Friday, February 16, 2007

Post Valentine's Musings

I decided to surf the net and look for blogs that linked to mine. Well I found a site that had linked to a post I had done. The site is called Christian Dating News and this is how they quoted me. They made me sound so hard that even I wouldn't comment on my own blog due to fear of a tongue lashing! I have noticed that over time I have really toned down my blogging tone, which isn't such a bad thing.

Anyway I trust Valentine's went well for all of you who were in the fray. I just had a flashback, there was this time I was giving a ride to some chic I was interested in and her pal. Valentine's was around the corner and I gave my opinion that it really didn't mean much to me and I went on to change the subject. Woe unto me! The pal also decided to wax on about how she felt nothing about Valentine's and how it meant nothing to her, she reiterated this point all the way from the Uhuru Highway to South B. Worst thing is that her tone said something else, it was one of total bitterness; like she was trying to convince herself. I wonder what she was up to on Valentine's?

I came across that jewel online (on a Kenyan website nonetheless!) and all I have to ask, is what is a stripe tease? A mating dance for Zebras or something?

Now a question for the ladies. Let's say you decide to keep yourself pure and chaste till the day you got married, then come the wedding night your husband is packing 3 inches and is a one minute man to boot? I can see the scenario unfolding! Picture one woman burning with pent up desire, dressed in virginal white Victoria's Secret, splaying herself ready for action in the candle lit room. In walks the groom from the bathroom, the dim lighing casting dark shadows on his assets (or lack thereof), forplay commences and the tension rises as the bride awaits consumation of the marriage. The Groom puts himself in position, his breathing rate increases while at the same time the bride feeling no visitor in her garden, asks the dreaded question, "is it in yet?"
The Groom looks puzzled and they try position after position but it seems that his visitor cannot breach the gates or even if he has his presence is incosequential. To save face the Bride settles on a position and 10 press ups later the Groom grunts in satisfaction and turns over to go to sleep without any pillow talk or cuddling. The Bride is left awake contemplating the future with loud snores providing the soundtrack to her deliberation.
Now if you were in such a situation where you were completely unsatisfied, I know most of you would hold off for the first year or so; but if an opportunity came by to get some. Would you step out? C'mom ladies, be honest. My ex admitted she would step out but would be very tactful. To add salt to the situation, despite being a good hubby what if your groom decided to do nothing to solve the problem and insisted that you were the problem and not him?

I think someone needs to tell the chic in the pic below (click for larger view if you need to confirm if you know that weave ) that she should get some new friends to go to 2008 San Diego Sevens with (friends who'll take care of her), and stop drinking! I wonder if she's a KBW member?

Take it easy over the weekend people!


Archer said...

I could get used to this numero uno thing.

The Devious One said...

Archer how dare U steal my htunder ?
strip tease for married peps ? loooooooool
I would like to see jacinta or petronila work that pole in some six inch spike heels !

That so called (drumroll)....Archer drag !
I know them red thongs all too well !

Anonymous said...

The striptease is run by some former Kenyan stripper from Dallas. I bet you there is good biz coming out of it.

Acolyte said...

@ Archer
Lol! No comment?
@ devious one
I couldnt resist, that banner cracked me up with the typo!Are you sure that wasnt you?
@ anon
Thanks for the info! Something new to talk about with the peeps!

3N said...

i have been waiting on a blog from anyone who went to SanDiego, guess the pic will have to do for now
by the way is it illegal to run a strip joint in digz...probably some good money there too

Unyc said...

archer ws 2 jazzed he forgot 2 comment...Aco this dude is stalking u. Be warned!!

Lol at the man snoring when the chic is gettin heated up...what wld I do esp if it goes on...i'd taraka(sp) u 3 tymes n get myself a worthy jamaa...ok maybe not! 4 better 4 worse shit applies here...i'd probably go Aegeus way of sex toys...

Aizoh said...

I'd also like to hear ladies answers to your question.Lol @ 10 press ups. Reminds me of a guy trying to cover up for a premature ejaculation by pretending he has suddenly changed his mind about having sex.Kumbe he's thru!

aegeus said...

That picture is a poster for those who are unable to handle their drink, nasty! I did not see that typo till you pointed it out. Tsk tsk.

Kamangu...number one? nilidhani ulimwacha kwa sababu ya kuzivaa undawewa zako na sababu zingine ambazo hukuweza kunieleza bila kumwaibisha aliyekuwa mumewe? Sasa Aco sasa ametangaza yote hadharani! Mambo usiku wa manane yalikuwa, bzzzzzzz, bzzzzzzz, mzee anapoamka kuwafukuza mbu hawaoni! Lo!

Chatterly said...

There is no way i am buying a car without test driving it...i just don't want such nasty surprises:-)that chick...ouch!
Stripe tease??? thinking zebras or tigers LOL!

Girl next door said...

Marriage is a contract, and both parties have to deliver. So, yeah I'd seek satisfaction elsewhere. But before that, maybe we'd experiment some more.

I saw that pic on a website and cringed on that chic's behalf. It's a relief her face is hidden from view. Where were the buddies?

Gish said...

First i love the advert, iam having difficulty though pictuering some women swinging on the pole LOL.
About keeping myself, i would say like bUgz, kamoja tu you know just to measure just to know. I have heard of waiting and discovering that the dude has ED he he he better to try at least once alafu we chill.
The wasted mamie, i will not cast any stones seeing that i have had my days. Lakini Je huu ni ungwana, how do you diss your pal?Nauliza Tena Je....

Rant's of an angry somali man said...

damn i really feel for that girl on the pic those r the type that use drink now regret later policy......about the striptease training just wish i could get a wife who could have that talent coz me bein a frequent visitor to london stripper clubs........i see them making lots of chapa!

aizoh said...

Btw, I hope that overed mamaa doesn't think she's in the loo....

Movie Buff said...

Im with Chatterly on this one [Shhh... dont tell my mum ... lol].....There has to be a test drive.... I dont want a premature ejaculator, one minute man, one position man, a man who doesnt give oral, a heavy thruster, two inches.... you get the drift...

BUT, if a pal of mine came to me with this problem, I would stiffle laughter and direct her to babeland [dot] com. Nuff said

As for that chile *smh*.... that is all I can say.......

Strip tease is being taught in Dallas.... DAMN!

'licious! one said...

Fast scroll to the thong....ooppsss weave pic! LOL...ROFLMAO...TIHIHIHIHIHIHI...Aco, you is nasty!!!

Now...back to the one minute man...I would personally step out. I hate to admit it, but I prefer our day and age when it comes to sex before marriage. This days its just like buying a have to take for a spin before purchase or to be more precise check under the hood to see that the engine is in good condition and working order.


Trus' Kenyans to come up with businesses you would picture them doing. Then again...

Quintessence said...

TEE of my fave songs is "don't want a short dick man" no really it isn't. I'm with all the test-drivers out there man! Then again, size/length/opulence/adornment is only knotty if he can't work it! Auwiiiiiiiiii I fret to think, I’d ask for a refund and annulment…

Udi said...

daaaamn. where was that mama. I know I was pinted in San Diego, but the mamas I saw looked timamu. None of them looked like archer in drag

Acolyte said...

@ 3N
It isnt a strip joint, just classes and I already think there is some Kenyan somewhere who is running a strip joint from home if I am not wrong.
@ unyc
Seems you are a good mama, I will send a 1 min man your way soonest!
@ aizoh
Lol now that dude cracked me up, how many times per week did he used to change his mind?

acolyte said...

@ aegeus
Sadly there are very many ppl who cant handle their liqour but insist on drinking!
@ chatterly
That is a wise decision I must admit!
The sad thing is that many men would not admit it if they are no good and wont want to seek help, so stepping out seems very viable at that time.
I guess the mama just didnt have good back up at all!
@ gish
I hope nowadays you are prim and proper! I too cant imagine some middle aged mamas on a pole with the stilletos!
@ rants
As the years passed I discarded that policy and those who use it, not worth the drama. I am sure there are some ex strippers out there you can get with.
@ movie buff
It seems test driving is the trend of nowadays. Seems there are so many pitfalls for mamas out there. All the best in navigating all of them! The strip tease is taught in Kenya by an ex Dallas based stripper.
@ mocha
Test drive lazima is the rule of the day. Kenyans are getting more innovative by the day when it comes to business!
@ quint
I thot it wasnt the size but how it was used that mattered?
@ udi
I guess you were too occupied with the timam chics to notice her!

dangerously_shy said...

Valentines day for a single female like me was a case of stiff upper labia!

Lol@ breaching the gates *notes that one down for future role play*

I wouldn’t step out, not at all, marriage is a promise to another person, besides its not the size of the wave rather the motion of the ocean and one can work around these manenos (lol, I know I know..what can I say, that’s the romanticist in me speaking) the realist in me says I wouldn’t make a permanent commitment to a man if he had such extreme shortcomings (pun so intended)

Hmm interesting strip tease venture, though I reckon the best way to learn is to fika a strip joint and watch how those pro’s work those poles.

Prousette said...

re: swala nyeti Talaka haraka sana especially if he has an attitude to go along with it and it is inevitable that he will do.

do not drink and walk applies for that poor chick.

acolyte said...

@ Dshy
LMAO at stiff upper labia! It is good to see you are a chic of principles! As for strip classes if you cant go to the club, let the club come to you!
@ prousette
Well sadly there are some people who need to be put far away from the liqour!

Ssembonge said...

LOL. I hadn't seen the stripe tease part.

mmhhhhh. This is more intersting than I thought. Power to the ladies.

Josh said...

That is one hilarious post Aco.

GuestBlogger said...

sema ng'we i tell u who the blogger is!
LMAO!ati if u know who's weave that is!

Milonare said...

Groom decides to wiggle lakini all he elicits is a giggle as tiny tickles the middle? hehehehe
LOL at Stripe tease...

Anonymous said...

thongs like that should only be worn by chiles with huge butts ... it looks whack on her ... ugh ... now am scarred for life.