Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Overheard in my life part 3

When I was in high school swahili was a foreign language.Most of my swahili books were as good as new at the end of year and fetched full value on the market.Anyway one day I was chewing gum during swahili class.
Swa teacher: Aco, wacha kutafuna darasani.
Aco:Thinks to himself "What the f*ck is she saying?"-proceeds to continue chewing-
Swa teacher: Kwani ameziba masikio?
The front row which had the few students who gave a damn about swahili sanifu sniggered away.

My swahili teacher was also one of the most powerful women in the universe.That woman could stop time with the sound of her voice.She would start teaching at that point us at the back would go to sleep not doze but sleep,dream,have the dream end,wake up and she would still be teaching!

In the physics lab one day....
Dumbass student #3:Acting like a total asshat through most of the class
Psycho physics teacher #4:Can you tell me the formula for calculating the rate of acceleration of an object thrown at the the initial velocity of 3m/s in null gravity?
Dumbass student #3:Mumbles some gibberish "I thought that you couldn't throw something in null gravity?"proceeds to smile with pride
Pyscho physics teacher #4:Walks slowly to the student's stool "You think you're funny?" proceeds to smile too
Dumbass student #3: huh??????
Psycho physics teacher #4:Goes ahead to land a barrage of punches and kicks on hapless student!
With all those psycho physics teachers there is no wonder I dropped physics asap!

Later on we got this substitute swahili teacher who was just as boring but at least at times he would come to work wasted and would sleep on the desk.If you made trouble in class he would tell you "simama!enda nyuma ya darasa na simama kando!"
So one lunch time we were playing volley ball and he passed by the court.
Mr Onyango:Habari yenyu vijana?
Aco:-from deep cover having blended in with the crowd- Onyango kaa kando!!
Mr Onyango:Who said that?!
Due to my superior subterfuge I was not found....

There was this point in time in high school when pals had developed a fascination with breaking wind aka farting.People would have competitions on who could do it loudest,smellies or longest.Disgusting yes but we were in high school and we were teens so that's all I can say in our defense.
To make things worse the class we were in at the time was once a lab so had louvres at the top of the room and not windows so any noxious odours had to waft to the ceiling before they reached the windows so if someone unleashed suffering was the order of the day.
You knew something was up when you saw two guys in a row of desks covering their faces with their sweaters and one guy in the middle dying of laughter.
So during a swahili class someone unleashes one of ammonia quality and even the trusty sweaters can't help.So there is some commotion as people are trying to save
their respiratory systems...
Swa teacher:Nini inaendelea huko????
Mark:Jon anatoa pums!
Swa teacher:tafadhali rudia
Mark:Jon anatoa pums!
Swa teacher:approaches the row of desks.Takes a whiff, almost chokes and walks out in indignation.

Last but not least, sometime in high school the rap and freestyle craze hit us.So what we would do during free classes was that we would get together a small clique and jam for the rest of the class.One dude would have one of those metal pencil cases ie oxford open and it would be the tweeter with two pens for drumsticks, the other dude would use his palm on the desk for the base beats,one other dude would provide the other sound effects that are on a rap/ragga track, one dude would rap, the other do the ragga and last but not least Aco would be the DJ saying things like "Cum selector!,Rewind rewind rewind,won't stop can't stop,awww hell yeah etc!So one day we were in the zone and the class was singing along then the door burst open!It was the vice principle!
V.P:Where is the shyshtem!(yes that is how he said it!)
Clique:We don't have one!
V.P:Stop lying!I wash hearing music!Where is it!
Clique:We dont have one!!
V.P:proceeds to empty our bags and desks, So you have hidden it!Go to my office!
Needless to say we got to jam in detention that Saturday........


Joseph Walking said...

LOL hahahaha! you have made my day ..swa teacher nini niaendelea huko lol hahaha!

Kind of reminds me of a question i like to ask kenyans .when the queen of england goes to the choo does she fart like me ? then why do you think we cant do what jungus can

acolyte said...

@ joe
It seems that we miroos give too much gist to some ppl when they are just like us....

spicebear said...

the "rewind selector" part made my day ... ati farting competitions? aki boys will always be boys!

acolyte said...

@ spicebear
usinione hivi unidharau!I had mad skills in my day!-proceeds to prop self up on walking stick!-

Malaika said...

LOL@Most of my swahili books were as good as new at the end of year and fetched full value on the market

Prousette said...

How do you even think of having farting competitions?? I am reliably informed that the competitors would ensure that they consumed the most lethal ingredients to produce the most noxious gases. I will never understand this. Boys indeed!!

Mocha! said...

LOL! The last two are just hilarious. Aco, you are mad. Funny, but mad!

Reminds me of my geography teacher in high school.....she could not pronounce cumulus clouds. instead she would say "chumlonimbas" and the guidance and counselling teacher when she was angry at you and was giving you a lecture, it was like having an english lesson. You would need a dictionary to get the meanings of the 'important new' words she used to unleash during the msomo. Harsh words at that....afterall, she was a JJ!

acolyte said...

@ malaika
All my swa skills were gotten in the hood so they are somewhat suspect!
@ prou
Ah!The smells of youth!
@ Mocha
Schools always had to have such teachers!

Milonare said...


Lakini my probation shud be over by now *semi-missing milo tapping fingers and not amused*

Our labs were the same although it wasnt compes. Guys would unleash silent killers that would turn blue litmus red!!!

I suck at speaking swa but toboad fasihi and lugha... Aki I dont know how...

Acolyte said...

@ Milo
Kwani wtf did you ppl used to eat?!As for probation it's almost over.As for me I cut my losses when it came to swa....

Farmgal said...

you have chekeshad me lots!
aco rocks!

for someone who hated swa I will give youu an A for the written one.

acolyte said...

@ farmgal
Thanks at least I learnt sumthin in them classes....

Afro said...

ayaya! this was too funny. tears streaming from eyes funny.

acolyte said...

@ Afro
I aim to please!