Spouses, Soccer and Other Things.....

Yes I know, I have been AWOL for a minute, so forgive my fragmented posting since it's been a while since I blogged.

So from what I gather from the EA Standard and the Daily Nation is that a large number of Kenyan women are so desperate for husbands that they have resorted to prayers.

It seems the single masses could not resist the call of the Pied Piper of Spouses, if the Nation is anything to go by;

As the heavens opened up, the enthusiastic women paid little attention to damage done to their hair and makeup in their attempt to outrun police who were trying to turn away the crowds from the already packed KICC plenary hall.

For several hours, business came to a standstill as police and security guards from the KICC and the Covenant Singles and Married Ministries struggled to keep the thousands of women at bay.

An excerpt from the article in the Standard

He (Pastor Chris Ojigbani) would show testimonies of women and men who claimed that they had received not one, but some as many as three marriage proposals in one day, after attending the said pastor’s conferences on marriage

Another snippet from the Nation

The man of the moment, Pastor Ojigbani, who preached for more than four hours on Friday, told his ecstatic audience: “Good men are not all taken. By the end of today, you will get your suitor … The spirit has told me that one of you by morning will have four suitors … Now, who will you choose?”

I wonder, have things gotten so bad for Kenyan women?! What happened to heeding the clarion call of independence from FIDA about oppressive backward Kenyan men. Weren't these same women the bunch that had Destiny's Child Independent Women as their theme song sometime back? I guess the joys of singlehood don't seem to be as cracked up as they seem to be? Or maybe we can blame society for making women think that life isn't complete without a husband?

I think another thing to blame is urbanization and Westernization. I mean the more urbanized we get, the less bonds you have with neighbours and family thus making it harder to meet the man of your dreams. Let's add the fact that many women nowadays are financially well off and will not marry a man who is doing the same or better than they are, which of course given the level of unemployment in Kenya cuts down on the pool of eligible bachelors big time.

Also let's keep it real, women sometime back realized that they could support themselves financially and have children without the extra burden of a man. While on the other hand men realized that they didn't need to get married to have kids, could hire help to clean/cook for them and with the break from tradition can sleep around with women without being expected to marry them. So for many men marriage just isn't a priority making it harder for the women who have dreams of a big white wedding.

From what I see, it seems that marriage seems to offer far more for the women than it does for the men, so I can understand women rushing to the "apostle" for proposals. I for one I'm sure he raked a good amount of offerings in exchange for his teachings. I wonder if he used Proverbs 31 in his teachings? Because one thing I like to ask women out there is that you may want to be a wife but are you really wife material? There is more to marriage than just a wedding and being called Mrs.

Alice Mwali, 27, purchasing and supplies professional

I would not mind getting someone to propose to me before the end of the service and even if I do not get one today, I hope it will be in the near future.

I am just smarting out of a relationship that lasted for about a year. I opted to leave the man because he could not trust me with anything.

Dear Alice, you are single, as a single woman if someone you are not dating or are familiar with would propose to you from out of the blue; you should be afraid, very afraid. Plus don't take so long next time to realize a man is not worth being with, you aren't getting any younger - Acolyte, Professional Curmudgeon and Agony Uncle

Real talk, there is nothing wrong with being single, embrace it and enjoy it! Ladies if all fails, they are always cats; the cats of Kenya could use some cat ladies.....

Moving on, I ran across these two hilarious videos on youtube.

It seems Mehment Scholl (the dude on the right in the video above) recently watched the video of Jessica Kastrop being nailed below. His flinch is nothing short of priceless!

I do think the dude who kicked the ball that hit the reporter's head must have been a sniper in a past life.

Speaking of women and sports, I think a post on the whole Ines Sainz saga is in order. Even if you aren't an NFL fan, it made for interesting reading.

ps: I didn't know that it took years to get a divorce in Kenya! For that reason alone, I'm going to really have to rethink this marriage thing. Imagine wanting out but the wheels of justice slowly grinding keeping you on lock?! I salute those sitting out their time!

Midweek Flashbacks and other stories...

I have the strangest flashbacks, and recently the image of a Staedtler pencil hopped into my head. I remember these were not the cheapest pencils so you kept them close. Also what you may not know unless you were an art student like me (ahem!) is that HB was the middle pencil in the scale. After that the you would move onto the H which meant the lead was harder so the pencil wrote lighter while on the other side were the B which meant the lead was softer so the pencil wrote darker. That there is my obscure fact of the day for you....

I knew nothing good would come of the shenanigans of Kim Kardashian! You see Laurence Fishburne's daughter, Montana came up with the bright idea that doing a sex tape like Kim Kardashian would give her the career (not that she has one) a major leg up. In the words of Lafayette of True Blood (best show ever) "Bitch have you done lost your mind?!" Her 19 year old self seems to forget the fact that Kim K actually ended fighting against the release of that tape and harsh as this may sound. White women and black women are viewed very differently in American eyes, you see white women are seen as pure and virginal (even though I know that's not true- dont ask how), that's another reason black dudes running around with white women makes some people's blood boil. While on the other hand black people are seen as oversexed, so when a white woman who isn't a porn star does a sex tape it's something people have to see, but when a black woman does a sex tape, it's seen as business as usual. Oh what's more ironic? She says she hears her dad is upset but that one day he will understand? Once again, you have lost your mind! I blame Kim K and I Sex and The City (yeah I said it!)

Oh I guess Laurence failed to keep his daughter off the pole as Chris Rock puts it below...

late edit- I see Montana did a rap video with her sex tape co-star (slightly nsfw). I guess it was a practice run? Let's hope she got those unsightly bruises on her butt taken care of. I won't even comment about the poor quality of the rhymes in that video!

Observations

I hear Wyclef may run to be president of Haiti, noble aim but dude politics is a dirty game, let it go!

So T.I married his long time or should I say long suffering girlfriend Miss Piggy I mean Tiny. He then got upset over twitpics of the wedding that have been floating around. I would too if my wife was wearing a dress that looked like it was stolen from a Mexican girl's Quinceanera. Before you think I'm a hater, go google those pics for yourself.

Obama just turned 49 it seems, ironic thing is that it seems like he came from nowhere. I think I should do some research and see what else he was doing other than being a Senator and community organizer. Maybe he was in the middle east getting indoctrinated or erasing his birth certificate and birth records in Kenya (Tea Party/Birther joke)

Anyway back to everyday life, later!!!!!

Guess Who's Back????

Damn it's been a while since I've been here! But ya'll know often blogging is like Hotel California.....you can check out, but you can never leave. That and the fact that I've been called out my absence!

So the WC is over, life back to normal till of course EPL and the other leagues get started. My main gripe with most American sports is that the game never flows, there is always a time out, end of quarter or a commercial break waiting in the wings to break up the flow. Anyway as this whole LeBron saga has shown, it's all about the $$$.

Onto other things, what in the world happened to the Joseph Hellon dude and Esther Arunga? Weren't they supposed to be on Larry King or something of the sort? I must say I miss the sheer entertainment that they had given us, over the months.

Also seems that there is a shifty online university from California going around "selling" honorary doctorate degrees to African leaders and politicians. To think I wasted my time going to classes and actually getting a job, I should have just started my own online college and flown from country to country selling degrees. I might just do that and call my university, Universal College; oh wait, that name's taken right?

Does anyone know what happened to itsneverthatserious.com? That was one of the most interesting Kenyan showbiz gossip blogs I had come across in a long time. If you know of any that are just as good and just dont kiss stars asses then by all means do share!

One of my chic pals is getting married so I have been drafted into a wedding committee. Yes, Acolyte himself is on a wedding committee, talk about irony! Well since my pal is somewhat scandalous her committee is like 95% men, that may change when the stragglers join us but I somewhat doubt it. I know some women find their fellow gender hard to get along with but when 90% of your pals are dudes, I think you can only blame other women so far.

Anyway time for me to get back on the grind......

Behold! Friday!

Damn it's been over a month since I have posted anything, I need to deal with that stat! Anyway as I get my mind pumping, I just thought I would share this video...

Sad as it is, I find that video hilarious since it casts satire on peoples' fear of black males. It also reminds me that my lazy ass hasn't been in the gym for a while!

So tomorrow is the last day of the week, wonderful since for 2 days I won't have to deal with the idiots I work with. I tell you if it weren't for the fact that I would go to jail and end up with a criminal record, I would give someone a throat chop. Oh and to my CEO for the last effing time! Control + V to paste since you seem to have trouble doing it with the mouse!

In other news, as of the 1st of June I begin my 6 month period of total celibacy. Sex lately isn't doing anything for me, waste of time and energy (and if you say I'm not doing it right, I'm going to kick you in the face). As people in the streets say "Imma do me" no pun intended. Of course this may put a crimp in dating since sooner or later the sex question comes up, so I won't bother with dating too. No strokes = no drama, that's what I think.

Anyway time for me to get some zzzzzzs in since I have to be at work in a few hours time.

Reason 242 dating American chics sucks - Claim to want to sample new ethnic meals then when you take them to an ethnic restaurant restaurant ie Ethiopian, they pic the item on the menu that is closest to American food ie Pasta or a sandwhich instead of of an ethnic item ie injeera. 2 thumbs down!

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn Time Flies and Other Stories......

It has been almost one whole month since I blogged and in the words of the apple of Archer's eye, "this is a fucking disgrace!"

I can only blame laziness, work and twitter.

My birthday passed around 5 days ago, I was at a conference for work out of town so it was a day like any other. To be honest people around me seem to gather more joy from my birthday than I do, for me it's a good day for introspection and looking forward.

I read a report that came up with the statistic that 25% of men fake orgasms. I don't know the veracity of that number but it's an interesting double standard that men are expected to be up for sex and enjoy it at all times while on the other hand it's fine for women not to be up for sex at all times and if they don't enjoy it there are myriad reasons ranging from health,mental or their present relationship. I guess it's part of the over sexualization of society. But to be honest sex can become a chore leading to faking on both sides just to keep things smooth, so its up to both parties in the relationship to keep things fresh. I guess that's why I have mad respect for married people who can't keep their hands off each other. Anyway marriage is a beast of it's own.

I was listening to the radio this morning, and my favourite segment came on; it's the "help me solve my problems" segement. People write letters about their problems and send them in to get advice. So this dude calls in and says how he and his girlfriend have 3 kids, 1 each from past relationships and they had a kid in the last year. The dude is in school fulltime as he can't get work with the economy and the chic works part time. Regardless of their financial situation, the chic is going on about how she wants another baby, even though they have their hands full and cannot afford another one. Also due to their financial situation they can't afford the birth control injection, whatever you call it. Well dudes issue aside (I would go celibate in a heartbeat!), it's funny how the biological clock can kill all logic. I mean, you have your hands full, hardly any income and you still want a child?! WTF?! Children are work, cuteness doesn't pay for childcare,healthcare, food and clothing! If I had a chic and she started going on like that, I would suddenly develop "depression" and be unable to have sex for a very long time; I mean better to take no risks here, condoms have been known to be punctured sigh.

Anyway kids and marriage aside, I see the ash cloud that had Europe at a standstill seems to have lifted. I guess now people are aware of how much they depend on the flying to get around. At least in Europe they had the trains, bullet trains and ferries. Were the same to happen here, I can see total grid lock and chaos on the highways since the interstate train system here doesn't service all states equally and is a shell. Don't let me get started on local mass transit here, not only is it one hot mess, in many cities down here it is on the verge of shutting down due to budgetary constraints and the recession.

Anyway it's about time to get back on the grind and deal with people who have little if any comprehension skills, yes the kind of people you send an email and they call you the next day asking questions that were answered in that very same e-mail! That's why I hardly ever answer my phone or check voicemails at work, lazy bastards!


ps: there is a chic here in the office who has rolls on her back and is wearing a tight top, urgh! Someone needs to have 360 mirrors in their closet!

pps: I need True Blood and Dexter to come back on air asap! Life is not worth living without them.