Thursday, January 08, 2009

Time Off, Hot Cars and Break Ups

Today The Acolyte calls in sick instead of going to work. I have never called in from work just for the sake of (or at least with this job), so this is a new experience for me; playing hooky!

I was telling a friend about the cold nights we occasionally have and she suggested that instead of me bothering with a space heater or raising my gas bill, that I should buy an electric blanket. I told her that it seemed like a good idea and that I would most def look into it, but in the back of my head the first thought I had was of being electrocuted in my sleep because I broke a sweat or something. Yes I know the odds of that happening are slim to none, but a man is entitled to his paranoia.

Speaking of heat, time for a funny Acolyte story. You see the weather here can be erratic at times depending on the season, it'll be freezing in the morning then it'll get pretty toasty in the afternoon. So that was the situation one day when I was driving to work so I turned up the heat to make sure I didn't get to work with frost bite or something. So as the day went on it got rather warmer, evening came and I got in my car to drive home and felt the interior had become rather warm so I turned on the air conditioning to cool it down. As I was on the road I had the distinct feeling my car was getting hotter inside, to the point I broke a sweat. I then looked at the dash and realized one thing.........I hadn't adjusted the temperature of the air con so I had turned my car into a moving sauna!

A good friend sent me this video by Gnarls Barkley and I have to say it made my day.

Who's Gonna Save My Soul


What I loved most was the break up line and the soon to be ex-boyfriend's response. Nothing cracks me up as much as break up lines. The ironic thing is that some of them are actually genuine but still reek like a bag of 4 day old fish. Case in point see below:

"Yes, I thought we were getting to the point in our relationship where I might start to fall in love with you but your insecurities about how I feel about you have made it clear that I can never fall in love with you."

"I don't want the responsibility of someone else's happiness."

"You're great, but I have so much baggage, and right now I have more bad days than good days...it wouldn't be fair to subject you to that."

Since I'm wonderfully dysfunctional I don't even use break lines. I just go into hiding after acting the fool and await some dude with no morals (usually a friend) to pounce on the vulnerable chic. I then re-emerge to play the shattered cuckolded lover and proceed to dump her there and then. Needless to say some of them have not taken this lightly hence me moving apartments every few months to avoid them. I think I've said enough, don't want to spill my whole M.O. Oh well time to get ready for a nice day of sloth!

12 comments:

pink m said...

I like the baggage line.What if none of your friends succeed with the vulnerable girl?

Enjoy your day of rest.

val said...

You actually move apartments to avoid your exes??? Why this amused me I dunno

Acolyte said...

@ Pink M
If nobody suceeds you just dump her the hard way! Yes I suck like that.
@ Val
Leases cost too much to break so you know I'm just playing.

31337 said...

me i like moving saunas. si you can get your sauna on as you get home just in time to shower? i do share your irrational fear of electrical blankets. i could turn over while nibbling at it or something and zaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

those lines mazee...means dude got lots of experience breaking up or something.

BOMSEH said...

I am never good at break-ups. I will need more tips.

|d®| said...

No morals - usually a friend? Ain't that the truth. Friends are the ones who always try to get with your girl. Or... er, vice-versa.

Screamer said...

I would never go out with my friend's ex. Neither would I like if he dated my ex.

Beautiful blog, though. Nice read too.

The paranoia thing, I understand only too well. I get that too.

acolyte said...

@ 31337
I see I am not the only one who has paranoia when it comes to electric blankets.
@ bomseh
I shall do another post for you asap!
@ |d®|
Sadly as the swa saying, kikulachao....
@ screamer
I see you have a code of honor, I like that.
Thanks for the compliment, I may change templates soon.

gishungwa said...

LMAO {{{Lord Aco}}. You know that you are very special especially to me right?

Acolyte said...

@ Gish
(((Gish))) I've got mad love for you too hun! :-) Stay out of trouble!

Nakeel said...

And I thought am the only one who pulls the missing act alone. Lool that electric blanket don't you ever try.

RunFallingRocks said...

hmmm I love that song and I love that video. now why the hell would you trick the poor girl into breaking up with you? thats just being a coward, pull the splinter out dont just blow on it hoping it will fall out