Things I'd love my cell phone to have

Any person who lives in Nairobi will tell you the most often asked question on cellphone is, 'uko wapi?(where are you?)'
Well depending on where you are and where you are supposed to be this question can call chaos.Well my company is in the process of coming up with an ad on chip for Ericsson,Nokia,Panasonic.Sony and Siemens phones.This chip will be able to add the following effects as background noise to your conversation for the desired effect.
Just make your choice of effect before you answer your call and you can get
1.Traffic Jam - You get the appropriate sounds that accompany vehicular gridlock.Honking,revving engines,touts shouting profanity in the background.
2.Busy Office - it will actually sound like you are in a busy office.Photocopiers will whine,phones will ring, faxes will beep and the sound of people talking.This one makes me proud.
3.Party/Pub - Supposed to be at a gathering you don't want to go to.Well you can be there without being there.Here you get the sound of the latest hits,glasses clinking in the background,jumbled conversations and all the other ambient sounds that come with a party.
4.Silence - You're supposed to be at home but you are not?Well this effect muffles alll the background noise and only your voice is allowed through.So you can be in the club and tell your gal you're at home and get away scot free.
This is just one of the many life changing inventions coming from my company in the future.
My hands are feeling really tired now.We're supposed to get paid today,it's going to 5.15.These ppl stiffed me of 7K last month.Hope i get it back today.
No raving this weekend not that I do it regularly just want to save more K.
Right now I'm playing Championship Manager 03/04 on PC.Im running Liverpool, my fave club.Aaaaaaaaah fingers getting too tired.Hasta manyana mi amigos