Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have blogger's block, it was inevitable but it happened. The days of posts flowing like a waterfall are gone. Now I have to think long and hard before anything drips let alone flows.

Anyway I remember there was this chica whom I was getting close to once and you know how we dudes are when we are trying to get some ass. We shall listen to all your hopes and dreams and even see where we can fit in (till we get some ass that is). So anyway in fantasy land we had already gotten hitched with this chica and now we were talking about making it big (wealthy and no kids), so I was talking about how we were going to grind hard together to make it happen. That's when she said, "Oh no babe, you are the one going to be grinding hard. I am going to be a stay at home wife!" At that point in time had I been a wise enough man, I should have thought about the booty, played along, gotten some and then moved on. But oh no, Acolyte had other ideas. You see this is the same chic who went out of her way to tell me when we met that she isn't a gold digger, yet she wants to marry a man who will grind hard getting her the good life she "deserves" while she stays at home doing next to nothing (no kids in the marriage). Of course I went ahead and tore her a new one about how she was just a gold digger by another name (feel free to disagree of course). Let me also add that with the state of the World economy today one income homes are becoming a rarity. I am not saying that it's an impossible goal and women shouldn't strive to it but when you tie your lifestyle and goals to a man and not your own effort; I find that just plain pathetic.

Anyway while we are talking about getting some and the state of the economy. I came across this book that will help some of you overcome not being able to get some and being broke at the same time. Once you churn out your first masterpiece, you shall thank me.

While I'm going down this track. I remember reading this story about how during the January chaos we had in Kenya, there was this gay dude who was part of a "hunted" tribe in the Rift Valley. So he knew that he had to flee when word reached him that a small mob made up of people who knew he was gay and didn't like it, was planning to visit him at night and make a man out of him by raping him. Hmmmmmmm let's see, you don't like the fact that he is gay so you are going to rape him; doesn't that make you gay?!

These chaps made my day. A trial going on and you are playing sudoku. Almost as bad as the Judge who was using the penis pump!

Anyway the blogger's block is creeping back in so I think it's about time for me to get back to real life. Let me leave you with this wonderful snippet.

Girl: Aco, I'm over 30 and I have no husband; I need to at least have kid
Acolyte: Yes you do because at your age, mayai karibu zianze kuoza.
Girl: Speechless

ps: Gentlemen please don't be like me, tell women what they want to hear.
pps: Now what we have below is true kuku porno, Kenchic kando!


Mwangi said...

This post didn't reek of writer's block at all. In fact it kinda feels like this is what you used to write like way back when before I landed here.
Though I don't mind women who want to be stay at home MOMS, women who want to stay at home,not raise children and think they deserve it?! That one is difficult to stomach. WHY do you deserve it? Would be my first question? Actually you know what, "I deserve it" is one of those statements thats been overused mpaka I have lost respect for it, first tell me "why you deserve it" without using the usual cliches of " I am strong, black, independent, smart, funny etc etc" tell me what you bring to folks lives that would make them want to go to work and slave for you all life long and if you bring it, I'll do it. But until then........for your own sake, get a grip of reality. That having been said though, some women do deserve this but throw some kids into the mix, my name can't just die without a precious gift from God to carry it on.
That statement about maayai my brother was just cold. Me thinks a dude should never use that against a woman. For so many women they value themselves on their child bearing and rearing abilities and that's the first reason this is a low blow. Secondly, maayai ya chali hazitawai oza, they may lose their quality but they'll never run out and so that's like a man with a $300 pair of shoes insulting a quadriplegic. Ngai kweli maybe you transfered your desire to write to me, I would have answered the rest but I have taken too much space already.

gishungwa said...

LMAO. damn the train...

Anonymous said...

uuuuwiii, kuku porn indeed!
yes, that makes them gay, if they are so against it why then d they want to do that same thing? maybe they have been secretly admiring 'that' and they had to them out of their closets someone!
as for saty away moms, well, if there is kids to raise it always looks ok from my point of view...thats is if you are sorted (man) financially but its somethign i would never do.

mocha! said...

Typical have bloggers block and yet you do a whole sexual post.

That book...wacha tuu. Shame about it being unavailable. I am sure I could buy it for a friend or two.

Sudoku people.....they have guts.

Kuku porn....LITERALLY!!! I wouldn't say that to your face even if you paid me. Heavy on the mother-tongue.

Acolyte said...

@ Mwangi
I guess I did a good job of faking it! Good to know I can show the old touch once in a while though!
Like I said, I have nothing against stay at home mums but when you are just stay at home. Then we have issues!
By now you should know I am a cold S.O.B. Make sure you use that desire for writing well old chap!
@ Gish
Tell me about it!
@ neema divine
I was thinking those punks are gay as hell, they just need to admit it!
I have nothing against stay at home mums. It's just stay at homes full stop that I am not feeling!
@ mocha
LMAO ati sexual post! Well if a copy turns up I shall be sure to send you a copy for xmas. You can make something for you and Mr Mocha.
I didnt know you were so strait laced about what comes out of your mouth. No profanity I guess?

Prousette said...

You do not have bloggers block the post would have been much shorter.

It seems you get colder with age ati mayai imeoza? LOOL!!

ndungu said...

Welcome to the darkside...lasts 2 posts were awesome...

Wanjiku Unlimited said...

Bloggers block sounds very very familiar. Sometimes ideas are flowing in my mind even when I'm cooking or doing laundry. Then I sit down to write and i feel like I've never ever learnt the queens language. They all disappear! Thankfully they come back after some time.

Kuku porno ...... hehehe yeah it looks like it.

bOMSEH said...

Nasty. With the kind of responses you give women, you will live to be a senior barchelor. Good luck.

SisBigBones said...

I like smart men like you Aco, no time for gold-diggers. I'm yet to meet a man who's willing to be a stay-at-home that would be something :)

Chicken porn...I like. Now, why can't they serve my chickens like that in restaurants?

Mimmz said...

That was absolutely entertaining!Inappropriate at times, but definitely entertaining.

Pink M said...

This is why women will remain in the woods till the kingdom come. Raising kids and all is noble, but I believe unless I have made millions, achieved all my career and life dreams before 'mayai ianze kuoza', staying at home to raise babies is killing potential. (unless the chic didn't have any to start with).
We go out there screaming women empowerment, our rights etc etc, then we want to stay at home and have babies??Anyways.
All in all, you should ave crafted a nice response like 'I will take care of you baby'. That would have got you where you wanted to go.

Kuku porno...nice

pesa tu said...

LOL ...that chiken sutra is hillarious

Seasons & Reasons said...

Bloggers block kitu gani? How can you write all that and claim block?

Sudoku jury? Very funny.

As for Stay at home mummy's- dont creates problems for Daddy's. One you get home, she is not as buggered as you are and either wants to go out or shag..problem is, you don't have energy for either!

Lola Gets said...

After looking at that damned chickenp porn, Im horny - dammit!


Acolyte said...

@ prou
I guess time is making me grow harder and harder no pun intended.
@ ndungu
@ wanjiku
When the ideas flow they really flow but when they stop that is another story altogether.
@ bomseh
I do plan to be a bachelor for a min and a half!
@ sisbigbones
Thanks! Well society doesnt smile at stay at home dads one bit.
The pic rocks!
@ mimmz
always happy to entertain!
@ pink m
What was worse is that this was a chic who planned on not having kids so she was to be a stay at home wife no kids at all!
I guess at times I am too truthful for my own good.
@ pesa tu
I liked it to and had to share
@ seasons
Block baado iko, that was a stay at home wife no kids which is what pissed me off.
@ lola
Go get some sex and some chicken after that!