Monday, July 21, 2008

Monday Moanings Part XV

I want to introduce you to a new phrase which is, f*cking below the line. F*cking below the line was a term used in a Mario Puzo book I read sometime to mean screwing someone who is below your station in life; this could be social, financial etc. I had been thinking of this post for a while but Archer's last post spurred me to action. You see whether you like it or not, most if not all of us who have indulged in sexual activities have screwed below the line. The worst thing with screwing below the line is that often there is a small alarm bell that is ringing in our head that is telling us to STAY AWAY! But due to being on the B train for so long or sheer lust, the ringing is ignored and kungulu (I hear that's what peeps call shag in Kenya nowadays) commences.

Screwing below the line seems fun and easy because look at it this way to the individual here forth referred to as the screwee, you are a hot commodity. So the screwer will have an easy time getting with the screwee. But the problem comes when the screwer wants to leave the screwee and return to their regular group, the screwee makes it as hard as possible and refuses to let go and may resort to all sorts of drama to keep the screwer.

How do you know if you are f*cking below the line?

1. Is your partner someone you would ordinary be seen in public with?

2. Do you avoid introducing your new partner to your regular friends and crew?

3. Does your partner talk about a future for the two of you and when they do, do you find yourself shuddering?

4. Do you find yourself side stepping the question when your new partner talks about you two being together?

5. Even when you are with this new partner and are spending time, are you still listed as single on facebook and myspace or whatever other social networking site you use?

If you can answer YES to more than one of those questions then know you are most def screwing below the line. Oh and just to toss in a twist, if the person you are with is displaying the same behavior either they are commitment phobic or they scraped the barrel with you; whichever way it is you are screwed!

What I find funny though is how due to the wonderful mechanics of the human mind is that after deluding oneself for a while sooner or later a moment of clarity comes to the fore and someone realises they are screwing below the line. This may be mid hump, when they wake up one morning and see the person next to them or in the middle of the occasional date. I say occasional because for some reason or other people don't go out for dates very often with their screwees, unless the screwee applies pressure.

Now after the moment of clarity getting out of the situation tends to be tricky because many screwee's don't let go easily. I remember one who once argued her way out of the break up, yes that is how insistent she was; she had a counter point for every point I had for not dating her. Yes my fully laid plans were thwarted for a while.After her insistent pressure I decided to take advantage of some information she knew about me, you she did know that the Acolyte is a somewhat spiritual being; so I did what any spiritual man would do. I told her that I had taken a vow of singlehood and celibacy, which was somewhat true because I was just tired of all the drama that comes with strokes. That and me going underground finally took the pressure off me because she kept on insisting that she wanted to come and see me (last ditch seduction attempt). My solution, if the shag seems to easy; think twice. Plus make sure you are not someone's screwee!

Anyway since I have been staying out of trouble, I have been having a ball looking at pic's of peeps acting the fool in the club. I'm going to share them. Please feel free to add your own captions!

My question is, what is the lady woman in the far right doing? The expression on her face.....

Yaaaaaaaaay! Guess who's here to save the night.....

Shaun at the far left decided he may as well jerk off in the club instead of waiting to get home..

If she stand still enough for long enough she can blend in the same way the Zebra whose pants she stole blends into the savannah

Archer: Natukifika kwa rodging, nitakuinua juu hivi, harafu.......

Milo: Dear Mocha, you can even see I'm on my knees. I promise all I want you to do is have a cup of juice at my place after the club; nothing else

Archer: Wachana with his siasa. I have a new couch I bought today that I want you to come to my apartment and sit on!
Mocha: Blushes away....

Have a great Monday People!


Eclipse said...

HAHAHAHAHHA Aco too deadly... na if i dint know any better id swear that was Mishale doin his thing.... that 'new sofa' line killed me

Damn now that i think of it...i have like three 'YES' to you some of ur qns..i just hope an not a screwee...but wait...and screwed either way :)

Haya we can let u off the hook on drama post for one more week :)

Ramb Lesex said...

I have definitely been a screwer. Trying to break away from the screwee is ngumu sana!

Those pics just warmed up my Monday Morning!

31337 said...

boy dont i know fucking below the line. it can cost you dear. not funee.

then those pictures....wait while i collect self off floor.

petesmama said...

Those pictures! Honestly.

Interesting thesis on the screwer and screwee... very true.

M said...

Ha ha!! Them pics!!!

gishungwa said...

aahhh trouble in paradise,one too many yess'.

savvy said...

the pics are a killer RLMFAO...

the new term for shag is kulungulus... learnt it the other day myself..

halafu those dancing the one u've dedicated to archer..tsk tsk..

Lola Gets said...

Fucking below the line is ok if youve got an itch that needs scratching. However, in some cases, that "bottom-liner" just might give one another itch to deal with! My boy is dealing with that right now, and it is not fun.

Oh, but it is oh so funny, lol.


Nakeel said...

Lol the pics there are too many mad people around.

neema divine said...

those pics, one word: HILARIOUS

Acolyte said...

@ eclipse
That was archer if full action I tell you!
Ebu jihadhari and know how to make your exit. Thanks for the reprieve!
@ ramb lesex
Interesting name first of all! Screwees dont take no very easily I tell you!
Nice to make your Monday!
@ 31337
I hope you managed to break free! Good to know you liked the pics
@ petesmama
Another satisfied customer
@ m
@ gish
Issues were resolved
@ savvy
I am going to make sure I get more pics to share. You would be very entertained in the clubs out here.
@ lola
The only issue as you pointed out is that the scratch may not be worth the long term issues. Bet ya boy is on fayaa!!!!lol
@ nakeel
There are kibao funny folk out here I tell you.
@ neema divine
Thanks, I'll share more when I come across them.

Zax said...

The pics LOL!!! The line about Archer's new couch... ouch... I have a few of the yes on your analysis... Gotta go back to the drawing board! The screwees can literary screw you...

archer said...

Sasa wewe Aco, si I thought we agreed those pichaous that I emailed to you are only for personal consumption? Sasa maneno gani hii? Right, I'm never emailing you again!! What will Njoki say when she sees her pichas online vile I'd kamatad her thayo like that? LOL!!!!

Screwing below the line, you've got a point there. It also brings me to a post that I've been thinking up about dating across the social/economic divide, if it's workable for a dude/chic to date from outside their social/economic divide and the issues that result from that. I think you've just stirred my rain to think it up chap chap!

Kulungulus is also kn own as khurandula! ***insert lunje accent here***

Great post!

Shiko-Msa said...

This is way too deadly! Those pics.... Lol. My poor ribs!

val said...

Oh gosh...nimecheka...esp at the Archer the Dildo woman had better not see them :)

And I learnt something(s) new today...:)