Thursday, June 29, 2006

Proverbs 15:1 and Mission Codename Scatter

So I know you are all waiting with baited breath for the out-come of the confrontation about the inflated cable bill.So ladies and gentlemen the situation was not as cataclysmic as you may have hoped.You see when it comes to confrontation and drama The Acolyte is an adherent of the Proverbs 15:1 philosophy.I will leave finding the verse to you but basically for me what it means that whenever someone pisses me off, when I decide that I have to talk to you about it; I don't go for the jugular.Au contraire!I become even nicer then usual after all I believe that the steel fist should at times be hidden in a velvet glove.
Anyway what I did is that I printed out a nice detailed bill that had all the extra items down and after my exam I gave it to my room mate telling him that he had some pay per view items to pay for.He agreed that he had ordered them and wrote me a check.So that's that!But it got me to thinking that I should in a few months opt out of cable and instead buy a nice comp and get a net connection.Thanks to torrents I can get all the TV programs I want to watch online and watch them when I want in addition to all the other goodies I can get online.
By the way speaking of Bible verses is it just me or has there been a major increase in the number of Christian blogs in KBW?Or do the christian members just post a whole lot more now?

Anyway I was thinking of clubbing last night and this interesting incident came to mind.A good pal of mine had come back to Kenya for summer hols.So you know how when peeps go back home for summer they save up,buy new clad and put their best foot forward.So my pal and the boys are at this small gathering and we are socialising with the masses.So there is this mama who gets wind of the fact that my pal has come from stato and she expresses an unatural amount of interest in that information and tries her best to get into his good graces.But as things would have it there was alot happening so she couldn't have him for herself (plus the boys had to run interference our pints were not going to be jacked!).
So the next day my pal tells us that we should go to Carni for Soul.Seeing as the pints were free could I refuse?Hell naw!So we get there and enjoy a great night of catching pints,tall tales and flirting with the ladies.On our way out who does my pal run into?Yes the gal from the night gathering.First of all it was a Soul that had low attendance and the time for omba team had come.That was the term me and my pals used to have for the time in the night where the heng is coming to a close and dudes throw caution to the wind and try to woo any female in the club so that they don't have to quench their lust themselves.So back to the story, there was some dude who was trying to get with this mama and it seemed that he had made quite an effort.But when my pal showed up the dude was dismissed chap chap!He was told, "I had such a great time!Si I'll call you this week?" and then he was given a peck on the cheek.The dude looked at my pal with a look of disgust since his game had been well scuttled.The chic then turned to my pal gave him a big chesty hug and said, "Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!Why didn't you tell me you were coming for Soul?It's so good to see you!Si you buy me a cocktail?" In fact it was more of a declaration then a question.My pal tried to get a word in but this was one of those gals who talks at 100 mph so you can't get a word in, seeing the expression on his face I knew something was afoot.Since it was a slow night it seemed that a waiter had been waiting on her and he came running to take her order.At that point in time my pal leans over and tells me that there is no way he is buying that mama a cocktail plus after treating all of us to pints, the cash he has left he is saving for kuku porno aka known as somersaulting chicken and fries.So at that point mission codename scatter ws put in action.My pal told the chic that he was going to the gents while I suggested to the pals that I would buy them a last round at the bar.So as walked to the bar I showed them the lay of the land and they assumed their roles.Let's just say we blended into a crowd exiting the joint pretty well and who do we meet outside?Yes, my pal!Seems he hadn't lost the ninja skills that used to come in handy of sneaking out of the local when there's a black out and you want to enjoy free pints on KPLC's tab.So we were off to enjoy some kuku porno (naked chicken!)

Move aside KFC!Kenchic rocks that house!Pick courtesy of Kikuyumoja

Nothing used to beat fries at Millenium or Topaz after the rave!I don't condone my pal's actions but all measures should be employed to protect a man's kuku porn be it force or deception ( I know some of you have some objections so go ahead and share them!) .Oh and as things would have it we ran into that chic at electric avenue (that's what we used to call the line of Westlands that had Crooked Q's, Q stakes, J Kays and I forgot what the other joint was called when that street used to kick ass!).Damn I miss clubbing back home!If daggers could kill we would have been dead after the way she looked at us!
Now to finish my article reviews for my portfolio for my politics in Africa course which contained very little politics but was one of the most fun courses I have ever done in this uni!More about that next time!


egm said...

Good thing cable stuff worked out well.

Ah, Kenchic. It's lunch time now. I wish...

All the best on that portfolio.

kelitu said...

LOL!@ mission scatter. Damn! i can imagine that chick pigad several laps lookin for y'all. ouch!!
As for being accosted coz your from abroad...wassup with that?! I find that to be very juvenile of kenyan mamaz and jammaz to be into your vibe just coz you live ng'ambo.

Acolyte said...

@ egm
Yeah at least it ended with no drama!I miss Kenchic too!Thanks!

Acolyte said...

@ kelitu
The way that mama harakishad my boy was not funny at all!It happens so much at home mpaka it isn't funny, peeps think you are made of money when you come from stato or UK!

farmgal said...

Am glad that was resolved that bila domez aco.

Don_quixote's said...

Hi kwanza, since this is my first time here nice blog.
The being accosted thing is so bad hata kama wewe si jamma u get told to do the treating....its facinating to see the lengths peopel will go to.
I had bootleg cable for a while i can fix it up for you kwanza but shhhhh

Good luck with your portfolio

acolyte said...

@ farmgal
I was happy too
@ don
Thanks for passing by!Yes dem people from digs can harakisha you another style!
I wouldnt mind getting boot leg cable but I don't think it's worth getting busted over!
I'm done with the portfolio, my brain almost melted!

irena said...

Kuku Mfalme mmmmm yummy, with 4th of July weekend I wish , I wish..... thanks to the cameraman eh for the memories!!!

Aco's baby mama said...

My boy used to say "If you can't spell it, i won't buy it"

P-I-N-Y-A K-O-Q?


Try again...

acolyte said...

@ Irena
Yup dem pics made me really miss home!
@ Mutumia
Yenyewe!Your boy was so on point!

Kenyanchick said...

Ati you scattered! That's TOO funny! You won't hear any criticism from me: why do some women do this? I'm female and I'm not hatin my peeps for nothing. Don't go out without enough money to buy your DAMN self a cocktail. Tch!

Kenyanchic said...

Oh, one more thing: I moved back to Nairobi last year (from NY). I eat Kenchic at least 3 times a week. Sorry. Si you just move back, nani?

KenyanMusings said...


D-A-W-A...tebu bring that 350 bob I go hook myslef up with one saa hii!!

Me, I have never asked anyone to buy me a drink all my life, so that is on my 'to do' list. I find when you do not ask....they offer.

Gaaaawwwwddd, how do peoplk even ask!!! ***cringe crnge**

Eti, hook me up with a pint? Wasahana!!!!

Eeeee, but even you and your freinds that was a tad too uncivil and immature?
Si you just tell her to her face roho safi "no. I am not buying you one". Kwani? no beef with that. She can go mend her esteem huko on the other side of the fence....

Do you know, I have not had a kuku porno since this 'bird flu' drama was reported? Woiii, today I'mma hook myself up, close my eyes, cringe and dive right into the nguks.

You good?

Kenyangal said...

Haiya *I* can spell that p-i-n-a c-o-l-a-d-a. Yes you may buy me a cocktail.

acolyte said...

@ Kenyanchick
Much as I love kenchic, I would need a stronger reason to move back!Gotta make that paper first!
@ KMusings
Ati dawa is 350/=!Kwani does it cure all my illnesses?!Wacha ikae!
I don't condone hepaing the mama lakini she harakishad the dude like a mkokoteni being pushed down Waiyaki Way at high speed!
When you are enjoying that kuku porno just know some of us are bila!Otherwise I'm good, just off to ATL!Wooo hooo!
@ kenyangal
Now mamas like you with spelling skills I am running away from!

Don_quixote's said...

Aco the buy me a drink ni sawa i remember a time when we was in high school and this mama goes
Cutie: si you buy me a lolipop ;)
My pal: kaa ni lolipop unataka "moves his cheeck closer to her face" si you lick me trust am just as sweet.
Should have seen the look on the gel's face utter horror mortificatin and all things shocking.
His defense leo lolipop kesho soda and before you know it your money has to be rooted through her.
Now that cameraman si me can i get a pic of and dont no one dare laugh ugali tehehehe

Girl next door said...

There are many more Christian blogs these days with lengthy messages. That story of the chic hunting your buddy down is so funny! You guys were brilliant to scatter like that. I think we all have to learn the skills of ditching characters who bother you when you're out for a good time with friends.

acolyte said...

@ Don
At times inabidi you be harsh with mamas coz once they know they can have their way with you, they shall run over you and drain you!
@ Girl Next Door
Some of those messages are so lengthy that I can't keep up!But as long as they are spreading the gospel!As for scattering I am sure when some pest comes with the intention of getting into your ngothas you will run like the wind!

Girl next door said...

@ Acolyte,
those of us who don't go to church probably need the message. My buddies and I refined disappearing skills, we're fast!

Mocha! said... all I can come up with. Wacha I go enjoy my kuku porn that is being BBQed at the rugby tournament this sato. It aint the same, but it will do for now.....LMAO

acolyte said...

@ Girl Next Door
I guess someone has to do the gospel work!Good to know that you know how to disappear when circumtances call for it!
@ Mocha!
After your fun weekend ebu make sure you get pics of that kuku for us!