Caveat Emptor!

Since a few bloggers here and there have done posts about what they will not put up with when it comes to dating, I have done one about what ladies who choose to date me will have to get used to. I come as I am so buyer beware as the saying goes!

1. Quit Trying To Change Me, It Won't Work!
There are certain things I have been doing for 20 plus years and they give me favourable results and I will continue to do them. My mother tried for those 20 plus years and she failed so please don't even waste your time. I am not a project, I will change on my own timetable!
So I will continue to sleep with music playing in the background penda usipende!

2. I Don't Do Church
Many budding romances have been brought to a grinding halt by myself when these words have been uttered, "Let me take you to church!"
I always think a "No Thanks," should be enough of an answer. Start asking why and a long discussion that will inevitably lead to arguement will follow, it also doesnt help that I am not as ignorant about christianity as most people would think. If I wanted my soul "saved" I don't need a date to do it, not to add the fact that some of the so called church going folk I know have more issues than I do.

3. You snooze, You lose
When it comes to women, most of the time I have a short attention span. So if I'm trying to get with you and you act the fool by listening to your single bitter pal by playing hard to get to the max don't act surprised when I move on.
As the saying goes, there isn't only one fish in the sea.

4. Me Time
Many women think that once you get with them, that you should turn your schedule upside down to accomodate them. I will accomodate you but there are things that remain sacred (unless it is an emergency).
One of these things is me time.
There are certain set times of the week when I prefer to be alone and do my own thing. More often than not it's something relaxing like watching Smallville/ Heroes/ the 4400/ Ultimate Knockouts/ Champions League while drinking a cold beer. During this time I unwind and think of the nature of the universe and my place in it.

5. I Don't Like Kids
Many women I date think that since I am of marrying age I should have some sort of paternal instinct going. After looking at the bland expression on my face when they point out how cute a child is, they get the point real soon, real fast!
This doesn't mean that I go around stomping kids, I think that kids are a blessing especially when other people are blessed with them!

6. I Don't Do Long Phone Calls
I have often heard of chics talking about talking to their boyfriends for hours on end, I dont do that at all. I think it is the result from coming from a country where pre-paid cell phone charges were through the roof and the fact that I tend to be straight and to the point.
My conversations tend to revolve around the following who, when, where, why and how. The only time I go out of my time to stretch conversations is if you are out of state or country and even then I use a hands free so I can do something with my hands.
So if I dont spend hours on the phone with you, don't disappointed. I prefer face to face conversations

7. I Don't Play Games
I am sure most guys have been in those situations where you ask your chic what is wrong and they give you the usual "nothing!"
You know what I will act like it is nothing and life will go on. I have been in such and when the volcano blew, I looked up innocently and said, "I asked you and you said nothing so life went on."
I am just waiting for a mama to put me on the bilas diet, she will discover she is dealing with a man who gets on the bilas train willingly!
The only people who should be bembelezwad are children! We are both adults and should be able to communicate in a mature manner.

8. Your Pals Are Your Pals
Just because I am dating you doesn't mean that I will agree with the Spice Girls song, "If you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friends..."
I will make an effort to get along with your friends but at the end of the day they are your friends so don't expect Aco to be going out for nights with your gals. It doesnt work like that for me. Your pals are your pals and my pals are my pals.

9. I Expect You To Keep A Clean House
No this isn't some sort of sexist request. If you read my blog you do know about my dirty sink phobia, one that is being set on edge by room mates who leave dishes in the sink and another who decides to wash her face in the bathroom sink without washing her ring of dirt while at the same time having the same aversion to deo that a vampire has to holy water.
Other than that I make an effort to keep a clean house (nothing covered by dust) and I expect a woman I am with to do the same.
Besides if you can't keep your house clean, it brings up doubts about your personal hygiene.

10. I Am Not A Sugar Daddy
Time and again Kenyan chics abroad have complained about how Kenyan men are stingy because they wont help them pay their bills. If that is what is construed as generosity than call me scrooge!
I will buy gifts, I will take you out to dates and pay the tab most of the time till we reach the going dutch stage but your bills are your bills. If something goes wrong and you can't pay, I will give a hand. But don' t think you can go buckwild at Bed Bath and Beyond or present me with your tuition tab and think that Aco will foot that bill.
Once you start eating into my finances in a big way, I will dump you like a hot rock! I'm sorry but that's how it is in Aco world.

11. I Am An Undercover Geek / Nerd
I am on the cutting edge when it comes to most tech developments, I have over 4 e-mail addresses, I am a member of more websites and forums I can count, I watch cartoons and watch lots of fantasy (Lord of the Rings) and Sci Fi Movies (Superman Returns).
Not to say that my life revolves around them but I do more than the usual guy thing of watching sport (which I also do) and drinking beer (which I also do).
I also try and keep up with what is going on around the world so I expect to have someone who I can converse with about such things (Walmart is not a place where tools for fixing Walls are sold!).
There is more to communication than chatting and gossip.

12.I Have A Somewhat Big Ego
I don't think I am better than everyone else but I do have a big opinion when it comes to me and that makes me sound arrogant.
After all if I dont believe in myself who will? As a result I find it hard to put up with people who have poor self esteem. All my life I have found that I am my best source of encouragement so I keep at it most of the time.
It also doesn't help that I am sarcastic most of the time!


You have been warned, so dont be shocked to find yourself in the following scenario;

Girl : Aco, I think you should start wearing trousers like this (shows latest whackass popular design)
Aco: (looks up) Maybe some other time
Girl: (frowns) Okay. What are you doing tommorrow? Let's go for evening service!
Aco: I'm sorry, that's personal time for me besides I don't do church unless someone is being dispatched up or downstairs.
Girl: (frowns even more) Aco! You are so hard headed! (storms out in anger)
Aco: (chases after girl) Stop, what's wrong?!
Girl: Hmph!! Nothing! I'm going home!
Aco: Okay, drive safe (waves with broad smile on face)
Girl: Drives off.

3 hours later Girl's phone rings.
Aco: Hi
Girl:Hi!
Aco:How are you? Did you get to where you were going?
Girl: (bland voice) Yeah......(expects Aco to begin grovelling)
Aco:So any big plans?
Girl: Yeah, we are going to see Angie's new baby with the girls. Do you want to come? (expects Aco to say yes to make up for it)
Aco: I may have to take a rain check but I'll see about a gift.
Girl: Uh ok (sounding kinda pissed off)
Aco: I have to go, have fun!
Girl: WTF? (wondering why the convo was so brief)

Fast Forward 1 week later
Girl: Thanks for dinner Aco.
Aco: You're welcome and thank you for the company.
Girl: Ah by the way I am going back to school in the next 2 weeks (sidles over to Aco)
Aco: (in typical man fashion oblivous of what is going to happen) That's cool at least you'll be done soon!
Girl: but there is one small thing that I need from you.
Aco: Okay, shoot!
Girl: Could you give me $4,000 for school fees?
Aco: I thought you were working?
Girl: I was but you know how expensive it is being me.
Aco: (raises left eyebrow ala The Rock) Seems it is, sorry but I don't have that kind of money lying around.
Girl: Please Aco, I am sure you can find something.
Aco: Would you look at the time? I need to be in bed.

Epilogue: The relationship ended with Aco being accused of all the faults above plus being a typical stingy Kenyan man.
So for those of you who try to get with The Acolyte you have been warned!