Thursday, July 20, 2006

Adventures at the local, cane drinks and ennui

Seeing as yesterday's post brought back so many interesting memories, I felt that I should share some more.At some point in my life we lived around Spring Valley, so I had alot of friends who live in Loresho.The thing with those areas is that there is not a very high residence turnover (meaning not too many people move out) so even 8 years after we moved out most of the people whom I knew still lived there.
Now if anyone knows anything about those neighbourhoods , it is the fact that there are alot of spoilt kids who do nothing but bum and have cash and time to burn.Now one of my best pals was tight with those people.His parents didn't lavish as much cash on him as the other kids so he had to hustle to make ends meet and I guess that's what made us be good pals as he was really down to earth.Anyway some enterprising soul decided to open a bar in the Loresho environs.The women of the local church (mother's union) were up in arms and I think they even demonstrated but since the appropriate licences and bribes were paid the joint was opened.For the first few months it was not uncommon for mothers to be found there looking for their wayward sons,daughters and husbands.It used to tickle me silly to be in the presence of a middle aged man telling us that we young uns were soft for letting our girls push us around and that he's the one who wears the pants in the house; only for the same zack to turn into a meek mouse when his wife would come and blast him for being a good for nothing and order him to follow her home.
What I used to fear about my boy, his name was Kibbz is the fact that this dude had the verbal skill to sell a Samburu in Nothern Kenya a tanning bed.More so he could even do the same with drunk people.I have a short string when it comes to drunk people as they don't reason very well, we only work well when I am under the influence too.Anyway back to the point at hand.I learnt that when I was visiting pals in Loresho, that if I passed by his area that I might as well carry a jacket as I would not be leaving soon or even that same day.I forgot to say that he was like an MP, you know those dudes who know everyone and by hanging out with him you get to know too many people by default.
What used to make my day is when to facilitate a quick escape I would go visit peeps at the local and tell them I was too broke to buy myself more then one drink (Of course I had the cash but I didnt want to be tied down).To counter this what he would ask me to give him the money I was going to use to buy the drink.He would then go and consult with his boys and they would have an adhoc harambee and buy a 750ml vodka bottle for the group.Seeing as I was not and am not a hard liqour fan, I would buy a soda to dilute my portion.Let me tell you I have never been begged for a tots of soda like I was during those times as people would rather save their cash for liqour and not soda but were more then happy to have some of mine.What would happen when you left to go to the loo is that someone who had too much vodka would add some of theirs to yours.So you would come back from the loo to find your drink more concentrated then you left it, after getting hammered a couple of times; I learned to have a bladder of steel.
We had many adventures but here is one.This adventure taught me never to go clubbing with people unless you have gotten to observe them before hand under the influence of alcohol.Now there was this young chic who was a pal of Kibbz' who really wanted to go clubbing with us.Other then seeing her in the hood once in a while I didn't know too much about her.Kibbz said that she was seemed like an o.k chic and since she said she would buy us a round or two we should take her with us.I didn't see a problem with that, later I would wish I did.The evening started well enough at the local.Everyone had a round or two to get us going.Most people were having beers but our guest decided to sample one of the brands that ended with the name cane, but like the rest of us she didnt seem the worse for wear.We went to a joint in Westlands (which will remain nameless) where we did the usual lap of honour and proceeded to get comfortable.What used to happen is that we would get one table but people would be free to roam around and do their thing.So when the young un wasnt with us long we didnt mind as she knew where to find us.It is when an hour or so, a crowd of 3 guys passed us saying "My guy!We have to see this mama!"
Hearing that we had to follow them and see what was up.To get to the site of the action, we see a crowd of dudes around a table and who is on the table?Yes you guessed it!The young un aka our guest.She was in the process of stripping to the music.She had already taken off her top and was working on the bra.Where were the bouncers at this time?Either they were watching or chatting outside.
So one of my pals grabbed her off the table as fast as possible despite the mob's protests and we took her to the ladies where we managed to get through her drunken state and convince her to put on her top.She did so and we decided to take her outside to sober up.As we were doing this she was telling us to buy her some liqour, of course we refused.So we left her sitting outside near the car with one of our pals for company and we went back in to finish our drinks.As I was drinking my beer I got that feeling you get in the gut of your stomach when something is going wrong.So I asked Kibbz to take me outside to check on the chic.On getting there we get here on the verge of shattering one of the cars windows with a large rock.Seems that she had noticed that we had a 1/3rd full bottle of vodka and she thought that was the fastest way to get to it.We managed to stop her and put her in the car.Where was our pal who was supposed to keep her company?Well he had decided to go round the block to buy some cigarettes.
So we all pile into the car and decide to go buy some fries and kuku porn to round off the night.The young un seemed to have sobered up at this point in time so we asked her to join us in the joint.We ordered our food and things seemed fine only for our meal to be interupted by her screaming!It seems that we had kidnapped her.It is at that point in time that I was thankful for Kenyan's apathy that sees them look on as you are beaten silly by muggers in the city streets.No-one in the establishment batted an eyelid so we were able to calm her down and make her realise who we were and why we were together.We took her home and boy were we glad to be rid of her.
The most ironic thing is that they next week she found us chilling out in the hood and asked us when we were going out next and if she could come.I am sure you could guess our response.

Speaking of cane drinks and the havoc the wreak, I should tell you the story about how one of my neighbours back home had a little more then she could handle and the resulting drama that had someone tell her, "If you are a teacher I feel sorry for the children."

On to ennui.My life doesn't suck but it is as boring as ever!I am tired of these long ass boring classes with the inane assignments.I am tired of my job!I am sick of this tired PC and I miss my fast Mac with it's big ass wide screen from my old job!Cable TV sucks!Internet has become mundane (blogs excepted from this comment!) I am sick of being broke!Aaaaargh!!!!!

23 comments:

Kagz said...

Simply passed by to tell Archer that i come in 1st once again :)

Will read & comment over the w/knd.

Adios!

acolyte said...

@ kagz
Seems you two have a real race going on.
Later!

Archer said...

Ah shieeeet! Nimechelewa! Wewe Kagz wewe!

Udi said...

LMAO. Daddy, that was tooo hilarious. I used to go that local in Loresho once in a while. It was a nice joint. it was a kidogo upscale local compared to the mabatini i grew up in. But safari cane is lethal. I should know since me and some jamaas chafuad a bottle a couple of weeks ago. I am still shivering from the thought

Archer said...

Me thinks the "locals" drama is the same in all hoods on Kenya. But you forgot to mention that most bartenders and waitresses are mostly Kaoz (of from regions close to Ukambani) and the only music that booms thruogh the tiny ass speakers and tweeters is the likes of "Kilunda ni kise mbesaa...kilundaaaaaaa!" (ati your local has a resident DJ? Lies my guy!Lies!) After a while you even find yourself grooving to the Kao tracks! The other day a Kenyan pal of mine here in SA unleashed a katitu boys TAPE during a drinking session and lets just say that dingy pub dwellers wote walipatikana! Myself included.
As for young'ns being drunk and disorderly, some young chic I know from waaay back, I found her dancing on table tops on the hanye in December. Kushuka alikataa! Aftermath? She just gave birth to twins less than a month ago. Sad.

Acolyte said...

@ archer
Pole my guy!Maybe next time!
@ udi
I used to pitia that joint sana when I was in Kenya until petrol went up and carjacking began to increase.After that mambo became Nairobi West.After colle I stopped drinking that poison, but I came to stato with 3 bottles for peeps to enjoy.

Acolyte said...

@ archer
I think kuyos also represent heavily in the waiter and barmaid/man segment.But if you dunda at those joints huko Mombasa rd karibu athi river, you will find kao staff and katitu mboys is the order of the day.
Many tao joints with resident DJs qualify as locals ie Hornbill in Nai is a local if you ask me.
As for young uns misbehaving on the rave I have seen it many a time and as in your case some who are with child and feel jack!What is a local bila drama once in a while?

joe said...

sikoka. the plot thickens.

uDI From mabatini to sikoka u must have been being hosted by an anangwe brother .which one ! still under debate.


Acolyte your statement on nothing to do but cash to burn i think you have the wrong hood try buruburu

Milonare said...

I hope that dem wasnt trying to dance on a pool table at Qs. Sacrilege!!!

Your lucky she didnt puke in your mots LOL

Girl next door said...

Sounds like you've had your share of adventures! After reading the storo of the young chic who got drunk and out of control, I strongly agree that you shouldn't go out with someone till you know how they handle alcohol. I stay away from those -cane drinks. I feel you on Macs. I'm using an old one now but I really want one of those new Mac/intel laptops. Summertime tends to drag on, esp. when taking classes. Hang in there!

Jadekitten said...

LOL at Kilunda ni kisee mbesaa.... That song irks me every time I hear it n Daytona has a way of playing it any time I'm in that vicinity...pfftttt

As for knowing peeps before you go out with them, I agree...lest you find yourself having a fab old time at Ka-choi only for some 'person' who's a pals'pal you bebad along to the club to throw up all over the back of your pants..saa hizo sijui they had kulad some green sh** that smells like sth the cat picked in the garbage can.

Yes, cheka tu, it'll happen to you one day :-)

acolyte said...

@ joe
Yes I do know sikoka and culture intimately!Don't take it the wrong way, there are productive peeps in Loresho too but there were bums too!As for cash to burn I would think that Loresho folks would be doing better in that department,correct me if I'm wrong.
@ milo
I doubt she would have been on that table for 1 min if it was Qs.Yes she didnt puke in the moti but that reminds me of another story...
@ Girl Next Door
I can chomoa stories mpaka kesho!There are some people who do a total 180% once they have some alcohol in them, so you have to observe lest drama breaks out!Mac rock but the cost,aiii!Just 2 weeks to go!
@ jadekitten
Woooiii!My dear you were given oral shower!Pole!I have seen it happen and it is not a funny thing.That reminds me of the day some idiot puked on the hood of my moti and I found the mess as I emerged from the club,sukuma tupu!Yuk!!!!!

Udi said...

@joe- LMAO. Anash is my boy to death. That is why i was able to frolock from mabatini to the locals of Loresho in the spur of the moment

kelitu said...

Where do i start about crazy pals on the rave:

Well, there was one who after getting drunk and start fighting with everyone within her armreach.

Another would drink, get high and get on the tables, bouncers would have to come and get her down.

The other one is passed out over the bathroom sink and i have to take her outside for fresh air.

There's another one who is asking for people's shoes so that he can puke in them.

The one who passed out while we were driving to the rave, has now woken up and already on his 3 bottle.

There's one passed out on the table.

It's time to leave and one pal has disappeared with the dj to the back room.

acolyte said...

@ udi
I see you are well connected!
@ kelitu
If my raves had all that much drama I wouldnt be clubbing at all!You are a strong woman to deal with that drama!

kelitu said...

My Pals were mad!! But i loved them all the same. The drama would make for great stories the next day. Telling people how they were misbehaving and seeing the shock on their face- priceless!

acolyte said...

@ kelitu
I do agree that some crazy pals are fun but there are some on the other hand who are not worth the drama at all!I will tell stories of some of those pals in the near future!

Silver said...

@ Acolyte, someone upchucked what on your motor?? Skums???
Man i swear i peed a little laughing when i read that. You should quit keeping you ride so clean and tidy, dude probably thought it needed some colour!

Incidentally i just stumbled upon your blog, good things i see though. I think i recall your dogtag from the Kiss community website, you one and the same?

acolyte said...

@ Silver
It was not fun having to wash that car at 6 am in the morning!It's always good to have guests.Yes I used to be a member on the Kiss Fm forum,dunno where it disappeared to though.

POTASH said...

I swear aco, I know you. Ati springi, that was like my crwod for ages but lets us not name names since we are not annonymous. Me I used to do a litre of safari in a day, or so this pointie dude from the veve used to accuse me of.

I kumbuka drinking safari with pop corn in sarit, those were interesting days...and the women...dayum.

Everyone had a big ass surname, I remember this mama I told in JKays that she has never heard of my surname but I have more money than her daddy, of course she threw at me the standard question peeps ask a young kenyan who is making it: are you doing drugs?

Interestingly,that chicks surname, which was big then, become far too big to mention here. And her digs is off peponi road so maybe you know who it is.

@ Udi: ala, the Anangwes, i used to go to Sikoks with Pato...lol. It is funny how Nairobi is a small city. Everyone knows everyone if you drink!
When i am in Nairobi I still go to sikoka for senators. The crowd hasn't changed, guys just got older but still live with their folks.

acolyte said...

@ POTASH
seems KBW is growing smaller and smaller.I have met peeps in KBW whom we share quite a bit in common with!
Those days of kencelly and safcom as we used to call those cane brew were the times I used to have a liver of steel.But I gracefully retired and left the scene for the young guns.
But as for Sarit the mamas there then and even now..Damn!!!
I remember chics them days who wouldnt date you if your surname didnt ring a bell.I think I know the chic you are talking about.
I feel you about peeps still living with their folks themsides.I know a dude who even has a kid and for sometime till they split up the baby mama used to live in the digs with the famo, this was huko Loresho.

Anonymous said...

wacheni siasa mingi i dont live in loresho but its not like its different from anyother hood in kenya. peeps are all the same from korogocho to muthaiga .lavi to laini saba

acolyte said...

@ Anon
That was a point I was trying to bring out as Joe thought that there are no bums and layabout in Loresho (or something to that effect) and I pointed out that it isnt the case.That there isnt much diff with that hood and other hoods.