waiting on her and he came running to take her order.At that point in time my pal leans over and tells me that there is no way he is buying that mama a cocktail plus after treating all of us to pints, the cash he has left he is saving for kuku porno aka known as somersaulting chicken and fries.So at that point mission codename scatter ws put in action.My pal told the chic that he was going to the gents while I suggested to the pals that I would buy them a last round at the bar.So as walked to the bar I showed them the lay of the land and they assumed their roles.Let's just say we blended into a crowd exiting the joint pretty well and who do we meet outside?Yes, my pal!Seems he hadn't lost the ninja skills that used to come in handy of sneaking out of the local when there's a black out and you want to enjoy free pints on KPLC's tab.So we were off to enjoy some kuku porno (naked chicken!)

Move aside KFC!Kenchic rocks that house!Pick courtesy of Kikuyumoja

Nothing used to beat fries at Millenium or Topaz after the rave!I don't condone my pal's actions but all measures should be employed to protect a man's kuku porn be it force or deception ( I know some of you have some objections so go ahead and share them!) .Oh and as things would have it we ran into that chic at electric avenue (that's what we used to call the line of Westlands that had Crooked Q's, Q stakes, J Kays and I forgot what the other joint was called when that street used to kick ass!).Damn I miss clubbing back home!If daggers could kill we would have been dead after the way she looked at us!
Now to finish my article reviews for my portfolio for my politics in Africa course which contained very little politics but was one of the most fun courses I have ever done in this uni!More about that next time!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Some people need a swift kick in the nuts!

I try to be nice!I really do!I try to accomodate other people and their habits, but sometimes people go too far!Ok I know you are wondering what I am ranting about now.Right now I have developed the throbbing vein at the side of my head (temple to be exact) that our folks used to have when they used to go to school for parents day and they were told the way Aco is a hellion or when they see you stole the car to go clubbing and ruined the lights plus paintwork.Yes it's that bad.
Anyway The Acolyte prefers to manage many of his bills on-line and only keeps the hard copies of the bill for record purposes.You see paper bills sometimes arrive late and you end up paying your bills late and that isn't good for your credit rating.Where was I, this morning amidst the pending exams and unwritten papers The Acolyte decides to log onto his cable account to see how much he owes and when the bill is due.The princely sum of $115.29!!!!!
I thought that the cable company were acting the fool as some of my extra movie channels weren't even working and getting through to an operator takes forever!
Anyway I look at the bill and wonder because the package that I signed up for was supposed to cost me around $55 so where did the extra charges come from?I dial the customer service help line and after doing the button dance ie press one for english, press 3 for billing, wait for my choice then press 3 again to talk to a customer care rep (lucky there was no wait time for once) and then I asked about the extra charges.It seems some kubaff decided to watch the following:-

1.Girl Gone Wild Mardi Gras - $14.95

2.Big Mommas House 2- $3.99

3.Ecw 1 Night Stand - $39.95

I recall my room mate telling me sometime last week that he had watched Girls Gone Wild but I thought he was talking about those infomercials that come on late night TV but it seemed that the bastard ordered the damn programme!
I mean this is the same kubaff whom it took me the better part of half an hour to explain to what a cable box is.So I think I did myself a major disservice of getting him one for his room after all little knowledge is a dangerous thing.Could he have done it by mistake?No!Because ordering a pay per view is not a one button click process.The cable company asks you if you want to order the programme or not.Those programmes are not free!Aaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!
Then what shocks me is the ECW pay per view!I find it hard to sit through one episode of wrestling!So it shocks me that he could go out of his way to order a whole pay per view!
And then Girls Gone Wild!Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!First of all I don't do porn of any sort.I mean I have the derailer plus with my 1000gb mind I can make all the porn I want to in my mind (but I don't!).If you look at the informercials it's obvious that that series is total crap!If you want free porn you go on-line and get it for free!!!!
I blame this all on myself!I gave him the power of the cable remote before his pea brain could comprehend the great responisibility behind it!Sometimes the Derailer tells me that I am like the chic of the relationship as I am the one who does most of the causing.
Just wait till I get home tonight!I am going to give that boy a good hair drying ala Alex Ferguson at half time if Man U is losing!He will know just because I am laid back I am not to be taken lightly!And he is going to pay that bill and I am having that cable box sent back (now I am sounding like someone's dad!)
It felt good getting that rant off my chest!Now back to studying!Next time someone acts the fool, do yourself a favour and give them a swift kick in the crown jewels!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Football Manager......

If you don't care about soccer or computer games then save your time and go here!
"What's up with you guys?!When you're not watching ball, you're playing it on the comp or talking about it!You guys are too much!"
The above comments were uttered by an old pal and neighbour of mine to his brother, a mutual friend of ours and myself.He had come home for vacation from Australia and unlike us was more of a rugby than soccer fan.So at times he would feel bored or left out when the 4 of us were together, but I knew where he was coming from so I didn't hold it against him.
Anyway I remembered that comment and the visions of his objects of scorn came back to me.I will not bother talking about the soccer discussions which were not the usual "Our team is buying player X so we will crush you off" variety, but more like this, "I don't know why your manager has bothered buying player X, if you have watched shots of him playing for Club E it is obvious his dribbling skills are suspect and he is more of a long ball merchant and since your club favours playing the ball on the ground; please note player 3,4 and 5's superior player skills and note the build up to most of the goals."To which the anwer would be something like, "If you watched game 31 of the season onwards where our team has been facing more physical opponents who play the ball on the ground it is important for us to have a player who is strong in the air and can provide knock downs for the other players to operate on..." But we in no way whatsoever saw ourselves as soccer gurus.
Back to where I was earlier.My pal's bro and I will never be in the premier league (Kenyan or British) but we found another way to indulge our aspirations to greatness.......Championship Manager!
Championship Manager is a football management simulation game.The player manages a team of their choice from 39 leagues world over.Like a true manager you deal with the board (negotiate the season's objectives), hire staff, deal with the mass media, make training schedules for your players,choose formations,decide player roles in the team,handle the wage bill, buy and sell players,scout for players, discipline players etc.Let's just say it's addictive and time consuming.After all it is one of the most popular and best selling computer franchises of all time!Here are some screen shots.

As you play the game sums up your achievements as you move/or are fired from club to club

You get a match summary and an even more detailed on showing who had the most completed passes and shots on goal so you know who to leave on the bench come the next match

You also get the history of the club since you took over.

I had loads of fun with CM 03/04 even though at times it could get irritating. Buying players in this game is just as challenging as it is in real life.It is not uncommon for another team to jump into the bidding and raise the price, or for you to agree a fee with a team but the player to refuse to join you.I also recall buying (I will never forget his name!) Stephan Dalmat from a French club for a small fee when I was managing Liverpool.I trained him and made him a mid-field star with a value of around 20 million pounds plus I paid him well too.Ngoja time for negotiating a new contract the fool began stalling rejecting offers no matter how much I offered!His contract entered it's last year and teams chose to wait it out then to offer cash as he was going to walk on a free.Since that was the case I used to fine him 2 weeks wages every 2 weeks for no reason at all so as to save cash from the wage bill.Of course he said that he felt that I was fining him because he was leaving the club, I didn't care but unfortunately it did make some of the other players who were his pals concerned.I also recall some players who were constantly on the injury list!Anyway Eidos and the developers of the game split and the next game was developed by Sega.

Football Manager 2005!

This game had new features that made gameplay more exciting!First of all you could face off with rivals in the press.A rival manager would make a comment before your next match and the game would give you a range of responses ranging from no comment to you saying that you were worried about the next game to you saying that you were going to run over the other team!I had loads of fun talking smack to Alex Ferguson and Mourinho.But if you spend to much time talking smack your players complain.Yes that's how intuitive the game is!Also agents of players who want to join your team will reach out to you or talk to the press saying how much they want to join your team.Plus you can also release a statement of itnerest in a player so as to unsettle him or see if he wants to join your team.Of course the other team can object and they can also declare interest in your players too.Players have personalities too, so a player can take a dislike to you and play badly under you so that you have to sell them, other players are not team players and there was a time a there were celebrations in the dressing room when I sold a player, so you have to watch players moods and work on them by either praising them when they play well or berating them if they don't but this too can have unexpected results.The 2d presentation of games n progress is more pleasing to the eye in this version.The tactics are also far more intricate thus making the game more of a challenge.Plus the interface was great and if you had a net connection you could download new skins!

This is where the action begins!

This is your inbox where you get all the info, communication and news from inside the club and out!

You get to pick your line-up.

There are several ways of watching a match

This is the in game formation screen where you can move players to precisely where you want them to be on the pitch

You can watch the game in 2d with commentary running at the bottom of the screen

The 2d game play imitates everything in reality like set pieces etc!

You also get to check on the other teams in your club and see if there are players worthy of promotion to the first team

All in all these games are very time consuming!I recall getting FM 2005 sometime before I left Kenya and I used to to work on a comp the whole day, come home kick back for an hour and start playing!Yes I was a game addict!I once recall there was a season where I had to win the league or be fired.My team had fallen into a rut and had lost their unbeaten streak, so I sat up to 3 am in the morning to make sure we retained the title (When you start talking in terms of WE you know you are hooked).People at work the next day thought I had gone clubbing because of my red eyes!
But I have been dry since last year August.But with the World Cup Fever I think I will save up, buy a PC and guess what?Football Mananger 2006 is in the market!

Anyway I think I have yapped long enough about my addiction.Time to go study for my exams!
Late Edit:- Just found screen shots for FM 2007 that is set to be out by December!Gotta get myself a copy!

Now the even give tips!This game is complex so that really helps!

Detailed team statistics ranging from form to morale!

You can now blast your team if they are losing at half-time!

You can also tell your team to keep up the good performance if they're winning at half-time!

Your personal page is also a whole lot more detailed than before!

Damn!Seems I've got alot of catching up to do!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Man boobs, Queens of Comedy and other things

I was hanging out with some guy pals outside yesterday.Since summer is upon us and the heat is stifling we decided to go bare chested.One of the dudes who was with us had man boobs.Let's just say my first reaction was that I was happy that lunch had passed a few hours ago and the only thing that I had in my stomach was Miller Lite.
To make things worse this dude was not overweight or obese on the contrary he was very slim!So that made things worse, I thought man boobs were caused by obesity but now I started thinking that maybe he had been taking some girl's birth control pills.I can't imagine how it would feel as a chic to have a boyfriend who could wear a bra.I am sure that dude is the object of some 13 year old girl's envy here in the South.Anyway now I'm sounding cruel so let's move on.
I watched half of Queens of Comedy on Saturday evening and I am sad to admit that it didn't do much for me.Even Mo'nique's segment didn't do too much for me and I am a big fan of hers.Oh well, I am sure it tickled some other people pink but for me Kings of Comedy still comes out tops' it's a shame we wouldnt see a second one.
Anyway my small sister called me this weekend and we talked for a little while.I just realised that it has been almost 4 months since I was in ATL. I guess I am the full shags mundu now!Anyway, my sis told me how she went for a gathering held by one of her friends roomies.I had gone for one of their gatherings when I first got here and that is when I realised that we may all be Kenyans but that doesn't mean we do things the same.For me it was great to get a taste of chapatis as they are kind of hard to come by.I looked around the sitting room and when I took a gander at their wall unit I realised that there are still some people who prefer video tapes to dvds and vcds.When they turned on the music, it was instant nostalgia!You see these were laid back church going folk, the kind of people who people refer to derisively with statements like, "those people only saw Nairobi on the way to the airport."Anyway the music was vintage sing and shine/happy days!The food was great and they were good hosts plus any mocking would have been stupid due to the fact that the hosts was Paul Tergat's cousins, so while raia here are breaking ends to make ends meet they are fully catered for.It is at this gathering that one of the chics showed quite a liking for me (I blogged about it a long time back) and was asking when we (my sis made fun of me saying what she meant to say was I) were going to come back and visit.I was told that I should hook up with her and become a kept man which was quite funny at the time.Anway as long as they are not stepping on my toes, I really don't mind how they choose to live.It tires me when people decide that the onus is upon them to dictate what is cool and what is not.The right way to walk and talk etc.I think that as long as people are not causing offence to us, we should learn how to respect their cultures.Now to do my best to follow my own advice!
I am thinking of going of the alcohol bandwagon once again.Remember some posts back I said that my life operates in cycles.Well one cycle has run it's course and it is time for a new one to begin.Other then a few bashes here and there and the occasional one or two beer after a long hard day my alcohol consumption has been really really low.When I go to ATL I don't plan on clubbing (blech!) so I guess I am going to join the alcohol free section!Wish me luck!Now I actually have some work to do, so I must leave!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Road Rage

One thing that I love about my life right now is that I don't drive.I know that will have to change when I get done with school in December.But till then I don't have to handle some issues that I used to encounter when I used to drive in Kenya ie weaving across lanes, people who do sudden turns without indicating, idiots who jam on their brakes suddenly, people stopping in the middle of the road, people who drive at 5 miles per hour, idiots who create an extra lane etc.
But when I have to get back in the game I know I will encounter the same crew old idiots. I was on the net and I found these wonderful things called road rage cards!So instead of holding it in, I'll flash a card.Take a look!
ps:How come my life is so mundane but I hardly get blogger's block unlike some blogger's who have such fun lives but are now on hiatus?