Thursday, March 08, 2007

Sticky Situation and Vanishing Vitality

The other day I was in a bit of a pickle, you see I was telling an American friend about how in Kenya with the older generation (and maybe some of the younger ones) how due to the proliferation of christianity and westernisation polygamy as an established tradition has been dying down since Independance; but how as a result mistresses/second wives and families have taken root. We have all seen that whenever some public figures pass away how unheard of wives and parallel families crawl out of the woodwork.

So predictably I was asked, "Why don't these men divorce their wives and be with these other women?" I did tell her that over time this has been happening even though unlike in the States many of these first wives are left destitute by their estranged husbands but what used to happen was the man would just take up with his second wife if they decided to part ways but he would still take care of his first wife and she would still be seen as part of his family. I also did point out that for sometime divorce has carried alot of stigma in Africa, and it is also hard for a divorced woman in Africa to remarry but I do think that this is changing in Kenya. Lest I forget there is also this belief that when a woman is married by her first husband in many tribes they are inextricably linked and even if she passes away he still has claim to her body.

Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself here. Do any of you think that this business of parallel wives will die out anytime soon (even though I do recall reading an article in the Nation where quite a few women were ready to be second wives)? This second wives business is different from the humping around that men do, so as to make things clear. And for your information I would not have more than one wife (isn't bigamy a crime in Kenya?), one wife is enough responsibility and besides wasichana wa siku hizi ni watukutu sana!

Moving on, where did I used to get energy from? For the last few days I have been getting 5-6 hours of sleep and I really feel it the next day whenever the afternoon rolls by. A few years back it was the complete opposite. I remember the days when I would meet my pals in the afternoon to watch a U.K premiership match in a bar after which of course we would get to drinking, socialising bar hopping, roast some nyama choma (depending on where we were) do some more bar hopping if the joint was boring and go home early Sunday morning (that is if we didn't make a visit to Topaz). And after all that I would be good to go after just 3-4 hours of sleep, that is if i didn't have a hangover. Rest assured that if I went a on a bender that long tonight I would be out for at least half of the next day or as I call it I.C.U. I once remember 2 years or so back when my powers began to fade, I went out as usual and early the next morning I was supposed to drop someone to catch a bus upcountry. So I came home directly from the pub, took the person to the bus and since it was early morning I got a brainwave. I decided that I might as well go for the early service at church. I walked in just as praise and worship had ended and since most of the church was empty I got a pew to myself. I listened to the first few minutes of what sounded like a very enlightened sermon until all of a sudden due to the residual alcohol in my system my body failed to register how hard the pew was and the veil of sleep slowly descended. What made me wake up was the sound of the closing hymn and the burning sensation in my back as the lady sitting in the pew behind me glared at me. Needless to say that was the last attempt I made at going to church from the club. Stop laughing at me! I know you have all been guilty at one time or another!


Rista said...

(heh heh, ebu I go buy a lotto ticket now) Where did you get the energy from? The older I get, the better I understand the saying "youth is wasted on the young". Would that I had known back then, that I should have been working my tush off to make my first 2 millions, instead of partying till I dropped...

Acolyte said...

@ rista
I do agree with you 200%. I remember when I used to have all that energy for clubbing and at times would use it to study all night. Let me try that now, it won't be a pretty sight!

mama shady said...

i think the parallel wives thing is on the way its place will be vibes of infidelity and such.most guys just dont want the drama of more than one chic. chics seem to have become quite feisty dont you think. anywho, woi!pole about energy loss...ive been feeling that way this week.maybe youre eating different..or something. dont know, when i grow up, hopefully ill have more energy than you;)

The future diplomat said...

aki Colle days we used to go out mpaka 6 and then at 8 being a piano player in a local church back in Nai I had to go and endure 2 hours of suffering. Halafu you know how Kenyan churches have energy so the musicians are over worked,
about the multiple wives, for me i would not mind. lol only if it were possible, wish i was like solomon with like 700 wives, as in sex with a different woman for t years heh!!!

Eclipse said...

well our forefathers had all the fun just go to the river..'kidnap' any woman u fancy and voila = new wife

on the party scene Aco i totally feel you..2 years back in campus we used to ball till i cant stay out past midnight without wanting to go to my bed and if i do exceed the midnight limit...following day is a mess hehehe - still remember the party days with nostalgia

beautyinbaltimore said...

I think that some men just love variety. Personally, I think that a woman should be allowed to enter a polygamous marriage if it benefits her.

mama shady said...

@beauty in Baltimore: if it benefits her? i doubt than any two men would willingly agree to such a situation. or am i wrong?

Kirima said...

The difference between Polygamy and what they have in the west is that in the west they prefer to have one wife at a time (consecutively) while Africans want 2 wives at the same time (concurently) but ultimately they all want the same thing Variety.
Vitality seems to have gone with the years I could hang out all Weekend and by 9:00 Am on Sunday morning i was catching a mat back to Embu Nowadays on Weekends I just sleep

Josh said...

Wasichana ni kazi mingi. To have more than one acknowledged squeeze is too taxing. Not that variety ni mbaya, just own up to one and the rest...

As for uzee, hiyo ndiyo maendeleo. Have you tried Red Bull or njugu?

Anonymous said...

I used to think that women who agree to see married men were foolish. I got into a relationship with a married man thinking he was single but of course when I found out I was so mad I "left". The only problem is he is the one that has my heart so after a couple of years of fightin it and losing other guys coz of it I have finally decided to give my heart a break and let it love the rest will be sorted out. I am even considering being second wife (Im an ultra educated female species lol).

I love my one wife said...

Many wives? Bah? is it really that difficult? Any man any day will want 1K wives (er, women, is more like it).

(The difference b/n USA and KE is that in the West they at least seek ways to protect the vulnerable party, while in KE they just wish them away. Even if the law is there, no one enforces it.)

Its human nature, until tamed: Its a case of not being satiated with anything good, be it women( eh really sex) or anything- money, power, women, etc)

The wise man of songs had 1K wives and 3K mistresses, and was still could not be happy.

ANd he said, its just all vanity and a chasing after the wind.

I only know one thing that satisfies.

acolyte said...

@ mama shady
Well it seems that we are just swapping one thing for another. I am sure you will have lots of energy when time rolls round!
@ tfd
I had friends who played in the church choir and yes they had alot of work to do.
I dig the different sex partners thing to but unfortunately these are wives and not just strumpets so we cant have our cake and eat it too!
@ eclipse
I think it differed from tribe to tribe because for us you had to negotiate with the wives parents and get their consent.
Yes I too miss the good old days!
@ beautyinbmore
I am all for polygamy in this day and age only if there are the checks and measures that existed in the past so as to prevent women from being abused.
@ mama shady
There are a few cultures that actually have polyamourus arrangements. Very few but they do exist.
@ kirima
Well alot of people out here have mistresses too.
I guess time has caught up to us!
@ josh
I agree with you 200% one woman is more than enough in this day and age!
I thought njugu was only for bedroom fun?
@ anon
Well I find it hard to reconcile what goes on in the mind of a woman so all I can say is that don't compromise yourself just because of one man, dont let him have his cake and eat it too.
@ i love my one wife
The innefectual nature of the law is why I am all for simple monogamy in Kenya.
It should be said that despite all those women and money Solomon was an unhappy man.

Girl next door said...

I don't think the practice of taking a second wife will completely die out. Now it's a status thing. It often causes tensions between families but some first wives accept it. Many women will put up with it if there's financial support for themselves and their kids as well as stability.