Thursday, January 25, 2007

Infidelity For Idiots part 1

This is a follow up to the post that Movie Buff did a few months back. This post in no way justifies infidelity, but a time comes in a person's life when it is easier to get outside thrills then deal with a break up of an existing relationship and all the drama that comes with it.

For those of you who feel that you must do this, here is a starter list.

1. Delete, delete, delete! - For some reasons men and women like keeping sentimental messages from those they are involved in. You can't afford to do this because one day your significant other may get hold of your phone. So listen twice for good measure and then delete the message ASAP!

2. Do not leave a paper trail! - The best trysts have been uncovered by simple things like receipts and credit card bills. Try and deal in cash, avoid using a credit card especially if your significant other gets to look at your bills.

3. Password Manager is not your friend - Many of us who use computers often let the browser store our passwords, so as to save us the work of keying in the password time and again. So one day when your boo gets suspicious all they will have to do is go to Yahoo! see your username and password saved and log in. When they do so they will see all your emails from your secret lover and things will be tight.

4. Don't Make Radical Changes in Your Appearance - When we get someone new in our lives, we tend to make ourselves look better for them. We start going to the gym, buying new clothes, looking neater and taking care of our appearance in general. This often makes alarm bells ring in the other person's head especially if they haven't done anything drastic to merit this change. So stay the same, after all the other person liked you the way you were when you first hooked up. So keep it that way, unless you are out on a weekend together.

5. Distance Is Your Friend - It may seem tempting to get a jump off near where you live. JUST SAY NO! The closer you are to home, work or family. The higher your chances are of being seen with the other person by people you know. But on the other hand don't get with someone who lives so far that you disappear for long unexplained periods of time just to be with.

6. Regulate Means Of Communication - Nothing perks up your boo's suspcion faster then whispered phone calls, people hanging up when she picks up the house phone and you acting suspicious with your cell phone when you used to be open with it before you started stepping out. To get rid of this, get another phone preferably pre paid so a bill isn't sent to your house. Phone companies like Metro PCS offer good cell phone packages that don't affect your credit or have a long term contract. Have a second phone, use it during certain hours and in certain places only preferably far away from home. And of course hide this phone in a secure place! When you do that, your significant other can scroll through your regular phone as much as they wish.

Next: More useful tips.
ps: Drama Post part 4 has been impacted by new information and is being adjusted to reflect this. It will be concluded very soon..........


Mutumia said...

It's amazing how many falas are caught from cellies... Kwanza that fake business-conversation ati when the mama/ jamaa walks into the room "Yes... that sounds good... Makes sense... Why don't I sleep on that and let you know how we'll move on it- by say, Wednesday?" and you can hear the other party on the other side squawking thro the cellie "Nigga who the eff are you talking to?'

Oh--- am I fao? How about that?

Sasa Aco?

Milonare said...

Spoken like a true pro. Is there something else you need to reveal about the stint with the derailer or is it derailers? ROTFL

gishungwa said...

Aki that magic letter D; deny delete disappear LOL each used thrice for emphasis
Now that i have caught up am led to think that part 4 is coming soon?
Ah these wannabes someone get me a gun...
off to finish the rest.

Joan said...

Acolyte...English Tutor wanted!!!Payment arrangements will be discussed later!
Enyewe, psyke but you got me hooked lakini we r all hanging by a thread here...

Joan said...

Even with the "Infidelity-for Dummies-Post 101" am sure even you get it wrong!

Movie Buff said...


Ebu link my post... wacha jokes......

U r truly nutty!

Ichiena said...

7. 11th Commandment: Blank look followed by the three magic words... no, not "I love you" but "It wasn't me"

Lakini Aco - you would know, hey? (wink, wink)

Stunuh Jay said...

Word of advise, during heat of the momment...
Yes! Yes! Yes! (insert name here)

Please Please Please insert forrect name! Nothing says busted like yelling out Sharona instead of linda, better still...AaaaaaH! will do quite nicely

ciiku said...

@Stunah Jay - (From what I have heard),if one is a serial player it might be hard to correctly remember names. So, call all 'em Sweetie, Babe, etc. Only terms of endearment - no names!

Acolyte - WEWE!

> said...

Ha ha, good stuff! Looking forward to part II!

Acolyte said...

@ Mutumia
Good to have you back! Umepotea sana! Nice point lakini this is an n word free zone as from today...
@ milo
There is still a whole lot more to share.
@ Gish
Part 4 is in the works, so ya'll can relax!
@ joan
Who needs an english tutor? I'm sure you can all hold out a bit longer.Dogging is an art it takes time to perfect.
@ movie buff
As you once said..."I dont feel like linking.."
@ Ichiena
Lol that is the easiest way to go!
@ stunuh
When the lights go out everyone has one
@ ciiku
Spot on!
@ >
Part 2 is in the works!

Half 'n' half said...

True true!
I still don't understand why you would check your partners phone, WHY?

Buuuut, a collegue is the best to have a fling with, if anyone sees you guys together you just put a blank face a say: " but honey you know so and so from work"

mocha said...

LOL @ Milo's detrailer comment. tell Aco, do tell?

Lakini...those points are true VIBAYA.

Its funny how people are caught....viujinga ujinga!!!

Prousette said...

You forgot one very important aspect. All physical evidence should be religiously gotten rid of, lipstick and scratch marks in strange places.

People still get busted. Like the man who showed up at home with a packet of opened CDs in his pocket knowing very well he does not use them at home. His explanation was the watchman gave them to me. Now why??

egm said...

To add an example to Prou's comment, there was the man who showed up wearing panties. As Mocha says, viujinga ujinga!

Girl next door said...

This info could be dangerous if taken to heart =)

beautyinbaltimore said...

I love your list. My list just touched on the basics. Your list is more in depth.
I hope you haven't used any of these tips before.

Acolyte said...

@ half n half
Never dip in the company ink! Coz when it goes wrong you will be stained indelibly!
@ Mocha
Its the small things that trip people up.
@ prousette
Yes that is a point I am going to touch on too. That dude is a moron.
@ egm
Now that dude is a double moron!
@ gnd
This is just for illustration only do as I do and not as I say!
@ binBmore
I knew there was someone else I forgot to give props to! I have no time for the drama that comes with the usage of these tips, I like my life simple.

stop said...

sasa aco are you teaching people how to cheat and not get caught

Lola Gets said...

Humanity_Critic had a good "no-catch cheating" list once too. I think theyre all too, too funny!