Monday, May 15, 2006

Wandering mind

Today I was bored and my mind got to thinking about how men and women relate and how complicated it is.
Picture this scenario:
Boy meets girl.Boy is attracted to girl.Boy starts calling girl almost daily and spending lots of time with girl.
Boy and girl become an item.Girl loves boy and spends time with him daily and talks on phone to him every other day.Girl spends alot of time at boy's house and vice versa and they do alot of every day activities together.
After sometime Girl begins coming up with long term plans for both of them, Boy seems to be fine with those ideas.
After a while phone calls and activities initiated by Boy reduce to a trickle.Boy begins to spend more time with his "boys" then with Girl.Boy and Girl part ways with Girl left bitter.
I know I have glossed over the situation but why is it that when a Boy and Girl start dating; the Boy pursues and all is well.When they begin dating at first all is peachy.When girl starts getting closer and closer and more of Boy's life is when cracks begin to appear.The closer Girl gets the further Boy pulls back until he runs away.I have my own answer but what is it about female closeness that drives away many men?Even married men who end up spending more time at work, doing hobbies and with friends then with their wives?
I am no relationship expert but your views and experiences will be greatly appreciated!
Now a great article on some reasons why men will not commit....

No more freedom

We men are extremely independent by nature. We like to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted -- going out for a beer with his buddies, buying a big screen TV, playing golf on Saturday afternoon -- suddenly have to be cleared with her first. And her answer is almost always, "No -- we're a couple now" (translation: "We're going to do things my way"). Almost overnight, we find ourselves trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of his own wants or desires.Men were born free and should be allowed to roam free once in a while!

Loss of space

We like guy things -- we need "guy space" for stuff like cars, tools and watching kick-ass action flicks. But women want to take over, to "female up" what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers. In fact, they're so committed to feminizing all the space around them that they quickly start forbidding us to have any guy stuff at all. So suddenly you find the bathroom buried in female products, your leather couch has been reupholstered in pastel paisley, and the spot where you kept your tools has blossomed into an indoor herb garden.I once went to a married pal's digs and I was almost buried in lace, fluff, kitsch and other "beautifying" material' aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One sex partner, forever

We naturally crave sexual variety. When we commit -- either in marriage or cohabitation -- we willingly volunteer to cut ourselves off from any other sexual pursuits. Sexual boredom can set in, followed by a total lack of desire. For a lot of us -- even guys who weren't getting a lot of action anyway -- this can be the scariest consequence of all. Men are hardwired to have sex with as many females as possible so as to perpetuate the survival of the species, in nature males have the shortest life spans from birth...but then that doesnt justify humping around!I am just saying why men get tempted to do it!

We've been burned before

When we've been divorced and run through the wringer of the female-biased court system, many of us are reluctant (read "terrified") to risk a second commitment. Nowadays, we aren't exactly chomping at the bit to sign a contract legally allowing a woman to clean us out financially. Successful achievers -- those of us who have built companies and high-powered careers from the ground up -- are especially afraid of being forced to hand over all the fruits of our hard labor to a greedy female and may make the decision never to get involved in a serious relationship again.I have heard some horror stories that would turn casanova gay.So I believe men should forget about lovey dovey and enter things with both eyes open!

The emotional baggage

Many women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes -- for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards. Women often submerge their true personalities and agendas until the knot is tied -- but when the truth comes out and the we find ourselves legally bound to a greedy, nagging bitch, it's too late.I always say that if she seems to be perfect then she is hiding some major major baggage and mileage to boot!

Lack of compromise

Commitment implies the ability to compromise -- ideally a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, "compromise" often means "do it my way or you're cut off from sex." So we are forced into surrendering to this sexual blackmail if we want to get any sex at all, and the result is a terrible loss of male power.Good thing I have been getting chastity training coz a man must stand up for what he believes in, no matter what the cost!

Loss of free time

Serious relationships suck up an enormous amount of time and energy -- they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it wine and dine her, interact with her family, remember her birthday, or pick her up from work. For some of us, all the bother just isn't worth the effort.Gotta go pick curtains with her, go see the inlaws, go to the mall, go here, go there!Its a hard life!

Not ready for it

These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our careers off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively play the field.Yup!Men have a long sell by date, no biological clock to watch out for!

Can't trust a woman

We learn pretty fast that many women can't be trusted -- they're always looking to upgrade, to latch onto a man with more money, more status and more stuff to sex-ploit. Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.Women are the craftiest creatures to walk God's earth so a man must be wise and take his time or get screwed!

She applies pressure

For a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now . So they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down -- pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave.I think this ties in with what I was saying, at times patience works best as things do work out in their own time..

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heh Aco, I have seen!

Let me keep reading!

Unknown said...

I second D-Shys comment - BOLLOCKS !
U have put all women in the needy-must-have-boyfriend-who will then be hubby- will change the man's ways- basket !

* picketing outside Aco's house in protest *

spicebear said...

if a man is "bored", he is lazy! as d-shy said, there over 200 sex positions and then some. its just lack of creativity. and if she isn't interested in spicing things up, chances are that he wasn't that good to begin with.

as for lack of compromise, there is nothing as unappealing as a man who can't stand up for himself. if a dude lets himself be manipulated because of sex *rolls eyes* shauri yake. he set the precedent of being spineless. and should he end up with a woman who "cant be trusted" then his own judgement and taste should be questioned, not all women in general.

teehee, this sure is interesting!

Milonare said...

LOL

Sema Aco.

You sure do love to provoke the ladies!

Cant wait to see how this pans out!!!

That said, however, singlehood does have its benefits!!!

KenyanMusings said...

exfriggin cuse me Acolyte?

Say it with me as I pick my placarsd...BOOSHITE!!

Ala!,,,,,ati what?

Let me write you a post my friend...yaani, men tsk....y'all think you run this show now how?

BRB.
Hi by the way

Anonymous said...

Bla bla bla.............

KenyanMusings said...

**Mini post**

Darn right you were bored my sweet….Of course disenchantment happens after girl gets to know boy or vice versa and you discover that by the way, he aint as funny as you thought he is…..or hell, he cannot dress good enough to save his ass, or she….er, she is a possessive bitch or something. That said, the reasons people move forward AT ALL, is because they believe there is more to whatver bull they have going to disregard the nitty grittys, because no one is perfect!! Some of us who cannot stand unfunny guys….our loss, I would rather die an old hag than date a man who cannot make me keel over with laughter…but this is not about me….

Anyhuuuuu, onto commitophibia, and I speak as a phobe…

Freedom? Ahemmm.. WTF!!! Men think they are the only ones who need their freedom? What about me? My gals? (copy paste this arguments onto every other reason you will EVER come up with). Women too need their bloody space. I would throw up if I had to spend all my time with my man…it would make me sick! Freedom is a matter of simply agreeing on how to spend your time, together and apart. I loathe football, I would much rather spend time with my books, or my friends than watch footie…..and and (**raises finger**) I would not make you miss football on my account. You would prolly er, be no much fun..Have your time….and make some us!!

Space- Errrr Cow piss!!! Get a bleeding garage or something. I am trying to wrap my mind around how in our exquisite Moroccan furnished living room…hata if its special anime like Dshy (LOOL), you want to plop your spare parts of the errrr, jet plane you were trying to build( and you and me, the both of us know you can’t build a plane for shite, because you are a lawyer anyway, and that dream you had honey…was just that, a dream!!!, I digress)…smack in the middle of sacred space…aiiiii, Negro puhleeze, tools? TOOLS? Like screw drivers and stuff? GET A FRIGGIN GARAGE!!
I am with you on the lace…LOL, that sucks, but sharing the same tastes does come in handy, and it may seem trivial but it needs to be agreed on, or you will come home one day and find ati crotchets are all over.
Copy paste what I told you…even me I need space for my bags and shoes!!

One sex partner forever?.. LOOOOOOL. Say it with me BULLSHITE! I some of us had a choice, we would let you go, and find someone who licks pussy like he is sucking out my cervix!!! But do we? Naaah. Why? Commitment is compromise, that is the opportunity cost. You lose the right to turn around and stick it in any other random hole…..deal!
And say it with Dshy….No excuse there. You can be with someone forever and never tire screwing them, if you are doing it right…..oh! Maybe you would know that if you were not so busy keeping your man, techie, stuff in the wrong places! Ala!
Like I have this friend Bubba, his house is one big techie mess….cables and masts and computers and Base transmitters and…damn, you trip all around the living room…Hell yes, I made him move all that to the spare bedroom, because I am his friend!! Lets face it….men need someone to sort out their mess for them…from sexual, to financial, to where to keep tools!

Aheem, burned before….sigh, what can I say. This is personal for me. I got that a while back. Heck I am not your ex. Get with your past and move on but please, I am not your ex..whatever she did….deal!
Fruits of your labor? Errr,,,can you spell PRENUP? (Assuming the fruits are that magnanimous anyway…else, Tihiih….sorry…what do you got again? A starlet and you are afraid I may clean you out? LOOOOL, bullshite. If I am cleaning anyone out….I am thinking those two very eligible google boys…Sergey and Brin, is it?…The rest of your, you are not as rich as you think…LOOOOL. Y’all is broke…tihihi

Emotional baggage…LOL, er…whatever happened to taking time to know people??
If you gat fooled…sarrry, you is the fool.
Copy paste for all the men who string women along before realizing random shite like they are ‘still bitter about their ex’. Sorry, you lost me….what does that have to do with me? Go heal! Baggage ain’t pretty, but please do not drag me down with you.

Compromise…Do not generalize., but yes, I agree with you on compromise. I will do my bit as long as you are doing yours. Sexual blackmail?, ah, a woman will never say no to sex if you are doing it right….I am from the school of sex should be for fun and enjoyment then procreation, and if it is used as a bargaining tool, sooner or later it loses meaning!! Chastity training eh? Tough luck!!! Let’s see what you have to say when in the middle of it she says “honey, how about the trip to Bahamas?” If you do not yell yes, I will like to know why…Lool.

Free time…..Man, whatchu smoking? It will not take over your life unless you let it!!. Say no dangiit!! If you do not feel like, say no, what? Is she standing over you with a whip? Say NO. It is very refereshing when a man stands his ground…but nooooooo, y’all have to suck up to women like they gat a cure for erectile dysfunction, then when we turn our backs, you are whingeing how much she is all up in your space! Cowards!!

Not ready? Eat shit…Tihihi, hapo is just a case of, picking the wrong mofo. You are ready, he is not…now how? Mistakes…..they happen

Trust? Er, swings both ways my friend. Trust is very sensitive…..and paramount!! All I can say, if you don gat trust….its sad, but you don gat shite!

Pressure….er, in case you did not notice…some of us really DO NOT WANT TO GET HITCHED EVER!!, so yeah, some of us and not ready to have rings or ultimatums shoved down our throats ever!!!


**KM breathes in and out…woosah!**
Nice article tho’ Aco….., a bit on the general side seeing as women are different, but er, all good…..
I still think men let themselves be manipulated, then turn to cry foul when they are in too deep….stand your ground from the word go, and you is gon be fine.

Tsk tsk..what do I know, I cant bag a whore to save my life....LOOOL

@ Ms K....LOOOOL, atoi bra bra bra....yawn, kiss my ass on your way out....tehe...

Girl next door said...

Aco,
The scenario you described is very real. I don't fully understand why a boy will pursue the girl relentlessly and when she comes around, he distances himself. I think that a lot of men can't handle intimacy and they freak out about being vulnerable.
Even though you've given a list of reasons, they don't hold for every relationship. In fact, those same reasons are why many of us women don't want to commit. The idea of moving into a house with some man, redecorating everything with ruffles and lace, dressing him, cooking for him, spending all my free time around him, and demanding his salary every month does not appeal to me at all. I'm sure I speak for many women in this regard.

Prousette said...

Kijana, I will give you 10 more years on this earth then you can eat your words... will gladly garnish them for you with kachumbari as you run home to take care of your three children as the lady in your life takes off for the evening with the girls.

There is more to life than things like variety,freedom and space. Kwani how come you do not get bored of wearing the same face since you were born?

KenyanMusings said...

LOOOL @ prou....Wazi, wazi!! Yaay!

Mr. Acolyte, umezimwa, na ukakojolewa, just to make sure you never arise from them ashes again!!! hata if you try to fan them embers...LMAO, tehe, tihi.......

LMAO @ wearing the same face.

Its ok Aco....come out of Under the bed...Prou is gone...here boy, here boy.......!!!

Ayayyayaiiii....there you have been wezwad....

Speak ye mighty Acolyte....we are listening.

Anonymous said...

Aco, I am the only woman on your side - LOL just taking your post with a shovelful of salt - and gagging as I go along.

I had an idea of what to say but seeing as umekojolewa , I will just do a Milo and wait to see what happens next.

Although I could actually just ask a parting question - WHAT CAVE DID YOU JUST CRAWL OUT OF - so we can quickly fill it with concrete so no more of you come out?

Anonymous said...

This is my philosophy There is no need to be angry at any sex(male or female) .There is someone for everyone, who will put up with you and enjoy it ,lets not get bitter about it,Generalizing and stuff.

acolyte your post is very telling .i am begining to wonder! you must have really loved her, but its time to heal

Unknown said...

looooooooooooool @ guesses comment ati fill the hole with cement looooool
made my morning .

Aco Im still outside your digs so U cna open the drapes and carry one - I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE !

Anonymous said...

Dont dismiss everything. the man does have 2 valid points people.

1.Many women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes -- for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards,

2Commitment implies the ability to compromise -- ideally a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally.

Anonymous said...

Now first thing
I DID NOT WRITE THAT ARTICLE!
@ Dshy
Well those mamas who want free time should offload there jamaas first thing and stop whinging!
You mamas are looking for princes and most of you are the ugly sisters and not cinderella so ebu zima that vibe!
You talk about 200 positions and most mamas are unfit gits who cant even touch their toes, so sahau Karma Sutra with most mamas!
Society has gone as far as it has because of men, most of the worlds greatest inventors got married after they had done things like invent electricy, radio etc coz if they were married their wives would have most probably thrown their half done inventions in the trash and chased away their fellow inventors.
Like I said I didnt write the article but alot of it rings true and it is funny too!
@ Devious One
Like I said I didnt write the article!Only the first part of the post is mine!
@ Spicebear
I do agree with you that men who are manipulated by sex are weak and women who manipulate men with sex are disgusting!
Plus it takes two to tango, if both parties arent down to make things work, then game over!
@ Milonare
Singlehood rocks, plus things had become too calm over here!
@ KM
mini post back atcha!
Yes disenchantment is a two street after you find out that her coy innocence is actually wide eyed naivety and stupdity that she will never grow out of ama that baby phat is just fat fullstop that could keep michelin producing spare tyres forever etc but most women are too damn clingy at some stage!You gotta give a man his space, not wanting to talk to him and see him like every other hour!
Like I said before, some of you mamas need to stop dating clingy bastards just coz they were the first dudes who were smiling with you!
Penda usipende mamas have a nesting instinct!They want to turn every damn space they touch into fluffy comfy nest!ALso men are not all disorganised bastards, I know some mamas who are so messy and disorganised even the roaches moved out of their digs!
Plus what is this crap of unending bags and shoes?!And you wonder why most of you are so broke when you insist on buying the new Manolos every year!
Penda usipende tena, mamas are hardwired to settle down with one sex partner!Biologically and mentally!Have you ever heard of a man getting an infection from shagging sana???No!!!!But ya'll do!Compromise about pussy sucking king wapi!Just admit that you cant find him!
men need someone to sort out their mess for them…from sexual, to financial, to where to keep tools!
Another load of grade A money bag horse piss!When mamas became independant, so did we!Many of us have been handling our own affairs for years without mamas and we dont need one to stroll in and tell us what to do!We are not as helpless without you as you think!!!!!!!
Well if you have been burned b4 logic dictates you move slow the next time round.We are not like mamas who dive headfirst back into trouble and slink back to the gals crying to eat ice cream and curse mankind!
My dear, nowadays most prenups are not worth the paper they are written on.All a mama has to do is whelp a couple of brats and it is game over!So you have to choose slowly and wisely.
Plus ongea vibaya but most mamas will be overlooked by them billionares (ya'll over rate yourselves!) leaving the pigeons to try and clean out ordinary hardworking joes!
But I do agree that all parties need to get over the past!
My dear when it comes to resisting the trap of sexual manipulation you are talking to a man who used to fast for the hell of it!Just to show the body that I am the man, so if she plays the fool mid act I will kick her manipulating ass out and put an ice pack on Mr Johnson!lool!
My dear, there are times when that no you say will cost you big time so it is easier to say yes and have less domes in the digs!
Now I have to go back to work.....I will come back and finish with you and the rest of the invaders!You need to be put down with extreme prejudice!

Anonymous said...

Item by Item
No more freedom
Is there a gun to your head? Just bloody say no. Period. If you can't, that is your own funeral.

Loss of space
Last I checked there are parts of Kenya that have opn wide spaces as far as the eye can see make a point of moving there, si it is space you want.

Sexual variety
That is a myth passed down from father to son, and that is why most men are shocked beyond words when they find out only one of the four children they proudly call theirs actually is. We crave variety too do not kid yourself especially some potbellied mofos who think they are the hottest things since sliced bread because langas on K street treat them like a king.

We've been burned before
Burn you once shame on me. some one else burns you after I have, shame on you twice.

The emotional baggage
Unless a girl grows up watching soaps and thinking they are real, hiyo ni shida yake and you as well. You know in our oral tradition as a kenyan we did not have that cinderella shit. So no point there. Most of the time though the man gets into a situation with his eyes very wide open or blinded by lust.

Lack of compromise
Speak up for yourself man. What is the worst she will do? Communication!!

Not ready for it.
You think so? Then just say it. If all I wanted was a father to my children and you are not ready si you just say. Am I going to shoot you?

Can't trust a woman
Is your mother a woman? Do you trust her?

She applies pressure.
See points above. Just say no. Better than writing an article that she will not read and associate with your sentiments.

Aco I really enjoyed that bout maybe we should have such wanderings more often and I know the article was not authored by you. Unfortunate some misguided souls will read it and think it is the bible.

spicebear said...

@ AZANGEZANAGA and ACO
surely you jest? no really. not all women are stuck on must.get.married! zone. it's like y'all sit around and hear a couple of stories and then conclude that all women are absolutely desperate for a wedding. sheesh, it's just as bad as some women saying that all men are dogs and will give you aids. same train of thought. get off that train and think for yourself! if you just happen to always end up with women who have the engagement ring bug, again, your taste in women should be questioned. don't lump all of us into the same category.

Anonymous said...

Weeeee unambia wengine wasi kojoe lakini wewe unacha kinyasi kikubwa kama cha ndovu.

4 kids from another man thats just a langa no stories of apetite.

you know in our oral tradition as a kenyan we did not have that cinderella shit. So no point there .weee shame on you why are you generalizing if you gre up in the village fetching water doesnt mean others didnt grow up with cenderella .

open spaces in kenya by the way are not free not all men are patro wanting to roam the plains , aco is just asking you to get out of his shamba

Prousette said...

OK Mr BBC whoever you are tuheshimiane and that is all I will say to you.
What has my mother got to do with it?

4 children from different mamas is not being a langa? What do you call that?
Aco said categorically that he did not write the article.
Are you ashamed of what you have to say so that you have to hide your identity. Ushindwe kabisa!!! Aco where are you hebu you protect your fellow species mate before iI rarua him to pieces.

Heshima bwana this is not a bar brawl.

Thanking you profusely.

Spidey/Tato said...

u just had to wait till i left to unleash this...mmm mmm mmm

wow...ur askin for it...heh heh milo ebu pass me some popcorn, DSHY's about to tear down!

Anonymous said...

Prousette

Haya basi its me in living color. no need to call acolyte you cant rarua jack here! Dont believe the hype you have created ati raruaring anybody. your points are null and void. you cant defend langa behaviour.

na nitakojoa nitakapo. i wear the pants in this digz sio wewe

Prousette said...

@kenya77 out of the woodwork a good sign....
And while you are at it what do you define by langa behavior so that I am on the same wavelength with you? I am not defending anything just saying it as it is not pretending that if it is a man it is OK and if it is a woman she's a langa.

Have you seen the men who go around saying they need variety? They are nothing to write home about.

Cinderella and goldilocks etc every single person knows they are stories for entertainment purposes until some adventurous person linked them to relationships now every tom dick and harry is saying women have the cinderella complex and men have the knight is shining armour complex blah...
or maybe you do not know they are...?

FYI your digz is your problem do not bring me into it. I would not care whether you walk around naked.

Bee said...

Either its my mum yapping away in the background or I'm just tired of battle of the sexes arguments.. Greg made it simple, if the guy doesn't commit he's just not that into you

Anonymous said...

I have no beef with anyone as long as there are no double standards turning this post into a man bashing area. Cant women defend themselves without using the same generalizations they are angry acolyte has used . you cant defend yourself using generalizations against men.Can you please respond to the generalizations posted intelligently .trust me if your aim to to get a point across to those you say are 'Unfortunate misguided souls who will read it and think it is the bible' then dont also generalze .

(FYI your digz is your problem do not bring me into it. I would not care whether you walk around naked). and i thought my blinds were shut maybe i should invite one of you fair lasies to get me some colourful drapes

Acolyte said...

Seems I cant leave the digs bila chaos erupting!Now time to deal with all this oestrogen powered anger!
Anyway, where was I....
@ girl next door
I do agree that this article does not apply to all relationships.But I think in the scenario that I have described I do think that some women try and become too much of a part of a man's life and that scares the man away.
Plus men dont like being vulnerable I agree, it isnt a nice feeling at all!
I dont think many of those reasons apply to women at all other then maybe the baggage.Women yearn to settle with one partner, nurture and domesticate them.
@ prousette
Someone told me that 10 years ago and they are still wondering why they are wrong.The Acolyte stays true to his values!There little in life that compares to things like variety,freedom and space.Those are the things that make life worth living!Face it, some of us are like the wind, we will never stop in one place!
@ Guess
Say what you want but the things in that article are true.
@ nmjoe
That article was not by me, so in no way does it reflect my past.
@ D shy
Just becoz I was busy elsewhere did not mean I had conceded the war.Remember the croaking of many frogs doesnt stop a cow from drinking from the lake.....
@ AZANGEZANAGA
Thanks for your opinion!It seems those points were carried away in the tidal wave of emotion!
@ prou
I think me addressing those points would take another post and I know I have covered enuff of those points in previous rejoinders.
@ Kenya77
Siasa kando, you do have a valid point.A woman with 4 kids from different fathers does have mad issues and isnt worth any good man's time!
@ prou again!
I think Kenya77 can speak for himself but at least he came out to talk which is more then can be said for most of the kbw brothers!
@ Kenyangal
Thank you for your candour!
@ Kenya77
I feel you sana because very few of the chics who have commented here have given firm and logical rejoinders, instead it has been lighting of fires and chasing down all men in the vicinity with sharpened pitchforks!But as for what people do in their houses I will remain blissfully ignorant!
After laying down the uprising with exterme prejudice The Acolyte sheathes his sword and cleans his battered shield and walks off into the sunset

Acolyte said...

@ Tee J
Pole sana for forgetting you....WELCOME BACK!!!