Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Pregnant Pause

One of the most harrowing moments in a man's life is when a woman he has been having "adult relations" with comes to his apartment and sats these following words to him, "honey, I think I'm pregnant!"
Most women expect a man to be beside himself with joy, but it is usual an anti-climax that awaits the lady. Small beads of sweat may form on the man's forehead, his skin may turn a shade of gray, his throat may dry up and his voice may rise a note and his heart will start thumping at triple digit rates. In many cases he may sit down and then resolve to the contingency question, "Is it mine?"
You see unless a man was keen on father hood and had been planning on it, he will grasp at any straw to get out of it. You see for most men when they hear those 5 words they begin thinking of how they will deal with the 18 years ahead and the burden involved. While on the other hand most women think about how this is the fruit of their love.
But on the other hand there are those few men who have been put on that fatherhood pillory but due to the wonders of modern science they managed to escape. Their reaction really something to behold as we can see in the videos below!

To quote Wendy Williams, "What a whore!"

And one more time for the free men....The Remix!

ps: The Acolyte and the Management of this blog in no way condone dead beat fatherhood in any way, shape and form whatsover!


Archer said...

Ahem, FIRST!!

Off to read.

Archer said...

Ok I can't say I know how it feels like to be in those shoes but it happened to both my housemates this year and the expression on their faces was priceless!! Then I had to buy them a bottle of vodka both times just to help them absorb the shock of unplanned fatherhood. Luckily for them it turned out to be a close call (in both cases)

too bad I can't see the videos.

If I may ask, difference between The Acolyte and The Management of this blog ni nini sasa?

Nimimitu said...

Aco, believe it or not a lot of women undergo the same feeling men do. Unfortunately, we get "stuck" with the baby, nd have to adjust immediately. U will b surprised at the number of chiles who have flushed without letting their jamaas know.

Before she sits down to let you know that she is paged, believe me, she has called all her gals, cried herself to tears, and then some... its not easy, and I dont know any of my peers who are excited at the prospect of having a child.

As for Maury's show--- that's ghetto issues... problem there is bigger than "who's ur baby daddy?" besides it hardly represents what we know.

Have a year filled with non-harrowing moments, won't you?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Movie Buff said...

I disagree with you on the fact that women are always happy to know they are pregnant.

Some of us who dont want kids would just NOT be!..........

TooMuchCoffeeLady said...

Don't you look nice in that video!

Kenyanchick said...

Aco, for a second - reading that first para - I thought you were trying to tell us something.

Don't shock me like that, bwana!!

Ichiena said...

11th man? Eleventh man? ELEVENTH MAN???

But those videos were hilarious - kwanza the way the dudes danced in joy!!

@Archer: Hehehe, i also wondered Aco and Management??

Hey, all the best in 2007 na shikilia B-Train we dont see you doing similar moves in someone elses blog!

bomseh said...

alas! we all know a few women who get pregnant purposely in the hope of trapping a man. in my case i didn't dance in joy coz i pitied the small girl on her failure to pin me down. to all men out there with hearts, if u can, support them (women and their brats) and we'll have less suicidal society.

acolyte said...

@ archer
Congrats! I tell you that it isn't a laughing matter. I am sure your pals gulped down that vodka like there was no tommorow.
@ nimimitu
Good to hear a gal's point of view because it doesnt seem to move gals as much as it seems guys.
You have a happy 2007 too.
@ movie buff
You represent the women I love, those who dont want kids!
@ 2muchcoffeelady
That isnt me! :D
@ kenyanchick
Rest assured if I was in that situ I wouldnt even be posting!
@ ichiena
I have to say that the dances made my day!
As for management you do know that there is a board of Directors behind this blog alongside me!
@ Bomseh
Auuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!! That trap grates my last nerve!All we need is birth control for men and the world will be a better place.

SisBigBones said...

Hence the invention of birth control. Hata kama nyege zimezidi, you always gotta be careful, especially if you're absolutely, positively sure you don't want a little junior kicking around. Easier said than done? Not really, that's just an excuse many people give.

Happy New Year Aco!

Kelitu said...

Aco, Yaani Maury Show tickles me everytime i see it. It's amazing how these akata mamaz don't use protection when they lay up with a jamma they know.

I have basically opted for the no-strokes-option till marriage coz i am not blowing up this body i have taken years to achieve and maintain by taking "the pill" so that i can i can have it nyama to nyama.
I don't fully trust the condom by itself and going into a panic everytime my period is late was when i was in campo. Not now!!

Oh hell, maybe some good strokes would get off the extra edge i have!! But at what cost?!

Shiroh said...

Aco, now you just hate having kids like that eeh? Wacha you will get twins 3 times. I can see those beads of sweat.

Anyway jienjoy sana.

gishungwa said...

kitu gani hiii..." The Acolyte and The Management"
Now on to who's the Daddy(pun intended), i love the dance and must admit its no fun for either epecially when its unplanned. Just the thought of it is scary. Presumably we all know that like everything else there is a consequence but what the heck gimme some so should we choose to indulge lets entertain that thought that shait might happen LOL.
Blessed and brighter new year

acolyte said...

@ sisbigbones
I do agree that birth control is a must! I cant wait for the pill for me! You know we men need back up.
Happy 2007!
@ kelitu
Si kwa ubaya lakini even if that show is acted, akata mamas have issues in that area.
I admire your resolve, hard but worth it!
@ shiroh
Pole but kiddies arent my thing.It almost makes me want to consider a vasectomy!Have a good 2007!
@ gish
This blog has a board of! mambo of shag ovyo ovyo is dangerous! I dont entertain it!Happy 2007!

amber said...

All women above a certain age have a pretty good idea about what is going on in their bodies at any given time, so any mama who 'gets' pregnant either doesn't care, is trapping you or is just plain dumb. Between the morning after, for emergencies, the pill, the injection and the norplant, and condoms as well, there is no reason for anyone who is not ready to be a parent to be one.
On a different note, just in case, having taken all precautions possible, it actually did happen, you would not hear it from me. Reason, your reactions as men generally. I would never have to answer that question:
'Is it mine?'
Ans: 'So why do you think I am telling you, because you are Father Christmas?'
My pride would not take it.

Proud Nyeuthi said...

Dem Aco, izao you had to weka so many examples. lakini roho safi I always wondered why these mamas talk so much. Si now at a time like that you should embrace some unyenyekevu and kaa square. Maskini.

Acolyte said...

@ amber
I would understand your anger at that statement but you know how men are, any escape is looked for!
@ proud nyeuthi
You know that half of that mambo is showbiz so they have to mouth off!

Adrian said...

there are some funny/crazy people in this world of ours...

Mwangi said...

LOL! The Maury Povich show may as well call itself "Whose Your Daddy?"