Monday, March 13, 2006

Enough Kenyans already!


The Acolyte's feet relax after a long day at the Atlanta Aquarium

I have spent two long weekends with Kenyans and I have decided that I am taking a break from Kenyans for the next 2 months after noticing some things:
1.Why is everyone in everyone's business? - What's this whole thing about so many Kenyans out here wanting to find out who you are,where you are from, where you live, what you do, who you are dating, how much you make, what you drive, where you club and wanting to spread it all over the place?One of my Kenyan gal pals has just dumped a pal of her's for good because this mama was always going around talking crap about her to other people and it would always get back to her.It really irritates me that I can be more open to an American pal about what my plans are as oppossed to my own Kenyan bros and sisters coz if someone isnt going to spread it they will instead torpedo that plan.
2.What's the big deal with tribe? - I got kinda tired of hearing about this gal and mluhya wake or John and his kuyo dame.That and being asked what tribe I am or what language I speak.I think the fact that we are all Kenyans should be enough for a start.It wasnt that bad back home as far as I remember.I know some people here who date on tribal lines only.
3.What's up with gold digging gals? - I will say this now.Not all Kenyan chics are gold diggers!But with what I noticed and heard I am pretty skeptic.I overheard chic talking about how they never pay on dates and that how if they are to live with a man it is his repsonsibilty to handle all the bills.Another group of chics also asked me why so many men nowadays are so unwilling to help girls with their bills and how stingy men have become nowadays.Then some other chics talk about how they need to get some boyfriends who can help them pay their school fees.I mean first of all life here isn't easy for us guys too so most of us dont have that extra cash to burn, it's hard enough to maintain yourself without adding someone else to the mix plus ladies what is it exactly that you do to merit a guy breaking his back out there like that; as most of these chics who were talking were not superfly, super intelligent or have sterling character traits. So it seems that me with my one horse carriage and farm house will not be getting much love soon.
4.What's up with twenging for Kenyans? - I know that some white folk out here dont understand you unless you roll your Rs and soften your Ts, but why tweng for your fellow Kenyans?What gets my goat is that these twengs aren't original ie private school tweng but some whackass inconsistent twengs with shrubs thrown in.If you're going to fake it do it right plus we still understand you if you talk the way you used to back home!
5. What's up with the class issues? - One thing that I have noticed is that there seem to be 3 groups of Kenyans out here.First of all there is the group that is reffered to as mabarbie, these are the kids from moneyed families and their groupies.The speak english all the time, no swahili or venacular.The don't go to Kenyan joints and only go for bashes thrown by 2kat and only go for Kenyan gatherings during Thanksgiving and Christmas/New Year.Second group is wenye mtaa, these are those folks from the east side of Nai and similar joints.These are the folk who never miss Kenyan joints, go to as many Kenyan bashes as possible and talk swahili/sheng/venacular whenever and wherever.Plus they do as little as possible to fit in most of the time.Third group is the country folk aka wa ocha.These are the folk who are dissed that they only saw Nai when they were going to the airport.The people tend to keep to their own and are rarely seen at Kenyan bashes.I once went to a bash one of them was having (my aunt has some as roomies) and I must say that it is interesting when a bash consists of food, soda and joy bringers/happy days kind of music!At least I had a nice meal and no hangover the next day!The most interesting thing is that my brother and sisters belong in one group and I fit in well with both groups (sheng folk and english weng folk) .As usual Aco refuses to be boxed in!
6.What's with the Melrose Place drama? - I have heard of countless stories of love triangles, volatile people, men and women beating on each other etc.Some I get to see first hand with how some of my Kenyan pals live.I would rather stay in my farmhouse all year then go to the big city and get into a relationship with a chic where rows,abuse (physical and mental) and infidelity are the order of the day!ps: That reminds me of the way one of my Kenyan pals knew his current mama when she had a man but vowed she would be his even though she had initially refused his advances.The boyfriend at the time knew this guy was interested but he was swept away, ironic thing is that my pal really mistreats this mama at times ie last Sunday but I dont have the time to type what went down.
7. What's the deal with the self destruction? - I have heard so so many stories of people dropping out of school (even those who have school fees paid for them), becoming junkies/alcoholics, hooking up in dead end relationships etc. I think for every one person who kept the path and graduated there are like six who have fallen by the way side.
8. What's up with the envy? - Why is it when one Kenyan is doing well there are so many people willing to talk smack and find some way to pull them down in whatever way they can?I always thought that someone else's success should be a source of motivation to others?
Don't get me wrong here!I love Kenyans and love being one 220% but there are some things that dont escape my notice! So if you see a Kenyan brother/sister acting up slap them upside the head then give them them a hug!

28 comments:

Milonare said...

LOL at slugging them before hugging them...

Sheez... Somehow I dont think those problems are uniquely Kenyan. Its just people for you... I'm sure Nigerians, Togolese and Sri Lankans abroad would give very similar stories LOLOLOL

acolyte said...

@ Milo
Yeah I know these probos arent unique to kenyans and in no way did I say that other people are perfect but it does get to me at times to be honest.

Milonare said...

Oh ya

Numero uno, pioneer, kwanza etc

Ningependeko kutuma salaamz kwa papa J, mama Mbui na kila mtu ananichua!!!

acolyte said...

Kichana wanje!Wameslimiwa sana kutokeko Aco salaams club!Kucheni tena!

KenyanMusings said...

You have big feet. Hmm.

Lol@ class. LOL, ati seeing Nai on your way to airport. Double lol@ you left the house sober....LOL. Dang dude!!

And I found out something during the meet up. Hmm! tsk tsk. shock. Kumbe chips ni viazi?!!

acolyte said...

@ KM
I am sure you have heard about what it means if a man has big feet LOL!
Chips or crisps?Depends on which side of the Atlantic you are!

Mocha! said...

on this side of the pond its chips for CHIPO and crisps for CRIBO!

manzee, i was having the same convo with my pal who came over from Ujeru to visit. we were talking about the few Kenyans who will help you succeed....and the majority who dont like seeing you succeed at all. Kwanza when they have been stuck in rut or dead end cleaning job....you kuja as a fresher and you are getting better job than them in a short space of time. A generation of haters in my opinion.

As a mami....I personally hate the idea of a jamaa paying for everything. We came out here and we are barely surviving.....why not help each other?! Sawa...the occasional treat for the jamaa to lipa lakini taking it over board is a no-no. Sometimes the script flips (on rare occasions) and jamaaz are the ones being wekwad by mamiz.Believe me....i know what am talking about.

Anyway....it is good to give yourself a break from Kenyans coz you will just have a migrane for nothing over their idiotic chatter.

Girl next door said...

I penda your post, it is so true! I echo your views on these things. People wanting to know details about everything pisses me off. The tribe factor determines whether or not some people will mingle or even share helpful info--it's sad that we can't stick together as one people. Gold-diggers are pathetic, they think of taking an 'easy' way out of everything. All the mental baggage from home came along with our suitcases.

Guessaurus said...

@Milo - do you have to spread your madness so freely LOL hiyo salaam bwana - I am dying here.

Aco- told you - one kenyan at a time. Reason I only have one or two Kenyan friends (apart from bloggers) is exactly that.

One thing I will correct you on in the notion that most people have that everyone who is abroad from Kenya comes from Nairobi, and if you arent from Nai then you are an alien (watu wa ocha)- clearly you seem to think so too. Well, I am not from Nairobi - but I also know there are people who are from ocha and have lived abroad for many years but you wouldnt tell by the way they live and behave (oh, and I thought people from shags drink all sorts of fermented stuff, and are not all bible bashers?

Anyway, I am getting carried away, but the bottom line is all your points apply to people here as well...

Movie Buff said...

MANNNNNN! I feel you and I am also planning to go on hiatus from the whole Kenyan crowd. Too much drama for 2006... nah mean??????

LOl@ 2kat bashes.. when I was there...we used to call them Cocktails... coz no one danced, they just walked around with their drinks.... dang!.......

Lakini for real Aco.... its like u was reading my mind..... SANA and then sana....

KenyanMusings said...

pia chips, pia potato crisps they were all born viazi.

My point is being missed here. Thoroughly.

Yes, I know what they say about big feet ye gutter mind.


**sigh**

Joseph Walking said...

i hear you acolyte, i l be the first to confess i dont hang out with MANY kenyans but as for the grouping i can understand how that happens. i have lived in the states now for well... many years but the only kenyans i know close are kenyan from church,relatives and kenyans i knew from back home full stop. when i first got here i tried to assimilate but i failed i realised that just because we come from the same country doesnt mean we have to get along or we have stuff in common. and i guess thats what happens to the various grouping .people want to hang out with people of similar interests,similar backgrounds because your world view is similar ,what i dont like is this groups being exclusionist.so if i meet another kenyan i am usually friendly take them at face value .i dont judge or dismiss them but i also weigh who i let into close confidence, i dont let people into my personal space if am not close to you,any assumptions am sorry to say will be dealt with diplomatically but harshly if you are foolish enough to ask what i consider silly question be prepared for a serious demasking. sometimes people may think am being aloof but to be honest it ok because it doesnt bother me or reflect who i am .its just wise to be mindful of who you let into your circle. so i suggest you do the same.associations are a very serious thing show me who you surround yourself with and i show you what kind of man you are.

ps in my group of friends there are people from shagz from eastlands ,from the so called monied(yet i dont know what that is)since we are individuals and not entities(families) all walks of life.but from this same groups there are people who dont have the same goals or are going in a different direction that i do not talk to.

if you sorround youself with the right kind of people you will realise they dont ask wrong questions

acolyte said...

@ Mocha
I feel you on the people who have been here for eons and have nothing hating on the up and coming.I have nothing against spoiling a chic once in a while (you know what Im talking about) lakini when it comes to mooching no way!As for dotting that happens sana when you hang with some peeps.
@ girl next door
It's good to be proud of your tribe but people should never let it hold them back from knowing some ppl.As for drama it is way way too much!
@ Guess
I always new that coming abroad wasnt for nai folk alone and yes I do know some ocha hell raisers.
@ movie buff
This bash was also like a cocktail but I have decided the next time Kenyans are seeing me is mid summer!As for mind reading you know we're tight!
@ KM
wink wink nudge nudge
@ Joe
I do agree that ppl tend to stick to ppl they have things in common with and I agree that just we are all kenyans doesnt mean that we should be friends.Like you I really dont discriminate coz if we can click then by all means we can hang out whatever class,tribe or region you are from.But like you said you have to choose carefully!

spicebear said...

me thinks that stupidity is common regarldless of nationality. yes i have been called arrogant and whatnot but at least i get to avoid bold and beautiful plot lines - you know, something that just keeps repeating itself to the point of stupidity. and those love triangles are too hilarious, it makes me believe that soap operas are based on true life!!

acolyte said...

@ spicebear
yes ppl of all nationalities have issues.As for love triangles I feel you on those storos they make good listening when you are with peeps!As for being called arrogant as long as your doin your own thing, keep on keeping on!

Joseph Walking said...

I know i already had my say but i have to point out .Most of the time i am shocked at kenyans who just hang out with kenyans , Its good have friends from other countries other than kenyans,(think of all those trips to other countires visiting friends you have made) thats part of living abroad, you are here to be enlightened on other cultures. if you wanted to hang out with just kenyans you should have just stayed in kenya.personal growth is all about exposure. if you are an exposed person you dont go around asking people what tribe they are because you know there is so much more than tribe.

but if all you want to do is drown sorrows and console each other how life is hard and ho w you cant make it i aint mad at you ,you enjoy yourselves

acolyte said...

@ joe
I feel you on that 200%!As I know some Kenyans who have no american friends!While I on the other hand have few Kenyan friends, ironic!There isnt anything wrong with discussing your problems but it does help if you come up with solutions as opposed to moping!

mutumia said...

I was gonna say it then I realized that Joe had already said it. And Guess. Lakini I have to add that you forgot the "Aleinda wapi?" factor- when you run into someone you knew back home who was really cool and you're like "Wha'happened?" 'cause dude is now very, very dumb and all. Surround yourself with smart people and don't be afraid to cut and winnow that list (I could tell you stories of people who should have been "next-ed" but nostalgia made me keep them on stupidly.... Msanii can vouch for me on this LOL and LOL again.... people can be dumb f*ckwits dude!! LOL and LOL again)

Acolyte said...

@ mutumia
I guess life in stato sucks intelligence out of some people!I do feel you on surronding yourself with smart people.I intend to make that a point whenever I am out with people.But nostalgia is indeed a dangerous thing!

Irena said...

Acolyte: That is why mimi eh, I keep to myself and then I'm called a snob because my mondus Operandi is NTB - Need to know Basis. Other than that I have no obligation of telling anyone who I'm, where I live, what I do nor do I want to know what, where, who they are .
BTW thanks for always telling it as it is, wapende wasipende.

guessaurus said...

@Irena - totally agree with you on a NTKB - the problem comes when people dont know who you are and are curious - and I dont speak kyuk in those instances cos I am aware that not everyone in a kenyan gathering is kyuk, and I dont presume. Problem comes when people assume that I am not Kenyan because of my 'accent' and proceed to pigeonhole me - and then I can hear all of it cos damn, I can understand kyuk with the best of them - and then I reply to them in Kyuk, and the faces: Priceless

@Mutumia - yes, I know about 'What happened to them' - its like some people 'regress' when they come abroad.

@Joe -totally feel you, fully

@Aco - that statement was not just a 'BTW'- there are people who when they learn that you didnt go to the best Nai school or were born there, wonder aloud how a shagsmundu (>d, 2006) can be so 'classy' and 'eloquent', while they themselves make you cringe to be a Kenyan abroad - well, that's Kenyans for you.

Kenyangal said...

21 comments!! Wow I've gtg to work will be back in the morning to catch up

guessaurus said...

@Mutumia - had to come back again.

sometime back, I was in a wedding in Birmingham, Alabama and my sister pointed out a woman and said: That is Miss X, our high school teacher! I was amazed (yes, we went over and said hello) but she looked nearly like a homeless person - all dejected and with no 'spunk' - Well, I had to feel sorry for her even if when in High school she was all 'spunky' and treated us like dirt - God does operate in mysterious ways, I tell you

acolyte said...

@ Irena
Much as I love my own ppl, I feel more comfy sharing with my other pal ie Americans coz I am sure most of them arent going to misuse the info that I gave them.
@ Guess
I feel you for not going into kuyo instantly coz it is good to consider who else is at the wedding/bash etc.
As for that snobbery of private school and rich families.I went to private school for a long time but I never let it come up unless it has to.And we all know just coz you have cash that doesnt make you intelligent or classy!
ps:I would love to see that look!
@ kenyangal
You come back now, you hear!
@ Guess
That storo reminds me of a woman who used to be an anchor on KBC but was sighted working at a gas station up North.Pal 1 recognises her and asks her if she is Kenyan to which she says hell no! with a major weng but pal 2 goes on to name her, the station and when she used to work there.I heard she almost turned gray!Life abroad isnt kind to everyone!

Medusa said...

So So true Aco- I'll admit, when I moved south, after having been in a predominantly white school&neighborhood, I thought the Kenyan scene was a welcome change..shock on me, when the drama began. Lets just say nilifunzwa na ulimwengu..I made some good friends down there though- All that said, in times of crisis eg funeral/harambees for people/their folks..these people who keep saying they won't hang out with kenyans are always stressed out- only then, do they realize they could've atleast made an effort to saidia others..or atleast show up for some community events..like the AKPA.

Acolyte said...

@ Medusa
I am not advocating divorcing Kenyans coz when things get narrow they are the ones who will help you but on the other hand dont get too close coz of all the drama.I think Kenyans are like fire you should stay close enuff to stay warm but not so close that you burn.There are still good Kenyans out there!

Prousette said...

You can take the person out of the country but not the other way round. I have the same complaints for Kenyans here yaani of all colors but there are a few superb ones that make me proud to be one.

How do you slap someone and hug them next instant I need to learnt this !

acolyte said...

@ prou
All the time I knew that chics were the masters of laying down the law one moment and then being pals the next!