Yet Another Hump Day Passes...

Like most people who are music buffs, I'm saddened by the sudden yet somewhat unexpected passing of Amy Winehouse. In my opinion even though she wasn't around for a very long time, Amy Winehouse was or rather is an old soul, you could feel it in her music. It doesn't matter what anyone says but deep music comes from the soul, that is why very many singers with voices like angels are tortured by demons within. Think of all the great singers of years past ie Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Kobain, Florence Ballard etc. I guess its the same way people who are very intelligent are often borderline insane or just don't function like regular folk. I guess the artistic skill or genius burns out the body that it's in? Anyway with all those semi-metaphysical musings aside, let me share this oldie but goodie from her first album for those of you who only knew her recent work....

In other news, I am suffering from tech envy. I am aware of most new gadgets and such but never rush to get them because sadly the way things work the moment you get your gadget is the same week or month it becomes obsolete as a newer, better version will be released (same goes for girlfriends - drumroll please!). That aside I have been wanting to get a tablet, forget that i-pad rubbish, I want something whose inner workings I can customize and muck around with, so an Android tablet is what I am going to go for. Sadly I have other financial issues to deal with so quite a bit of saving is in order but I shall most def keep my few remaining readers in the loop! Anyone out there who is rocking a tablet? Let me know how its working out for you!

Anyway it's been good blogging today, it feels cathartic almost like writing a letter full of things you wanted to say and burning it; only that this letter is out here for all to see. Here's to a great rest of the week.......

April Cometh.....

It's been a minute and a half since I blogged, this just isn't right......

Anyway the birthday month is here so I'm going to post a bit more than I have been posting usually. The birthday month is usually a melancholic one for me because I'm not a birthday person in the usual ways. The day for me is a best spent on meditation of the past and future. Appreciating the good fortune I have had in the past, ruing the mistakes I have made, seeing where I am versus where I should be (which isn't always a good thing). So anyway this is where a spanner is thrown in the works, you see my chic wants to go all out and is planning a fun day out for me. So obviously there is no way I am opting out of it without there being alot of drama so I just have to suck it up and go with the flow. I know I sound ungrateful but I have never been big on birthdays, what is worse is that I have never been big on gifts. Not that I dislike all gifts, I do like simple gifts like an interesting book, a gift card, a lunch treat. But the way people go all out here in the West never sits well with me, it creates a sense of obligation and one upmanship in most cases. I have known many people out here who have neglected paying bills during the holiday season so that they can get gifts for friends and family.

The longer I live in the land of ME and MINE the more that I realize that people out here exist in life ran by wants rather than needs, of course a time comes when satisfying the wants of the past interferes with the ability to meet your needs in the future. This is supposed to be one of the most progressive countries in the World economically but when you look at the prospects for most young people here (me included) you just shake your head. By the time most people graduate college here they are carrying a ridiculous amount of debt, and with the recession higher skills are needed so of course people are going back to school to get ever more debt. The worst thing is that student loans are guaranteed to the lenders by the government, so just like taxes you will have to pay them back no matter what! The depressing thing is that even as tuition and book costs rise year after year nobody out here is protesting in the streets unlike in Britain and other European countries. Sadly like the matrix most people here are born into the system and are comfortable with it so when you try bringing it up they look at you with wide eyes like you are speaking gibberish.

Not to say that I am immune to the system, I have to be honest and say that I spend an inordinate amount of my free time on the internet and I need to do something about it. I remember years ago doing lots of other stuff that didn't include the internet and I need to go back to that way of living and implement the good stuff I find on here in the outside world. We are all part of the system but the thing that matters is whether you are going to use it or if it is going to use you. I have made many interesting observations by watching people here and my failed attempts at trying to share my opinions and "enlightenment", please note the brackets because to most of the people I spoke to I was either talking trash or hypocrisy of the highest levels. That reminds me, I was on facebook and a chic I knew in college was getting married, in true Kenyan style she invited everyone to her church ceremony and didn't hesitate to comment, "I can't wait to become mrs". I guess the social perks and few legal perks for her are a great thing but anyway let me not get into how I have known married women looking down on their single friends, that's a post for another day.

Here's to a great Monday............

Yet Again Another Monday..........

Dang how time flies! I remember it was the year 2000 the other day and now it's 2010! Last Sunday, the heavens decided to bless us with an Arctic wind that led to a snowstorm that shut down most of the city. I ended up being cooped up for 2 days. Stores ran out of fresh food and most schools and offices ended up being closed. The cars in the pic below are from the bottom of the hill of my apartment complex. People abandoned their cars down their and walked up hill rather than risk driving up hill and have their cars slide down and and into the ditch across the road. What's even more interesting that in the 2 days that the cars were their nobody thought of stealing from them, I guess their getaway cars were stuck in the snow?



Otherwise I've been catching up with world news and just realized that the Italian PM, Silvio Berlusconi must have 9 lives or something. Scandal never seems to stick on tis dude! He puts most African leaders to shame I swear! World politics wont be the same when he retires and his scandals and foot in mouth statements are gone.

So any New Year's Resolutions out there? For some reason I need to slap myself due to the fact that I can't even remember the ones I made. But they were nothing overboard so I know I may be going in the right direction, now to find the paper I wrote them on! Anyway rule of thumb is that if you can do something for 2 weeks straight then it will become a habit!

A chic pal recently adopted a dog from a shelter. I salute her commitment. Why? That's because having a pet esp a dog in America is almost like having a child, labor pains and the expensive medical stay aside. This is due to the fact that it costs quite a bit of money and takes alot of time. If you adopt a dog you are going to pay at least $200 for adoption fees, if you buy a dog you can be looking at anything from 2 times to 10 times that depending on the breed! If you live in a rental property you have to pay a pet fee that is lowest $200 - $600 per year and may come with monthly fees in some areas. If you are a good dog owner you then have to walk your dog daily and house break it so it doesn't shit all over your house, unless you live in the country few people have yards to leave their dogs in all day unlike in Kenya. Woe unto you if your dog bites someone, that is a law suit right there that might cost you a few hundred to thousands of dollars. The cost of pet care is also on its own level out here (yeah its not only humans who have healthcare issues here in the States). Try and mix that level of commitment in the break neck life out here and you have to really have a heart for it to have a pet but hey in some ways it gets you ready for parenting if you are considering it, but you know what; I think I'll get a pet rock. Less drama and they take care of themselves!

Have a fun week all!!!!!

Yet Another Monday......

Once again, I make my monthly appearance (I really need to do something about that).....

Anyway Thanksgiving has come and gone, that's usually the biggest holiday here in the States. Christmas is more commercial but when it comes to offices and stores not being open, thanksgiving trumps all other holidays. There were the usual Kenyan bashes but other than one where there was free entry before midnight, I gave them all a miss. There is no way on God's green earth that I am forking out $20 to go to a club when there is nothing special going on. Sadly for the bash that went to, the crowd was sparse and the DJs Kenyan music collection was stuck in the year 2004. Anyway it was a good reminder that clubbing is just a matter of technical appearances for me.

Over the years I have come to dislike the flying experience, this is not due to the flight itself but everything that comes before it. Case in point the airlines gouging you for every damn penny they can in the form of fees, other than a bag of peanuts when you fly; nothing is free with American airlines. You pay for every piece of baggage other than one carry on (and that may change), you pay to move the date of your flight (and in some cases can't), you pay if you want to check in early, you pay for earphones and the list goes on. Toss in the torturous security procedure courtesy of the TSA that now has people either being patted down like they stole something or having to walk through x-ray machines, and you have an all round fun experience. At this point, I think I'll stick to road trips, may take longer but less stress all around. If you ask me with all those changes, I do think the terrorists won....

I was watching this interesting news clip about the long term effects of views and extensions and thought I would share it below. Seems beauty can come at a steep price ladies!

Anyway this winter cold is not doing me much good at all! I'm off to hibernate....

Spouses, Soccer and Other Things.....

Yes I know, I have been AWOL for a minute, so forgive my fragmented posting since it's been a while since I blogged.

So from what I gather from the EA Standard and the Daily Nation is that a large number of Kenyan women are so desperate for husbands that they have resorted to prayers.

It seems the single masses could not resist the call of the Pied Piper of Spouses, if the Nation is anything to go by;

As the heavens opened up, the enthusiastic women paid little attention to damage done to their hair and makeup in their attempt to outrun police who were trying to turn away the crowds from the already packed KICC plenary hall.

For several hours, business came to a standstill as police and security guards from the KICC and the Covenant Singles and Married Ministries struggled to keep the thousands of women at bay.

An excerpt from the article in the Standard

He (Pastor Chris Ojigbani) would show testimonies of women and men who claimed that they had received not one, but some as many as three marriage proposals in one day, after attending the said pastor’s conferences on marriage

Another snippet from the Nation

The man of the moment, Pastor Ojigbani, who preached for more than four hours on Friday, told his ecstatic audience: “Good men are not all taken. By the end of today, you will get your suitor … The spirit has told me that one of you by morning will have four suitors … Now, who will you choose?”

I wonder, have things gotten so bad for Kenyan women?! What happened to heeding the clarion call of independence from FIDA about oppressive backward Kenyan men. Weren't these same women the bunch that had Destiny's Child Independent Women as their theme song sometime back? I guess the joys of singlehood don't seem to be as cracked up as they seem to be? Or maybe we can blame society for making women think that life isn't complete without a husband?

I think another thing to blame is urbanization and Westernization. I mean the more urbanized we get, the less bonds you have with neighbours and family thus making it harder to meet the man of your dreams. Let's add the fact that many women nowadays are financially well off and will not marry a man who is doing the same or better than they are, which of course given the level of unemployment in Kenya cuts down on the pool of eligible bachelors big time.

Also let's keep it real, women sometime back realized that they could support themselves financially and have children without the extra burden of a man. While on the other hand men realized that they didn't need to get married to have kids, could hire help to clean/cook for them and with the break from tradition can sleep around with women without being expected to marry them. So for many men marriage just isn't a priority making it harder for the women who have dreams of a big white wedding.

From what I see, it seems that marriage seems to offer far more for the women than it does for the men, so I can understand women rushing to the "apostle" for proposals. I for one I'm sure he raked a good amount of offerings in exchange for his teachings. I wonder if he used Proverbs 31 in his teachings? Because one thing I like to ask women out there is that you may want to be a wife but are you really wife material? There is more to marriage than just a wedding and being called Mrs.

Alice Mwali, 27, purchasing and supplies professional

I would not mind getting someone to propose to me before the end of the service and even if I do not get one today, I hope it will be in the near future.

I am just smarting out of a relationship that lasted for about a year. I opted to leave the man because he could not trust me with anything.

Dear Alice, you are single, as a single woman if someone you are not dating or are familiar with would propose to you from out of the blue; you should be afraid, very afraid. Plus don't take so long next time to realize a man is not worth being with, you aren't getting any younger - Acolyte, Professional Curmudgeon and Agony Uncle

Real talk, there is nothing wrong with being single, embrace it and enjoy it! Ladies if all fails, they are always cats; the cats of Kenya could use some cat ladies.....

Moving on, I ran across these two hilarious videos on youtube.

It seems Mehment Scholl (the dude on the right in the video above) recently watched the video of Jessica Kastrop being nailed below. His flinch is nothing short of priceless!

I do think the dude who kicked the ball that hit the reporter's head must have been a sniper in a past life.

Speaking of women and sports, I think a post on the whole Ines Sainz saga is in order. Even if you aren't an NFL fan, it made for interesting reading.

ps: I didn't know that it took years to get a divorce in Kenya! For that reason alone, I'm going to really have to rethink this marriage thing. Imagine wanting out but the wheels of justice slowly grinding keeping you on lock?! I salute those sitting out their time!

Guess Who's Back????

Damn it's been a while since I've been here! But ya'll know often blogging is like Hotel California.....you can check out, but you can never leave. That and the fact that I've been called out my absence!

So the WC is over, life back to normal till of course EPL and the other leagues get started. My main gripe with most American sports is that the game never flows, there is always a time out, end of quarter or a commercial break waiting in the wings to break up the flow. Anyway as this whole LeBron saga has shown, it's all about the $$$.

Onto other things, what in the world happened to the Joseph Hellon dude and Esther Arunga? Weren't they supposed to be on Larry King or something of the sort? I must say I miss the sheer entertainment that they had given us, over the months.

Also seems that there is a shifty online university from California going around "selling" honorary doctorate degrees to African leaders and politicians. To think I wasted my time going to classes and actually getting a job, I should have just started my own online college and flown from country to country selling degrees. I might just do that and call my university, Universal College; oh wait, that name's taken right?

Does anyone know what happened to itsneverthatserious.com? That was one of the most interesting Kenyan showbiz gossip blogs I had come across in a long time. If you know of any that are just as good and just dont kiss stars asses then by all means do share!

One of my chic pals is getting married so I have been drafted into a wedding committee. Yes, Acolyte himself is on a wedding committee, talk about irony! Well since my pal is somewhat scandalous her committee is like 95% men, that may change when the stragglers join us but I somewhat doubt it. I know some women find their fellow gender hard to get along with but when 90% of your pals are dudes, I think you can only blame other women so far.

Anyway time for me to get back on the grind......

Another Monday Is Here II.....

Thanks to work and twitter, I have been awol on my own blog (frowning face). But I'm sure you all know that you can't keep a good man down.

With that being said, last week or so one of the airlines out here proudly announced that in a bid to give better service that they are going to start charging for meals in economy class. Anyone who has the agony of flying local in the States will tell you how dealing with the airlines is like dealing with a bunch of schysters. You get charged for your luggage, you get charged to change your ticket if anything happens, you get charged for blankets, you get charged for earphones; with some of them you even get charged for using your credit card to pay for stuff. I guess the only "free" thing you get is your seat. Lets not forget that you have to be at the airport around 2 hours early for security check. I won't even start about people being held hostage in planes on the runway. Yes that is the fun of flying in the new decade of the new millennium.

Anyway that anti-capitalism rant aside, I read this story and just gave myself a face palm! Really! I mean you break down not one but two doors just to get into someone else's bed?! Also I think once you are over 30 (and Im being generous), you have no business going for a Jay-Z concert unless you are taking your nephew or niece, heck even Jay Z himself has no business performing nowadays to be honest!

Does anyone know where these Finger of God characters are? My last week moved by really slowly without their drama. I'm going through withdrawal symptoms! Now I know how women feel when they miss their Mexican soap operas.

Well it's about time for me to clock off from jobo but I wanted to share this video by Nneka, whose music I started listening to. I think it's more than possible to make music with deep lyrics yet listenable to at the same time...




Have a nice day all!

Sometimes words fail me among other things......

Sometimes with my waning faith and interest in the human race, I think I am better off in some subterranean hideaway where I have everything I need and only come out once in a while to interact with the human race. Why do I say this? Just a few things here and there I have noticed.

There are these 2 sad incidents, the first being a family friend who was shot thugs in what seems to have been an assassination since nothing was stolen from him (that's my hypothesis). I know two wrongs don't make a right but I hope those thugs and whoever hired them die a slow and painful death. There there was this story of the Kenya Airways pilot (whom I didn't know personally) who was killed by thugs when his car stalled at the notorious Uhuru Highway roundabout that has been making rounds on the internets. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that both families are going through.

It's sad that the more we "progress" as human beings the lower we regress. Animals kill to survive or feed while human beings kill on the other hand kill for any unfathomable reason that comes to mind. Be it jealousy, greed for property or whatever other reason, killing someone won't get rid of the issue that led to those sensations. It's hard to be coherent given the contempt I have for those involved.

Reading those stories basically makes all the other things I'm going to mention seem trival in comparison but I shall still share them......

My brother often accuses me of being nostalgic and archaic, at times when I look at how people act; I have to agree. I may have mentioned this on twitter but as I work with people outside my organization, it seems that people have lost the abilities of reading and comprehension. I often want to tear my hair out when I send people a link to information on our organization's website (homepage no less!) and these same individuals call or email me asking me for that SAME information! It's even worse when you email people information, and they email you a week later or call you asking for that same information!!! I have taken to forwarding previously sent e-mails and resisting the temptation to cuss people out on the phone, in fact half the time I let my phone go to voice-mail and answer their voice-mail with email. As you can tell, I don't suffer fools lightly!

I have been talking to some of my lady friends in the past weeks and many of them are going on about how their friends are getting engage or married, and of course wanting to be in the same situation. I struggle to understand the lure of settling down for many women today. You see unlike the past, most women are economically independent; so there is no need for a man to take care of them. Add to this women don't even need to have a husband to have children, all they need to do is do the deed and keep it moving, society doesn't even look down on single mothers as much as it used to. On the other hand though I can understand the lure of stability, having someone there and the prestige that comes with being called "Mrs XYZ..."

With that being said, a large number of marriages here break down due to the fact that many women have the expectation that once they get married, everything will be alright. I have had a chic say this to my face, "once I find the right person, I know things in life will be easier to deal with." I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. The poor bastid who marries this girl will be responsible for her happiness and success in life. I'm sorry to say this, but if you can't be happy with your life alone, then there is no way it's going to be happy with someone else you need to be able to appreciate your life alone with its flaws before inviting someone else in. And that's it for the Dr Acolyte relationship hour......

This is going to lead into a longer more detailed post that I am working but based on some recent experiences, I have realized that the American healthcare system is a one hot steaming mess! I will expound on that once I put my thoughts and experiences down in an organized manner. Now back to real life!

Behold! I Have Returned.....Again

I have decided to reclaim blogging from tweeting. Tweeting is all well and good but I think I have blogged about




I watched this video and I think an important issue needs to be addressed. Who in the hell is the "bride's" stylist?! That blouse and skirt are clashing violently! Would it have hurt for him to have put on some foundation, eye shadow or at least done something with his hair before they came to court? I am going to begin a campaign to send some drag queens from here down to Malawi to set them up right! Im a stern adherent of the fact that if you are going to do something, you may as well go all the way and not half way! Sorry if you were expecting a long polemic about the lgbt plight in Africa.

Have I made any firm New Year's resolutions? Not really, I just plan to make more money and be more positive since I can be a cynic. Oh and I have asked the powers to be for one small thing, to send me a woman that can make me laugh. I know that sounds silly but to be honest it has been eons since I have met one who can, sigh. I guess what makes things harder is this hybrid sense of humour that I have, there is nothing as boring when you have to be the source of mirth and amusement in a relationship I tell you.

In other news, a cousin of mine came visiting and brought treats from home! Tusker (which I can get here but not same quality) and Kenya Cane (hello hangovers!) among other things. What sucks though is that he is here around winter time when I generally do not like to leave the house other than to go to work or to the gym, that and the fact that there arent too many nice outdoorsy type events going on. I'm sure I shall find places to take him after I rouse myself out of my winter hibernation.

Now before I go get some rest, someone give Rod Blagojevich a dunce cap and make him sit in the corner. How in the world do you say you are blacker than Obama?! Sheesh, we are just lucky the man doesnt have a twitter account or he would be putting his foot in his mouth all day long!

Anyway here's to keeping your feet out your mouth and a happy 2010!

Tiger In The Woods and other stories....

I'm sure unless you live in a hole you have seen that the internets are on fire with the drama that is Tiger Wood's life. It all started with a suspicious accident in his upscale neighbourhood that seemed to have shaken more than some leaves off a tree because a few days later the women began to creep out of the woodwork. Why the big deal about all the different women? It's due to the uber private life he led previously and squeeky clean image he had been keeping; I mean if it were someone else ie Charles Barkley, the media wouldn't have shifted a lens.

Where Tiger went wrong was with his silence. The longer you keep quiet the more the rumours swirl and the worse it looks for you, he should have learned from people like David Letterman and Hugh Grant who were quick to admit their wrongs, apologize and keep it moving. But what was Tiger's number 1 problem? He went about his extra curricular activities the wrong way. Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form condone infidelity during marriage. The information given below is for research purposes only.

1. If you are going to get a mistress; trade up! - One look at Tiger's wall of shame and none of the girls other than maybe the club hostess, Rachel can hold a torch to his wife. For the potential trouble you are looking out for stepping out, at least make sure it is worth it. But on the other hand, Tiger Woods is known for being awkward socially, he actually had someone reach out to his wife to ask her on a date when they first met instead of doing it himself! So with that lack of game, it seems that he went with women where the statement,"do you know who I am?" was enough to get things started.

2. Leave behind as little evidence as possible! - I know for a public figure like Tiger Woods this is a bit harder but according to media reports what set things off was text messages on his phone, that and the leaked voicemails. Dude, this is where you either get a prepaid phone that never goes home with you, plus you never leave voicemails. Since the phone isn't registered under your name even if the texts get out, that leaves you with some wiggle room when it comes to deniability.

3. One at a time! - It's hard enough to manage two women (one wife and a mistress), so throwing in all these other women into the mix even if they are one offs is asking for trouble. What's worse is that he was seeing these women on regular occasions. If you are juggling all those balls, you are bound to drop some.

4.Escorts - The difference between an escort and a regular chic is that escorts get paid extra to shut up and leave. It is usually in their best interest to do so unless they are busted which is another story. Yes that route doesn't appeal to most men but if you have as much to lose as Tiger does, it's a good alternative. Many stars and leaders go that route, Elliot Spitzer anyone?

5. Clarify The Situation - Latest reports from one of the mistresses have her saying how Tiger said he would leave his wife for her and such. The chances of that ever happening were one in a million, Tiger's clean image was his brand and I'm sure he wasn't in a rush to jeopardize that (before the blow up). Had he let this chic know her place as a side chic and maybe even let her know that she wasn't the only side chic, I think there wouldnt be the rush to expose as there is now. Many of these chics are rushing to the media as they didn't know they were not alone so are trying to reap as much fame as they can as possible.

Anyway that's a whole lot of shoulda woulda coulda, what's done is done; let's sit back and enjoy the show.

One last open question to all which you can answer in the comments, I was talking to some female relatives about relationships and they are of the opinion that married men should not have single male friends. Their point of view is that they do not have the same goals and further more that singles can lead the married men astray. I countered that unlike women men do not base their friendships on the relationships in their lives but on shared interests, I can have the same sports, hobbies, financial goals as a married man and wouldn't mind spending time together sharing them. That is why it is hard for men to bond if they dont have a shared activity to bond over as we just don't sit and talk the same way women do. Also I know plenty of no good married men who lead their married friends astray. What do you think ladies, single friends any good for married men? Time to return to regular life, hasta manyana!

Yet Another Tuesday.......

I hate how people you communicate with on the internet are nowhere near as interesting in real life.

I hate my job.

I hate the people I work for

I hate the state of the economy.

I hate dealing with stupid entitled individuals at work.

I hate people who think a few extra letters at the end of their name makes them think they are better than everyone else.

I hate people who hear but don't understand.

I hate people who just can't shut the f*ck up!

I hate people who can't see the bigger picture.

I hate having to pay bills, they just don't stop!

I hate that the print media is slowly dying.

I hate needy people.

I hate having to pay so much for fresh fruits and vegetables.

I hate that nobody is owning up to playing a major role in the recession.

I hate that color aside leaders everywhere look out for themselves and not the little people.

I hate the fact that I'm so apathetic nowadays..................

That feels so much better

Regular programming shall resume shortly

Just Another Tuesday.......

Yes blogger's block continues to bite, even though; I shall make an attempt to half ass it through this post.....

There are some words that men loathe to hear, the worst combination being; " were is this thing going?" This is of course in reference to the situation you have going with a lady and not the sci-fi themed roller coaster ride you thought you would take her on that she really isn't enjoying. You see I can't speak for all men but there is this wise saying; "men get with women thinking they shall never change, women get with men thinking they shall change."

You see most men love a certain status quo. If we get to have sex with you on Saturday nights after the club and also get some midweek head and all we have to do is call you once in a while and take you out for a meal and to the club; we are good with that. We are in no rush to spoil a good thing, of course you may get with the adventerous dude who may decide on asking if a friend could join in (male or female). But for the most part it's all good. On the other hand though, many women see this is a start and of course want to build towards more. When of course she sees the dude isn't going in this same direction is when problems start.

After lots of pondering, thinking, contemplating on her part; that is when you get the call. "We need to talk," when a woman tell you that, know one thing; you are not going to be the one talking. Best case scenario learn to put on an expression that makes it look like you are listening; also if you are smart make sure your tv is in the periphery and set it to subtitles. You can look pensive and catch up with news at the same time because it's going to be a long long talk.

What I have learnt is that men in general tend to compartmentalize. Out of sight out of mind for the most part, when the girl is away; most men don't sit around pondering the relationship for hours on end unless there is immense drama and anguish involve. Women on the other hand irregardless of the status tend to analyse, discuss and think about what is going on. So it is much to a man's shock when he is asked to "talk" and given a full status report of the relationship when he thought all that was going on was a bit of fun.

Of course some relationship guru will say, "that's why you need to communicate!" That when I counter and tell them, "understanding is internal and individual." Meaning people will hear what they want to hear.

Anyway I've realized I'm rambing for no good reason, I shall let you all figure out your relationships for yourselves; that's my own satirical take on matters. I have to get back to living out Dilbert's adventures in real life.

Oh by the way to Man U fans, sorry about the torrid weekend.......

African Male Domination Dramatized Or Whatever You Want To Call It........

I could not find a picture dramatizing my post so the one of the man seated above shall have to do

I am sure many of my female readers who have ever lived in an African country can relate to the following scenario. You get onto a bus or other means of public transport and take a seat. A man comes in a few minutes later and proceeds to sit next to you. He then proceeds to open his legs as wide as possible and crush you into the corner of the seat seemingly oblivious to his actions.

I have referred to it as an African or rather third world issue since proximity is different in the West. People in the West operate like they have small force fields around them repelling each other so as not to get too close to each other. You don't have that luxury in the third world countries so people end up being in close contact more often than not.

Anyway back to the matter at hand. The funny thing is that most men don't even realize that they are doing it until of course the lady seated next to them complains bitterly about it. Sociologists do say that seating with your legs spread eagle when it comes to business is a show of power (feel free to dispute this). That and the fact that we all know how many African and other third world men feel like they are the dog's pyjamas wouldn't preclude them from sitting in such a way. In my defence, I sit like that due to the fact that I have balls of brass. Even so it's always interesting to see how body language and expression changes from place to place according to gender roles and perception. I'll think of that the next time I'm trying to keep my legs closed so as not to smoosh a lady against the the bus window. As for the rest of the men out there, I shall leave it to your ladies to school them since social issues are hardly my forte.

In other news the recession is continuing to bite. I am trying to find a way to blog about it but words fail me for the most part since it's like someone telling you write about a tornado, you know what it is you are looking at but describing it is the hard part. This is a small snippet of the panorama, there is this lady who weathered out the Great Depression in the 30's, she has videos on-line of the frugal meals they made from basic ingredients that got them through. The videos are a hit and her website is down due to too much traffic. But as the Good Book says, "It came to pass," so I am not fretting.


Ps: Useless Acolyte trivia #2301 - Acolyte loves coming home to a silence. He finds it very calming and relaxing....

Another Fun Week Come To An End.........

Anyone who knows me is well aware that I do not tolerate chic flicks. So I am not going to watch "He's Not That Into You" but even so, the viral video that was made for it was somewhat hilarious

Okay as I move on, let me issue this disclaimer: We are all beautiful! Now that I have that off my chest. I find it funny how the world both loves and hates beautiful people. Many beautiful people always complain about how they cannot find real friends or how everyone dislikes them. Beauty can be a great asset but can also be a great weakness. It can be argued where nature doesn't give you brains, it gives you beauty; but that's a whole other discussion.
So how can beauty be a weakness? Well beauty can get someone almost everything and everywhere. But that there is where the weakness lies, without even knowing it, this asset slowly but surely erodes someones' character. This is not to say that there are no beautiful people with character but why do people act in shock whenever they meet a beautiful person who has great character? One compliment given to beautiful women behind their backs is that they have an ugly girl's personality, this of course means that they are accommodative, outgoing and interesting (of course we all know some bitter, recluse and selfish ugly people but that's another post). One thing I have noticed is that beautiful people are rarely ever challenged intellectually by other people, I have been in a setting where this hot girl once said something that was so ludicrous that it would have most people rolling on the ground in laughter but instead the dudes listening to her were listening to her and nodding their heads like they were in the company of Socrates. This is of course how we end up with blondes and meatheads. It's similar to how beautiful people are often rubbish in bed, this is because they will always have people wanting to sleep with them just so they can claim to have done it.
On a serious note, I do have a close friend whose sister is having a nervous breakdown, why? The sister has very good looks and has used them to get what she wants in life. But she is getting older now and her looks are fading, so she is having a mid life crisis of sorts. Her looks define her and now as they are leaving, she doesn't know who she is.
This is not to say that there are not beautiful people out there who have character, indeed there are; they may not be a majority but they exist. Evolution and character development is interesting like that. Also why is it that the chic who is always loudly proclaiming that you can have both brains and looks doesn't have much of both? (cue women hating accusations here)

I have a problem I need help with, I have Tabiosis. This is a disorder characterized by the use of myriad tabs while using any given internet browser, the user may also resort to using multiple browsers on one machine to indulge the urge to view as many websites on the internet as possible. This progresses to not turning off their computer so as to leave tabs open for later viewing. Should anyone of any treatment available I would be most appreciative.

Before you do something questionable, please visit this page.

Anyway I'm off for the weekend. I'll be crying while laughing as I watch tv and some movies this weekend (see video above for reference). Adios!

Getting None, A New Day and Other Things....

After the first few nights of cold sweats, the shakes, handcuffing my right hand to the bed post and deleting my ex's number I knew it would survive. What am I talking about? Not getting any, a dry stretch, lack of carnal pleasure or whatever you call abstinence. You see I have had a dry stretch that has gone back for a while but to make things more interesting I decided to be voluntarily chaste this year. No outlet of any shape, way or form.

One thing that I came to realize is that we live in a very sexualized society, half of the products you see advertised on tv use sex appeal as a hook. Don't let me get started on music videos and half of the sitcoms/dramas. Then you have to look at how people dress and what is taken to be the norm in male-female relationships, so of course living in such a society someone not trying to get any esp if they're not religious comes of as an anomaly.

I must admit that no longer being on horseback takes some getting used to but it's not a bad thing. No I do not have a larger porn collection (I do find porn hilarious though) nor do I have a stronger right arm but I have been spending more time at the gym. So I do think people who equate not getting laid with some sort of death have it twisted. Irony would be of course me getting involved in an orgy 24 hours after writing this post.

I'm sure most of you and the rest of the world were watching the Inauguration. I have work mates who even went to Washington to be part of the action. I have my opinion on the over hyping of Obama and how reality is going to be a harsh teacher in the months to come, but that's a post for another day. It's still a historical moment that we need to remember whichever way we can for now.

Anyway Friday is here so it's time for my mini celebration dance and then get my ass back to the grind. Nice Weekend people!

Time Off, Hot Cars and Break Ups

Today The Acolyte calls in sick instead of going to work. I have never called in from work just for the sake of (or at least with this job), so this is a new experience for me; playing hooky!

I was telling a friend about the cold nights we occasionally have and she suggested that instead of me bothering with a space heater or raising my gas bill, that I should buy an electric blanket. I told her that it seemed like a good idea and that I would most def look into it, but in the back of my head the first thought I had was of being electrocuted in my sleep because I broke a sweat or something. Yes I know the odds of that happening are slim to none, but a man is entitled to his paranoia.

Speaking of heat, time for a funny Acolyte story. You see the weather here can be erratic at times depending on the season, it'll be freezing in the morning then it'll get pretty toasty in the afternoon. So that was the situation one day when I was driving to work so I turned up the heat to make sure I didn't get to work with frost bite or something. So as the day went on it got rather warmer, evening came and I got in my car to drive home and felt the interior had become rather warm so I turned on the air conditioning to cool it down. As I was on the road I had the distinct feeling my car was getting hotter inside, to the point I broke a sweat. I then looked at the dash and realized one thing.........I hadn't adjusted the temperature of the air con so I had turned my car into a moving sauna!

A good friend sent me this video by Gnarls Barkley and I have to say it made my day.

Who's Gonna Save My Soul


What I loved most was the break up line and the soon to be ex-boyfriend's response. Nothing cracks me up as much as break up lines. The ironic thing is that some of them are actually genuine but still reek like a bag of 4 day old fish. Case in point see below:

"Yes, I thought we were getting to the point in our relationship where I might start to fall in love with you but your insecurities about how I feel about you have made it clear that I can never fall in love with you."

"I don't want the responsibility of someone else's happiness."

"You're great, but I have so much baggage, and right now I have more bad days than good days...it wouldn't be fair to subject you to that."

Since I'm wonderfully dysfunctional I don't even use break lines. I just go into hiding after acting the fool and await some dude with no morals (usually a friend) to pounce on the vulnerable chic. I then re-emerge to play the shattered cuckolded lover and proceed to dump her there and then. Needless to say some of them have not taken this lightly hence me moving apartments every few months to avoid them. I think I've said enough, don't want to spill my whole M.O. Oh well time to get ready for a nice day of sloth!

799 Posts and Other Stories

799 posts!!!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!! Now onto other things. I'm in a pissy mood and then some. I recently came back to work after a 4 day vacation, that and this ongoing cold snap is not doing wonders for my mood. Then of course add the fact that it's been a while since I got any (more on that later).

Anyway have you ever come across one of those situations where anything else you say other than agree makes you look like an ass hole? You see there is this girl I started talking to a month or so back and things are looking good. So of course once you get to know someone a bit better the issue of sex comes up, ole girl says basically she isn't giving it up. I say that as long as she puts it on the table before hand she should be fine when it comes to dating. She tells me that guys she have dated seemed fine with it at first but when the reality dawned, they tried to sway her and of course this led to drama and break up.

I'm going to keep it real and call it like this. Unless the Lord himself has spoken in my ear and told me that she is indeed the one I am meant to be with. Why in the world am I dating a girl and I know I'm not going to get any? No I'm not dating her with the sole purpose of getting some but for me I feel we should connect on an intellectual, emotional and then physical level. Of course if we don't have rapport then it is what it is, we part and keep it moving but at least the implicit understanding is there.

Discussing this issues is easier said than done to be honest. Like many people (male and female) in our generation, before I buy the car there has to be a test drive as the analogy goes. I respect people who say they are going to wait for marriage and all that. I have had my fair share of experiences with lemons and I don't intend on signing the dotted line till I have a test drive. On a serious note I believe in establishing that you have have that physical compatibility. Sex isn't a big thing in a relationship when it's good but when it's bad it becomes a very big thing, believe me. Some people say that if at first you are incompatible you can work on it. I disagree with this, sexual attitudes are not just physical behaviours but also have alot of personal history behind them. A partner may not like doing something you see as routine due to some attitude formed by religion or maybe even personal trauma in the past. So that's not a hurdle that's easily overcome in many occasions it just isn't as simple as people try and make it out to be. It has often been said that if the sex is good in the relationship it counts for 20% but if the sex is bad it counts for 80%, I do believe that is true; once you have problems in the bedroom they bleed into the relationship.

Anyway despite my strong call for fornication, I for one after if I get to that point with this chic will respect her decision. No ifs and buts, after all it's her vagina; what she puts in it or doesn't is completely up to her. So stop calling me a dyck for not being down for a chic who wants to keep the goodies locked up.

In other news I'm considering taking a very personal turn in my blogging come 2009, as a result I may have to go either invite only or not allow anon comments. As I got to know my commentors over time I came to the fine realization that I have slowly but surely began playing for the crowds and that is something I never intended to do when I started blogging. My blogging was for me and me alone but we all know that not everything goes according to plan. Anyway I shall give it some thought and see what direction I go.

ps: just realized this was a draft I published before completing so if any ideas come off as half baked that's why, I didn't get a chance to iron it out.

Happy New Year To All!

Missing In Action..........

Yes it's been a while since I last blogged. Thanksgiving passed last week, it was good to have a 4 day weekend. I did the early shopping trip to the mall, got some nice clothes at very low prices. Plus I did not trample anyone to death like happened elsewhere. I also went to one of the Kenyan clubs and there was nothing that went on really worth mentioning but I may blog about it next week.

Also World AIDS day just passed us by. In true Kenyan style I am 2 days late. Out here if the media is anything to go by, HIV/AIDS is the sole preserve of gays and minorities. So there was not too much in the mainstream media marking the day. I am sure much more was done in Kenya since it's a far larger issue but even so whenever infection statistics go down people tend to go back to the same destructive behaviour that got them where they were in the past. I am a strong advocate for transparent conversation about the issue, not talking about it will not make it go away.

I was watching this video by Attitude, Mercy Myra and some other loose kubaff. I recall the last video by this dude and Bamboo that critiqued had someone tell me, "if you don't like it, don't watch/listen." Easy to say but people forget that unless you are independantly wealthy and doing it for the sake of art, music is a business. Unless you plan to sit at home with all the cds you pressed you have to make music people want to listen to. Pride has never sold any records as far as I know, so I think that musicians and their fans need to listen at times to so called "haters." Like in the case of that video, I'll be honest; there is little that sets it apart from any other single you can find on myspace made with someone's camcorder. I think someone like Mercy Myra would have been doing so much better had she stayed in Kenya on the afro fusion scene because to be honest, there are one thousand and one girls out here singing hooks on rap singles and they haven't gone to far. Anyway I'm about to be accused of hating so I'll let that topic rest for now.

I have always found it amazing about how people choose to let their impressions of a place overcome reality. What am I talking about? The American economy. I have been chatting to more than one person who isn't Stateside and when I mention that the American economy is in the gutter they give me a reaction like I told them that pigs do indeed fly. For the longest time people have held the impression that the States is the land of milk and honey, it's not all chaos here right now but let's just say the milk is flowing at the speed of sour cream and the honey is crystalizing. Case in point, the city I live in has recently closed a Fire Station, put employees on 35 hour work weeks instead of the usual 40 so as to save money/jobs and also just closed 22 recreation centers. I'm not even going to start with the big companies/corporations because anyone who can lay off employees is doing it. I do plan on doing a more in depth post about how the recession, credit crunch and housing crisis here is really affecting people. So I do think that life in the States is not as rosy as people make it out to be, but you are welcome to disagree.

Another example of the bad reporting Kenyans have to put up with.

"Raila Junior and Mr Joseph Muhoho were travelling in a sleek Mercedes Benz when it rammed a BMW belonging to one of their friends on Valley Road at dawn."

Unless it was a feature story, according to journalism 101 you report only the neccesary facts. It doesn't matter if the Merc was sleek, dirty or ramshackle unless it had something to do with the accident. Anyway the less said about it the better.

Ah speaking of laying off. A boss walks into his company, business has been exteremely poor and he has bad news for his 2 employees.

Boss: Janet, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off.
Janet: I have a headache, can you Jack off instead?

Stale I know. Viva la weekend!

Back To The Grind........

I'm not a big fan of American commercials but this ad cracked me up big time! I mean that kid had to have been in the possession of some hard core porn for his mum to be so shaken that badly. Also how the issues just kept on coming, I bet he had a year's worth under there! But he has one get away free card...say it belongs to dad!

They say a sucker is born every minute, I think this woman was born for an hour in that case. I'll let you read the story and come up with your own conclusion.

A friend of mine sent me this article. All I could say is, why in the world can't people read directions?! One way of doing things right, but 10,000 ways of screwing it up!

Another great example of irony below.



A "conscious" rapper doing a song an advert about keeping it real, sponsored by a multi-billion dollar corporation ie Coke. Yes Common, you is a ho! That's the simplest way to put it, I think he just turned into the subject of "I used to love h.e.r."

Could someone out there please tell me the meaning of this article. I read it, and I must say that it is completely and utterly pointless!

To cap off what was an okay weekend, I found a Farmer's Market that is not too far away from my place. Other than the fresh fruit and veggies you can get there, some of which you won't get in regular supermarkets is the unexpected treats that you do find there. I found sugarcane! I've never shared this info before but The Acolyte loves to chew sugarcane. When I was younger back home, my mum used to know the one thing she should bring me from the market was sugarcane. I was such a pro that I got to know if sugarcane was sweet or not just by looking at it, and needless to say my skills didn't desert me this weekend. So I ended up being quite a site walking out of a shop with a 4 foot long stalk of sugarcane, some white dude actually asked me what I was going to do with it; so now you know how unfamiliar people out here are when it comes to certain things. Anyway seeing as Monday is here it's time to get ready to be back on grind, too bad I can't bring my knife and my sugar cane to work...............

Life Goes On...........

Men and women are interesting beings I have always thought. It has always been a running argument whether men and women can just be friends. I think in many cases it can be true but there are certain caveats attached to this. You see many times when a dude is being a chic's friend he is operating what I like to refer to as the submarine approach. I'm sure you are all aware of how a submarine can travel submerged under the waves, so deep that it hardly causes a ripple in the surface with the boats hardly detecting their presence. Then all of a sudden torpedoes are launched, ships are sank and up pops the sub! Or in a more apt analogy, she wakes up in bed with the dude next her and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is the chorus of this song.

So basically what I'm saying is that some men instead of being bold and coming out with their intentions, will start out as friends and then ingratiate themselves into a girl's heart (and panties). But we all know that with some women there is little if any chance of jumping out of the friend category and into the boyfriend category, so when some men attempt this move they are given the good old LJBF (let's just be friends) speech. And of course after this speech is delivered one of two things might happen,

1. The dude decides to stay on the scene like a vulture hovering over the calf that is trying to cross the Mara, knowing that one day the calf may just stumble and that is when he will strike.

2. The dude does a cost benefit analysis and decides that him being the chic's "friend" isn't time effective and he pulls a fast fade.

More often than not unless a dude is really whipped or patient, they usually opt for number 2 or move to number 2 after trying number 1 for a while. This is of course not to say that there aren't dudes out there who hang out with chics just for the sake of being friends, there are. But alot of the time when a dude invests a lot of time in a chic past the point of basic friendship ie doing stuff for you, taking you to go shopping, helping you move. Rest assured he is just laying groundwork for something and not being a nice guy (unless he is an emasculated/gay nice guy - I can see the flack coming for that already). So ladies keep an eye out when a dude is giving you more attention than usual, and dudes maybe we should save time and energy and just ask her the immortal question...........shall we shag now or shall we shag later?

Frankly, I'm surprised that I'm not hearing any complaints about this poorly written article. I mean look at that deadline (Kenyan women are gold diggers). Either it's true or Kenyan women just dont care what's said about them. I can only complain so much about the state of Kenyan journalism so I'm going to leave this to the rest of you to discuss.

I'm pretty glad that Friday is here. Going to work really bores me, it's like running on a hamster wheel I tell you. But since I get to bum once in a while, it could be worse; so I'm not going to complain. A workmate is having a small bash, since it's going to be byob; I'll have to bring something appropriate that won't burn a hole in my pocket. I shall also make sure that I leave my Kenyan tendancies at the door. Don't be coy, you know what I'm talking about; you peeps who go to byob carrying a bottle of Kenya Cane but walk out at the end of the night with a bottle of Absolut Vodka!


ps: I had a very interesting experience last weekend (and no it did not involve sex, so get your mind out of the gutter!). It's one of those experiences blogging can't do justice, so I guess I can only share with people I hang out with in person.

Have a nice weekend and stay out of trouble.