Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Give me an ear won't ya part II

Before I get to the story at hand let me give some positive qualities about my big sis lest you think that this is character assasination.My big sis is very intelligent (straight A student all through and came here on scholarship) and very resourceful too (she can think on her feet).
Anyway so we made it to the studio,all 3 generations of us to take the pics.So we did like 2 family pics,then one of the gents,one of the ladies,then my aunt's kid took a couple of custom pics and then my big sis had her kid be done a whole lot of custom pics.
Anyway my small sis and I couldnt pick what photos to develop as we had to take my uncle to the airport to catch his flight.So my small sis had the sales lady swipe her credit card and she told my sis who was with my mum, "Do not go buckwild when choosing the photos, they are expensive."Then we left.
So one week down the line my sis opens her credit card bill and she has been billed $300!This was like a hard punch to a soft gut like Nick's because my small sis is barely making ends meet and she needed that cash with school coming up soon and my big sis knew that very well!And do you know what bulked up the bill?All the custom pics she had printed out of her kid,my aunt had left with us so she hadnt ordered anything yet.Anyway my small sis gave her a piece of her mind and my big wasn't pleased about it.
In the house when it comes to cooking everyone has their own day.So now due to the issues between them my big sis will not eat food my small sis has cooked and will instead cook separate food for her and her kid and isn't talking to her.My big sis is the kind of person with whom if you disagree she wouldn't talk to you for weeks on end and when she does it's on her terms when she feels you have paid penance.
Then my mum has just been watching this and she has vowed that she will never come back to the states.She would rather stay at home in nai and do her thing.The ironic thing is that is was my big sis who was really campaigning for my mum to come yet when she is here she is the person who talks to her least and doesnt open up to her at all!There was this time when my mum's sore throat was irritating her and you know how mathees are, they won't tell you out and out; they will grouch about it.So my big sis is sitting at the comp looking for stuff on e-bay and for a good almost four hours not talking to my mum and when she starts grouching about it (her way of calling for help) my sis is barely looking at her and just going "hmmmmm" and "mhmmmm."It took my small bro coming in from work not putting anything down and going with her direct to CVS to get her something.
Then let's talk about her kid.She's a nice gal,sweet and the prettiest thing that you ever did see.I don't know if any of you read some comment I made on Mutumia's blog about why men avoid single mothers, well my big sis is a case study for some of them and this was a comment made before I saw the full extent of the situation here.My big sis' life revolves around her kid in an unhealthy way.First of all much unlike us this kid is not disciplined in any way whatsoever, I mean I am not advocating for a full on ass whupping; but not even a pinch.We were all whupped as kids and we came out fine.Then there is nothing like moderation when it comes to this kid,this house looks like a friggin' toy store.There are toys all over the sitting room and cars cant be parked in the garage coz there are toys strewn all over.I mean for f*ck's sake I may sound harsh but there is moderation in all things.It is made worse by the fact that when we go into a store and the kid picks up a toy 80% of the time she won't be told to put it back.I mean all that cash on toys yet in this house they have been using the same cups that my mother bought when she was here in 2001.I know I sound harsh but I think that living alone with my mum as long as I did instilled alot of discipline and order in me.I actually feel guilty when I leave dishes sleeping overnight in the sink,but dont get me wrong the sufurias that have turned black always sleep so I am in no ways an extremist!Basically there is so much potential that my sis has but she is sitting on as she is overly focussed on her kid, she could get a better job with the experience she has but doesn't want to look for one until her kid goes to school.Then she makes no attempt at making friends, she only has 1 friend; I know some people aren't social but she has been here for a long time and I think especially if you have a kid you should be friends with other parents.But anyway as I always say,"to each his own."
Anyway I guess after not seeing my big sis for around 10 years people do change.I mean it is actually my aunt who plays big sis to my small sis (who has her own issues for another post) while my small bro watches the shells fly by; the poor boy hates this house so much that he leaves in the morning goes to uni and works long hours so that he can come home only to sleep.At least now he has me to confide in and bond with.I have vowed to come to this house as little as possible preferring my simple orderly life in my rustic college town but I will chip in when I can.
I know some of you are asking why haven't I said anything?First of all my big sis when she can't take it she walks away from you and won't talk to you until she sees fit to.Also this may sound selfish but I do need a place to stay before I get established when I move back down here after I am done with school.But if there is one thing that is true about me is that I love to instigate,I can never keep my mouth shut for too long.I will take it in but a time comes when I have to say my piece and trust me I have done so before irregardless of the consequences ; at times you must burn bridges and bear the consequences(easier when I have my own apt around here).Would any KBW lady or physchologist tell me why mothers and daughters have such complex relationships?Anyway I guess all this time spent in America has turned my family truly dysfunctional!


Mignon said...

can someone say "family drama"! pole aco, hope your big sis comes around sometime. she gotta realize that family's all she got.

as for your psychoanalysis, don't get me started on the freudian theory of oedipus complex. in a nutshell, Freud would tell your sis that she has unresolved childhood sexual feelings towards your dad and unresolved childhood jealousy towards your mom for being on the receiving end of your dad's love.

hey, i didn't say i agree with freud on a lot of his twisted, sexual theories. how anybody ever bought into them and made him a mainstream figure is beyond me...lol.

Ms K said...

Eh, sorry to say this but your big sis has issues. Esp snapping at your mum?!

Family drama is never easy. Good luck with that.

Ms K said...

Cute Angel what have you been up to!!! Reading Freud is not healthy!

mutumia said...

oh wow! That's all I can say--- pole about the drama 'cause that sounds like a lot!

Farmgal said...

Wish I could help but cant. i can only pray for you sis.
2cents though....does your sis get along with anyone in the family whom she can talk to?
If you can take her out for a meal or for a walk and try and talking to her. she must have been very hurt by the baby's daddy and has no other way of letting it all out.
Try a very gentle approach see if it works. instead of pointing out what she does wrong tell direct her attention to how the family is getting affected. She just might see sense. Good luck!

Acolyte said...

@ cute angel
Yeah I do hope that she comes round but sometimes ppl get to an age where somethings become a part of them.Well freudian theory has always been a stretch!
@ Ms K
Well I don't plan to fix it all survival is enuff for now
@ Mutumia
You have not heard the half of it!
@ Farmgal
Prayer would be nice.Well since she doesn't really open up I think that it would be hard.Yes I know that is a good way of doing things even though somewhere I have been drafting an all out onslaught coz my mum tried the diplomatic approach and it hasn't done much at all.
Anyway soon I will be off to my shags town so I'm not worried.

The future diplomat said...

pole jo

Keguro said...

See here, you should have been on the Keguro plan:

Be born late in your parents' lives.

Be born much younger than your siblings.

Travel abroad when they've all been and returned.

I get my dramas over email. So much easier.

Freud was right! About everything!

Try the present route: buy chocolates and wine and sweet-talk family.

Acolyte said...

@ future diplomat
Asante and btw enable all other comment forms ie anonymus on your blog coz some of us dont have the time to log in to comment.
@ Keguro
bar a time machine half of that ain't happening.As for me I have no intention of playing peace maker.I dont intend to be part of my sister's household and I think she is old enuff to make her own decisions.

Prousette said...

too much drama in one place.

that child is spoilt will give the mom a headache in future.
I totally fail to understand how one can refuse to talk to one's kin over any mis-understanding especially sister or snap at the mom not judging but it is not a done thing the way some of us were raised rather face the devil hmself than...

nick said...

-kwanza is it just me or i didnt see the II in part II...infact was scrolling to see my comments when i realised nigga done posted afresh

-gonna let that soft gut comment sride by..for now heh heh

-u guys are DYSFUNCTIONAL to the core thank you forinviting us into this reality soap

-by anychance does any of ur siblings know u blog

-unleash more dirty laundry damn it part III saa hizi

-my question to thee: what role would u play if u were living with them? as in would u be a psycho like them?

Acolyte said...

@ prou
The child is getting spoiled already.When the future comes I intend to be far far away.We are together when it comes to wondering about how someone can refuse to talk to someone about problems.
@ Nick
Well the guys in our family are pretty normal!Heck no!No-one in this house knows that I blog.If I lived with them I would strive to move as fast as possible, if that doesnt work I would first mark out a quiet peaceful corner for myself and if that didnt work I would become Instigator XXL full time and knock some sense into them!

Poi said...


Hope with time every of them will get around with the other.

I agree with you fam is all one has and esp y'all been such a big fam should all stick-up for each other and always talk just because that's a blessing already.

Hope things get better I can imagine how your mom must feel.