Sunday, July 09, 2006

World Cup,Hostel and my paranoia that followed


First things first..Viva Italia!Once Brazil went down I said the team that won between Germany and Italy would go home with the cup.And how right I was!Much as France seemed to be a re-energised force, the fact that they couldn't score from open play in their last 3 games was indicitive of how things would turn out.Henry dived for the free kick that led to his goal in Brazil, it took a penalty to beat Spain and a dubious penalty to score against Italy.Italy on the other hand were on form for the whole tournament.Their centanacio (padlock) was only breached twice in the tournament, I would say one of the goals was by an Italian (an own goal).But any life returns to normal till La Liga, EPL and the other leagues resume, plus I want to see how the Italian match fixing scandal turns out.
My netflix membership resumed.I wanted to cancel it but ended up putting it on hold, I will still cancel it but I plan to enjoy the two weeks that I have left.One of the movies they sent me was hostel.


Even for me who is used to stomach churning spectacles found this movie somewhat disturbing.But charnel house fare aside was the fact the movie reminded me of my bouts with paranoia involving strangers.There's this phrase "when the deal seems to good, think twice!"I remember loads of anecedotes/urban legends that we used to exchange with my pals back home.
There was the one about how you would go clubbing alone, this pretty girl would approach you.Buy you a drink or two and as the night went on let you know that she's down for a one night stand.A few beers,a short skirt and cleavage more often then not wears down a man's ability to reason.So the chic would suggest a nearby hotel to save time.You being horny as every would be more then amiable to this.She'd direct you to a dingy lodging/hotel and get a room for the two of you.After some drunken groping by you in the room she tells you that she has to go to the bathroom and that you should get comfortable.Of course that's the cue for you to strip and you do so.After you do that she'd walk into the room after a few minutes and before you know what's happening you'd hear some movement from underneath the bed.3 men would pop out,take all your belongings and beat you senseless for good measure.So there you are drunk,naked and beaten black and blue with blue balls to boot!
There is also another variation of the scenario that starts the same way but instead of you being robbed the girl would come in with 3 or so hefty men and you would be subjected to some major rear entry action!
There is another scenario where you go out as a dude to have a drink or two to unwind after a long day, to celebrate sunset etc.What would happen here is that a guy would come up to you and ask to sit on the stool next to you and start up a conversation.He would be one of those gregarious individuals and you would get to chatting.Some time down the line he'd offer you a drink and if you are like any other dude you'd accept.With all the beer you'd be drinking you'd have to go to the washroom and it's at that point that your drink would be spiked.After sometime you'd fall to the effects of whatever was put in your drink and begin to get disoriented and drowsy.At that point in time your new friend would carry you out of the bar and no-one would bat an eye lid as the two of you were seen together.From here different scenarions would unfold....
1)You would wake up with a sore back door in a place you have never been.It would seem that a mob had it's way with you and that you are now a star in a gay porn movie and sadly you will never receive any royalties for your performance.
2)You wake up in a ditch somewhere with only your clothes.Every other thing you own is gone!You were robbed and if they knew where you lived you have also been cleaned out!
3)You wake up with clouds around you,the sound of angels singing and in line at the pearly gates.Someone (business rival,scorned lover,wife who found out about your affair,disgruntled employee or all of them) had you killed.You are at the gates of heaven awaiting judgement.
Oh and I forgot the classic one.You meet this chic who rebuffed all your advances sometime back.She is dressed to kill and seems keen on you.You have been on the bilas train for so long that your seat has conformed to your contours (I will not name names).You cant wait to get some of her so you go to her place, things get hot and heavy and it seems that all that you heard about her ability to do things with her tongue was not hot air being blown by her ex-boyfriend.Time for the coup de grace comes and you pull out your condom, she says that it feels so much better without a condom and does that thing with her tongue to your neck, you dont even remember her taking it out of your hand and putting it aside.You have the screw of your life.You cant get her out of your mind and you try to get in touch with her but she seems to have no time for you.This saddens you but you console yourself with the fact that at least you got a taste of the goodies.Life moves on and after a while this becomes one of the conquests you tell your boys about.
A few months down the line someone tells you that your conquest was ill and passed away.Faint suspicion crosses your mind but you remember how buxom she looked so you brush this thought aside.As a mark of respect you go to the funeral.You catch up with alot of old college pals outside the chapel and get to talking.Ther sermon like most funerals is rather somber and as after the usual sermon and eulogy your conquest's cousin takes the podium to read some last words she left as death began to tighten it's grip on her.She talks about how she had been a good girl all her life and tried to be moral and upright.She talks about how many men had tried to take her virtue but she had turned them away.This was before she met that monied,slick talking older man who made her feel like a woman.He was her first but it seemed that she was far from her first,last and only.After a while she was discarded, she thought she would die from hearbreak but she recovered.
Her recovery was hastened by the fact that she had gotten that job with a multi-national that she had always wanted (in other versions it's a job as an air hostess).After reporting to work and initial training she is told that she has to undergo a medical so she can be under the company's insurance scheme.She knows she has no congenital illness and other illness so she goes in totally confident.It is a few days later during training that she is told to go see the company Doctor.The Doctor asks her to sit down and asks how she has been feeling.With this new job she feels on top of the world and she tells the Doctor that, the Doctor looks her straight in the eye and she has this feeling of unease.The Doctor goes ahead to open her file and tell her that she has tested positive for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.She shakes her head and says it cant be because she has only slept with one man!(I am so tempted to make her shout a blogger's name in this story, any nominees?)As a result of this the company cannot employ her.She goes home in a daze and spends the next few weeks crying and sleeping.The picture of that Casanova keeps appearing in her tortured dreams.She puts herself together and tries to find him only to discover that he is on his death bed.She is incensed that all her dreams can be crushed by one man, his lust and selfishness.She knows that she is not the only one who has suffered this fate and she vows to get payback by sharing the gift that she was given with all men who think that she exists to satisfy her carnal desires.She gets another lower paying job that is enough to pay rent, a stunning wadrobe and for her to go to all the major clubs and bashes.From that day she shares herself to any man lusty enough to fall for her charms.At that point the church is deathly quiet.You feel a thick lump in your throat and can hardly breath.Her cousin concludes the letter, your conquest feels no shame for what she has done and says the following individuals should enjoy their final moments on earth as she has shared her gift with you.A long list of names is reeled out, many of them sound familiar as they are your friends and college mates.You look around and you can see faces turn ashy, while some slink out in denial.You can't move because you know it's coming...your name is read out!
I have heard that this scenario has actually unfolded with some details here and there changing but a list was read out or pinned up in a public place.Anyway I have to go!
ps:To keep your property,health,anal virginity and life please be careful about who you make friends with, where, why and don't go jumping into bed with strangers!Don't say Aco doesn't care for you!

20 comments:

Don_quixote's said...

ha!!!! am first leo,
ahem (clears throat)
VIVA ITALIA VIVA AZZURRI, now wacha i go read the rest.

Don_quixote's said...

LOl ati the list is put some where public lmao.
Personaly if i leave a drink half full or 3/4 full and go to the bathroom, i never touch it tena.
And the minute a stranger starts to tell me stuff like we been buddies since we was knee high is when i slink en slide away pole pole....in this world at this times TRUSTING people gets you in lots of trouble.
By the by thanks for the caring.

Couch 'tato said...

i was praying for any team to beat France after they took my Brazil down...but seriously what was that Zidane thinkin?


Hostel:dont get me started on that one...it bored me...and i think hey were trying too hard to be gross and they were so they got points on that

LOL at your partin shot!

na wewe ur giving blog-hiatuses a bad name!

acolyte said...

@ don q
I think the world has become a much harsher place nowadays where strangers cant be trusted if you ask me.You're welcome!
@ couch tato
I think Zidane just has a short fuse.I do admit that Hostel was a gross blood fest but thanks to it I am not going to Eastern Europe ever!
As for blog hiatus I am going to start posting every 2 days, then after 4 days then after one week till it turns into a hiatus!

Mocha! said...

WWOOOOIIII....aki now where do I start with this one??

Ok....congrats to Italia for winning. I was rooting for them to shinda. I'm with 'tato...what was Zidane thinking. That head butt was a serious one lakini. I am sure the kauzis in Nai are out testing it......LOL!!!

Now....I havent watched Hostel. My taste for horrors/gross films have diminished that I cant stomach them anymore.

This story of HIV/AIDS....scary but a reality. The sooner people are aware of the dangers out there, the better. Aki ignorance is a mutha.....that is what is killing peeps!!!

Have a nice day YOU!!!

acolyte said...

@ Mocha!
I was wondering if Zidane thought he would get away with that?
I guess you are moving to the next stage with movies.
As for ignorance on HIV, there are mingi stories I can tell you.Some people have taken it to another level!

Msanii_XL said...

I tried to so hard to watch hostel..but wapi..

Boo Italy

acolyte said...

@ msanii
Pole sana!But with all the blood I understand why!Viva Italia!

Kagz said...

Aco

This blog vacation/hiatus thingi is proving to be kidogo hard coz there's sooooooo much to blog about and yet accomplish the zillion other things besides blogging.

N'way, si we agreed you'll keep off the drama at KM's blog. Looks like you penda picking fights, huh???

Me coming back to pick a fight with you on the comment you made on Whispering Inn's blog.

As for Euro Cup finals, me was bila syke coz Brazil were out kitambo. How can i watch a full game bila Ronaldinhyo???

So i decided to watch it with my 2 controversial pals. I provided the food & they provided the entertainment.

acolyte said...

@ kagz
I admire the newbie spirit!Keep up the blogging psyke as mingi peeps have fallen off!
As for KM's blog if my name is being dragged in the dirt I have to vibe!But I plan to keep away as it is now turning into a second mashada.
What did I say at Whispering Inn's blog?

Girl next door said...

I'm just laughing after reading those urban legends...I've heard that one of the lists quite frequently and heard names whispered. What can I say to those freaking out? Just get tested. But, there's valid criticism of the test and alternate theories about HIV/AIDS, but that storo is for another day. We all have to be wary of strangers, and even of some who pretend to be friends...

Acolyte said...

@ GND
Yes those stories have really done the laps.As for tests I hear Eliza is really reliable but even so a second opinion never hurts!
But nowadays it's hard to know who is a friend and who is an enemy.

mdkims said...

Your choice of movies is so Aztec (their high priests would pluck out the hearts of a thousand or so unlucky peeps every solar year while the victims were still alive and proceed to eat it raw, all in the name of a sacrifice) super gross...pyuuck!!

Yes Italy won but the best part is that Zidane has taught me a new fighting tactic (i call it the surprise head-butt)... since he is retiring from international football may be he should change career and become a self-defence class teacher

Your concern for immorality is laudable ... but don't scare peeps too much otherwise everyone will stop having sex ... now you wouldn't want that would you?

acolyte said...

@ mdkims
With religion like that it's no wonder the aztecs disappeared!
About ZZ, let's just say the less said the better.
I have nothing against people having a good time, but I think that they should be aware of the cost; that's all!

Rista said...

Hi aco. you beat me to blogging about how careless we are with our 'nads, lakini i'll get to it when i deliver the dues that are due. About the world cup: finally! a man, a real man! zizou :-D

acolyte said...

@ Rista
You are more welcome to write your post, I would love to read it!As for ZZ he stood up for what he believed no matter the cost.

averagedrinker said...

would those legends be true? i mean with the girl trying to fool a man into sex then after a split second the guy will find himself into a scenario he's never imagined himself to be in. if that happens and sprungs up, then that would be the cue to go for other type of women. i mean chatting on webdate can just be a simple swing from one game to another but it helps to get to know a woman well before a guy engages in sex with her.

Acolyte said...

@ averagedrinker
I think there is an ounce in truth in those legends but not to mean that you should be paranoid about every woman that you meet.But as you said, it's better to get to know a woman first before doing anything with her.

Prousette said...

aki you said anal virginity hmm.... an incident similar to the legend actually happened with a twist at some public university recently. the girl printed out a long list of people she had "known biblically" in an effort to revenge. let's just say there was plenty of gnashing of teeth.

acolyte said...

@ prou
A brother has to keep his ass intact!I heard of such a story but I didnt know if it was true or false.