Friday, July 20, 2007

Bros Before........

I'm sure some of you have heard that saying before, but before you jump to conclusions let me say this has nothing to do with women but certain kinds of dudes. If you look beyond the scummy surface of that saying is the deeper meaning that a man should never forget those who were with him during the hard times and toss them away for loose thrills.

What I am referring to are some papers (it's been a long time since I used that word) dudes who find it hard to do anything for one of their guy "pals" but once anyone who wears a bra and panties asks for the same thing the dude bends over backwards to do it. And the thing is that it isn't that he has interest in her but just that she is female and somewhere deep within he needs her approval. Woe unto you if this is the kind of guy you are waiting to pick you up for a night on the town, he will stand you up the very first minute some girls call him asking for a ride. This is also the character you go to a club with and the minute you step in he will disappear to hunt for gals, only to come back when he is broke and needs a drink and/or a ride home.

And ladies before you jump down my throat I do know you also know some women who do very little for their fellow women but will do anything for a man who so much as looks at them. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having close friends of the opposite gender but in my opinion usually the closest friends you will ever have will be from your same gender, they are the ones you will learn the most from and have been with you from when you were a kid till now. Those of you who are guilty know yourselves........

I'm sure with the tremors that have been occuring in Kenya, certain men of God are having a field day preaching armageddon. Has that Proffesor dude who "prophesied" it popped up yet to vindicate himself? Well in my opinion and from the good old day when I used to be very spiritual I did some study and came to the conclusion that the office of the Prophet ended with John the Baptist (that is open for discussion) because the main role of the Prophets was the prophesy the coming of The Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. This is not to say that the gift of Prophesy did not remain, it still did but if you read the Bible you will notice that prophesies more often that not were straight and to the point. The "prophesies" that you hear nowadays from televangelists are so vague and easy to interpret your own way. For example if the earthquake prophesy was that Kenya was going to be hit is it that the Professor misheard the country that would be hit or maybe God told him that it was going to be a tremor and he decided to upgrade it to an earthquake? Or maybe we have a Jonah situation where God decided to forgive us and rain his wrath down on Tanzanians instead (no I have nothing against Tanzanians that is just an illustration). Anyway who would have ever thought The Acolyte would be having a discourse on the office of The Prophet. All opinions are welcome, as long as you aren't damning me to hell of course! Nice weekend people!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A Night To Remember and More V-Power...

Before the spectre of time fades away with the memories of my youth I have decided to share as many tales of past adventures as possible. So here goes.....

In a land far far away, there was this young lad called Chris and he had a friend called Mike and another one called John. They were a generic group of dudes who would do regular things like watching soccer games, going to the gym once in a while, drinking, clubbing and of course chasing women.

Anyway one day Mike decides one night to pick up Chris and John so they can go and paint the town red. When he meets them at the local they notice that he has a cute looking young lady with him, you see Mike liked his girls when they had just come of age before they acquired what he called "mileage."

Chris and John were used to this, so after they were introduced to Janet, they gave her a hearty welcome and continued to partake of the cheap beer at the local bar. They knew that they would get their chance to swoop in and scoop their own prey much like eagles swoop in unattended chicks in the open plains of Ukambani when they got to the expensive lounge they were going to in Westlands. In typical Kenyan fashion no-one was carded as drinks were being served and even the driver himself had a drink or two. After a few ribald tales were exchanged and jokes cracked they motley crew hopped into Mike's souped up Toyota Camry and made their way to the happening joint at the moment that was located in Central Westlands.

On exiting the car and entering the lounge, the bouncer wanted to see Janet's I.D but a 100/= note slipped into his hand seemed to distract him rather fast and they were ushered into the club. Once in the lounge the time seemed to fly as they sat at their own table, the two amigos left the happy couple canoodling as they did their lap of honor, catching up with old friends, making new friends and following up on earlier agendas.

John and Chris's plan was about to bear fruit as could be evinced by how captivated the two girls they had met at the club were with their tales and jokes they were cracking but a spanner was thrown in the gears when Mike whispered to them that they had to go. It seems that Janet was not supposed to be out at that ungodly hour. John and Chris grumbled but they remembered the old saying, bros before....; so they got hold of the girls' cell phone numbers and promised to follow up on what had began that night. They piled into the car and despite Janet's urgency, a visit to their favourite all night eatery Big City was a must; when they got there they indulged in their regular meal of somersaulting chicken (that was their nick name for rotisserie chicken since it rotated on the grill like a gymnast on the bar) and french fries. After eating to their fill, Mike sped up the highway into the leafy suburbs of Lavington where Janet lived. Mike stopped the car outside the gate of large mansion and dimmed his lights and began to exchange sweet nothings while Chris and John snoozed in the backseat of the car. The two of them were shocked out of their beer drenched dreams by a shrill voice saying, "You think I wouldn't catch up with you Janet?!"

It seemed that Janet's mother had noticed that she was not home and had decided to camp in the watchman's cubicle that was beside the gate. When she heard a car pull into the drive way, she snuck out of the side gate to see if it was Janet. Mike and Janet were so caught up in their moment that they did not notice Janet's mum's hand reaching into the open driver's window and pull the keys out of the ignition and stuff them into her nightgown pocket.

John and Chris woke up to find the couple outside the car being lectured by Janet's mother. Janet's mother lamented her daughter's descent into immorality and pulled her cell phone from her pocket and said she was going to call her husband from the main house so he could deal with them. Mike knew that Janet's father was a prominent man in society and he wasn't ready to find out what he would use his considerable connections to do to him. Before Janet's mum knew what was happening Mike had grabbed his car keys out of her pocket, jumped into the car and drove away. Everyone else who remained was in a state of shock over the current state of events. It took a second for what had happened to compute in Chris's mind but when it did he decided to do the next best thing; he ran after the car. John took cue and ran after him, Janet was seeing how she was going to face the music on her own so she pulled up the hem of her already brief skirt took off her high heels and ran after the two of them leaving Mama Janet shouting in their wake. After running round the corner of the street for a few hundred feet, half freezing, half drunk and in a state of mental chaos they found Mike sitting on his car bonnet laughing at them. Chris and John chided Mike for not telling them about plan B, but seeing as they were good friends they didn't let their unexpected drama spoil the night for them. Janet seemed worried but Mike sweet talked her and she was soon in high spirits, the got into the car and drove towards Nairobi West where they resumed drinking at one of their regular all night bars.
Post script: After one week at his apartment, Mike convinced Janet to go back home; she went back home and after her parents got over their worry they grounded her for 3 months. Of course this was futile because after 1 month she found other ways of sneaking out of the house to indulge in her new passion for clubbing.
Any resemblance to people or events in the life Acolyte are purely coincidental and unintentional!


If you can't view this video either youtube took it down or you have to log in to watch it, if that has become the case by the time I post this I shall edit the post.
Alexyss Tylor is on a level of her own! Just look at the care free way she handles those dildos as she tells her story! How she can relate the story of the 3 wise men to being shagged up the ass is just amazing to say the least! Seems Alexyss also listens to Snoop Dogg because she just used a variation of a line used in the song 'Baby Boy'; young, dum and full of cum. I still maintain the opinion that this mama was on the end of some superstar d*ck coz she just seems like she hasn't let it go! Nothing beats a hard dreary day at the office like a video like this that makes you laugh and think at the same time. At least she had the sense not to have her mum in this video. I think instead of the vagina monologues we should have the Tylor Monologues, why don't we buy her an airplane ticket and have her perfom at the Carnivore, Phoenix Theater and KICC so as to enlighten African women?
Anyway I think I have said enough, Thank God I have the day off! Let the job hunt begin!