Friday, February 20, 2009

Alone Or Lonely?

It sucks when you have thoughts running through your mind but when it comes to putting them down on paper, your fingers fail you. That's what I have been going through for the longest time.

Anyway I have been looking at many relationships that I have come across here and it got me to thinking. Have we slowly become a society of people who can't handle being alone? Please note there is a difference between alone and lonely as I use them.

Boy has life and everyday activities, Girl has life and everyday activities. Boy meets Girl, they like each other, begin spending as much time as possible together even to the expense of some of the activities they used to do individually, when not together they are in constant communication (not hard in the cellphone,facebook age). Girl and Boy split up, vacuum caused by absence of significant other proves too much to take, each jumps into the next relationship as soon as possible.

I know that's a simplistic view but believe me I have seen it and experienced it. I have seen people drop everything and have their lives revolve around a relationship. Makes me wonder if any of the interests and friendships they had before this were of any meaning or just a means of passing time before the next relationship came up.

I am all for spending time with your significant other but when it seems that you are reattached siamese twins, that doesn't work for me. I'm a simple man, there are thing that I like to do and I also like my space. This is not to say that I wouldn't tell whoever I was dating what I'm doing and where I am going. But 24-7 togetherness, no way no how. I'm a fan of my life, your life and our life. I like it when you can grow apart (in a good way) and also miss each other. Once in a while be alone without being lonely. Let's just say the more my private time was encroached on in the past by exes, the faster they became exes.

Anyway I guess that's why I would get a big FAIL when it comes to marriage according to common convention. I guess I'm beginning on rambling. All I can say that being alone and lonely are two different things. Being alone is not a bad thing.....

In other news, I am now on twitter; do share your pages in the comments and I shall follow you and you can follow me. Yes I finally yielded to the trend.

Other than that I'm just here slowly watching the economy die a slow death. It's apparent in the smallest things. I'm planning a post on this. My most recent observation, the staff at my local store has changed from teens to middle aged. No they did not age, it's just that the jobs that were once done by teens on a part time basis have now been taken over on a full time basis by older folk.

Have a lay off free weekend!

Ps: Useless Acolyte trivia #2418 - Acolyte loves pillows and sleeps with 4 in his bed.....


pink m said...

I think this creeps up in the early stages of a relationship, trying to learn all you can about a person, hence the need to hang out full time. IMVHO, it should be nipped in the bud.When you find yourselves spending 5 out of 7 days in a week together, you're losing yourselves.

So I ask, 'what did I do with this time before he came around?'

No idea what my point was here, but I think we're afraid of being alone.

Anonymous said...

Great post!

I do infact think great marriages are based on my time, your time and our time. Otherwise how do you have stories for each other during 'our time'??

Msanii_XL said...

"Have we slowly become a society of people who can't handle being alone"

I think you have this backwards, previously being alone was frowned upon now it is really ok.

With that said an S/O who understands there is you,her and us time usually makes for happy partners.

Acolyte said...

@ Pink M
I think it doesn't always creep. I had a chic who once wanted me to be spending Fri night to Mon morning at her place, hanging out and all that.
That sounds great but she seemed to be blissfully ignorant of the fact that I had errands to run, an apt to clean, friends and to recharge from the long week.
I guess some people when they get hold of someone just don't want to let go.
@ Anon
I think a great marriage is among other things created by separate and shared interests. You dont always have to be joined at the hip IMO.
@ Msanii
I do agree that society is more understanding when you chose to be alone but I think those who have someone in their lives do so, so as to avoid being alone at any time.
I think when lines are drawn, tis all good.

Supaflyshi said...

Lovely post!!! I have so many friends who can't be alone anymore, it feels like everyone is desperate to be in a relationship. Even if they are unhappy in it.

I guess I'm weird...I love those moments when I'm alone and I get to do stuff that I like to do.

bomseh said...

It is better to be alone than lonely though you can still be lonely while you are not alone.

sharie said...

I could NOT have put it better. But what worries me more than people's inability to be alone and not lonely is their complete dependence on each other for EVERYTHING opinions, major decisions, EVERYTHING, even when they have not properly mapped out a future with each other in it. worse still such over dependence is being witnessed so early in the relationship that it causes a such a strain on the individuals, thereby thwarting any hope that it could blossom into anything more than a possibly long but lifeless and frustrated relationship. It's such a disturbing trend whose only solution is that people retain their fundamental individuality ESPECIALLY within their relationships... Keeps things Juicy :-)
Otherwise keep up the great Work...

Mama said...

This post was aimed at me.....I am one of those loners but I am not lonely. Though of late have been falling into the lonely trap even though I like being alone.

Don't know if that makes sense.