Behold! Friday!

Damn it's been over a month since I have posted anything, I need to deal with that stat! Anyway as I get my mind pumping, I just thought I would share this video...

Sad as it is, I find that video hilarious since it casts satire on peoples' fear of black males. It also reminds me that my lazy ass hasn't been in the gym for a while!

So tomorrow is the last day of the week, wonderful since for 2 days I won't have to deal with the idiots I work with. I tell you if it weren't for the fact that I would go to jail and end up with a criminal record, I would give someone a throat chop. Oh and to my CEO for the last effing time! Control + V to paste since you seem to have trouble doing it with the mouse!

In other news, as of the 1st of June I begin my 6 month period of total celibacy. Sex lately isn't doing anything for me, waste of time and energy (and if you say I'm not doing it right, I'm going to kick you in the face). As people in the streets say "Imma do me" no pun intended. Of course this may put a crimp in dating since sooner or later the sex question comes up, so I won't bother with dating too. No strokes = no drama, that's what I think.

Anyway time for me to get some zzzzzzs in since I have to be at work in a few hours time.

Reason 242 dating American chics sucks - Claim to want to sample new ethnic meals then when you take them to an ethnic restaurant restaurant ie Ethiopian, they pic the item on the menu that is closest to American food ie Pasta or a sandwhich instead of of an ethnic item ie injeera. 2 thumbs down!

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn Time Flies and Other Stories......

It has been almost one whole month since I blogged and in the words of the apple of Archer's eye, "this is a fucking disgrace!"

I can only blame laziness, work and twitter.

My birthday passed around 5 days ago, I was at a conference for work out of town so it was a day like any other. To be honest people around me seem to gather more joy from my birthday than I do, for me it's a good day for introspection and looking forward.

I read a report that came up with the statistic that 25% of men fake orgasms. I don't know the veracity of that number but it's an interesting double standard that men are expected to be up for sex and enjoy it at all times while on the other hand it's fine for women not to be up for sex at all times and if they don't enjoy it there are myriad reasons ranging from health,mental or their present relationship. I guess it's part of the over sexualization of society. But to be honest sex can become a chore leading to faking on both sides just to keep things smooth, so its up to both parties in the relationship to keep things fresh. I guess that's why I have mad respect for married people who can't keep their hands off each other. Anyway marriage is a beast of it's own.

I was listening to the radio this morning, and my favourite segment came on; it's the "help me solve my problems" segement. People write letters about their problems and send them in to get advice. So this dude calls in and says how he and his girlfriend have 3 kids, 1 each from past relationships and they had a kid in the last year. The dude is in school fulltime as he can't get work with the economy and the chic works part time. Regardless of their financial situation, the chic is going on about how she wants another baby, even though they have their hands full and cannot afford another one. Also due to their financial situation they can't afford the birth control injection, whatever you call it. Well dudes issue aside (I would go celibate in a heartbeat!), it's funny how the biological clock can kill all logic. I mean, you have your hands full, hardly any income and you still want a child?! WTF?! Children are work, cuteness doesn't pay for childcare,healthcare, food and clothing! If I had a chic and she started going on like that, I would suddenly develop "depression" and be unable to have sex for a very long time; I mean better to take no risks here, condoms have been known to be punctured sigh.

Anyway kids and marriage aside, I see the ash cloud that had Europe at a standstill seems to have lifted. I guess now people are aware of how much they depend on the flying to get around. At least in Europe they had the trains, bullet trains and ferries. Were the same to happen here, I can see total grid lock and chaos on the highways since the interstate train system here doesn't service all states equally and is a shell. Don't let me get started on local mass transit here, not only is it one hot mess, in many cities down here it is on the verge of shutting down due to budgetary constraints and the recession.

Anyway it's about time to get back on the grind and deal with people who have little if any comprehension skills, yes the kind of people you send an email and they call you the next day asking questions that were answered in that very same e-mail! That's why I hardly ever answer my phone or check voicemails at work, lazy bastards!


ps: there is a chic here in the office who has rolls on her back and is wearing a tight top, urgh! Someone needs to have 360 mirrors in their closet!

pps: I need True Blood and Dexter to come back on air asap! Life is not worth living without them.

More Idle Musings and A Shameless Blogger

There are certain lines that you hear in your life be it in movies, tv, music or everday life that you would love to use in real life. I dont have as many as some movie-files like Couch Tato but I do have a few. Let me share a few of them.

1. Your Weakness Disgusts Me! - This sterling line is from Street Fighter 2. The character who uses it is the unstoppable M Bison whos is the Boss at the end of the game. I think it has been almost 10 years since I last played this game but this line is so utilitarian that it hurts. Let me give you an example;

Weak willed guy pal confides in Aco about how he can't break up with his girlfriend whom he no longer loves due to guilt. Despite several reasons being given to him by Aco, he still balks at the thought of coming clean to her. At this point Aco tires of him, sneers at him and declares...."Your weakness disgusts me!"

2.I loves me some pussy! - Chapelle show season ?. In one episode Chappelle has a "movie" of his life narrated and in one scene he dies as a soldier in battle and after the usual talk between soldiers and the shout of "Why?!!!!!!!!!!" by his comrade, Chapelle gets on last flicker of life in him and sits up and says " I loves me some pussy!" before dying for real this time. How would I use this?

Aco manages to sneak into a lesbian nightclub and while he enjoys his beer at the bar while watching young nubile women make out, he notices himself being glared out by a built dyke.
In an effort to promote inter-gender understanding, Aco walks to the Buth lesbian beer in hand and says hello. The lesbian grunts out a hello and stares ahead with a stony expression. Aco then gives a short speech about the importance of understanding and tolerance after which he tells the lesbian, "You and I aren't that different if you really think about it."
"What do you mean?" replies the lesbian.
"Well just like you, I loves me some pussy!" Aco replies while high tailing it out of the joint.

3. I will crush you like a cockroach! - This classic line was delivered by the inimitable Al Pacino in Scarface. This line is so self explanatory that I dont even have to give an example. What could be as fun as looking into the eyes of a rival and shouting, " I will crush you like a cockroach!" while at the same time slamming your fist into his desk?

4.You have been weighed, measured and found wanting - This jewel came from Knight's Tale starring Heath Ledger, do I see ladies swooning? This line is a great ego breaker or put down ie when someone asks Aco why he won't do a collabo post with them, just kidding I am not that arrogant about my blogging; but you catch my drift.

5.You can't handle the truth! - A wonderful line delivered by Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men. When would I use this line? If I were dating a girl and she accused me of lying to her, I would turn around and promptly declare "The truth? You can't handle the truth!"

6. It burns! - This line came from The Excorcist. With some of the cooking I have had to put my tongue through this line is perfect eg "Aco, please taste the soup I made for you?"
Aco takes a big spoonful and immediately contorts his face........"It burns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Anyway that is enough of me desecrating great movies onto some trash that needs to be put out. Archer brought to my attention a blatant case of plagiarism that had been going on a certain blog. This blog is a perfect example of the problems that I was trying to discuss in this post, he starts by imitating my blog name down to the full stops after it and the motto under my profile. He then goes on to copy pictures from Archer, M and a post from Unyc. When Archer confronted him, he has the nerve to deny it, allege insults, claim the material is his and when the heat became unbearable he put up a post proclaiming that he is being harassed by Archer and then deleted the posts, removed his yahoo address from his profile, but as we have seen, Google doesn't forget!
D.M how long did you think that you would get away with it? The Kenyan blogosphere is like an e-village, people notice these things. If you have nothing to blog about then don't blog, if you borrow material just acknowledge the source; it's that simple. Anyway let me stop wasting my time on a talentless hack, this pic below says what Archer, the other bloggers and I will do to you and the expression after that if you repeat that behaviour.

Love Conquers All! And Other Rants About Women

I was talking to a chic the other day and she was telling me that, when you are dating someone and you are meant to be and love each other; no matter what happens, the love that you share for each other will help you overcome the circumstances that you face.

There was this other girl who said something to the effect of when you meet the one who loves you as much as you love them, things in the relationship and life will move so much smoother.
I am not going to even touch on the "Prince Charming coming to save me from life", idea some other women have.

What I want to know is that who feeds women this rubbish? What's sad is that most women actually believe it?!

Anyway, the silly season is coming aka Valentine's and it will be interesting to see how many men will be put through the wringer for not getting the right kind of gift. If the flowers aren't enough, the right color, the jewels too small, not the right cut or not as nice as the ones her friend got; you are in trouble young men out there. This is a make or break time for many relationships, screw all the good deeds you did during the last year; this is make or break time! There is a blogger who said she would dump her boyfriend if he didn't get her a Valentine's gift, in spite of the status of their relationship before that point in time. Lucky for him, he came through but I was not impressed that she was going to stake all they had on that one day.

Since I am ranting about women I might as well hit at some gal pals out there. Why is it that girl's give their pals so much power and stake in their relationships, even though half of the chics have their own agendas and give bad advice. Your girlfriend will always have this single friend who last had a man when Kenya Times had a distribution of several thousand copies per day, yet she is the loudest one when it comes to giving advice and dictating the direction of the relationship. This girl doesn't know what she is talking about half the time and the other time her advice is filled with bile, but she will be given a faithful hearing each time.

Now onto my last rant, why is it that women don't listen when they are told about certain men they want to date? A chic can be told that a dude is a serial killer, but for some reason or other some small voice in her head will tell her that her love will turn him into a good man. Only for her to bitterly learn the truth when he is busy hacking her into little pieces to feed his pigs. Point in hand, there was this character in Nai called Ngugi the Rapist (Name changed for my safety). If I was a woman being introduced to this man, and I knew that was his name on the streets was, I would gather my skirts in one hand and head for the hills! But lo and behold, this dude used to get dates and last time I was being told he even had a girl friend. If a rapist can get a chic, no man out there has an excuse.

Disclaimer: This isn't a blanket condemnation of women. If you know you dont fall in the list of women mentioned just add the word some in front of the word women wherever it appears in this post!