Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Overheard in my life part 2

I had so much fun with the memories from yesterday's post that I have decided to chronicle some more of these discussions and talks as they came to me.I thought it was time that I appealed to the base element in KBW as we have enough literati,commentators and analysts already.
Warning some of this material is rated Mature .

One of my best pals was completely anti-marriage and anti-kids in high school btw he still is.So everyday what he would do was to give a reason not to get married or not to have kids.What he did one day was to point at some MP's son and keep quiet.My this kid was a real punk and a dumb arrogant punk at that.Last I heard of him is that when we cleared school he went to Australia and after 5 years came back with no even a diploma to his name; needless to say his dad said enuff was enuff and kicked him out.He was/is a poster child for why should be childless to us!

We once had this guy in one of classes who was a total joker.His dad was from TZ and he had lived there for sometime.Anyway we were having an oral literature class and the topic was the rythymn that exists in many african languages and the teacher asked if there was anyone who would like to give an demonstration.So the joker puts up his hand and proceeds to utter total gibberish, "mchilibi bololo mcholobo chili!" The teacher asked if there was anyone in the room who could translate and the joker's deskmate puts up his hand and says, "the boy played with the ball." Since this teacher was super strict and any uncalled for laughter would have resulted in depression; there was a whole section of the class that had people looking down at their desks with their shoulders shaking with suppressed mirth and tears rolling down their cheeks.

One day we were at the local and were having an arguement about cunnilingus aka kuonja chumvi/window washing etc.Some of my friends are totally against it and some are totally for it.So what happens is that after a pal of mine promoted it's virtues and fruit my other pal erupted,"No!" then hit the table with his fist."That story is bila!You don't know where some of these mamas have been!You will lamba that thing and then the next day your tongue is the size of your fist and has some mould growing on it!"

I remember some time in uni we had this pal who loved, no really really loved shagging.This dude would nail anything in a skirt where he thought he had a chance of scoring.Anyhow there was this chic that we saw who was new in uni and the dude didn't know her.So we wove a story about the chic, we told the guy that that chic was so hot in bed that if he would cry tears if he slept with her (an interesting picture don't you think) but the only thing is that she was a grade A gold digger; and that by the time she was done with him he would not have a penny to his name.The guy contemplated that for a second and said, "Si I'll move in with you guys and share your food mpaka I get more cash?"Mind you he was serious so we had to tell him we were joking lest the boy get disappointed after pursuing the chic.

One night we were in Embu and the bar had gotten really boring so a pal of mine decided to spice things up.Jon leaves the table and steps up to this local chic at the bar.
Jon:proceeds to walk back to our table.Let's just say after a minute or two his question sunk in and we have never heard such a combination of profanity in english,swa and kimeru.

There was this pal of mine who was darting this chic and attempted to catch strokes.
Janet:Imagine we can't do this, let's just be friends.
Mike:Si we catch strokes as friends then?

Another line we used to use jokingly with gals in the mtaa:
"Si unigawie kiubeshte?" -translate for yourself-

A line used by my good friend Vic to justify his choice of aesthetically challenged chics at 2 am on the rave, last I heard of him he was having a ball in Australia.
Aco:Vic bwana where are you going with that mama and the way she has chokad!
Vic:Chief!Hujui shimo ni shimo!

On one of my last nights in Nai my boys decided to take me out and of course no last night in nai is complete without a drive down the street of shame aka K-street!So we passed a group of "proffesionals" waiting for business.
Wasted Aco leaning out of car window:Nimechill!!!!!!!!!!!
Proffesionals: Sisi pia tumechill!!!!!!!!
I was impressed with their good sense of humour.

I remember sometime before I left in Kenya when all these VCT ads were up and when someone had a persistent cough they were told to be tested for TB.TB is one of the first opportunistic infections that check in.Anyhow I had gone to hang out with this chic and we were at a pub in Westlands.
Gal:I've been feeling weird lately -koff, koff!-
Gal:- Gives Aco Daggers "Ai?!Me I'm clean!"

then a pal of ours who was overhearing the convo decides to add his $0.02
Pal:Me I chanuka so many times that the peeps at the VCT know me by name!

With friends and moments like this you don't have to wonder why I am so bored with life right now.............


Whispering Inn said...

Ha ha ha! Friends and drama! Oh to be young. I am gonna assume some of these bad tabias rubbed on you Aco, si ndiyo? No? Hata kidogo? Na Instigator alitoka wapi.

Keguro said...

"Si we catch strokes as friends then?"

Filed away for reference and future use.

I notice many of these friends seem to be from college. College men really do only have one thing on their mind!

Prousette said...


@keguro it shall not work so erase from file.
I totally agree that not all must have children, you mihgt just be bringing grief your way.
"Si unigawie kiubeshte" I've heard this somewhere before.

Mocha! said...


Aco....kudos for sharing those memories. The last few days have been really rubbish and stressful, I needed kidogo cheering up. I haven't laughed like that for a while.

"Si unigawie kiubeshte" is a classic. One I have heard enough times - years ago!

acolyte said...

@ whispering inn
Those were the good old days!As for instigator, I guess he has always been around.....
@ Keguro
A good line I must admit!As for college men there is no high ground I can take, strokes and shag are paramount!
@ Prou
Don't underestimate Keguro, he will probably use it and it will work.As for that other line it seems to get around...
@ Mocha
Good to be of help.Now how many did you gawa to?

Milonare said...

Ebu stop calling me the Missing Milo..

Now off to read the post...

Milonare said...

What about:

"Si you let me ingia kidogo? Just the tip..."


"Si you just cool it down for me? Just three thrusts..."

LOLOLOL this was a nice post Aco!!!

acolyte said...

@ Milo
I am yet to be convinced that you are back!You are on probation for 2 weeks!Yenyewe those are classic lines alongside the likes of "si u just let me touch them to see how they feel?"Damn guys rock!!

Udi said...

lol. yenyewe the kuchill part was funny. coz the storos people shout at the pros at K street would shame anyone

acolyte said...

@ Udi
Yeah those mamas have a hard life the fact that they can have a sense of humor is amazing!

Farmgal said...

cant stop laughing