Friday, October 21, 2005

Ladies:How to avoid being Next-ed

I know there was a short term cease fire going on but I couldn't resist!
There is this tv show called Next.what happens is that there is this chic or jamaa then a group of jamaas and chic get to hang out with her/him one at a time.For every minute the chic/guy hangs out with them they get a dollar and if the chic/guy really likes them he/she asks them if they want to keep the money they have earned so far or to forfeit it and go for a second date and for the ones that he/she cant stand they are dismissed with a cry of NEXT!Some are next-ed even before they have opened their mouths due to dress,looks or appearance.
Anyway what am I getting to?In the world nowadays good men are hard to come by,so this is a short guide to the ladies on avoiding being NEXT-ed by your man!-Acolyte tosses grenade and dives for cover!-

First, trying to change your guy is like teaching a pig to sing; it wastes your time, and it annoys the pig! Guys typically don't change all that much, and are not all that keen on being ordered around, especially since they get enough of that at work. Coming home to more of the same is not likely to endear you to your guy. Home is supposed to be a haven after a hard day.

Second, nagging and passive-aggressiveness not only won't get you what you want, they annoy and downright infuriate your guy. Just ask for what you want. The worst we can say is "no" or "not right now."
And if we say no, we may have a very good reason for it.

Third, guys don't typically sweat the small stuff. They DO sweat the big stuff. Guys may not care that you don't look exactly like a Playmate of the Month, but they do care if you spend money like a drunken sailor, have a $2000-a-day drug habit, or are always negative and angry at the world. If you don't bring any big problems to the relationship, we won't care if the house isn't always operating room clean or the laundry isn't always spring fresh.And yes kids from another relationship can and are many times a big thing.Sorry but that's how it is!

Fourth, speaking of big stuff, a satisfying sex life is big stuff. Think of sex in the same way you think of comforting a small child who fell down or a sick pet. You'd never blow off your kids or your pets if you had a headache, so why would you do it to your guy, who wants nothing more than to cherish and protect you?Or if you must cut us off you might as well tell us what the reason is before we NEXT you

Fith.Avoid being an economic sinkhole. When we pay for all household expenses, all vacations, insurance, tuition, etc., give you a monthly stipend to spend on anything you want, and never ask you to contribute a nickel of your earnings from your job, we absolutely DESPISE finding out that you have no savings, you've run up $20,000 worth of credit card debt in the last three months buying clothes, and we need to bail you out again. A wise man once said, "Being married to a woman who cannot control her spending is like being married to an arsonist. You never know when you're going to come home and find out she's burnt another place down that you now have to pay for." I know some chic out there is harping "But we plan on giving equally to keeping the house going!"Yes some women do but i have met many many women who operate with the mantra, "my money is my money and his money is our money"

Sixth, weight matters!Maybe it shouldn't, maybe we shouldn't be so shallow, but weight matters. Make-up matters. Grooming matters. We hate to make it tough for you, but if you're in a long-term relationship with a guy and you expect to keep his attention you have to look as good as you did when you began dating or at least make an effort to.If you relax after gettting the wedding or engagement ring, sit in front of the TV all day and inhale ice cream and pizza like they were oxygen and allow that sexy nighty to moulder at the bottom of your underwear drawer, we'll probably stop asking about it. Soon thereafter we'll either start an affair behind your back or "next" you.
And if you give me that story of "You should love your woman no matter how she looks," I say this "If you dont love yourself enough to take care of how you look then why should someone else?"Don't agree? Come closer my open palm has something to tell you.....SLAP!!!!
ps:I was looking at the results of the poll and there is no shame in you people's game!Would you still vote yes if you knew your blog is one of those on the chopping block.Vote carefully people!

11 comments:

Msanii_XL said...

1st again i'm on effing roll..or am I? lemmie go read about next THE ONLY show that i watch on mtv.

Acolyte said...

@ nuru
sex is like air for jamaas when you are getting some you don't even notice but when you aren't getting any it's damn noticeable!Yes you ladies are way too convoluted for your own good!

Anonymous said...

I just found that progi coupla wknds ago they were having a Next marathon. Why do peeps put themselves thru that?! The gay/lesbian episodes were especially funny.

And, make-up doesn't matter. I've never won any (the one time I did I felt as if I had a mask on, and washed it off immediately) and prolly never will; I wish women would realize that if they have to put on make-up, a little goes a long way. That way a dude won't amka in the morning and wonder who the hell is lying next to him.

Anonymous said...

@ TeeJ
I agree with that too.Women who wear less make up most of the time look better then those who wear lots.Also they have less of a chance of us throwing them out in the morning!

Anonymous said...

@ mutumia
well depends on how bad that undesirable trait was.A liitle extra weight thats fine with me but if you weigh 2 times what I weigh hell no!If you are not what we used to call in nai brown brown yello yellow that's ok as I dont mind mamas who are not light.I must admit I am pretty liberal when it comes to looks.BTW I dont even bother dating chics who rate 9 or 10 on the scale as they usually come with too many issues and luggage!But I guess I am alone on that one when it comes to jamaas!

Spidey/Tato said...

LOL ati it annoys the pigs as well

hope the ladies are either takin notes or bookmarking ur post

joani said...

ehehe i agree with all but the last one.. i mean weight and looks matter to a certain degree, but not to everybody.. and make-up's such a superficial thing.. (haha i just don't like using make-up myself, that's all!) :P

and what a bizarre show that is! (ie NEXT) :P

Prousette said...

OK Aco NEXT!!
Shall I agree with you totally and then go on to say that it goes BOTH ways.
Especially on the grooming and housekeeping department. If we are in for the long haul, I will not pick your underwear off the floor and if you do not I SWEAR I will nag to pick it you till you lose your head. That is guaranteed!
Have you ever taken a look at those that complain their mates have let go of themselves therefore [.....insert resulting action here....]? some of them are an exact reflection of the mate they are complaining about.
I do not wear make up either so thank God shall never be thrown out in the morning for lack of resemblance to the person who was, the night before.
Money and sex are indeed very big issues.

Acolyte said...

@ prousette
Yes I do agree that it goes both ways as we all have our part to play.Well in the case of letting go there are the pots who call the kettle black but most of the time it is mamas who are to blame when it comes to this one!

Milonare said...

I must be getting senile or somin coz I could have sworn I commented here telling you to expect rungus from the dems of KBW...

That said though, I see theres a lot ive been missing..

Ebu I catch up on the rest..

Gai!!!!

Anonymous said...

@ milo.you have a whole lot to catch up on!Get with the blogramme son!