Wednesday, November 01, 2006

A Wedding Tale and An Important Video

Dear Readers and fellow Bloggers. I am going for a conference in Savannah today so I will not be posting till next week.
It was about time Aco got a semi-hiatus don't you think so?
It's good to see that most of you agreed with the points that I brought up
in my last post. I just hope the guilty parties take note and change
their behaviour!
Anyway let me leave you with the account of a wedding by a man after my own heart; Grey Fox everybody!

I recently went to the wedding of a friend, who by all accounts
including mine has married a nice girl. It will probably work out
because they were damn sure to lay out just what each of them wanted to
do and hisprenup is iron clad. My friend is an optimist, but he knows
the odds too. Some relatives of mine were also there because he knew
them as well having worked with some of them. After his wedding
ceremony was over here is where the fun begins...

Having come from a client meeting and
knowing that I was going to a wedding I was looking my absolute finest.
No sooner than the ceremony was over friends and relatives started
looking at me and saying that "I was too cute not to have a
girlfriend," and of course when I was going to get married. One of the
brides friends who has been dying to get married since the age of 12
and will the be last one of her friends to get married asked if I
wouldn't mind giving her a ride to the after party theconversation on the ride over runs like this:


Her: So what are you doing now?

Me: I work as an investment adviser in the city.

Her: So that's how you afford nice things?

Me: Yes, that is how I afford nice things for myself.

Her: So what do you do on the weekends for fun?

Me: I go out to clubs or bars for dinner
and drinks, maybe catch a comedy act if someone good is in
town.


Her:
Wow, you and your girlfriend must have a great time, its too bad she
couldn't make it today.


Me: I don't date.

Her: You're single!

Me: I don't date.

Her: You're not gay are you?

Me: No, I just don't date.

Her: Well how the hell are we supposed to go out?

Me: We are not.


Now there is nothing physically wrong with this girl, she isn't
fat, ugly or the elephant man's daughter. But she does have that I need
a man vibe. As for me I simply don't date for the simple reason is that
I am happy and intend to stay that way. Actuallyevery time I have dated
a woman i did it when I was actually in a good place in life but after
all was said and done I actually was worse of than when I started. So
it went like rolling a boulder up a hill just to have it roll back down
at you. Thanks but I only intend to keep moving up in the world not
down.


So as we pull up to the reception she streaks out of the passenger
seat crying, because apparently I don't love her or she was probably
thinking of the happy bride and groom dancing in the ballroom and how
that she was not going be that happy bride....EVER. So a few of the
brides maids rush after her as she hurls herself into the ever scared
women's bathroom, which for some reason mystically added volume and
echo to a woman'stearful sobbing transforming her blubbering swan song
of jilted maiden tears into the roaring banshee howl of an old spinster
fucking a broken fog horn. I left her be and helped myself to a Beam
and Coke.

The ballroom where the dance floor and dinner tables were
was a sight to behold. Not that the place was fabulous but they surreal
nature of the seating. First off you had two tables one table were
divorced husbands all sitting together the next table was all their
divorced wives sitting together. Of course it even more comical when
everyone started dancing they ended up dancing together because they
were told old to find someone young, they ruined each other financially
not to mentioned fucked up their lives, but they would rather dance
with each other than sit at a table with nobody to call their own
especially at a wedding party. The rest of the tables were set up with
family and friends. Now the friends were interesting because their
tables were set up in such a way that the those who were probably next
to get married were all sitting together. I couldn't help but to think
how long it would be before they were taking the places of those
sitting at the currently divorced tables.


Now
the night moves along fine. I'm on good behavior because its a friend's
wedding and I'm not going to fuck up his day, plus I'm in a good mood
because I have a group of 7 people asking me about the market and what
stocks are hot and that doesnourish my ego. I'm making my way to the bar to freshen my drink when the DJ stops the music to make an announcement.

DJ: If I could have everyone's attention please. XXXXX wishes to dedicate this song and dance to a man she cares about. She wants to melt your cold heart with her warmth, Mr. GreyFox could you please come to the dance floor...

I can know hear some awwww's
coming up from the guests and there in the middle of the dance floor is
the girl who I had given a ride to, who had blindly ran into the
women's room crying when we arrived at the party, and now this....what
was I to do.

Well it is tradition that the Bride and Groom slip away early from the party to consummate
their relationship for the "first" time. So taking a page from that
game book I slipped out the door near the bar in the reception hall,
making my way to the car.

If you have never left a woman
expecting you on the dance floor in front of a large crowd of people
like that you probably don't know what I'm going to talk about next,
but if you have.... You feel like you just scored one for the good
guys, or bad guysdepending who's side you are rooting for, but more
importantly it feels like you shrugged off this dirty yoke, like you
were expected to be that guy who finds love at someoneelses wedding
that you to have the love bug now and everyone is a couple now. You
feel like you escaped this mickey-mouse-club-let's-drink-the-cool-aid
cult. So I drove to the one most secluded, laid back bar I knew
laughing all the way.


-Grey Fox

For those of
you planning on coming stateside sometime soon. This is an important
video you need to watch about dealing with the 5.0 aka Police. Enjoy!


22 comments:

Udi said...

LOL. That video has reminded me of the Biggie video where Eddie Griffin ulizas the cops if he looks like he is in the drivers seat when the cop came to ask for ID

Gish said...

loove the story still cant figure out why some people get all clingy on you. Woulda done the same RUN.
Safe travels and you know PICS, PICS PICS. Enjoy

Klara said...

Plz make sure u come back soon!WOW!weddin drama a gain!! Huh!

Itchie Geezy said...

Dude,eish!(hush) You are quite daring,Manze the way you dismissd that chick waint just fine,but aniwe who is to blame?i mean, may be she wasnt gal enaf 4 u.

egm said...

Happy hiatusing.

Looks like wedding drama never ends!

StackOfStiffys said...

That weddo story is just super Mr. Grey Fox! As in, that's my boy! Loved the video too, very instructive it is. See you next week and wacha I'll dig into my archives this Friday for some pictures to post. Cheers, and don't give head nor ballroom dances at the conference.... bwehehehe

bantutu said...

"Melt your cold heart with her warmth??"hi hi! more like incenerate it...Till next week Oh grey one! Auuu Auuuuuuuuuuuu!
Oh n the ka-vida was flavouring...ripe as always...

kadinya said...

i wud have taken advantage of the poor gal to teach her a lesson on how to fall in love with strangers. why do this things don't happen to normal peeps like me?

loved the video. hilarious.

Adhis-toto said...

Ive never chekad like this. You are something else..and that whack vid. oh my oh my. Good one.

coldtusker said...

Aco - Ur in shit... I bet she will bawl to her friends & its a small world. One day when you are just about to get laid... the chile will hama!

I have to admit the vid was not off the mark (even for a white dude)... Seriously though, if you act shitty to the cops, it can only be to your disadvantage!

dangerously_shy said...

Interesting article! Although I have to ask

Nini hii -------------------> "But she does have that I need a man vibe"

Need a man vibe? Lol, seriously, who comes up with this sh*t?!!

See you soon!!!

Proud Nyeuthi said...

Any woman who behaves as described in this post is holding back the movement.

pikachu said...

she's adorable and he just sounds like a prick. i'd have told him, you're a prick, let me out of this stupid car i'm walking.

when I get to the reception, I'd tell everyone how he has no manner, doesn't know how to treat a lady, is uncharming, lacks social skills. then forget about that prick by dancing my hart out with some other adorable male fish.

life's too short for pricks. there are plenty of rich and charming gentlemen out there who have manners and know how to treat a lady. obviously he doesn't make enough money to enjoy the luxury of a lady's company.

Acolyte said...

@ All
Thanks for the good wishes, already have 40 pics on day one!
@ pikachu
Were you the girl in the story?

Kenyanchick said...

Aco, I've been MIA for a while. Then I come to your blog and read about desperate wanna-be housewives pulling moves on dance floors... I'm so embarassed for her I don't know what to say.

But ati you ducked? That's priceless. Now apologise to Pikachu and promise you'll dance with her next time.

Girl next door said...

Leaving a chic on the dance floor was cruel and unusual punishment. I think she'd already suffered enough humiliation although I don't agree with her way of thinking. These "desperate-to-hook-up and get-married" types are a challenge to deal with. Maybe I'll post something from a chics perspective.

mocha said...

As chics we forget that we pull the same stunts when a jamaa acts all clingy and you are not feeling him, no matter how gorgeous he looks.

I too would be laugh all the way home, muttering under my breath "got rid of that loser"!

That Chris Rock clip is just hilarious. Thanks for the tip(s)!

Ebu enjoy your hiatus....when you come back we expect more stories and pics to boot.

Shiroh said...

How many licks does it take to get to the.....

Όstalgia said...

can't get enuff of the weddings eh! travel safe..

SisBigBones said...

Good story. I don't know if there are chicks in real life who act like that, but hey! Stranger things exist. Enjoy your conference :)

mdkims said...

i am still trying to work out the strange sensations/thoughts/perceptions this article has given me ... have all the weddings you have ever attended been that strange?

Nakeel said...

Enjoy the semi hiatus and bicha bicha bicha...