Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Infidelity For Idiots part 2

Once again I give my usual disclaimer...this post in no way condones or encourages infidelity. Moving on I would also like to give props to beautyinbaltimore for some tips and inspiration. Anyway where were we? Oh yes!

7. Keep An Unpredictable Schedule - Many a philanderer has been busted due to the fact that their significant other knew their schedules and activities inside out, so when they did something or went somewhere not on the schedule questions came up. Make it seem that you have alot going on and that you are all over the place. In this way you can't be pinned down and if you are seen somewhere unexpected you have more leeway to wriggle out.

8. There Is Nothing Like A Secret Between 3 People - If possible keep your jump off as secret as possible. People have a nasty habit of sharing what are supposed to be secrets or letting things slip out. The less people who know about what you are doing, the better.

9. Don't Let Your Fun Eat Into The Funds - Alarm bells usually start ringing if all of a sudden you seem to be less financially solvent and you don't have a new drug or gambling habit. Don't spend more than you can explain because when the process of elimination is done and you have nothing to show for your expenditure, the inevitable answer will be arrived at.

10.Protection, protection, protection! - Women lie and men get careless, it is that simple! There are women who think by getting pregnant they can keep the already committed man they are with. While men do get careless and leave a girl the task of setting their significant other up for a surprise pregnancy or cleaning up the mess.

11. Don't Let Guilt Get To You - When people are unfaithful and aren't busted, out of guilt they start acting much better to their partners, showering them with gifts and being romantic. If your partner hasn't done anything to warrant such treatment and had been oblivious of any slip ups on your part, this change of character may lead to sharper observation on their part. So keep things as they are.

12. Keep The Freakiness To Yourself - When people get jump offs, they usually get a new lease on life in the bedroom department and the libido and desire rises. When this happens they want to do all these new nasty things with their present partner and one of the first things they start thinking is "where did he/she learn this?"

13. Perform Your Conjugal Duties As Usual - This may seem to contradict the above point but usually changes in the bedroom department especially sudden ones make alarm bells ring. So much as it pains you, ladies lie back and think of Kenya, men thrust onwards and reminisce on the night before. Remember infidelity comes with a cost and in this case it is double duty! Unless you were lucky enough to be in a sexless union.

14. Cover Your Back - You can do everything but there is always the ex-factor which we can't always account for. You may be seen somewhere you weren't supposed to be, you could be seen with your jump off, a piece of incriminating evidence may be found near or on you or any myriad incidents that happen to cast doubt on your "honesty". That is why you have to have a story prepared for every and any eventuality. To you this should not be a story but the truth, be ready to stand for it no matter what! This kind of commitment can even make you pass a lie detector test!

Ps: When the light goes out, everyone's name is sweetie or baby with a moan thrown in between.

The Writer and Management of this blog will not be held liable for the consequences of following the above tips!

15 comments:

Half 'n' half said...

Aaaah, the voice of experience?

bomseh said...

i'm saving these tips for future reference.

and if, no, when i'm busted, The Writer and Management of this blog will be quoted!

modoathii said...

this is well thought out, enyewe unahakika haujawai patikana msee

WHERE'S PART 5?

hizi ma-commercial break ni mob. where's mocha tukusambazie e-slap serious.

Prousette said...

part five where is?

Chatterly said...

about number 13...what if the ka-jumpoff sucks every drop of energy out of your system and by the time you get home you dont even want to see sweet venus again? utaperform hizo conjugal duties aje? kwanza if you are a guy-flying at half mast then?

Majonzi said...

4 reals, infidelity is hard work, after all, I have never been a good student (wink, wink)

aegeus said...

There was more?! Ooops!

Na ile storo niaje? Part 5... tunataka kujua vile iliendelea.

mocha said...

I knew it.....why am I not surprised by this entry.

Off to read!

bomseh said...

for all'ya asking for part 5 ya ile storo you shud know him better by now. remember he promised part deux of H.I.P.P.I.E, the collabo with Guest Blogger sometime in October 2006 and we are yet to ind out about Angie becoming a victim of H.I.P.P.I.E. hebu be malizaing your storos, the suspense is killing us.

Aizoh said...

Wewe.Hio namba 13. Chunga sana. You better be cock sure(he he)that ulibakisha stock. Otherwise kitaumana msee!

gish said...

of course am here o beg, plead and cajole part 5 from you prettiest please...
explains why a lot of guys dont "say my name"

Mimmz said...

Aliyekufunza these tips, is a wise man on these issues for sure. But don't forget Karma, it always comes back around!

coldtusker said...

Berlusconi should have read your post or he would not be in such big doo doo with his wife!

mama shady said...

woi!tisk!im sure some hapless jamaa is following this 'advice' of yours.sigh, what to do?!

dee_money said...

Pearl of wisdom, this - When the light goes out, everyone's name is sweetie or baby.

Damn dude, if you keep these up no one will ever have any excuse to ever be busted! lol!