Let me tell you

Since my ex blog heart Mutumia dearest shared something near and dear about domestic affairs, so will I.
The chic who got me off the train from here forth reffered to as derailer is insecure.So during the post coital talk (when I would rather be sleeping) they often come out.There are many issues that dog her.
-She tells me that she is afraid that one day I will get bored of her and leave her. I do tell her that it won't happen anytime soon but then after I utter those words I remember point #1 of my previous post.
-She says that I have a cold and harsh side to me that I am hiding from her.What to say but it's true (not that I admit it).
-She is afraid that I will leave her for the next beautiful Kenyan girl who comes my way. I plead the 5th on that one!
-She says that the fact that she doesn't cook (she does cook but American style, straight from the box) , while I on the other hand prefer to cook from scratch (chopping vitungus and nyanyas upwords) and that she doesn't clean very well (dishes sleep in her sink for days while if you read the previous post you now know my thing about gleaming sinks) makes her wonder if I will put up with her for the long term.I cook and clean for myself so I am not hooking up with a mboch but.......
-She thinks the fact that she can't learn swahili is a major minus point against her (we all know how many Americans are just handicapped when it comes to languages), also she tells me that my face brightens up like a child who has gotten a new toy whenever I meet the other Kenyan dude on campus and we start yakking.For me it's no big deal but most of the chics I have been tight with who are American can speak more then one language.
-She listens to me talk about my plans ie the 5 year plan and she feels that she isn't ambitious enough for me.I agree with that but we all can't aim for the stars so I am fine with that as long as she is happy with what she is doing.
-Due to eating out a whole lot, cooking from boxes, lack of exercise and an aversion to fresh fruit and vegetables she has put on quite a few pounds, no she isnt one of those people who roll as oppossed to walking but she wont be on the cover of Shape magazine anytime soon.She's one of those peole who love the taste of food; she eats when she is happy, sad, bored.She once got depressed because one week she couldn't afford to eat out.At times she eats out 3 times a week, more if you add lunchtime take out, I on the other hand am a eat out once or twice a week kind of person (take out doesn't taste all that good more times then that for me).So we had a talk about it and I told her that if she isnt willing to change her diet then she should be willing to spend at least 30 mins a day working out.She has seen the dedication and time I can put towards keeping fit (but I have slacked off lately I admit) and she finds it daunting even though I tell her it is a one day at a time kind of thing.Anyway I think I have gone off course, this leads to the insecurity that I will leave her for the next slim thing that walks by.I will admit that men are visual beings and that looks matter to us greatly but I am not that fickle.
-To cap it all off she also at times feels that she is not what I am looking for in a woman.All I have to say is that I have never told her what I am looking for in a woman so I chalk that one up to general insecurities.

What makes this hard for me is that many of the women in my past have been extremely self confident and their periods of insecurity were few and far between so this is a whole new thing for me (constant validation), plus she thinks I am extremely self confident when in actuality I am just performing act II.I think maybe being the man of the house when I wasy young forced me to internalise my insecurities and work through or around them.Motivations has never been my strong suit so I can't go around telling her and other people to suck it up and move on can I?
But insecurities aside, it isn't doom and gloom with the two of us.We have a great time most of the time we are together.She has a good sense of humour that compliments mine, she doesn't take my easy going nature as a license to act the fool,we share alot of the same values,the strokes are good and we are very comfortable with each other.Whoever said dealing with the intricacies of women is easy?I think I will take this thing one day at a time and see how it turns out.

AOB
It hit me that you may have lived in the same country but have lived totally different lives yesterday.It took the better part of 30 mins for me to explain to my room mate what the digital box that your cable company gives you is, what it does and why we needed one.And I don' tthink he fully understood me after that.Seems some things are not as common place as we think they are for everyone.

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