Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Another interesting story.............

I think I have discovered my main reason for blogging. I love to tell stories almost as much as I love listening to them. I enjoy recounting the interesting, amazing, horrendous, mundane and stupefying things I have encountered in my everyday life. I use my blog as a memory capsule for these things. People wonder why I prefer dingy home pubs inhabited with all sorts of characters to crowded,neon lit night-clubs full of "cool" people. It's the stories and entertainment I get there! In home pubs there is always a story teller of sorts, half of the things he tells you are lies but he tells them real well! So well that you find yourself buying him beer so he can keep on lying to you! Anyway let me shade myself from the glare of the light bulb shining on top of my cranium due to my enlightenment and get onto today's post.

There was this girl who moved into my neighbourhood when I was still living in Kenya sometime after high school, I am going to call her Jamilla. Now Jamilla was in her early 20's and purportedly from the coast and her Swahili seemed to bear out that fact. She was what what Nairobi men called "yellow, yellow, brown,brown" meaning she had this light and soft skin that seems to works wonders with most Kenyan men and has driven loads of women to destroy their skin and health by applying all sorts of bleaches to their skin to achieve the same look. She also had the stunning hourglass figure to go with her good looks.

Anyhow, Jamilla was renting a servant's quarter in one of neighbourhood houses. The servant's quarters also known as sq's in that neighbourhood were very popular as they were semi detached and allowed the occupant some sort of privacy from the main house. She wasn't a snob per se but would keep to herself and her friends in the neighbourhood, despite this she would still enjoy some light banter with the boys around the block as she was going to work; while firmly rebuffing their advances.

It is later on when she got settled into the neighbourhood that things began to happen. Various high cost cars began to show up outside her quarters. All the cars would have different owners so this wasn't the same person with different cars. The day we found out that Jamilla was not a laughing matter was when this middle aged man drove to her gate and found another car parked outside and drove to where we were sitting, came out and began talking to us jobless corner inhabitants.He got to talking to us thinking we were close friends of Jamilla's, it was then that he let on that she could as he put it "screw you senseless" and because of that men were falling over themselves to make her theirs exclusively. We chatted for a while till he saw the car that was at Jamilla's pass by us, at that point he excused himself, got into his car and drove to her house. At that point it should have hit us, a woman must have something special for a man to go to her house, find another man there, wait for that man to leave and go to see her.

Let's just say over time we saw things like a new fridge, microwave and home entertainment system be delivered to her place at different occasions. It is a few months later that some big shot from Kenya airways (who was married) started passing by her house at odd hours and weekends. A few weeks later I saw her in a Kenya Airways uniform being picked up by the staff van, so your guess is as good as mine. A month or so passed and Jamilla moved into a house of her own in the neighboring estate. A short time later she left the ranks of us matatu users and began driving a RAV4.

Much as we knock some women for being gold diggers, I had to give her mad props for using what she had to get what she wanted. Would I have hit it? Hell no! It's like knowing the dude on her block who sells grade A crack and deciding that you are going to take a hit for fun. In that case one hit and you're hooked, and we all know there are no casual crack users!And let's be realistic, Kanye summed up my chances best; "I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke........."

But I know there are some of you ladies out there who would like to have Jamilla's good fortune.Well look no further Sugar Daddy 101 is here, go visit it and learn all the tricks to becoming a sugar baby!
ps: I expect a 5% cut for directing you there!


WanjaKihii said...

I am now educated...kumbe i have an asset...Where do i direct you 5% cut?

mocha said...

Now I know where I have been going (brokeass) wrong!!!

Thanks for the heads up!

Do you take PayPal payments?

Anonymous said...

Jamilla i see knew what she had and used it to better herself. "I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke........." LOL Ati you would not hit it? Jobless corner, opportunity, what do i have to lose? :-)

Acolyte said...

@ wanjakihii
I take checks!
@ mocha
I dont do paypal but I do take visa!
@ aegeus
Don't you know that with drug dealers, the first hit is always free?What happens after that?

mocha said...

visa nelly style ama proper?

Acolyte said...

@ mocha
You're crazy!

Mimmz said...

If ever there was a story that made a girl feel she has been going about it the wrong way, this one is it. I am changed forever.

Proud Nyeuthi said...

Usually I would knock such a woman. Not any more. With all the hardship in the world today, peeps must use what they have. It's better than armed robbery.

Chatterly said...

Jamilla has to work hard to get all that bana, not just smile n sit pretty...vya bure viliisha enzi ya kenyatta.
That KQ bigwig, is it the big bigwig that i know about ama??? The one I know likes young things & is married.
Can we negotiate?? that 5% si unifanyie bei safi?

Ichiena said...

Can the 5% be in kind as opposed to monetary? Would you being "Hoomework" do?

(Ama you cannot makanga off that bila's train?)

egm said...

Aco, yaani I bow down to you. You have women lining up at your door vile men were lining up Jamilla's door with just this one piece of advice! *taking notes and quickly committing them to memory*.

Acolyte said...

@ mimmz
Good to know I am an agent of change!
@ proud nyeuthi
when the going gets tough.....Btw did you delete your blog?
@ chatterly
I agree that it was not vichekesho for that mama.I dont think there is only one big wig in KQ who likes em young.
@ ichiena
LMAO! With the correct person I would consider getting off the train.
@ egm
Say the right thing and they'll come running!

Movie Buff said...

Mocha... I just came here to say that you are crazy!!!!
... LMAO..... How can you say Visa Nelly style??


Girl next door said...

The so called "cool" people can get rather boring. Your storoz are always entertaining; keep sharing them!

Jamilla definitely had a plan and used it well. Not everyone's m.o. but it works for some.

Acolyte said...

@ gnd
I feel you! Give me storos before "cool" peeps anyday!
I do agree that not every girl can be Jamilla.